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do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:47:34 PM   
sweetpamela


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		i have been released for a bit now (granted seems like forever when in fact only a week or so) but i found myself contacting a Dom from my past.

i have somewhat of a connection with Him but its not the intense rush that i have had with Others.

so my question is:  do i play it safe (since online is the only option for me now) and go with this Dom that i don't really feel a connection with or do i wait until the One that i truly feel a deep connection with comes along? 

sweetpamela
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:51:55 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		May I ask why you feel it would be settling to be with this other person?
 
There has to be something that interests you there for you to think of going back to them at all. 
That exciting thing is fun, but personally I would rather have the love and strength that a loving stable relationship brings than to have a couple weeks of fun and games.
 
Then again, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that felt they were settling by being with me, would you?
 
Best wishes.
 
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:52:11 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Why would you want to belong to a man you, in your own words don't really feel a connection with?

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:53:07 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I know it is hard to be without when you have had a Master, but i think it is better to wait.  After my late Master died i wanted another and i knew what i wanted in a Master and even though it was hard i waited until i found my Master.  You should not settle wait until ypu find another you can truley submit too and feel a connection with.  If you go with a Master you do not feel a connection to you may just end up un happy.  Good luck in youe search.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:54:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You could always ask him directly:

Do you think I should wait, heal from my past and then be able to put the energy into an offline relationship that will truly fulfill me, or should I just settle for being with you right now?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 1:55:00 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		It's a week.

Why not get yourself together, become whole again after belonging to someone else, and be diligent with a real search for someone worthy of your submission?

Going and scratching an itch with an 'ol reliable' is good when necessary, especially when you know it's a safe, fun time, but really....you deserve alot more than settling for someone in the past.  Life is far too short.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 2:02:50 PM   
Hotchick1


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		Settling in my opinion is not an option, it devalues you as a sub and it gives the impression that you think you are not worthy of more, it is a honour (to a degree) to have a sub not a right, if you get my drift, lol

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 2:22:25 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Why would you settle? If you can be happy alone then you can be a stable partner in a relationship.

You've been single for a week and wanting to settle for someone you don't really want? What is wrong with being single for a few months  or even a year or two? It is not really a big deal. You can learn alot and make some valuable friends in that time. You don't have to have a partner to be complete.

Edited because i obviously don't know how to spell yet.

< Message edited by akisha -- 11/30/2006 2:24:21 PM >

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Hotchick1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 2:44:46 PM   
gemy


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		my divorce was final in august '06, but i left my husband in september of last year and found out there was a word for me and a lifestyle that fit me (uh huh, you guessed it!!! ~~ BDSM) in about november last year.  so, it's been a year-ish ~~

i have good friends in the lifestyle, a great roomie who's also a sub, good job, a couple Dom/me(s) with Whom i enjoy a play relationship, yada yada yada ,,,,, and i sometimes get horribly lonely for a Master ~~

but ~~ i wait, i meet, i chat, learn of Doms that interest me ,,,, because i know i'm gonna find the One Who makes my toes curl and my heart and soul yearn to be owned by Him ,,,,, but until that time, no way am i gonna settle ~ and sometimes it's really hard to not say "wow, He's kinda cool, maybe ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"

but then i think to my self ,,,, hold on and WAIT a second.  be patient and (quotong LA here) "put the energy into a ... relationship that will truly fulfill me"

so, i KNOW it's hard, but don't settle, tis not fair to you, nor to Him

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 3:23:52 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpamela
so my question is:  do i play it safe (since online is the only option for me now) and go with this Dom that i don't really feel a connection with or do i wait until the One that i truly feel a deep connection with comes along? 


If all you want with this Dom is play, then I would let him know that is all you are expecting and wanting. Its only fair to be honest with him so he doesnt become emotionally involved etc Its not nice to be settled on, I know  and so I would not settle for anyone. It might take a little longer to find the one we want, but its far more rewarding in te long run :-)

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 4:07:21 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings sweetpamela,

I've read your journal entries and I do believe that you have a lot of soul searching to do. On 11/8, your journal reflects you were in the process of being released by your Master but that it was your responsibility to find him another submissive as your own replacement. Later on the same day, you made a journal entry that I interpreted to mean you were, actually, released. From the gist of your entries, it doesn't seem like you had a very long term relationship with your Master .. a few weeks at most I'm guessing.

Then on 11/13, your morning entry exhibited some hope that you would be reclaimed by your Master and later that same day, it came to pass that you were reclaimed.

On 11/21, your profile reflects that you were again released and that is verified by your entry on 11/25. In that same journal entry you were emphatic that you were 'not' seeking another Master. That was only 5 days ago. You reiterated that in your journal entry of this afternoon. And yet in between that time you've already contacted someone with whom you don't feel an intense connection to question whether or not you should give yourself over to him as his cyber submissive.

You are seeking cyber only and given your confusion, the back and forth flip flopping, the speed with which you enter and exit relationships, I'm a bit surprised you would come to the forums with your question at all.

