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Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 1:25:11 AM

teachmetobeg

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2005
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Is it so weird for a sub to dominate most areas of her life? The problem I seem to be having is that I have to take control of my own life and that comes through when talking to "prospective" Doms. I can not hide who I am or the trail left behind, so how should this be approached??

Post #: 1

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 1:31:17 AM

Tangwystal

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
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I don't think it's strange at all. If the *prospective* dom has a problem with it then he is probably not the right one for you.

_____________________________

non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis

Tangwystal

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 5:38:03 AM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
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Being confident and assertive and in control of your life is important, in my opinion. When I look for a submissive, I seek a person with those qualities.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 5:42:25 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Midear TM2B-

It's not weird at all, in fact,most of the submissives I know are rather assertive, take charge types outside of their dynamic.

I really can't imagine why it would be an issue for 'dominants' approaching you- are they expecting instant submission? Are the actually looking for a perpetual victim, someone that must be carried around like a goiter?

I hope to find someone that submits to me, because I've earned it, and not because submission is just what she does to everyone. I need someone strong- powerful all in her own, strong enough to face the world, strong enough to have my back when I need it.

Don't let anybody tell you that you need to be weak- that is a statement made by the weak and fearful.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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-there is no remission without blood-

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Post #: 4

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 7:56:16 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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If you cannot hold control of your own life how are you going to give that control to your future dominant?
I am very much in control of my life. Yet, I give it to my dom. He has every bit of my life he requests but it even gets to be too much for him at times.
Remember dominants are people to. They are not perfect they do need their submissives to be able to stand up and take control at times.
Nobody has the perfect little fantasy day everyday of their lives. Since I've been with my dom we have had 4 relatives on my side of the family and 2 on his side die. All immediate relatives. I definately had to stand up and be able to take control when his went down. Just as he took control when mine passed.
Just an example of course.

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/17/2005 8:28:31 AM

teachmetobeg

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Joined: 1/23/2005
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thank you all for your insight. i am looking forward to reading about what more of you think!

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Post #: 6

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 7:18:53 AM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
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Should a prospective sub be in control of their own life?

How can you give someone else something that you do not possess?

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 10:31:25 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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Hello teachmetobeg,

quote:

Is it so weird for a sub to dominate most areas of her life?

For a sub? Absolutely not. For a slave? No, not really for a slave either, but in the case of a slave it would depend to a large degree on what her master expected of her. In her professional life, my slave is top drawer. She earns more than most, is more competent than most, cares about the quality of what she does more than most, and works harder than most. The only difference between her and a free woman is that she does what she does in service to her master, whereas a free woman does it for herself.

To be a submissive, or a slave, doesn't mean that you have to be less. As a submissive woman, or a slave, you can be anything, and achieve anything that woman who is not submissive or a slave can. It's not a difference in ability or drive, it's more a difference in focus and motivation.

quote:

The problem I seem to be having is that I have to take control of my own life and that comes through when talking to "prospective" Doms. I can not hide who I am or the trail left behind, so how should this be approached??

You just haven't found the right dominant man. Not every man who calls himself a dominant will be dominant compared to you . Those who aren't will tend to be threatened by your personal power. Those who are will see the value in you, and not be threatened at all, because they are in fact dominant compared to you . These things are subtle, and not always easy to rationalize. You'll know when you are in the presence of a man to whom you would submit. Don't push it. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 11:32:58 AM

Gemeni

Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
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Nods, the weak fear the strong, and try to reduce them to thier level to compensate.

You are merely seeing the reaction of this, teachmetobeg.

When one strong enough happens along, you will know it. Merely see the others for what they are until then.

Boys, contrasted to your woman.

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 12:57:02 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Midear TM2B-

It's not weird at all, in fact,most of the submissives I know are rather assertive, take charge types outside of their dynamic.

I really can't imagine why it would be an issue for 'dominants' approaching you- are they expecting instant submission? Are the actually looking for a perpetual victim, someone that must be carried around like a goiter?

I hope to find someone that submits to me, because I've earned it, and not because submission is just what she does to everyone. I need someone strong- powerful all in her own, strong enough to face the world, strong enough to have my back when I need it.

Don't let anybody tell you that you need to be weak- that is a statement made by the weak and fearful.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

Ditto to what TC stated - except the "earned part" - I like to think I 'deserve' it, rather than 'earn' it (semantics are big with me, as I have been told anti-semantics are hate mongers).

~J

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 2:01:53 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Everything important seems to already have been said.

Many submissives and slaves are actually quite capable in positions in authority, as their natural personalities don't leave them prone to seek power over others, rather power is given to them based on their other natural skills - organizational, interpersonal, timely, efficiancy just to name a few.

