SirKenin
Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
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I just tripped across this thread right now. I am that Dom referred to in this thread and I, too, would like to know what limit has been pushed. I guess I can tell you that she never pointed Me to this thread as she has indicated herein. For one, W/we haven't played in a while, because I haven't been up to it. I told her that if I'm no good to Myself, I can't possibly be good to anyone else.
So, I realized My own limits and drew the proverbial line in the sand.
For another, she has been nothing but saucy when W/we were playing. she would defy Me saying she didn't want to do something. she would change the limits daily, deciding this was ok one day, yet not the next. If she decided she did not want to do as she was told, she got sassy with Me or decided she didn't want to play. That, or she would decide at that moment that she was not giving Me control in that arena. Never was her safeword, which W/we both know well, mentioned.
When I went to discipline her for her horrific behaviour, she physically resisted me, as she can outpower Me in physical strength, and said continuously that no, she did not deserve to be disciplined for that. she decided for ME what needed disciplining or what didn't. It was never until the next day when she decided that she had been bad and deserved discipline, at which time she was disciplined thoroughly shall W/we say, but not in anger, rather love. she would then cry and say she was sorry for being so bad.
Every Dom is going to make errors in judgement. One such error was to involve a friend in O/our disagreement without asking My pet first, hoping that a third party would smooth things out and bring a peaceful resolution to the problem. Well. she was mad at that. That was the first time she was going to leave Me, saying I humiliated her. Well, I guess I can see her point, but I love her in a way that words can't describe. I never intended to harm her in any way.
To Me she can do no wrong. Love can conquer all. I would walk the world for her. I have been there through every single disabling depression, cuddling her while she cried in bed. I have helped her make rapid medication adjustments to ease her suffering. I have been there through the legal battles. But the second I make an error, she wants to head for the door. Finally I convinced her not to go, but that wouldn't last long.
On the night that I was devastated by a damning legal decision, she ran out the door on Me yet again, leaving Me to fend for Myself for the weekend. It was My friends that came to My aid.
The second time W/we had a significant problem, she asked Me to order her prescriptions the night before. The next day, while she was at a meeting, I thought I would kill some time and pick them up for her. W/we had no money, so I thought that $60 in a jar was what she wanted Me to use. A fatal mistake. she lost it, saying she had wanted that money for her kids valentines presents. Well I didn't know. How else were W/we to get the prescriptions? Yes, I should have asked, and not made the assumption. I admit it (and was then required to apologize profusely for it, and pay her back the money to make things right between U/us). That was My next error in judgement, and it cost Me. she had a panic attack at work and disappeared. Hours later she shows up at the door, pushing her way past Me to pick up some things. she said she was going to her mom's for a couple of days and vanished. The next day she calls Me up, saying she's not coming back and if next week she could arrange a time to pick up her stuff. Her nephew, on My request, called her to find out what was wrong. It turns out that she was throwing away the best relationship she had ever had (by her admittance to several friends) because I spent $40. her nephew insisted that she was being foolish and that she return home immediately.
That was fine for a while up until the date I think this was posted. I had wanted sex all day, and kept asking her if W/we could have it (control over sex is one thing I did not ever assert). I asked several times throughout the course of the day, often in jest however. Finally, at the end of the day, W/we were in bed kissing/hugging and being intimate and My hand inevitably wandered. she yielded, and thus I thought that meant everything was good to go.
