Question about shopping (Full Version)

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andreaC -> Question about shopping (12/4/2006 8:25:57 PM)

I have spoken to Master for posting about this issue.  So here's my question to the subs, are they any subs that crave for shopping or i am the only one.......i admit its my weakness, its like an addiction (especially shoes) [;)] .  Master has taken over my finance because i was going out of control.  At times, it gets me so mad, but i bite my tongue alot....I know He is doing this for my own good.  How do you react to that restriction?



ownedgirlie -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 8:34:44 PM)

Well...you gotta obey, even the not so fun stuff.  Look at it this way - he cares enough to help you get your life under control.  He could just shrug it off and not give a damn.

What you might consider doing is figuring out what void all that shopping is filling.  Do you get a rush out of buying things?  What is going through your mind in the moments leading up to shopping?  Are you bored?  Restless?  Depressed?  Frustrated?  Also, when you get the urge to shop, focus on him.  Do something for him.  Write to him, make something for him, anything. Shift your energy.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 8:46:05 PM)

You admit it's a weakness.  I guess I'd react to the restriction like you are, annoyed, but working towards reconciliation and training myself towards the path that he wanted me trained on. 

I like shopping indeed- it's a reassurance to myself that I'm an adult with financial means, someone who can choose for herself what she wants and gets it, and a way to forget about the rest of the worlds issues for awhile.

But it's not a weakness or something that causes interruption in any other part of my life.



lighthearted -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 8:48:38 PM)

I agree with ownedgirlie...what gap is spending $$$ filling for you?  as someone who struggles with this issue, I can relate.  shopping can be an addiction.  being restricted can make you angry, but diversion is key...think about all you could be doing with your life when you divert that effort towards something positive.

I'm not trying to preach; but I have found that, for myself, concentrating on activities that serve others than myself helps.

good luck, andreaC, I know this is a tough one.



hisannabelle -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 9:10:39 PM)

same as la and for the same reasons. there was something so freeing about being financially independent and being able to choose what -i- want and being able to do things that i normally wouldn't have been able to do when i was living at home and financially dependent. i also love shopping because it's fun. but more because i have hypomanic episodes and they sometimes take place in the form of shopping sprees that end up with me buying things i don't really want or need, and often are beyond my means. so while i enjoy shopping for entirely healthy reasons - i also don't really enjoy it, but am ruled by it, for entirely unhealthy reasons (which i'm currently working on healing and getting more control over).

i can understand not liking the restriction, and i know it'd definitely be hard for me, but as someone else mentioned - he is helping you get your life under control, and giving you an opportunity to figure out if your love of shopping is really healthy or if it's unhealthy. and as long as you're allowed a luxury every now and then within your means...i think it's actually a really good idea :) i hope things work out for you with this *hugs*  




SamKeithsslave -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 10:45:31 PM)

Shopping has never been an issue for me, and I posess  3 sets/pairs of footwear............... I lie not!! LOL
I'd welcome my Master taking over my finances, as although I dont believe I need help in the areas of budgeting etc, I am sick of handling the money and having the repsonsiblity etc
Try taking up window shopping to feed the need.



SusanofO -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 11:29:57 PM)

I am not currently battling a shopping addiction, but will say that right after college, when I'd moved to Chicago for a job, every department store in Chicago, it seemed, sent me their crdit cards. I thought it was just so cool. None of these hugh-falutin' stores was in my home town - and I felt oh so sophisticated with my 27 credit cards to places like: Marhsall Fields, Nieman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bonwit-Teller and Lord and Taylor. At the time, I was a real clothes horse, and within a year, I was 5K in debt because of it.

Well, it took a couple of years to dig myself out. After that, I just started shopping at the dollar stores. To this day, I buy my clothes at name-brand discount places, and my clothes are just as nice as if I bought them at a pricey department store. Last week, I paid  $8 for a pair of suede Liz Claiborne pants at one store. It cost me more to get them altered (I needed the hem shortenened, and I don't sew) than it cost to buy them!

It's one solution anyway...sometimes it can be fun to shop at those dollar or thrift stores. You can get so much more stuff for so much less money.

- Susan



poeticslave -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 11:34:55 PM)

Well I have a shopping addiction. Especially when I am feeling down or depressed, or angry. My ex didn't take over my finances but he would when out shopping tell me i couldn't get something because i didn't need it, or if I got in one of those moods he would redirect my feelings and not let me run off to shop. It did make me made for awhile, but now that I see a nice cushion of savings that i earned from him doing that, it makes me happy. Now I know I have something to fall back on and it was for the best of me. Some of it even stuck with me.

Like some of the others have suggested, figure out what void shopping fills and find something else to fill it, or find something that can fill the high you get from shopping. Maybe a new hobby or something.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Question about shopping (12/4/2006 11:40:41 PM)

I am a impulse shopper.  It would almost be easier if I could have someone else take the check book.  However, I am the one in the position of authority. That means self discipline, no matter how hard it might be.

