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RE: Use or Making love - 12/10/2006 9:40:04 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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:::makes the sign of the cross with my fingers and slowly backs away::::

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

And we thought we didn't like each other!

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I personally have had no problems ever feeling "used" for another's sexual pleasure.  It's my preference actually.  I have no desire to be 'made love to'.



_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Use or Making love - 12/11/2006 5:08:43 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
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i think this is exactly why i would never have a Master/slave relationship with my hubby, only D/s.   To me, it feels wrong to have my "nilla woman" expectations over a Master...  i would feel wrong about expecting or needing reciprocol sexuality.  i can have those recip needs met within our marital D/s relationship though, where it's understood it's not wrong to bring my sexual or romantic needs to the table.   But were He my Master, no way would i come thinking "yeah, but what about My needs??"    (at least, not the way W/we approach O/our Ms/ and D/s relationships in my little part of the world.)
 
Disclaimer-- Before somebody freaks, that's just ME.   i don't want to mix romantic love with M/s, but that's not typical or suggested thinking.  <smiles>

(in reply to marieToo)
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RE: Use or Making love - 1/12/2007 8:56:17 PM   
blinkingababy


Posts: 34
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used... hey its  what im there for

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 4:33:15 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I am not really sure how I want to write this, it's just coming from thoughts in my head, so please excuse if they are jumbled.
 
As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to?  I guess I would define this in the most practical terms, but I am sure we all probably still differ to a degree in our meaning for either one.
 
Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure?  Did you ever expect it at all?  Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)? 
 
Akasha


There is a line in the book "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" that says "Every person, all the events of your life, are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." What follows that quote, I can never remember verbatim, but goes something like this: "They will remain in your life until you have each learned all you can from them."

To me, use is kind of the same way. All of us, for better or for worse, uses each other. Some of us use with nothing more than the use foremost in our minds. Some of us use in love, because we love, as a way of loving. And regardless of how we use each other, we do so because we are living and learning from each other every single moment and day.

Use and making love are not mutually exclusive of  each other. If used out of love, isn't that making love - regardless of how that day's interaction went? If the pretense is love, but the reality is either hatred or no feelings at all, isn't that simple use?

As a slave, if my Master directs me to give myself to someone, I have no feelings for that person one way or the other. He has no feelings for me. It's use - pure and simple. But here's the thing. I'm using him as much as he's using me.

As a slave, if my Master is only focused on himself that day and whether I get any enjoyment out of it or not is besides the point. I still know that he cares for me and even though he's "using" me, it is still a love-making moment because he feels the freedom to act in that manner toward me.  He knows that I'm not going anywhere, and that I am freely, without coercion or anything like that, available and enthusiastic in my acceptance of his needs, wants and desires, and ultimately, accepting of HIM  - exactly the way he is.

And to me, that's love-making at its finest.

If you're talking about all that tender hearts and flowers stuff, well, to me, that is what I call "soap opera sex. It's interesting and can be wonderfully sweet, but most of the time, it leaves me in the fog that always seems to precede those moments on the soap operas - hence the term "soap opera sex."

I really prefer our brand of making love - even if other people might call it "use."

juliet

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
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RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 5:27:42 AM   
IvyP


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/28/2006
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Making love:
lifetime of  nilla
endless emotional bullshit
non difiniative rolls
power struggles
throw in pinches of cycnical actions, doubt, lack of trust,fear
mix well and finish with more bullshit before serving
Use: Trust, Honor, Respect, same goals.......it is for ONE, for Masters Pleasures and slaves growth...Serve with heapings of belonging........
i wonder the ratio between susicide in nilla as opposed to M/s or D/s 
btw...i am and have been a Chef most my life!  blessed be sister..............slave ivy


(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 6:21:07 AM   
mnottertail


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Making the beast.............
Tatting in the tweeds.........
Put the pony in the barn...
do the duty.....
Hide the weenie...
Park the cadillac in the garage...
Fuckin and sucking.........