I wouldn't want a sub or slave who can't assert some measure of control over her life, it would be a lot like my ex wife - who was more like a 12 year old girl.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 3:08:14 PM

velvetvixen

Posts: 378
Joined: 1/19/2004
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Submissives that I know are very much in control of their life, are quite communicative and assertive in their "vanilla" life. For me that is part of the fulfillment I have in submission, giving up that control.

Master expects that I will handle his day-to-day mundane affairs-- arguing with the power company about the bill, making sure that what he ordered will be delivered on time, etc. To handle these chores, at times I need to be as tenacious as a bull dog to giterdun.

As cliche as it is, submissive doesn't mean doormat. If you aren't assertive or don't have some "spunk" where is the submission?

Much luck in your search.

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 3:22:08 PM

TravisTJustice

Posts: 74
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetobeg

Is it so weird for a sub to dominate most areas of her life? The problem I seem to be having is that I have to take control of my own life and that comes through when talking to "prospective" Doms. I can not hide who I am or the trail left behind, so how should this be approached??

I think you've answered your own question there, teachmetobeg -- don't try and hide who you are. This is not "assertiveness" but rather plain, old-fashioned honesty. Don't be afraid of it :-)

Travis T.

_____________________________

"It's a travesty, I tell ya! A travesty!" -- Foghorn Leghorn (Loony Tunes)

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/19/2005 9:18:14 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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I like the fact that my pet is smart, decissive, and able to stand up for herself. On one outing she was so nice and sweet to me. Then her X called her cell phone being a jerk. The words she gave him made me scoot back. What a turn on seeing her strong, assertive, and sassy when out with others yet so gentle, obeying, and quiet like with me, JUST ME.

My kind of submissive.

Attachment (1)

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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Post #: 14

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/20/2005 6:28:15 AM

bluedogg7000

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/2/2005
Status: offline

It is my understanding that being in a position of authority and in control of one's vanilla life is a common trait of the submissive. It seems that the theory is that being submissive allows such a person to take a vacation form the demands of being in charge in the other areas of his or her life. While not true in all cases, my experience has been that this dynamic is true more times than not. In any event, it should not be cause for a prospective Dominant to eliminate a prospective submissive...

(in reply to teachmetobeg)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/20/2005 8:52:27 AM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Dear teachmetobeg,

i do agree with the most - it is not weird at all - smile -

in regarding to topcat

quote:

I hope to find someone that submits to me, because I've earned it, and not because submission is just what she does to everyone. I need someone strong- powerful all in her own, strong enough to face the world, strong enough to have my back when I need it.

i have to admitt i had some talkings with Doms/ Master and they told me " you should see that slave of him, even when He would not walk in front of her - she(slave) wouldn't know any directions and would get lost.....

its not a joke - i really got that sentence

i will not tell that this is wrong or right - for some people it works out like this
if they happy with - fine....

but i do agree with Your words topcat

i submit, cause He is unique, special, and creates a desire a burning, a need inside me - just He is able to do....
so he deserves my trust, my respect, my adoration and devotion.....

and thats far beyond the fact - is submission a gift ?

without submission Dominance would not exist and vice versa

none is able to tell which gift will be more valuable - smile -

thats just my little opinion

petra

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/20/2005 9:10:09 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

The submisive, by dedicating themselves to one person, need not submit to anyone or anything else.

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"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

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Post #: 17

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/20/2005 7:28:08 PM

TravisTJustice

Posts: 74
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

The submisive, by dedicating themselves to one person, need not submit to anyone or anything else.

Very nicely put, Zensee.

Travis T.

_____________________________

"It's a travesty, I tell ya! A travesty!" -- Foghorn Leghorn (Loony Tunes)

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/20/2005 9:39:06 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

Just to add my $.02 worth on this topic:

There is simply nothing sexier, more stimulating, more gratifying than knowing that the girl kneeling at my feet is a force to be reckoned with. The fact that she finds me worthy enough to surrender her strength, her intelligence, her passions to me means more than I can say. I value everything she is and count her strengths as assets.
Timothy

(in reply to TravisTJustice)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it that strange? - 2/21/2005 6:04:15 PM

Gideon147

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline

This may sound a little twisted...but I've always been attracted by the strong and independant type. If a strong and independant type of woman is willing to submit to Me, that is an especially great charge to My ego.

A weak and timid submissive that can be controlled by anybody is no challenge whatsoever. And if you can be in control of your life to know and make the decision to submit to Another, then that really says something about the Dom.

My submissive is very independant. she is a single mother of two children, adopting a third from her sister, has held a steady job all of her life, and pays all the bills. she doesn't make an exorbitant amount of money, but the fact that she is able to balance all that and still be willing to submit to Me, really makes Me rather proud.

Gideon

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 20

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