RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (Full Version)

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MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 7:57:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHugs In my mind's eyes I see, the 'lifestyle' is very fluid and cause and effect/affect based, which is a relationship that is always living. At times it has nothing to do with physical but, a lot to do with a state of well being, state of happiness/bliss, state of security, state of appreciation and respect and or a state of 'self.' The mind is the dispatcher point for so many things mental, emotional, spiritual and or physical; to where the mind may make it easy to enter into the world of domination, catharsis, healing, learning and so much more. But, it all has to do with 'the intent' and the will of individuals involved. And, it takes commitment to make any relationship to work by both parties and or more if poly minded. In my mind's eyes I see--a healthy relationship as M/s and or D/s; is fluid and living. There will be times when it is rough to maintain and sometimes it will be extremely easy. It is only as good as what you invest into it. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs Thank you Lady Hugs, you always add an insightful opinion, in such an eloquent manner!

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 7:59:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomintheSun I must agree that the supreme control is thhrough the mental aspects as oppossed to the physical...Control someone across the room and that is fine..Control someone across the city and that is awesome. BRAVO!! Thats how I feel. I certainly will/would need the mental aspects to sustain and maintain a long distance relationship!

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 8:01:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallsubmissive1 very good description Mz Mia. You make a very good point However, mental Domination is the only Domination that leads to fufillment for the sub. Thanks for posting your first post here tall!! But I don't agree with you. Maybe this is how YOU feel, but the majority of submissive men that I have encountered {especially online} seem to be primarily concerned much more with the physical aspects and "playing".

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 8:04:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ClayTumold I have never been involved in the type of long term BDSM relationship you refer to but, if I may, … I wonder if it might help to consider two analogies: that of a subbie being physically submissive while he is with a domme to a “just dating” boy trying to see how far (physically) he can get on a date and that of a boy who is in love with his beloved and is thinking of her all the time and a subbie who is, to use MzMia’s term, mentally dominated and constantly thinks of his Lady. I think they’re different situations and its tempting to say that they’re different stages in the evolution of a relationship. But, which one is REAL? I don’t think it matters. I think perhaps the question which matters is “What are you looking for?”. A note of caution, however: If there is any Lady out there who does not already know this - I’m sorry to be the one to enlighten you - unfortunately you can’t just ask. I may be drummed out of the gender for revealing this but, any male with an erection (or even hoping for one) will tell a Lady what he thinks she wants to hear. So, if a boy thinks he can get to third base if he says, “Of course I love you” or a subbie thinks pledging eternal devotion and service will get him whatever attention he is seeking, they’re both going to say whatever they think will get him laid. Cynical? Not me! The vanilla literature is filled with women who are moaning because he didn’t call in the morning and on CollerMe I think I’ve read one or two (okay, maybe three) dommes complain of subbies who don’t follow through on promises or who disappear when you try to hold them to their words. In short. I agree with the previous posts, particularly Lady Alaria, which opine that what matters is what is “real domination” is to you. I also think that an ongoing relationship is better than a one-night-stand and that feeling a Lady with me all the time is more exciting than only feeling her presence when I’m in her presence. But, there are lots of people who will tell you I’m not very smart and don’t know much of anything so why should you listen to me? Clay Tumold P.S. I've never posted to a message board before so if I have violated any conventions, protocols or proprieties please forgive me - after you tell me what I did wrong. Bravo Clay, wonderful post!