This happened twice, the other two days ago. The second time it took a little more effort (not much though) to get her legs apart, however nothing was said, I wasn't pushed away, she made no sound, so I thought she was being playful. To Me, an easy conclusion to draw. I looked at her face and could not even deduce a facial expression that would say "You're raping me" or "You're pushing the limits". Never was the safeword used, never was ANY word or ANY action used. The entire session appeared completely normal to Me, even with her getting "involved". It wasn't until yesterday that I found out that she had NOT wanted sex, and she accused Me of raping her both times, bringing back memories that she thought were long forgotten. she claimed that she "gave in" because I kept bugging her. Was I wrong to ask for it numerous times? No. E/everybody does it and it is harmless unless You force Your way onto her, whether by asserting Your Dominance or simply by using physical force despite her insistence that she doesn't appreciate your advances. Well, none of this happened, nor was it ever even indicated. However "giving in" makes the act consensual, regardless of your reasoning for doing so. I'm not a difficult person to get along with. I ask, then, if she said no all the other times, why couldn't she this time? Is it better to give in, point the finger at your Dom and say "It's all HIS fault!!! He raped me!!!!"
Although her story changed a couple of times, this DEVASTATED Me. This is a terrible accusation which bears with it substantial negative consequences. I can't tell Y/you in 100 words or less how I felt. I would do nothing to harm this woman. I love her with everything I have. I would (and did) do anything for her. My whole goal in this relationship was to see her happy. To see her smile. I gave all My mind, body, soul, energy and finances to this relationship. I was determined to be the best Dom and lover I could possibly be.
All I asked for in return was obedience to a few simple guidelines that increased as she became adjusted to the new guidelines, cleaning of the house, doing the laundry and cooking the supper. That's it. she had all the freedom in the world to go anywhere she wanted at any time. she could talk to whoever she wanted. she could do whatever she pleased, unless I asked otherwise. she had her own part time job with the only say over what it was spent on. She had a lot of freedom and independence, which is what she wanted, and I had no problems giving her. It was a mutual understanding. I gave her everything. The Cadillac, the projection TV, the stereo, furniture, tv and stereo in the bedroom, all the appliances, a house as a roof over her head. Legal advice. Everything. I got her doctors, which is a next to impossible task in this city unless you know someone. I gave her knowledge.. Teaching.. Instruction. that she had never had before. I am a very intelligent individual, and I endeavoured to impart that knowledge upon My pet and used it to protect her.
she even started to become somewhat domineering in bed, telling ME which positions to assume, when becoming a switch had never entered into any of O/our conversations. Certainly, being a switch was something I would not tolerate, and as such I would not comply with her requests. It seems that any time I didn't comply with her requests, whether in bed or not, she became pouty or even miserable, complaining about the current state of affairs.
Anyways, as I was saying, the same day, while discussing her pay, she said she wanted to pay a debt to the neighbor, which I figured was drug money, knowing her and the neighbor. I got upset with her because she had already promised to pay the insurance, and that that was more important than the neighbor. I suggested she write her a note that she will pay her out of the next pay. That was My final error in judgement.
she disappeared out the door, coming back to tell me that she had transferred her cheque to her mom's, and that she was moving out the next day. I tried talking to her all day, yet she continually told Me to leave her alone, that nothing would change her mind.
she has tried three times to call today, and I'm almost certain it was her that had our mutual friend call Me several times without leaving a message (highly unusual for her), page Me on MSN once, and try to send Me some nonsensical pic once. Funny that as soon as I got out of the shower, My pet was on the phone, saying "What, so now You don't return the calls?" See, W/we live in a duplex. The neighbor can hear the shower. I might be wrong of course, but if I am it's an incredible coincidence.
I don't know what's going on, but she told Me she needed time. Well. she has it. No need to get pissy because I won't return phone calls. I figure I'll give it three or four days for her to contemplate her currently evolving situation and then return the calls. After all, she's out in the middle of nowhere with no convenience but satellite tv. Not even a car. I figure this will give her plenty of time to contemplate.
This is the whole story surrounding this inquisition, so I ask My audience. I freely admit that I made some errors in judgement by making some assumptions. That's true. However after having read this, which I tell Y/you is true (I never lie, My word is gold), W/who was breaking the boundaries?
Trusting this to be satisfactory,
Sir Kenin
< Message edited by SirKenin -- 2/18/2005 10:12:11 PM >
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When a Sir Crosses the Boundaries - 
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