DV



slavejali -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 12:34:14 AM)

I've got a shoe fetish too........................I can totally relate. Amelda Marcos move over....
Seriously though, my shopping fetish has been curbed "a lot"..I usually channel it now towards garage sales and auctions and ebay. Usually I find such bargains and useful things Master is happy about it. However when I do go overboard, Master just tells me "no more". How do I handle that? I say "yes Master". For about 5 seconds I feel my heart palpitating in anxiety, then I kinda put things in perspective, I prioritise what I'm feeling by realising my greatest addiction is to Master....then everything settles inside me and its all good.[:)]



timeoutgurlie -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 2:46:19 AM)

After reading this I feel even more fortunate to be within a partnership in which both partners enjoy shopping, both for ourselves and for one another.

If he were to tell me "no more", I think I would feel a lot of resentment for a few moments, but would do as he wished anyhow. 

Luckily, no tantrums needed at all because he's of like mind when it comes to the "more, more, more" "fetish" lol



andreaC -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:15:53 AM)

Thank you all for your replies [:)] Whenever i buy things, shoes/clothes, i feel beautiful......i am not sure where this addiction comes from since i am the only one like that in my family........

I have no doubt in my mind that Master is doing this for my own good and i do thank him for this.  Last night he asked me how do you feel knowing that your bank account is breathing and how do you feel about that.........i felt like biting my tongue again cause he is so right.  It does feel good to be able to save, but my evil twin doesnt like it.........

By next summer i will be living with him, so no more buying 12 pairs of shoes [;)].  I do know if i spend too much, he will make me return the items which would be very embarrassing for me and make Master unhappy. He is also concerned because i have people asking me for this and that and i couldnt say no.  So now, everything goes for his approval.

I am getting better though [:)]



kyraofMists -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:41:28 AM)

When my Lord first started controlling the way I spent the money I made, I did not like it at all.  Most of the time it was easy because I do not particularly care to go shopping.  However, when I did want to shop, it was extremely frustrating.  It was even more frustrating on the times when I did not have a set amount budgeted for it and was instructed to "call if you want to buy something". 

After a while, I began to enjoy this aspect of our relationship.  It is an area that remains that I still feel his grip and control on my life.  So many of our other interactions are natural and flow so seemlessly, that I do not feel his authority.  Though it may deny me what I want in a paticular moment, it actually makes me become more conscious and aware of what will be fulfulling in the long term.

Knight's kyra



MmakeMme -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 5:40:32 AM)

It seems as though your Sir truly has your best interests at heart. Congratulations. ~smiling~ Mind what He tells you.



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 6:25:53 AM)

For me..it wasnt shopping..it was my drinking that was out of control. My ex-Master managed to keep me on the wagon for 4 yrs..He did it using behavior modification, support and love. My submissive tendencies did the rest.. LOL




medievalwench -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:10:32 PM)

Since being with my Master i have given up drinkintg totally too, i feel that i have become strong enough to live without wanting to drink, as a teen and young adult i used to binge drink because i lacked confidence socially. i'm much happier without it.
Master did take control of my spending on 'non essentials' for a while but recently has given that control back to me, because He is confident that i won't overspend or buy things i don't need - i now find it difficult to think of things i want to buy except for essentials and gifts for family, i just don't have the urge to buy things just for fun - i don't even buy books now, i order them from the library - i like my life simplified like it is now.

wench




juliaoceania -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:35:50 PM)

I usually only buy items that are necessary, and put off buying them. I tend to be quite frugal (Daddy has told me not to be cheap on one occasion). I am not the type to spend a lot of money on me, and will spend it on my family instead. I cannot relate to your problem honestly.

I cannot envision a universe where I would be chastised for spending too much money. It would be far more likely that I would be told to buy myself things that he wants me to have/wear.



AquaticSub -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:38:56 PM)

My dominant watches what I eat. I'm trying to lose weight and eat more healthy food. So as I'm excerising, he is watching what I eat. He also watchs my schoolwork and holds various carrots out in front of me.



LTRsubNW -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 3:50:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

I have spoken to Master for posting about this issue.  So here's my question to the subs, are they any subs that crave for shopping or i am the only one.......i admit its my weakness, its like an addiction (especially shoes) [;)] .  Master has taken over my finance because i was going out of control.  At times, it gets me so mad, but i bite my tongue alot....I know He is doing this for my own good.  How do you react to that restriction?


I'm a sub, although I'm of the "non shopping" gender.

I've never understood the allure of shopping.  With one very minor exception, there is no shopping experience that calls me in my sleep, beckoning me to grab my charge card.

As to his restriction, it's his to make...although, knowing how remarkably important this whole shopping thing is to some of you ladies, if I were a Dom, I'd give you two days per year where all bets were off, no dollar limit, put you in a limo for the day, send some young blonde buck with you to carry all that stuff and tell you just as I handed you the card..."when they won't take the card anymore...come on home and I'll help you put all of it on hangers".

(Just don't ever ask me to go with you...cause I hate that shit).



sophia37 -> RE: Question about shopping (12/5/2006 4:00:56 PM)

shopping can be a serious problem. I hestiate to make jokes here knowing what havoc shopaholics create. Second mortgages, owning every card ever made, all maxxed to the limit.

If you are that type of person, god bless anyone who can tame you. Its not an easy additcion to beat. Best wishes here. Sophie



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