You ask if you should settle. Sweetpamela ... well, you do it all the time so it's not a matter if you should, you already 'do' and you do it a lot. You're asking the wrong question in any event.

You needn't come here and ask about settling for a velcro collar, but rather, internalize and ask yourself are you living the life you want to live and if not, when do you plan on starting?

You're a full grown woman, not a child. Step up to the plate, be the adult you are and take your head out of the clouds. This all appears to be a great game of cyber BDSM for you .. and now you want to draw someone else in who may or may not wish to play those sorts of games. Before you decide if you want to settle on him.. let him know exactly what he's getting because maybe he won't want to settle on you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 4:20:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		wash your dishes, clean your house, put your life in order, take some time, then when you're ready I will come in and throw my clothes all over and order you around and your life will be unsettled again---

no, you don't have to settle, but how do you know after a week?  Is this panic?

Curiously (and you were supposed to laugh)

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 4:25:25 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpamela

so my question is:  do i play it safe (since online is the only option for me now) and go with this Dom that i don't really feel a connection with or do i wait until the One that i truly feel a deep connection with comes along? 

sweetpamela


Are you saying an online relationship is your only option?  If so, in my opinion, pooey.  That's not a real relationship, although I do appreciate there can be friendship/communication. 

If you are so needy/insecure/lonely that you need to go from one relationship to another then you are overdue for a "self-discovery" period with only yourself.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 4:49:54 PM   
Lillithsdream


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		Shelf life of a submissive or women....that is the conversation that popped back into my mind when reading this thread. A very experienced Dom told me this the other day...he said" hey kid, your shelf life is getting outdated, your not as marketable as you use to be...there is  no other way to put it."
Yes, this gentleman Master is in his 60's. Then I read this great thread...started by sweetPam...and hey Pam it was brave of you to put it out there...how you felt...and sometimes I get it...you just need to be told everything is going to be OK,....which it is sweetie~! Keep reading these posts, some great women here...just reading this post for myself was enlightening....even if it's just a way of thinking or remembering something, like self worth, I like what Celeste wrote..just remember that your learning as you go along, it is a journey, not a race.
Lil

_____________________________

“The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again I'd make all the same mistakes - only sooner.”
santiz Tallulah Bankhead quotes , 1903-1968)


(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 4:56:00 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		I'm forty ... and my expiration date in NO WHERE NEAR being reached ... my Dom would back me up on this.  It's just awful someone would say that to anyone.

Edited to add:  I'm more sexy now than ever ...REALLY :)

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 11/30/2006 4:57:20 PM >

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Lillithsdream)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: do we need to settle? - 11/30/2006 6:45:30 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		We can't decide this for you. Ask yourself what attention is worth to you. What are you willing to "sell" of yourself in order to get what you want?. If you decide that it worth the level of fulfillment and happiness that you'd recieve, do it. If not, don't. Although, it seems to me that if you have to ask us, you really already know the answer.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: do we need to settle? - 12/1/2006 2:57:36 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lillithsdream

Shelf life of a submissive or women....that is the conversation that popped back into my mind when reading this thread. A very experienced Dom told me this the other day...he said" hey kid, your shelf life is getting outdated, your not as marketable as you use to be...there is  no other way to put it."


Wow....Does that mean i need to be thrown in the dumpster??  With that logic i suppose i should just settle for anyone who would stoop so low as to have me?

i'm still trying to find the positive or supportive aspect of that comment.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Lillithsdream)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: do we need to settle? - 12/1/2006 7:36:03 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lillithsdream
he said" hey kid, your shelf life is getting outdated, your not as marketable as you use to be...there is  no other way to put it."


This is his own personal opinion. You don't have to buy into it if you don't wish to.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Lillithsdream)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: do we need to settle? - 12/1/2006 7:50:01 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hi pamela,
When I left my Dom it was a minimum of three months before I began to date at all.
If you hop from one man's control to another where do you have the time to be happy with yourself before you move into a new relationship?
I say figure out the desires of your heart, make your life comfortable to you without a man telling you how to live, then look for a new Master.
If you don't enjoy the life you lead on your own two feet you'll have a hard time enjoying one with someone else too.
If you take the time to do the internal work and learn to trust and love yourself the next Master you give yourself to will get you and not what's left over from the last relationship.
Just my 2cents,
suzanne

(in reply to sweetpamela)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: do we need to settle? - 12/1/2006 5:25:58 PM   
sweetpamela


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		i want to thank Y/you all for Y/your opinions. 

i had been with my previous Master for quite some time (not just a few weeks).  i am not looking for a velcro collar...i do not take this life as a game.

i came here asking for advice and mostly i received it but some just decided to blast me for some reason, but that is your opinion and W/we are all entitled to such.

this is ultimately my decision to make and i will decided what is best for me.

one thing is for sure...what ever road i decide to take i will tell the One exactly what it is i am looking for and hopefully O/our needs together will be met.

again...thank Y/you all for Y/your comments, suggestions, and opinions.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 20
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