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having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 2:58:42 AM

redmistndark

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2004
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recently i was in a relationship with a dom couple. i've always had either a Master or Mistress but not both but have always wanted them both. the problem is that i never could come close to making them happy. Mistress had always told me Master is the final decision maker. so beinging the obdient slave i took it as such. but the problem lies i would make one happy and the other angry. so feeling uncomfertable with how it was going i decided to leave. wed only been together two weeks. my question is it possible to have both. please help!

Post #: 1

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:01:41 AM

Tangwystal

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

umm.. I don't think you need to double post in different areas... most people read a lot of the forums.

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Tangwystal

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Post #: 2

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:05:42 AM

redmistndark

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

ty first time now i know hehe ty sir

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 3

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:10:33 AM

Tangwystal

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

<looking down> nope, still a woman. Phew!

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non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis

Tangwystal

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 4

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:17:54 AM

redmistndark

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

oh god im so sorry miss *feels even worse*

(in reply to Tangwystal)

Post #: 5

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:19:08 AM

Tangwystal

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
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lol.. don't worry.. but you can find out about a poster really quick by clicking on their nickname to the left of the post.

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Tangwystal

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Post #: 6

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 5:34:27 AM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

Hello redmistndark,

It sounds like the couple may have had issues with each other because of how they reacted to you serving the other. I don't know how Dominant couples work together, but I would hope that there would be some sort of agreement and commonality in their styles that would make the relationship a fulfilling one for all involved.

Take care,
Julie

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 7

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 7:27:24 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I am part of a Dominant couple and I agree with Julie, the couple had some issues that they should have worked out long before bringing you into the mix. It's very possible to make both dominants happy so long as both dominants are capable of being happy at the same time. Chances are they were unhappy to begin with and was hoping that having you there would "fix" their problems. The reasoning behind wanting to bring a submissive into a poly household should be to extend the loving relationship to a new level. Bringing another person, whether dominant or submissive, into a home that is already plagued with jealousy in an attempt to "fix" it would be kind of like throwing water on a grease fire. My advice to you would be first, don't give up on us (poly households), and second, get to know the couple first, watch how they interact with each other, flirt with one and watch how the other takes it. Jealousy isn't easy to hide under the best circumstances.

Jewel

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 8

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 8:17:12 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

recently i was in a relationship with a dom couple. i've always had either a Master or Mistress but not both but have always wanted them both. the problem is that i never could come close to making them happy. Mistress had always told me Master is the final decision maker. so beinging the obdient slave i took it as such. but the problem lies i would make one happy and the other angry.

Just an observation which truly has no bearing here but, ever consider it was a Master/slave couple who just for the hell of it told you they were a Master/Mistress couple? The reason I ask is because you stated the mistress always told you he was the final decision maker.
Sounds more like an alpha sub and a beta sub to me.
Alpha subs usually are somewhat Dominant over the other subs.

I've not known any 2 dominant households to last. The saying is true opposites attract. Not the same.

Anyway, as far as being on topic I must agree with Jewel.

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 9

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 4:43:50 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

A Master/Dom can have more then one slave/sub.
A sub can serve more then one Dom.
A slave can only have ONE Master.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 10

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 8:42:43 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tangwystal

umm.. I don't think you need to double post in different areas... most people read a lot of the forums.

Not only do you not need to double post, the mods will yank one of the threads. I'm not sure how they decide which stays and which goes, but you're very likely to lose one of them.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Tangwystal)

Post #: 11

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 11:32:07 PM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redmistndark

recently i was in a relationship with a dom couple. i've always had either a Master or Mistress but not both but have always wanted them both. the problem is that i never could come close to making them happy. Mistress had always told me Master is the final decision maker. so beinging the obdient slave i took it as such. but the problem lies i would make one happy and the other angry. so feeling uncomfertable with how it was going i decided to leave. wed only been together two weeks. my question is it possible to have both. please help!

When faced with one being angry, try to get them together and explain your dilemna; this reeks of poor communication between those two.

