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RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 8:46:12 AM

sunnydays

Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
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the shaved thing is becasue i had just gotten out of plster that day from a broken leg... i prob would have shaved the next day as Master loves me shaved, but it hadnt bee ndone since the plaster was put on as it is very difficult to do i nthe shower with your leg up on a chair out hte door..lol

the shaving thing was not a big deal.. and the reason i got dressed up ws becasue i wanted to present myself as best i could as a way of showing Master i take prode in my appearance and wanted to make him proud ot be his... not to mention it was the first time i was able to get dressed nice in 6 weeks.. as for the stayign home looking after the kids.... Master loves the kids like his own..and after looking after me for 6 weeks he was looking forward to some him time alone

just more infor to help explain the complexities ofthe situation.......

my life gives days of our lives a run for its money

(in reply to sunnydays)

Post #: 21

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 9:02:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I still think your hunger and sensitivity towards this issue is making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Keep it calm, keep it fun, keep it working FOR you and increasing your happiness.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sunnydays)

Post #: 22

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 9:04:19 AM

sunnydays

Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
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ty AL... as always you have given even based advice....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 23

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 11:10:50 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It was a first scene, something fun and exciting and it's understandable for you to be hurt and confused- but try and keep perspective that this was just a first play date that went wrong. Really not a biggie in the long term.

While I don't think you should totally write this guy off, I also think he's put himself on the bottom of the priority list. Trust me, you don't want to get into a mess in which he allows his girls attitude for a night to totally wreck his pre-plans with someone else.

My honest suggestion is for you and your master to go out to play parties TOGETHER. You can have spontaneous and impromptu sessions there, he can watch and SEE how its done. For a lot of people, simply being exposed over awhile is more than enough to get them over their taboos and get them curious enough to try. People who are open to playing at a party are more likely to be freely open to play otherwise and if you enjoy those spontaneous sessions, you can exchange numbers and perhaps set up more private sessions.

It might take a few months or years for your master to become involved, and maybe never, but better to take the slow and TOGETHER approach rather than separate and fast.

For the most part, what she said! (as usual)

Although, I feel I have to point out that, while it is a POSSIBILITY your Master might come around, going through all this expecting him to is unfair. Change is hard and thus unlikely to happen. If it does, that's great! But don't expect it to...love him as he is.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 1:43:08 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

My honest suggestion is for you and your master to go out to play parties TOGETHER. You can have spontaneous and impromptu sessions there, he can watch and SEE how its done. For a lot of people, simply being exposed over awhile is more than enough to get them over their taboos and get them curious enough to try. People who are open to playing at a party are more likely to be freely open to play otherwise and if you enjoy those spontaneous sessions, you can exchange numbers and perhaps set up more private sessions.

I have to agree with LA here (This is happening way to often LA!!) Take him to play parties and let him watch casually with no pressure to perform. We went through the same thing here... hubby just could NOT grasp the concept of "hitting" a woman until he saw how it works and the reaction from the subs/slaves. And while you are there you may find someone to scene with you... just make sure that hubby isn't going to be uncomfortable watching such a thing.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 25

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 1:51:31 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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Life is hard, and so is the truth..."Master" is not your master because he cannot give you what you crave...and "Sir" is not Sir because he is only following orders, and is therefore being just as submissive as you.
As I see it you have 2 choices...stay with "master" and find a way to live without the need for physical punishment, or leave him and find a master who will give you what you want.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sunnydays)

Post #: 26

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 1:54:49 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Life is hard, and so is the truth..."Master" is not your master because he cannot give you what you crave...and "Sir" is not Sir because he is only following orders, and is therefore being just as submissive as you.
As I see it you have 2 choices...stay with "master" and find a way to live without the need for physical punishment, or leave him and find a master who will give you what you want.

I'm going to have to disagree. Being submissive does not mean that you HAVE to get your fix from a Dom. It means you have a very real need to please said Dom. If she considers him Master.....then who are we to say he is not.

A lot of Dom's are not into physical pain. Now for myself I could not play with them because I know I need that. BUT it does not make them any less a Dominate.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 27

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 1:58:38 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeOwner

No. Stop all communication. To text message that it's off? no explanation? no emergency? then the next day to text that he still wants to go forward? his girl "was in a bad mood"????? oh, please. Keep away from this guy. IMO he has not shown himself to be worthy of being called a Master or Dom in the first place, and in fact is someone to beware of. Consider yourself lucky for finding out beforehand.

Did it possibly ever occur to you that PERHAPS this so called dom was put in a bad headspace due to his girls bad mood and PERHAPS thought that playing in that headspace might not be a good idea?

