RE: Use or Making love (Full Version)

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SlaveAkasha -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 12:44:51 PM)

quote:

You seem to be saying that afterwards, you are not sexually satisfied? And that is why you feel empty? Or am I off the mark here?


No, it's not being sexually satisfied that I miss.  I on a rare occasion have an orgasm with use, it's not something I have to have at all.
 
quote:

  I'm not talking orgasms here, but a different form of physically emotional intimacy for me.  Hope that made sense.


Yes, this makes a lot of sense.  It's sort of what I am saying. 
 
I do love the play, to be forced, to be used, abused, and all of that.. I don't want anyone to get me wrong.  I also love to satisfy my Master in every way and that to has it's own rewards for me.
 
Let me sort of give an example if I may:
 
Last night, we had play.  We have done this a few times this week.  I don't expect intercourse every single time, not at all.  I am not sure why I did last night, something deep in me needed it.  It wasn't about an orgasm, it was about feeling that connection, or something I can't quite explain. 
 
When it was over, Master had cum.. not in me, not on me, or anything like that.  He has done this a few times over the week, and normally it didn't bother me at all.  Last night though, when it was over.. I felt these stupid tears come up in my eyes and I couldn't stop it.  I felt so bad because I don't want Master to think it has anything to do with him.  I know it has something to do with me, deep down.
 
I know that before I was with my Master, I was with men casually for only sex.  It was okay at the time, but it seemed to wear thin for me and I didn't get much out of it.  I don't know if my mind is going back to that and the feelings I had then, confusing them with the relationship I am in now or what.
 
I know that I am a slave for his use and pleasure.. I also have no doubt that Master loves me very much.  I think that is why I am frustrated with myself and my reactions to the way things happened.
 
Thank you all again, hopefully this makes a bit more sense now.
 
Kasha



MmakeMme -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 12:46:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

It always feels like he loves me, and loves being with me.. it's only that I don't want to feel like I am too needy in what I expect or want.
 
ugh! I am not even making sense to myself now.. nevermind [&:]


~laughing quietly~ I think this is a very normal way to feel. It is why community is so important.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 12:48:58 PM)

Well the obvious question is- did you ever communicate these thoughts to him directly?



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 12:52:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

  I think what I am saying, (but not sure)..is that there are times when the full satisfaction comes to me from being used in a number of ways.. feeling like property, and object..etc..then there are times when after that, I feel sort of empty.  I still have the satisfaction that he is pleased, and that does feel good..it's just that I have a part of me that is a bit sad.  
 



What makes you feel empty? The end of play or being used. I am sort of confused as to what makes you feel empty. Or do you have some sort of sub/slave drop after play?



pinkkeith -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 1:09:46 PM)

Well, only you know the answers to how your body reacts and what it means to you. There aren't too many vanillas that could understand why someone would get turned on by pain.

Speaking just for myself I know that I don't get an orgasm by being used, but I do get a very strong sexual and emotional energy out of.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 1:10:18 PM)

quote:

Well the obvious question is- did you ever communicate these thoughts to him directly?

No, not yet.  It hadn't really gotten to me like it did last night.  I will try and talk to him tonight about it.  I don't want him to think that I am unhappy being his, and it's hard to explain to him anyway, because even I am not sure what it is.  It will probably come out all jumbled up and confuse the heck out of him.

quote:

What makes you feel empty? The end of play or being used. I am sort of confused as to what makes you feel empty. Or do you have some sort of sub/slave drop after play?

 
You think you are confused..lol..try living in this head.
 
It might be a sub-drop, though I never thought about it.  Maybe I wasn't ready for it to end, then it did quite quickly and that threw me off a bit. 
 
I don't know if it was empty, it was sort of sad, or maybe just a lot of different emotions.  I haven't been feeling like a good slave as of late, I don't know if that maybe had something to do with it.  I know he wants me to swallow, but I haven't been able to.  There is just something about it that turns my stomach all of the sudden.  I love to do it, so I am not sure why..but it's starting to get to me a lot.
 
Kasha



juliaoceania -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 1:13:29 PM)

I do not think that being used sexually and being loved are mutually exclusive. I can feel loved while being used for his pleasure



BitaTruble -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 1:16:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha


As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to? 
 
More often, yes, but not exclusively. We have sex, we fuck, we make love depending on the energy and what he's looking for at any given moment. There are times when I'm just his hole and other times when he needs more than just a hole.

 
quote:

Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure? 
 
I expect him to do what pleases him. Sometimes it pleases him to bring me pleasure. There are times when I ask him to fuck me and he will or won't depending on his mood etc.
 
quote:

 Did you ever expect it at all? 
 
I don't expect to get what I want when I want it.. but sometimes I do get what I want when I want it if he wants me to have it.
 
quote:

Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)? 

 
No, not every time, but sometimes. Either way it certainly feeds my core for him to be pleased using me as he wishes.
 
