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Tips 4 Inexperienced Dom? - 12/1/2006 2:52:45 PM

RustyDiamond

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I am 100% Dom, but I have very limited experience. I had one 24/7 slave for about a month roughly 5 years ago. I entered into a vanilla relationship (a mistake) shortly thereafter and after leaving that relationship, was too busy to give the time needed to a relationship of any kind (and I feel a D/s relationship requires more time than a vanilla one does.)

I want to learn techniques in order to execute them expertly with a sub/slave. I am ready to devote the time needed for this. Any suggestions from a sub's POV? Have you ever had a good experience with an inexperienced Dom?

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RE: Tips 4 Inexperienced Dom? - 12/1/2006 2:56:12 PM

slavejali

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You really need to get amongst other people involved in D/s. You can read and research and all that other stuff, and thats all good...but being around other people tops it all for experience.

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RE: Tips 4 Inexperienced Dom? - 12/1/2006 7:06:57 PM

DreamWizardNJoy

Posts: 234
Joined: 10/15/2006
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Welcome back to the lifestyle Rusty. Remember, D/s relationships, like 'nilla ones, require honesty (with self and the partner), communication, and hard work. That said, there are a number of ways to get more knowledge and experience. We have been quite pleased to explore with each other - a partner with roughly the same level of experience.

We have also taken the time to surround ourselves with those that are willing to share their knowledge and expertise, in real life and on line. Mastering physical 'tricks' of S&M is just one small part of the beauty of the lifestyle.

Best wishes on your journey. Please contact us if we may be of further assistance,
David Dream Wizard and his dreamgirl joy

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RE: Tips 4 Inexperienced Dom? - 12/1/2006 7:58:03 PM

mp072004

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Rusty, I'm not sure what sort of techniques you want to learn. It's hard for me to recommend resources without knowing what you would like to know.

Do you want techniques for play? Much pain play isn't hard to learn, especially if you have some basic knowledge of how bodies and spaces work. What have you experienced that caused you pain in the real world? Most of that can be the fruit for SM techniques, as long as you avoid or adapt ways of getting hurt that required hospitalization. If you're not very accurate with a particular impact toy, practice by whacking a pillow. Some things are harder to learn. It is generally more effective to receive instruction in rope bondage or the use of urethral sounds in person, for example. This shouldn't be hard for you, as you're fairly close to one of the largest concentrations of BDSM players in the US. There are many topical books that could help you learn a particular tactic--for example, if you wanted to learn about fisting, you should buy or borrow a copy of Addington's A Hand in the Bush.

Do you want to learn to develop a sense of authority, what some call a "command presence?" You will likely find better resources for that by looking for things directed to persuasive public speaking. Material for lawyers might be good, and Toastmasters might help you think more carefully about how to project confidence. Too, look for advice written for teachers on establishing one's authority in the classroom. I imagine other people think about authority, but of what I know, pedagogy and communications are the two fields where it is discussed most systematically.

Monica

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RE: Tips 4 Inexperienced Dom? - 12/2/2006 3:07:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RustyDiamond

I am 100% Dom, but I have very limited experience. I had one 24/7 slave for about a month roughly 5 years ago. I entered into a vanilla relationship (a mistake) shortly thereafter and after leaving that relationship, was too busy to give the time needed to a relationship of any kind (and I feel a D/s relationship requires more time than a vanilla one does.)

I want to learn techniques in order to execute them expertly with a sub/slave. I am ready to devote the time needed for this. Any suggestions from a sub's POV? Have you ever had a good experience with an inexperienced Dom?

Ok, one thing...if you're looking to learn to be a Dominant, I highly recommend getting feedback from them, too. Just sayin'.

The best thing, in my opinion, is to get out into the community and begin to talk to people and to watch people. If you see something that you thought was interesting, ask the person to show you after they're done. Most people are more than happy to share.

Read. Read read read. I recommend:
Ties that Bind
SM 101
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
To Love, To Obey, To Serve
Slavecraft
The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence
Loving Dominant
Different Loving (if you can get through it...it can be dry)
The Master's Manual

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/2/2006 3:13:26 PM >

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