Do I think he could have been a bit more tactful about it?? sure.. but lets not assume one called off date makes him ineligible to be apart of the lifestyle.. "Not worthy of being called a master or dom in the first place and in fact is someone to beware of." Lets have a bit of a reality check ok?

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to FemmeOwner)

Post #: 28

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:02:15 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
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From: Increasingly further from reality
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I did not say that the OP was in any way unsubmissive, just that they were involved with a master who did not meet their needs. If the OP was happy simply serving, then the thread would never have been started, she is a b it of a pain slut (at least) and wants physical punishment which her present master is not willing to provide, and her desire for it it is strong enough that she is willing to get it from somebody else...seems to me that a master who was able to inflict the pain she craves would be more suitable...just because one is submissive and wants to submit does not mean one should accept the first dominant that comes along....find the dominant who matchs your submissiveness (and visa versa...a sadist wants a pain slut....and one cannot make a service sub into a pain slut just because one wants her to be so)
The fact of submissiveness or dominance does not make any two people compatible, there are infinate degrees and flavours of D/s and one needs to find somebody who at least has the same basic flavour.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to drawntothedark)

Post #: 29

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:02:49 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

the translation of slave in bad mood is he told her he was going to go over and beat and (hopefully) fuck the shit outta you, and she wasn't cool with the idea.

Without more information, that was my impression too, maybe a bout of jealousy on the part of the other slave.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 30

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:12:29 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I did not say that the OP was in any way unsubmissive, just that they were involved with a master who did not meet their needs. If the OP was happy simply serving, then the thread would never have been started, she is a b it of a pain slut (at least) and wants physical punishment which her present master is not willing to provide, and her desire for it it is strong enough that she is willing to get it from somebody else...seems to me that a master who was able to inflict the pain she craves would be more suitable...just because one is submissive and wants to submit does not mean one should accept the first dominant that comes along....find the dominant who matchs your submissiveness (and visa versa...a sadist wants a pain slut....and one cannot make a service sub into a pain slut just because one wants her to be so)
The fact of submissiveness or dominance does not make any two people compatible, there are infinate degrees and flavours of D/s and one needs to find somebody who at least has the same basic flavour.

I stand corrected. Now I understand what you were saying.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 31

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:19:07 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
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From: Increasingly further from reality
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No problemo..I personally feel that the dominant has a responsibility to the submissive...not to fulfill evry one of the submissive's fanatsies exactly as hoped for, but to to his (or her) best to give the submissive what it is they need. And if those needs are beyond that dominant's abilities to fill, then he (or she) should step back and let another take their place...of course in the real world inconvenient things like love and infatuation and devotion raise theire ugly heads and destroy my oh-so-perfect house of cards...but still one must do the best one can

P.S. see my 3rd signature/tagline for a distilling of what I mean

< Message edited by Arpig -- 12/7/2006 2:21:07 PM >

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to drawntothedark)

Post #: 32

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:26:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
of course in the real world inconvenient things like love and infatuation and devotion raise theire ugly heads and destroy my oh-so-perfect house of cards...but still one must do the best one can

P.S. see my 3rd signature/tagline for a distilling of what I mean

Interesting. For me, love is what makes it so possible and wonderful for me to push my partners towards their bliss with others.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 33

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:33:36 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

LA s advice is great, but i would also if you do choose to play with this guy, try to connect with the other slave....try to keep all the communication out on the table....and if he is not into that then that says a lot.

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:58:26 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear sunnydays, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As far as I see things in my mind's eyes thus far, based on what has been presented; your Master is a teddy bear and loving in his soul and spirit. The "Sir" is a service Top, to which will give technical whip work as to compensate for your Master's inability to feed you, through a flogging and the like.

If it is correct in my view of things; this is what my mind's eyes do see.

You need to keep emotions invested into your Master and in house. Lowering expectations somewhat as not to be making a lot of expectations in your mind, such as anticipation. The old phrase; "expect the unexpected." I would also recommend having a Plan B and Plan C when involving someone from the outside, so when Plan A fails you have two different plans of action to take.

I would inquire if your Master ever had a hard slap on the back, like an 'atta boy?' I often tell men who have been scared out of their tidy whities in hitting a woman/slave/submissive with a flogger; that it isn't all that different from a happy slap on the back. In giving a flogger to folks, and having them swing it side to side like a horse's tail swatting flies, the tails hit the back. Faster swings gets harder slaps. But, he will have in his hands the flogger, the sensation he receives can be felt and no words to 'sell' the flogger. If there is no flogger, wrap a bath towel in a roll and swing it back and forth, as to wrap around his arms and hit the back in both directions.