akisha -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 9:53:23 PM)
FR first off let me say that in a long term stable lifestyle relationship you are probably going to find that the mental aspect is more involved and more situated in the relationship. This would be for a couple of different reasons. For one, mental bondage or domination/submission if you want, takes time and effort to achieve. Plus you have to trust your partner (as a sub) to be willing to give up that part of your control. If you hand that part over to someone to fast or too easily there is a good chance your going to have problems. It is very easy to destroy a persons self esteem, self worth and self image. I wouldn't say that submitting your mind to another is anymore "real" then submitting your body S it's just a different aspect of the whole. And I'll re-iterate, it is something that takes time, trust and knowledge of the Dominant. You can't expect someone after a week or so to give over their mind to you lmao. When i was with play partners, i never gave access to my heart or mind to the person or persons i was playing with. For me, i do not play with people i do not like or do not trust to a point. BUT, i would never hand over large amounts of controll, especially mental control, to someone i was not in a relationship in which i knew was not or did not have the possibility of a long term commitment. To do so, in my opinion, would be irresponsible. For in reality, we are utimately and solely responsible for our own safe keeping. No one else is. Mental submission is not impossible to find as you stated. But you can't expect it immediately. You have to work for it and prove yourself worthy of it. unless you like geting involved with people that don't care enough about themselves to make sure that that part of themselves is being handed over to someone capable of handling the responsibility that comes with it. I for one, am a submissive that is willing to hand over mental control to my Dominant, but only at such time that we both feel that we are ready for that step in the relationship. And really, i doubt it will be something that is scheduled out and completely planned. It will be something that happens over time and will be a completely natural progession. And to be honest, i think that's the way it should be. There is no set time limits, there are no rules, there are no guidelines. Everyone moves with in their relationships at their own pace. For some it will happen in a few weeks for others in a few years. No one is right or wrong. the only thing wrong is expecting it, or demanding it before all parties are in the right place to take that step. LOL ok i'll stop now s

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 10:06:05 PM)
Thank you akisha, trust and intimacy take a lot of time. This can not be accomplished normally quickly in relationships, it takes time. Funny how much easier it is to trust someone with your body, than it is with your mind. Namaste

SlaveBoy65 -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 10:14:00 PM)
I would certaintly imagine that 24/7 submission is tough to find. A person would have to be able to sacrifice a lot of other aspects of their life to make that type of commitment. I've had 2 types of D/s relationships. In one type my partner and I are essentially equal partners, but we set aside some time & place for D/s. That is not to say that the D/s is just play or sexual, it's not. But it does mean that there are boundaries to protect D/s from affecting other commitments (job family, etc.). The second type of relationship is one where all interaction I have with that person is D/s, but the time that we spend together is limited. This type of relationship has the risk of making my Domme feel like they are providing a service to me, because they don't get 24/7 interaction. I can see why a female supremacist would want and expect both 24/7 and D/s at all times. But, personally, I couldn't give that at the start of a relationship and I'm not even sure if I would get there over time. Is it more likely that the first type or second type of relationship will evolve into a "lifestyle"?

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 10:23:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveBoy65 I've had 2 types of D/s relationships. In one type my partner and I are essentially equal partners, but we set aside some time & place for D/s. That is not to say that the D/s is just play or sexual, it's not. But it does mean that there are boundaries to protect D/s from affecting other commitments (job family, etc.). The second type of relationship is one where all interaction I have with that person is D/s, but the time that we spend together is limited. This type of relationship has the risk of making my Domme feel like they are providing a service to me, because they don't get 24/7 interaction. I can see why a female supremacist would want and expect both 24/7 and D/s at all times. But, personally, I couldn't give that at the start of a relationship and I'm not even sure if I would get there over time. Is it more likely that the first type or second type of relationship will evolve into a "lifestyle"? I pick door #3, because I am not talking about either of the above types of relationships. Mental domination is based on the dynamics between the people involved, as I said you can have this domination and be very far away. It has nothing to do with being in a 24/7 relationships or role play.

akisha -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 10:54:54 PM)
hmm I think what you mean Mz Mia is that you want a submissive that when doing normal day to day things, that you are still always the center of thier thoughts. Am i right? That your sub would do things, knowing in his or her mind what it is that you would want or what would please you? That they would seek permission or guidence on decisions. such as asking permission to go for coffee with friends and the such. Is this the type of dynamic that you mean? If it is, then really, i think it's not that hard to find. Well I wouldn't think it is, but i can only speak from my thought process and experience. I would think that most submissives would act this way. smiles Example: today i told Sir what my plans for the day were and when i'd be home. I ended up getting invited to go out for a while with my friends. I did not call to inform Sir that i would not be home when I said i would, I called to ask if i may go out with my friends instead of coming home when I stated I would be there. No we do not live together, so really some people would think that i probably would not have needed to do either. I asked permission rather then just telling him that plans had changed because I wanted to be sure that he was ok with it and did not have other plans for me this evening. He has never stated that i was required to call to tell him if plans changed nor has he stated i have to ask permission to do what i wish. I just felt it was the right thing to do. (regarding the response to my OP) The reason it's easier to trust people with your body and not the mind, is that the body heals faster and easier then the mind smiles I have submitted mentally in play but i always knew that i was still in control and it was only for a set time and would only go as far as i permitted it to. So yes ofcourse you are correct that physical is way easier to come by in a short term setting. That only makes sense. One question i have... The whole supremecy thing, do you find it harder to keep a male sub long term when you believe in such a thing? I'm not trying to be disrespectful. i'm actually curious. I don't beleive anyone is better then another just because of sex or race so i really have a hard time understanding it. Or do you only take on female submissives?