Celeste



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 1:48:42 PM)

Your feelings are normal. I do not always feel like a good, perfect slave everyday either. Communication is essential in a M/s relationship. Express your feelings to your Master as best you can. You cant keep things like this inside. Maybe he can help you understand or be understanding enough to help you work through this.



agirl -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 2:28:54 PM)

Being a *good slave* surely isn't about being able to swallow, as and when, every time?

Anyhow.........SlaveAkasha, I was wondering if maybe the situation of him * cumming, not in you or on you a few times over the week*, has disturbed, highlighted or brought to the fore the feelings you had at the time of the past *casual sex* you've had, where you weren't *loved*. Maybe it *feels* similar, even though you know, rationally, that it's not?

Just some meandering thoughts.

agirl



subsa -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 2:56:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha


 
As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to?  
 
compared to when we had a more traditional relationship yes, i'm 'used' more than before; although i was 'used' even before we defined our relationship in a D/s way.  but we still 'make love' more than i am 'used'.  we can and do include bdsm sorts of things and i still feel like we're 'making love'.  i feel 'used' when we have sex and i'm not really in the mood.  but that was part of the agreement we made going in to this.  what Master wants, Master gets.

 
Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure? 
 
i never expect it (making love). but we do love each other and that does manifest itself physically often.  i find a different kind of pleasure when i'm satisfying his needs only.   
 
Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)? 
 
satisfaction----yes, always. i love to please him.   
sexual satisfaction---sometimes yes sometimes no. 

 





Donnalee -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 3:21:05 PM)

SlaveAkasha, I'm not meaning to take anything from what you've said, but I'm wondering if you're having a bit of the PMS monster nipping at your heels?  That has led me before to feelings of neediness, sensitive to little or percieved slights, needing warmth and comfort from my partner, feeling a bit unworthy & wondering about my place in it all.    
 
I don't know any answers, but I'm glad there is a place for us to think out loud and get feedback.



starshineowned -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 5:05:19 PM)

quote:

I still have the satisfaction that he is pleased, and that does feel good..it's just that I have a part of me that is a bit sad


Going to just work with this portion. There are times albeit few when that after feeling hits, and I call it home. It is hitting home, and bringing up that property feeling deeper to a point that I have to take time realizing and reflecting that this is who and what I am, and at one point chose to be. That dis-connect of shared emotion is gone that I think alot of us have present even when we know were being used at the Owners whim for whatever. I find that this happens mostly when there isn't any or a severe lack of physical touch..ie when just woke from the blue, face fucked along with his masturbation..came on or swallowing and then pushed away with him rolling over to sleep without a word or any other interaction. I know that i'm loved for who and what I am to him even during those times as Master loves his property, and takes good care of it wether human, animal, electronic, what have you, and loves being part of the things that he finds enjoyment from using so other than the hitting home I don't ever consciously ponder wether am loved or not.

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



Quivver -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 5:37:11 PM)

Fast Reply. 
Even back in my Nilla days I thought a steady diet of ~making love~ would gag me. 
At least now (ok ... when there is someone in my life, sigh) being used has a whole new meaning.
[8D] 



timeoutgurlie -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 5:39:13 PM)

Submissive or not, slave or not, I define these by my *own* terms in the end, and if to others I fit neither title, then so be it.

I'm not one dimensional, neither is my partner, and we *both* feel the need to satisfy the other on every level.  There have been many times where the sex we had wasn't all it could've been for me, for him too, but this is where we had to learn one another's bodies as much as we'd had to learn one another's minds, hearts and souls.  To leave out the sexual element, for us at least, would've left the union incomplete.

There are still elements missing of course, I've talked about those in a thread I posted before, but we're both putting in the work on those areas, as we've done along the way in everything about our relationship.

It *is* just as important for me to be satisfied with sex as it for him to be, at least it should be.  I still value his pleasure more than my own, but that's not what he wants, he wants it to be equal, and so I'm working on feeling that way as well.  That said, it's always been important that I am satisfied sexually for the most part.  There are times it doesn't/can't happen, and those don't bother me, but if it's ignored for too long then I do bring that to his attention, and it's always been something he's appreciated and encouraged.

I understand those in the lifestyle and out of it (vanilla) who don't expect or even want to have orgasms of their own and only want their partner to enjoy sex, and they find their enjoyment elsewhere, I experience that during the times where I don't have an orgasm, but overall for my own relationship, when we climax together there's a whole other level of satisfaction...beyond satisfaction, it's hard to put into words.

I'd liken it to when you're toegther and both feeling connected on a level that's beyond just caring or love, it's a spiritual union.  That's precious no matter what brings it on, we've shared it many times nonsexually, but there've also been many times we share this during sex, and if I never or just rarely had orgasms with him we'd both feel we weren't reaching that level.  Sure we can attain that other times without orgasms, but why stop there? *giggles*

I think it's perfectly 'normal' and understandable to want the orgasms for yourself despite being a submissive/slave and anyone who tells you that you're less than them because you want this for yourself is an idiot and don't listen.  What works for them is one thing, but they can't slap a label on your for living differently, just as nobody can tell them they're any less for not wanting the same things.