Yes, it is possible - I owned both a bhoytoy and a major domo; where it did not contradict my wishes, he was subject to her wishes. In that part, as in most of it, things went swimmingly. I can't imagine myself paired happily with another dominant, but postulating that, with clear chain of command, a shared slave/sub would be quite possible.

I didn't note who said it, but the concept of a slave having only one possible master/mistress/owner is patently unrealistic; in most of history, every slave was slave to the entire family of owners. This is not identical, but I'd shoot for "as close as possible to legal slavery", rather than re-writing the definition.

Just my 2 cents - feel free to paypal me!

(in reply to redmistndark)

Post #: 12

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/18/2005 11:57:11 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

redmist,

it sounds like you landed in a bit of a strange spot. From what I have seen, there are very few actual couples with two Dominants where one is not submissive to the other. The most common Ds triad type seems to be male dominants, female switches, and a female slave (though naturally there are other situations.)

In such a situation, it's a bit like a snowball, with the snow rolling down hill. The dominant (or alpha) has the final say, and the switch (or beta) has authority, in the absence of the dom. It would seem to work great, so long as the rules and boundries are clearly set - though it sounds like this is definately not the case in what you experienced.

A dirty secret that is more common in the 'swinging' world but also applies here, is that many couples become involved with a third person (usually a female) not because they really have a desire for it, but rather because there is some sort of serious problem in the relationship in the first place. These types of relationship conflicts cause lots of fights and problems, and the addition of a 'third' is often seen as the solution to what is, essentially, an unhappy couple. By having a new toy in the house, they can ignore whatever problems they are experiencing (financially, romantically, whatever) though after the first few days the christmas glow wears off into January blues.

A word of advice - if you ever intend to do this again, I suggest taking it slowly and getting to know the couple over the course of several weeks or even months. Dom couples FAR outnumber single female submissives (at least single females who would consider such a situation) so any couple will be more the patient. Visiting the couple and seeing how they interact over the course of a few weeks will show you if they are just looking for a relationship band aid, or are genuinely happy together, and can provide a healthy, stable environment. That should help cut down on your future problems!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

A Master/Dom can have more then one slave/sub.
A sub can serve more then one Dom.
A slave can only have ONE Master.

Sorry, I don't agree. I won't go into the label war that is raging, but a Dominant has no inherent right to more then one submissive or slave, nor does a slave inherently require ownership by only one person. Negotiations about poly relationships are the responsibility of everyone involved, and should be one of the first points to discuss. I have no right to force a submissive to accept another submissive, if she did not agree in the first place.

Stephan

< Message edited by Voltare -- 2/18/2005 12:08:02 PM >

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 13

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/18/2005 12:17:45 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Sorry, I don't agree. I won't go into the label war that is raging, but a Dominant has no inherent right to more then one submissive or slave, nor does a slave inherently require ownership by only one person. Negotiations about poly relationships are the responsibility of everyone involved, and should be one of the first points to discuss. I have no right to force a submissive to accept another submissive, if she did not agree in the first place.

I don't know about anyone else but I know Doug could not handle multiples of me. I take up entirely too much time. I hardly ever even get into trouble, so that isn't why. It is just day to day life that sucks the life out of him.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 14

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/19/2005 12:55:14 AM

Jayxkes

Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

A Master/Dom can have more then one slave/sub.
A sub can serve more then one Dom.
A slave can only have ONE Master.

And this law is written where?

Sorry to side track the thread, but the relationship between dom/sub and master/mistress and slave is decided by the parties involved. Different people have different needs and desires and it is not for anyone else to try and impose rules.

There are only 2 rules in a BDSM relationship....
1. There are no rules
2. I make all the rules.

Back to thje original post, I tend top agree that the problem is between the other two. Like any poly relationship, there needs to be a great deal of effort made by all concerned, if it is to work.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 15

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/19/2005 5:16:51 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

A word of advice - if you ever intend to do this again, I suggest taking it slowly and getting to know the couple over the course of several weeks or even months. Dom couples FAR outnumber single female submissives (at least single females who would consider such a situation) so any couple will be more the patient. Visiting the couple and seeing how they interact over the course of a few weeks will show you if they are just looking for a relationship band aid, or are genuinely happy together, and can provide a healthy, stable environment.