Awsat -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/2/2006 11:05:06 PM)
Here's my two bit worth ... a long term relationship is like an iceberg ...the physical aspect is the visible part floating above the surface, while the mental part is the past under the water ... the physical side provides the physical satisfaction, while the mental anchors the relationship.

Lady Alaria -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 12:18:08 AM)
I feel left out :( I'm the only one of the first page responders who you didn't thank for contributing.... sad now, gonna go pout.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 12:43:22 AM)
For myself, the physical submission has been more difficult. The mental submission in something that just is, of course to submit fully in any form takes time, trust, etc., but the mental is always there waiting to be given permission to be utilized, while submitting to the more physical domination is harder to allow myself. When I say physical, I mean things vanillas would term "abuse". If any were to try and gain that from me quickly/early on I think I'd haul ass pretty quickly [:-]

Sinergy -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 5:43:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia To ME, real submission is MORE mental than physical. Hello A/all, I would tend to take this one step further and indicate that to me, submission is entirely the mental aspect. The physical trappings; i.e. the beatings, the canings, the bondage, the kinky sex, the raping of the bank account, etc., are all the window dressing of the submission. At the risk of appearing to watch lousy movies, there is one from Conan The Barbarian where Conan has been forced for most of his early life to row a galley. He looks at the camera, and there is no submission in his eyes. To me, his life as a galley slave was bottoming for a scene. He might even enjoy the activity, but to me this is not submission. Of course, life as a galley slave never prepared him for trying to wade uneaten through the cutthroat political hell of California politics. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 6:40:36 AM)
Nothing more pleasig than to hear my sub ask, "Ma'am, were you calling me?" from another room when I never opened my mouth, her hearing my voice in her head ready to serve if the need be there. Nothing more pleasing than ordering her during a scene that doesn't include physical bondage by saying, "Don't move," and she's absolutely motionless. LBO

pinkkeith -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 7:52:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy Hello A/all, I would tend to take this one step further and indicate that to me, submission is entirely the mental aspect. The physical trappings; i.e. the beatings, the canings, the bondage, the kinky sex, the raping of the bank account, etc., are all the window dressing of the submission. At the risk of appearing to watch lousy movies, there is one from Conan The Barbarian where Conan has been forced for most of his early life to row a galley. He looks at the camera, and there is no submission in his eyes. To me, his life as a galley slave was bottoming for a scene. He might even enjoy the activity, but to me this is not submission. Of course, life as a galley slave never prepared him for trying to wade uneaten through the cutthroat political hell of California politics. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy I would agree with this. The D/s relationship, even the vanillas, have a relationship because there is some emotional/mental bond involved. Just the means of achieving this emotional intimacy will vary from dom/me to dom/me. Some may be more psychological and others might be more physical.

LaTigresse -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 8:25:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia To ME, real submission is MORE mental than physical. Hello A/all, I would tend to take this one step further and indicate that to me, submission is entirely the mental aspect. The physical trappings; i.e. the beatings, the canings, the bondage, the kinky sex, the raping of the bank account, etc., are all the window dressing of the submission. At the risk of appearing to watch lousy movies, there is one from Conan The Barbarian where Conan has been forced for most of his early life to row a galley. He looks at the camera, and there is no submission in his eyes. To me, his life as a galley slave was bottoming for a scene. He might even enjoy the activity, but to me this is not submission. Of course, life as a galley slave never prepared him for trying to wade uneaten through the cutthroat political hell of California politics. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy This is my personal take on it also. The physical is just window dressing to me. I don't need the toybag, the costumes, the dramatic scening. I need that deep mental/emotional connection or everything else is worthess.

