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a new Sir - 12/7/2006 7:59:44 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		hi,
i am only doing this post after a upsetting experiance that happened yesterday ( i wanted to calm down before i asked for advice so it was clear in my head and not just emotional rambling).

my Master does not do very much physically with me. We are engaged, live together and havea normal nilla relationship, but he is my Master non the less. ( i know this bit doesnt make sence but please bear with me). He is very new to the lifestyle and openly admits he cannot flog, spank etc me as it hurts him too much to see me in pain, even though he knows i LOVE it. with this in mind Master asked me to try and find someone close that he could met and get ot know that would be able to do the physical stuff with me so i could be punished etc for my wrong doings. Master and Sir would be in communication about my behaviour and Master  was to decide what my punishemnt would be and Sir was to impliment them. Sir also has a collared slave adn her and i get on well... to the point I was to be a reward for her is she was good and vice versa.

please bear with me

well.. the time came for my first session. I shaved, as requested, picked a nice outfit, took my kids to the park to wear them out so they would got to bed early so as not to bother Master while i was out, adn got my head around what was goignto happen that night...then.... Sir text me

it was off....

i was shattered.

Master was left to pick up the  peices adn i was low and felt uneven for the rest of the evening.

all i got today was a text from Sir saying he still wanted to dom me, but becasue his girl was in a bad mood it would not be for awhile....

and now my question.....
should i trust him again to put me in the headspace and not deliver.. the whole once bitten twice shy kinda thing...
there is a small community in my town, and finding someoen willing to be so close to Master and negotiate what happens will not be easy...close to impossiable...do i trust again.. or not give this man the chance to crash me again??

thanks
bunny
ps..sorry for the spelling...its 3am here and i cant sleep thinking about this
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:06:34 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It was a first scene, something fun and exciting and it's understandable for you to be hurt and confused- but try and keep perspective that this was just a first play date that went wrong.  Really not a biggie in the long term.

While I don't think you should totally write this guy off, I also think he's put himself on the bottom of the priority list.  Trust me, you don't want to get into a mess in which he allows his girls attitude for a night to totally wreck his pre-plans with someone else.

My honest suggestion is for you and your master to go out to play parties TOGETHER.  You can have spontaneous and impromptu sessions there, he can watch and SEE how its done.  For a lot of people, simply being exposed over awhile is more than enough to get them over their taboos and get them curious enough to try.  People who are open to playing at a party are more likely to be freely open to play otherwise and if you enjoy those spontaneous sessions, you can exchange numbers and perhaps set up more private sessions.

It might take a few months or years for your master to become involved, and maybe never, but better to take the slow and TOGETHER approach rather than separate and fast.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:08:54 AM   
FemmeOwner


Posts: 120
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		No.  Stop all communication.   To text message that it's off? no explanation? no emergency? then the next day to text that he still wants to go forward?  his girl "was in a bad mood"????? oh, please. Keep away from this guy.  IMO he has not shown himself to be worthy of being called a Master or Dom in the first place, and in fact is someone to beware of.  Consider yourself lucky for finding out beforehand.

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:13:05 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		thanks LA...maybe a little more info would be good.

Master has grown ALOT.. and for that i am very grateful.. he couldnt even pinch my nipple hard at the start ( thank god he got over that one...hehe). I am very proud of all the walls he has gotten over adn he is finding he isa dom but he is still havign trouble ith some stuff.. He is happy to know what is going to happen to me, but at thei stage he has said ne has no desire to see it...and even showing some fairly "soft" pics of bondage he is uncomfortable with.. but he is trying god love gim..and reading the messages here is helping alot as well..

as for meeting others, this is very difficult  as we live in a relativly small town and the community is very small.. adn it is also made complicated by the fact that a previous MAster is in this group and he frightens me, even to see him at the amll i fer very emotional.

so this is why im having trouble with this one

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:13:47 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		My heart goes out to you as it sounds like you have a very tricky situation. I do not know how well you know the Dom and his sub that this was just a bump in the road or this is an actual big issue for both of them and you cannot trust him to be there for you. Consistency and an element of routine is critical in my eyes and to have your needs be so far down on the priority list that a “bad mood” from another sub be above something like that and if it would always be like that then I would think twice before pinning all my hopes for your physical domination needs on that person.

I would talk to him and his sub and try to see what their thinking is on this and if there was something more to the story. I am afraid though if this is going to be only when it is convenient for us situation you might get on too much of a roller coaster situation. I would love to list some alternatives, starting with trying to engage your husband more and just start off real slow, but from what you describe it sounds like you are in a tough position.

I hope everything works out for you.

Lin

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:16:26 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		femme.. i was thinking about this as well.. if he has her collared.. isnt it his decision as to what happens ... that is why im asking opinions... as somethign doesnt seem right but i was worried it was becasue i was so prepped for this and crashed so hard i was taking everything out of context...

i think i crashed so hard becasue i have not had a "scene" for almost 12 months andi soooooooo need it....sigh

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:19:20 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		ty lin,

we have all been chatting for about 4 months, with meetings out at pubs, and coffee at our home to make sure this was right for everyone....so i trusted this guy..as does Master ( or did att his time.. he is abit annoyed he was left to pick up someoen elses mess.. though i have NEVER heard him complain about havign to lay in bed and hold me while i fall asleep).

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:21:42 AM   
FemmeOwner


Posts: 120
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I'm going to second Lucky's advice; go to play parties together.  Take a weekend and drive to a bigger city, even if it's a couple/few hours away.  Make it a "play" weekend and get a motel room to stay overnight at.  You can always make use of it *after* the party ;)  Even just once a month if that's all you can manage.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnydays
i think i crashed so hard becasue i have not had a "scene" for almost 12 months andi soooooooo need it....sigh

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:24:06 AM   
MyMasterStephen


Posts: 219
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Let's get this straight...