Truer words were never spoken. Time, patience, communication. Anything worth having is worth waiting/working for.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 16

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/19/2005 7:18:01 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jayxkes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

A Master/Dom can have more then one slave/sub.
A sub can serve more then one Dom.
A slave can only have ONE Master.

And this law is written where?

Sorry to side track the thread (snip)

There are only 2 rules in a BDSM relationship....
1. There are no rules
2. I make all the rules.

And this law is written where?

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to Jayxkes)

Post #: 17

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/21/2005 4:32:14 AM

Jayxkes

Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

LOL, Zensee. Though I'm sure those who read what's behind the words will agree

I'm sure you'll also agree that whilst the sub and slave definitions can be true, they are not THE truth. In my experience, the definitions change from country to country and person to person.

As there are living, working examples of a slave serving more than one master/mistress, the answer to redmistndark's question must be yes, it can work. Of course that needs all parties concerned to put enough into the relationship to ensure it works.

The flip side, of course, is that just because it CAN work, doesn't mean that it WILL work for any given set of individuals.

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 18

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/22/2005 3:27:36 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

Jayxkes - glad you enjoyed the riposte. It is a given that everything in these forums is an opinion, however stated, so to save verbiage, most people don't bother adding IMHO or, 'the way I see it' etc..

I'd only agree with Kinkypupper's first and third assertions, not the second one. A Dominant MAY (that’s may, not should) have more than one submissive, if they are capable, and not be in ethical conflict.

So while I'd agree with Voltare, that a Dominant does not have an inherent right to multiple submissives, there is no ethical conflict if they do. On the other hand I'd disagree with Voltare that a submissive can serve multiple Dominants. For me, a submissive or slave with more than one Dominant is in conflict with an essential aspect of submission.

Multiple Dominants having the same submissive/slave are not only ethically on thin ice, in practical terms they will be generating conflict within and between all parties, even if those weren’t pre-existing. I have yet to see this combination work.

I personally know of very few truly poly households and only one with multiple Dominants. They are a married couple and behave basically like parents to the household (it is a shared living situation) and Dominants to their own submissives.

Any potentially disruptive issues are dealt with in private so they present a unified and consistent presence in the household. They each have their own (multiple) submissives who are respectful of both Dominants but in service to only one or the other. The Dominants don't mess with each other's submissives though they may enforce universal rules and expectations, share play time or take temporary control of each other's submissives in certain circumstances.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to Jayxkes)

Post #: 19

RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/22/2005 3:57:31 PM

Gideon147

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline

I'm with MidnightWriter on this one. But I think it falls under the "anything is possible" category. Ideally yes, a sub can serve two Dom/mes.

It's not unheard of for a couple to get married, and as the dynamics of the relationship change, come to the realization that they are both Dominant. They can love each Other, they can be in Love with each Other, and still Both have a need that the Other cannot fulfill. With communication and understanding, They can choose to add a submissive to fulfill that need. Ideally, that is the way it goes.

But life is not without it's little problems, and more often tends to shy from ideal. I don't like the parallel, but imagine a household with two parents and one child. With communication and understanding the two parents can raise the child in a stable environment where the child understands that it must listen to both parents equally. Some defer to the father, others to the mother, but both must be obeyed. Nearly all of the conflicts in this situation are due to a lack of communication. This communication has nothing to do with what they tell the child, it comes from communicating with each other.

Can a submissive solve this problem? Not really, no more than a child can tell his parents how to raise him/her. But the submissive can speak to the Master and Mistress together, to let them know that he/she needs guidance in this matter. Once this is done, it is entirely up to the Dominants to work things out. If They cannot resolve the situation together, then the environment will probably become unstable. There will probably be fighting, hurt feelings, and it will be the submissive that is caught in the crossfire.

Gideon

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 20

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