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 9:33:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha hmm I think what you mean Mz Mia is that you want a submissive that when doing normal day to day things, that you are still always the center of thier thoughts. Am i right? That your sub would do things, knowing in his or her mind what it is that you would want or what would please you? That they would seek permission or guidence on decisions. such as asking permission to go for coffee with friends and the such. Is this the type of dynamic that you mean? One question i have... The whole supremecy thing, do you find it harder to keep a male sub long term when you believe in such a thing? I'm not trying to be disrespectful. i'm actually curious. I don't beleive anyone is better then another just because of sex or race so i really have a hard time understanding it. Or do you only take on female submissives? That is exactly what I am talking about! Having influence in most of my submissive's daily activities! LOL You hit the nail on the head. Being accountable to your Dominant most of the time, not only on Friday nights! You got it! If I state I am a Female Supremacist, and you do not believe it that or like it, then keep moving. This is not a game to me, and I am NOT a TOP. I did not get into this lifestyle to see how many people I could attract. Many, many people are into Female Supremacy these days. I am an admirer of Elise Sutton, and I have been for YEARS. As I say, to each his own. If you do not believe in it or like it, move on. I was trying to ignore this subject, I really was, I only mentioned I was a Female Supremacist, because I am a Female Supremacist, not to start a debate. Female Supremacy, TO ME, is between my submissive and me. I do NOT feel all females are better than anyone else. When I am engaged in a D/s relationship, I am supreme to my submissive. My beliefs on Female Supremacy involve those involved in a relationship with me. When we close our doors, yes I am THE Black Female Supremacist and what we do then, is between us. He can then worship the ground I walk on, and kiss my feet while I sit in my chair. What 2 consenting adults do in their home is between them. [:D] Yes, I am a Female Supremacist, LOL. [;)] To me, this lifestyle involves how the people involved choose to live it. I am living it as a Female Supremacist/Domina. Hell, now I think when I get my next submissive I am going to get a fucking crown, and be a Queen and a Female Supremacist! [:D] Bow to Queen Mia, damn it.

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 9:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria I feel left out :( I'm the only one of the first page responders who you didn't thank for contributing.... sad now, gonna go pout. OMG, Lady Alaria, I beg your forgiveness! [&o] I thought I was getting carried away with the responses. I just figured out how to edit the quotes, did ya notice that? I want to be like you when I grow up! I always enjoy your insight and your wit! [;)] LOL

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 10:05:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha hmm I think what you mean Mz Mia is that you want a submissive that when doing normal day to day things, that you are still always the center of thier thoughts. Am i right? That your sub would do things, knowing in his or her mind what it is that you would want or what would please you? That they would seek permission or guidence on decisions. such as asking permission to go for coffee with friends and the such. Is this the type of dynamic that you mean? If it is, then really, i think it's not that hard to find. Well I wouldn't think it is, but i can only speak from my thought process and experience. I would think that most submissives would act this way. smiles Example: today i told Sir what my plans for the day were and when i'd be home. I ended up getting invited to go out for a while with my friends. I did not call to inform Sir that i would not be home when I said i would, I called to ask if i may go out with my friends instead of coming home when I stated I would be there. No we do not live together, so really some people would think that i probably would not have needed to do either. I asked permission rather then just telling him that plans had changed because I wanted to be sure that he was ok with it and did not have other plans for me this evening. He has never stated that i was required to call to tell him if plans changed nor has he stated i have to ask permission to do what i wish. I just felt it was the right thing to do. Another thing, I met my Caucasian ex-husband on AOL, 8 years ago. He answered a personal ad that I wrote, LOL He was in Florida, I was in Maryland, at first I turned him down, I said you live to far away, be gone! LOL Hell the little bastard, wore my down and the rest is history. I was NOT a Domina and did not have a clue about this lifestyle. He called me every fucking day, and he reported in to me like he was on fucking probation. He only missed one scheduled time to call and then he called later to explain. Later, when we married and I moved to Florida, I did not like where we lived. I choose another apartment and made the arrangements and we moved. He gave me his check and I payed the bills and he got spending money. Do you get the point here? If I had that kind of control over a vanilla man in a non D/s relationship, do you think I am going to accept less? Namaste

MzMia -> RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination (12/3/2006 9:32:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awsat Here's my two bit worth ... a long term relationship is like an iceberg ...the physical aspect is the visible part floating above the surface, while the mental part is the past under the water ... the physical side provides the physical satisfaction, while the mental anchors the relationship. You articulated my thoughts very well!

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