He is your Master.  But he doesn't scene with you.  He loves you so much he can't bring himself to do the things you crave.  He can't even impose corrections upon you...

Am I missing something obvious, or is this relationship deeply flawed?

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:26:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen
Am I missing something obvious, or is this relationship deeply flawed?

I think you're missing something obvious- love means giving people the freedom to be who they are, even if that means with other people.

Of course going outside the relationship is filled with dangers and is often the result of an insecurity and fatal lacking in the relationship itself...but not always.  Many relationships are open and fulfilling.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:27:50 AM   
FemmeOwner


Posts: 120
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		They are communicating and finding compromises.  Who are we to judge?  Many who are in what appear to be outwardly stable relationships don't have that much going for them. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen
Am I missing something obvious, or is this relationship deeply flawed?

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:30:38 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		he does impose corrections on me....just not physical ones... it is possiable to have this kind of relationship..ours is a very emotional and pysological M/s relationship...i serve him, care for him and have tasks etc to which i do with only my Masters happiness in mind... but sometimes all a girl needs is a good flogging..and he cant give me this...

maybe i didnt explain my relationship very well... but from what i read here ours is a very common relationship in BDSM..he give me everything emotional i need... just cant do what the nillas describe a "extreme". and you know what.. i love him trust him and respect him even more for admitting he cant do this for me.. then trying blindly adn doing damage...

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:33:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Another thought I had meant to add before- don't put pressure on yourself to find another "Sir"  That just makes things over complicated.  You want to find a regular play partner who can do really intense stuff with you.  A nice heavy service top might be just the ticket you need, but there's no reason to find just ONE partner here or to make it into something formal.  You've got your primary relationship already in place, so just make dates and have fun with others.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:34:45 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen

Let's get this straight...

He is your Master.  But he doesn't scene with you.  He loves you so much he can't bring himself to do the things you crave.  He can't even impose corrections upon you...

Am I missing something obvious, or is this relationship deeply flawed?


Not every D/s relationship is cut and dry. It would seem that most of the definations we get on how a Master should care and dominate his slave do not come to play in this relationship. That is fine. It works for them. She has probably given over control to him, he probably makes the choces etc, etc. Love is not always black and white. If it works for them then I'm sure they are not missing a thing.

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:37:41 AM   
MigViriato


Posts: 54
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Tal and hello,

I lived a similar situation I was brought up to think that hitting a woman is an act of a coward, so I sort of understand how your master feels it, wasn't easy to overcome that for me what worked was talking to other ppl explain the situation seeing I wasn't the only one like that and attending to sessions and events it didn't happen overnight but it did happen so my advice to you is to expose him to the maximum of the community you can, start softly and don't expect overnight miracles it is going to take time and be pacient.
As for the other person I wouldn trust him more but then again but that is just my opinion.

Be well

_____________________________

"What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? All that is born of weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome."
Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to FemmeOwner)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:38:54 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		LA.. i thought about that and in my town even if i wanted ( which i dont) to rush out and find another Sir it would takes months..i ma very happy with my relationship.. but sometimes when you gotta itch ( Master has his own itchs i cant do...so we get outside help). one thing we have deicded we do want is the person Master chooses to help me is someone he trusts with me, knows i will be safe with and someone he trusts to follow the rules ( there are a few hard limits Master does not want to happen to me ). we have talked, discussed, planned, rediscussed this many many many times.. and we will never rush into anything.. i truly feel like i needa good flogging.. but i wont die if i have ot wait another 12 month ( please god dont let it take that long...lol)

and to everyone else.. thanks so much for your replies and taking the time to advise me ..YAY for collarme

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:40:15 AM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		First off the guy that couldn't be bothered because his girl was in a bad mood is not what you need. Lame excuse and that's all it was.

Secondly are you are both ready for this step. Think about it for a minute. You got yourself all dolled up, shaved (as requested) for another man's pleasure while he stayed home with the kids all because he doesn't want to cause you any pain. How do you think he will feel with another man causing you pain? More than one relationship has been damaged by less.

Just things to think about. I have no problem sharing my toys on occasion, but the whole shaved at his request thing would have gotten me. But that's just me...


_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:41:21 AM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		i know im posting alot in this ... but i feel the more info you ppl have the better your advice.. or just tell me to shut up..lol


(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:44:20 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		the translation of slave in bad mood is he told her he was going to go over and beat and (hopefully) fuck the shit outta you, and she wasn't cool with the idea.

I gotta float along with tade here, and maybe you need a guy that will show your Master how to beat the shit outta you so he can do it.  If he can't bring himself to do it, it is doubtful that he's gonna get his neck all swoll up over someone else doing it while he watches.

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:44:43 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen

Let's get this straight...

He is your Master.  But he doesn't scene with you.  He loves you so much he can't bring himself to do the things you crave.  He can't even impose corrections upon you...

Am I missing something obvious, or is this relationship deeply flawed?


Yeah.... one doesn't have to raise a hand in order to be someone's Master.

But you know what... the OP is missing something as well & as the story progresses it seems like everyone else is missing a lot too. But hey, what is it everyone likes to say... YMMV

Maybe its mileage or just traveling down different roads... everyone is going to do things slightly different than the next.

Here is a perfect chance for a man to step up & be a pro... if this about dusting her ass from time to time & her because she craves it & Master wants to instruct the other guy why it needs to be done... why not have them pay for it?

It's a lot like I really enjoy Chateaubriand but it isn't something I am capable of preparing at home, so I have to go out to eat where it is properly prepared to my liking & you know what.... I pay for it.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 20
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