The only real question I'd have is how does your partner feel about this?  Is your satisfaction, including sexual, important to him?  More than his own?  Less?  Equal?  Non-existant?  This is what you need to find out for sure, and then you can work with that, or know it's not compatible with your needs/desires.  Wish you the best of luck and don't feel alone in desiring/needing more than you may be getting, it doesn't reflect at all on your submission to him unless *you* feel it does in your own mind/heart [:)]



Tikkiee -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 5:59:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I am not really sure how I want to write this, it's just coming from thoughts in my head, so please excuse if they are jumbled.
 
As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to?  I guess I would define this in the most practical terms, but I am sure we all probably still differ to a degree in our meaning for either one.
 
Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure?  Did you ever expect it at all?  Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)? 
 
Akasha

For myself, I always associate the words 'making love' with gentleness, slowness, and kindness. To be honest, when he gets like that, It actually confuses me because it is so at odds with his personality and with the dynamics of our relationship.



kisshou -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 6:41:55 PM)

hiya Akasha,

it is so weird but i understand what you are saying completely.  You call it (making love) , I called it (vanilla sex). The kind you read about or see in the movies (not porn movies).

For me , I had never had vanilla sex , I had only had the sex where I was made use of, so I asked the Owner if he would teach me vanilla sex.

He spent an entire night teaching me and it was one of the most incredible nights of my life. It was not just the major multiple orgasms but it was the tenderness. It was so romantic. There really are not words to describe how incredibly wonderful it was.

I am thankful that he taught me the difference, I sometimes long for a repeat but the longing has yet to be fulfilled.

For me the vanilla way I felt cherished while the of use way I feel fulfilled from being of service.

Either way I think a steady diet of sex always the same way is unfulfilling and boring but it is something really difficult to explain in polite terms , without sounding demanding or complaining to a Master.

One thing I came up with is I begged the Owner to play a game with me. We call it 'the game of 3' the object of the game is to incite the other partner to intercourse. It starts out where the Master lays on his back and the slave does 3 things in a row to try to provoke him into losing control so he starts having intercourse with her.

Then it is the slaves turn to lay on her back and the Master does 3 things in a row to get her to beg him to have sex with her.

The funny thing is 1)the Owner has never lost control 2) he has never had to do more than one thing to get me begging.

I hope you will try both of these things , I can guarantee you will not be sorry you did :)



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 6:45:00 PM)

I don't think it has anything to do with PMS, but we all know I am an emotional girl, so I won't discount that totally..lol.
 
It might have to do with feelings from the past.  I know in my head and in my heart that my Master loves me very much and for the most part, I enjoy and get turned on by just being used.  I guess sometimes it hits me a bit different though and does bring back just being used and tossed away.
 
I know that my pleasure is important and how I feel.  My Master will stop at the slightest sign that something is hurting me too much or if there is something I can't handle. 
 
This is one of those things that he can't guess and I have to figure out how to talk to him about.  He is good at listening to me, it's more just me getting myself together to tell him that's the problem. 
 
What I mean by not being a good slave.  I know that swallowing is not the whole thing, that's just a symptom of it.  I want to make sure I am pleasing not only sexually, but in all ways.  It's just with that, I can name something.  I know it's something that he enjoys so very much and it frustrates me I can't seem to do it.  When he wants it, I find myself begging him not to.  I feel that in some ways I let him down with it. 
 
Maybe I read too much into things, maybe I am waiting for something to go wrong and I am scared that I won't see it coming.  I am sure me leaving the room last night as he fell asleep confused him, but the poor soul was too tired to come and see what was wrong.  He does care for me so much, and that makes me feel even worse about my behavior.  There was no reason for me to doubt any of it.  I suppose I just had that "cheap whore" feel, and it wasn't the one that comes from the good and fun place, but the used and abused place in the past.
 
Thank you all... you are making me think a lot.. for better or worse.
 
Akasha



kisshou -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 7:17:38 PM)

You can kind of fake swallowing but you need to practice. You know how you gargle and the liquid stays in the back of your throat but doesn't go down, keep your throat closed like that and let it run out of your mouth and smile the whole time.

I think as long as you are doing your best then you are never letting your Master down.  I bet if you asked him that he would tell you the same thing.

You have to learn to love yourself but if that is too hard then just try to accept yourself for who you are.



SusanofO -> RE: Use or Making love (12/8/2006 8:01:06 PM)

gypsygirl's description of being bored with "gentle" love-making (or whatever one wants to call it) made me laugh out loud (too funny, in a good way, btw). Most of the time, I tend to concur, although for me, there is a place for slow, easy, tender - maybe even during a "heavier" evening of lovemaking (or whatever it's called). I can get into it every once in awhile, but usually like the it's opposite more often. But - I do like very tender, on occassion, too (it can make me feel very,very cared for). But I am no doubt doing what the other person prefers, in any case. They call the shots.

- Susan    



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