From what I gather lass, your Master is good to you and what you need in this time in your life. I have faith in him, that he can overcome the fear of flogging.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sunnydays)

Post #: 35

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 2:58:28 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

Interesting. For me, love is what makes it so possible and wonderful for me to push my partners towards their bliss with others.

That was sort of my point...my ability to protray my ironic sense of humour into a text mode is a bit weak...sorry.
My point was that in a perfect BDSM context one would break off the relationship, but that in the real world, there is so muchmore in a relationship than just the sex or the bdsm that it can be very much more complex.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 36

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 3:12:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
That was sort of my point...my ability to protray my ironic sense of humour into a text mode is a bit weak...sorry.
My point was that in a perfect BDSM context one would break off the relationship, but that in the real world, there is so muchmore in a relationship than just the sex or the bdsm that it can be very much more complex.

Ooooooooooooh.

Heehee, yeah.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 37

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 3:22:12 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Personally i would not be too thrilled to be beat by a Dom/Master who could not control his own sub. There again hasn't been 12 months since i was beat either. I just can't help but believe that if his sub is calling the shots this won't work no matter how badly you want it too. I agree it is time to go with your Master to play parties. I have a sub friends whose Dom has some difficulty with hurting her also. Their relationship works for them and i am sure you will find a way to work things out with your Master. Good luck!

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 38

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 6:15:21 PM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

      Reading through this thread I do feel empathy for the OP that her scene was called off, yet I can not fault the Dom who called it off.   If it was posted as to what the 'bad mood' entailed, I missed that part but since it either wasn't detailed or I didn't see it, I am making an observation based on the fact I am ignorant to the 'bad mood': If my Dom were to have a scene with another submissive, I wouldn't have a problem with that; however I know in my own relationship that I come first.   Let's just say on the day that my Master had a 'date' to scene with another submissive, something happened in my life that put me in a bad mood and I needed him.   Perhaps, I'd gotten fired or layed off from my job, or any other hundreds of things that could have put me in a foul mood and I really needed him, maybe I needed to be beaten to relieve me of the stress that was going on in my world or maybe I just needed his support through this time.   So my Master has to make a decision, who comes first, his slave or someone he is going to play with.   Or maybe the senerio was I was jealous of this other sub and that is what put me in the foul mood and my Master decided that he was going to deal with my issues right then and there.
     Because I don't know the details of the other couple, I can't say that he has no control over his submissive.   A million senerios could be going on, therefore I must look at the whole thing objectively.   I would recommend to the OP to see how it pans out.   It could be that he has no control over his submissive and may not be someone she would want to interact with based on that, however, if his submissive really needed him and he chose to call off the 'date' based on that fact, geeze I kind of think he should be respected as a caring Dom who put his slave first.
    If post were reversed and a submissive posted that her Master had a play date with another and he went to this play date despite the fact that she really needed him, what would the reaction be?
    I wish luck to the OP and hope all works out for the best in her journey.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 39

RE: a new Sir - 12/7/2006 7:35:09 PM

sunnydays

Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

thanks you all for your responses....

now to my replies as alot of ppl ahve asked questions.. ill try and address them all...

when Master and I first met..it was nilla.... i had come out of a bdsm relationship nad he knoew this.. didnt even want to understand it.. but accepted me for what i was... we discussed everything at length before deciding to date etc..and the rest they say is history...

Master wants to learn, adn at his own pace... the things he does now.... wow.... he would never have dreamed about it even 2 months ago... but if he decided that this is as far as he can go.. so be it...who am i to tell him what he can and cant..should and shouldn't so.. im his girl.. i do as he says.... adn the thing about mAster is he knows i need this.. adn is willing ot help me get it.. he may or not be able to get it in time...it may take years... but im willing to wait for him to grow, so i can grow..he loves me, ALWAYS has my best interests first, and can see just by looking at me what i need...hence i got in this situation.he could seei needed the physical stuff...

im mean, MAster couldnt even tweak me nipple hard 2 months ago.. now he makes me gasp...and i love him for all this.. but if he stopped taking on more info... so be it.... im his, asn as his must accept where he is in his life
( am i just rambling now...lol)

now Sir... after reading everyone replies, sleeping on it again, i think some of you are right...i am not sure why his girl was in a bad mood.. i am pretty sure it is not concerning me as her and i have spoken at length about this and hae agreed we are both happy with this.. no one in this equatin has been left out of the discussions...except the rabbit and goldfish... the cat was sitting on the loung when they came for dinner though...lol...

i think the thing that hurt the most was the 'its off' mesage without no explanation.. adn im stil lwaiting for it.. i am not going ot contact him, as i feel i should not have to run after him...so ill let you all know what happens....

thank you everyone for all you help and advice.. it has helped me get my head back where it sould be.. adn focused again

sunny

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 40

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