emdoub
Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006 From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: qilnos {...}she has had an ilkling from day one that I am a dominant.. After reading lots of books and websites it seemed to click, like this is what I am missing in my life.... Oh, do please tell me that you've still got those books and bookmarks - my advice will be to put them to good use. quote:
I know my wife will never understand, but I dont know if this is really something I crave, or something I am grabbing at to make my life spin back under my control.... Sometimes, I'm in a contemplative mood, and I wonder why I'm so fond of control games in my interpersonal romantic and sexual relationships. Sometimes, I simply accept that this is what I like, and leave the wondering why out of it. After all, I never examined the why of my enjoying pepperoni on pizza. I just know that I do, so I order pizza with pepperoni - no angst or self-examination as to why, or concern that this fondness for pepperoni is masking my issues with sausage. If it sings to you, it sings to you - and it doesn't really matter why, does it? quote:
I hate to say it but, I feel kinda like a junkie, for lack of a better word, as of late... Like I am trying to go cold turkey on something I have been doing for years... When in reality its only been a short while.... Been there, done that. Had the same 'cold turkey' feeling years later, after a long time of doing it. It sucks - you have my sympathy. quote:
I am at this moment, rudderless, and I would appreciate a gust of wind in the proper direction..... I dunno if this wind will be in the proper direction, but I can be a blowhard with the best of 'em. Forget the side issues we can't do anything about. My sympathies on the loss of your brother, and kudos for putting a halt to a situation that was likely to add to your troubles - but that's all yesterday, and there's not a damn thing we can do to change it. What we do have is a fondness for BDSM and a wife with whom we're not practicing BDSM, in a marriage that's apparently being less than joyous for either of you. So, do what you'd do with a newfound enthusiasm for gardening, RC models, golf, or bingo - tell your wife, and see if she's got any interest. I've got a fondness for traveling among the stars with the likes of Lazarus Long, Friday, Jubal Harshaw, and Professor De La Paz - this interest having been shared with some friends and partners, and known to all who know me well. Not everybody shares this interest, but everyone knows about it. So should you let your wife know about this interest. Even if she doesn't share it - she should know. It doesn't have to be dumped whole in her lap, mind you - even with a long-time, experienced sub I don't go from 0 to 60 in 9.2 seconds. The essence of success for beginners is to take small little baby steps, slowly - though that's often hard to remember when you've got that heady feeling of 'rightness' in the middle of a scene. Here are some things I have done to explore this interest, with folks who had never expressed an interest in BDSM before (come to think of it, back then, I'd never heard of BDSM) - Rent a copy of_'The Story of O_ - the good one, released in 1975 - with Corinne Clery as O. I went to see this in the late 70s with a girlfriend with whom I'd never been kinky - and got raped by her in a park on the way home. If it triggers your wife's buttons - there's a clue. Hold her wrists while you're having sex - not so tightly as to hurt, or so she can't get away - just so as to give the illusion of bondage. See how she reacts - that'll be another clue. Show her one of those beginner books, or a good, informative web site - see what she thinks of this. Play a game - backgammon, rummy, whatever (I used cribbage, come to think of it) - with the winner getting 15 minutes of slave-time from the loser. You may lose - and it's good to know what it feels like from that end of things. You may win - keep it light and fun for her. At the end of the day, you'll still have your brother's death to deal with, and the things that are causing problems in your marriage. You'll have had a great afternoon, though, and that can make the less-fun things easier to survive. And that is often a great help in dealing with life's downers that we can't do anything to cure. I know, locally, 2 couples who swear that BDSM saved their marriage. I know another couple who claim that it revitalized their marriage. Stranger things have happened. Midnight Writer
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Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.
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