New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I?????

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New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 7:32:27 AM

bella1980

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

Hello all....

I am new here and I am lost....

I wonder if anyone feel like me or understand it...

right now, I don't know where I stand. (when read, remember I never had a real life experience)

- I love the idea of bondage (meaning the: being tied up thing).
- I like the idea of being abused while in bondage or not
- I like the orgasm control idea
- I love giving massage, doing oral... dressing up for someone....
- I have desire for some control... and sometimes I read things about humiliation scenes and they seem exciting....

BUT....

- I hate the idea of someone being rude with me, yelling at me, calling me degrading names...
- I am not masochist. I would accept spanking if I had done something really bad, but I dont like pain, so I would do my best to do everything right (and i understand that usually subs like pain and that spankings and torture things are usual in a BDSM relationship).
- I dont want to be with someone who will take advantage of me. I would like to be with someone who really liked me, would take care of me, etc.
- If in a serious relationship (if one day arrived there), I would like to have a word in important matters, like buying a property, deciding an investiment, deciding where we are going for a big vacation... I dont know how to explain... but although I would like to be controled in some ways, I would like to have a word, to be allowed to have my opinion... I am a person of opinions... I study a lot, I research, etc....
- I also like to be pleasured (although I love pleasing)
- And... I HATE CLEANING. really!!!!

So... I wonder if I am really a sub, or if I am only a vanilla person with bondage fetish....

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 7:42:53 AM

MK2OBEY

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

(in reply to bella1980)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 8:35:42 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Oh, Dear!

I know how you feel! And, DO I HATE CLEANING, TOO ! And, when I first started thinking and experimenting, boy, did I not want any pain! I had fantasized about being bound forever and the idea of being totally controlled, well, wow. But I had many of the same reactions to the things i read as you do. Some of it seemed a little too extreme. But I have found that you define yourself- as a new sub, you set your limits and until you make the decision to give yourself and lose that right, you can stay in your comfort zone as you experiment.

One thing I did was besides reading everything I could, was to write. I wrote several erotic stories, both within and ouside of my realm of experience, to kind of test my inner reactions to various scenarios. As I got more real life experience, I found I got pretty close to my real responses in the stories. And, as i got real experience, I found that pain isn't all that scary (to an extent) and it can be used as any other sensation- for specific reasons and reactions. (When you find the One, you will be expanded beyond what you could ever have imagined.)

Some of the things you mention- giving opinions and such- were a real concern for me as well. What I have found is that Master discusses everything with me, seeks and respects my opinion, yet, at the end of the day, Master makes the descision. Which is just perfect by me (when He reads this, He will give me a big, sarcastic thank you

).

Also, there are many differences between slave and sub. You may be confusing the two.

I think I asked myself all the same questions. Keep exploring, but please do it safely.

Wishing you fun, fulfillment and discovery,
hejira

(in reply to MK2OBEY)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 8:51:43 AM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline

You need alot of guidance is all I can say

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Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 3:13:17 PM

DreamWizardNJoy

Posts: 234
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

Hiya Bella! Welcome to the forums and to the lifestyle. Well, you've taken the first step: Beginning to identify what things you do and do not like, and what you are interested in. That is a good thing.

As has been said before, take the time to read, to listen, to learn. Your questioning and soul searching is so typical of many of our group members as they take their own steps on their personal journey. Please take the time to stop by; we'd love to be a resource for you.

Best wishes,
David Dream Wizard and his dream girl, joy

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(in reply to JerseyKrissi72)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 6:27:40 PM

Awsat

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

Hi Bella,

I think you should do what you are comfortable doing and draw your own lines and boundaries.

Regards,
Awsat.

(in reply to DreamWizardNJoy)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/9/2006 6:42:18 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Welcome. You have alot of discovery and learning to do. Abuse is not the word I would probably use. Enjoy yourself and learn. Good luck.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to bella1980)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/10/2006 10:51:33 AM

LasVegasDominant

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

Bella,
Very well written and thought out. If more people would take the time to have the awareness that you do, I know what I want, I know what I don't want. Although our tastes are not the same, it is nice to see someone who is simply aware of themself and knows the direction she wants to go. Keep moving forward and realize that no one can change who you are on the inside, and if you find yourself going against your own natural behavior, it is time to take a look at what it is about you that allows that. Not who you are reacting too.
Best of luck, stay safe and have fun!

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

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RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? - 12/10/2006 9:26:57 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

bella,
settle in and read the boards, take your time and it will come together.

CP

(in reply to bella1980)

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