Is the wording that big a deal?

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to IvyP)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 6:37:22 AM   
spankmepink11


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In my opinion, and this held long before my self discovery,  "making love" is simply the  acts of tenderness in a relationship. I've  never really equated it with intercourse.  In regards to intercourse, i prefer to be his complete instrument of pleasure, in what ever  way he chooses to express it.  Rough, raw, and primal seems to illicit the best response in me.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 6:56:58 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Making the beast.............
Tatting in the tweeds.........
Put the pony in the barn...
do the duty.....
Hide the weenie...
Park the cadillac in the garage...
Fuckin and sucking.........

Is the wording that big a deal?

Ron



Oh thanks! Now I have visions of Walter Matheau, Burgess Meredith and Jack Lemmon sitting on a couch on the banks of a river under a tree fishing while making these comments!!

juliet

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 7:03:52 AM   
windchymes


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Joined: 4/18/2005
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I make sure I'm respected, loved, and fulfilled first.....then we can talk about using.  But that's just me.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 7:55:27 AM   
belljar


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/16/2006
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Does it make me less "domme" that part of my sexual satisfaction is that he orgasmed as well?
In my vanilla (ish) main relationship, there have been many a time when my SO is tired, or not up to par, or lately getting used to a new med...and while the sex is wonderful and fulfilling to him, he tells me it is, that it felt wonderful and we were close, he didn't come. I felt awful. not 'guilt', not at all. just...like i didn't do good enough. I wasn't enough. When my partner is in the throes of a 'holy hell' orgasm, that -I- brought on....THAT does it for me. In addition to my own orgasm, of course, lol. But his orgasm makes me feel even more powerful, more sexy. If I didn't give him that, let him have that, I wouldn't feel complete in my power. I guess.
But when it's the vanilla reltationship sex....I feel less sexy and good enough and all that girly-emotional-crap if he doesn't come, regardless of the situation behind it.

to me, i dont like the term 'making love' either, but its not about HOW you have sex. its what you feel.
theres sex brought on by hormones and pure lust
theres sex brought on by some lust, some hormones, and alot of emotion. he could still 'make love' to me, but be fucking my brains out. its about what the heart feels too. the eye contact. the feeling that i wanna cry afterwards, in a good way.

and with my sub, because we are in love with each other, i think a little bit of that sort of sex shoudl be tossed in now and then, for us both to act upon the deep emotions we have for each other. but at the core, he IS my sub, he likes being used sexually, its what he is there for, its why I'm the mistress, haha.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 7:58:10 AM   
IceyOne


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Joined: 1/13/2006
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I perfer to be used; I really don't care for the cuddly lovey dovey making love

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 9:03:13 AM   
IvyP


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/28/2006
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not really.....the only time wording is important is when i am told it is.....words just help to bring it on home for me........so i can exercise the FUN words   *grinANDnod*

(in reply to IceyOne)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Use or Making love - 1/13/2007 11:58:08 PM   
BreatheinToMe


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/8/2007
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Kasha...

In reading some of these answers, I see answers will depend on whether the responders have had vanilla "love" sex before getting into BDSM flavored...  or others having other play partners, so they still get "other" satisfaction.

I too have felt this way, with my past-Dominant, and we did discuss it, but it never changed. Did I have a right to expect or ask for it? Sure, it was a need, even if just an occasional one.

But ....after reading this last post of yours...I wanted to interject something. you write: "I felt so bad because I don't want Master to think it has anything to do with him.  I know it has something to do with me, deep down. "

It doES have something to do with him..as well as you.  But more so in the Dynamics of "YOU BOTH" And instead of looking to the message board to "define" or "label" this empty feeling you feel, I would recommend you show your master these postings of yours. IT IS what it is. Whatever it is, and HE will address this need of yours, and decide whether to fill it or ignore it.

Discussion and openness are always the best answers.





(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 73
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