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What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 10:40:48 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I've been thinking about this a bit...(dangerous at 5am)

What makes your intimate relationships different than other relationships you have? When you break it all down, what are the defining factors that make one relationship more important to you than another? More of a priority than another?

I could say "Love"..but generally I'm a pretty loving person and my ideas around love arent emotionally based...

Yet, if something happened to Master...it would effect me more than if someone else I was close to in my life had the same thing happen to them,,,

So, it must be that I have given Master a part of myself, or access to part of myself that I don't let anyone else into?

What part?

Is it our connection sexually? That's the one thing I can think of that I don't share with anyone else. I do experience sex as an energetic exchange....

Yet, in my previous relationship, there was no sex and yet our connection was as close as a relationship could get....

Is it my submission? That is another factor which is exclusively played out within intimate relationships for me.

I guess when I think about it, entering relationship itself is an act of submission, for both dominant and submissive..maybe thats what it is...our submission to each other...

And if it is submission to each other that is the defining factor that makes it different from other relationships in our life...what are we both submitting exactly?

What are your thoughts?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 10:44:57 AM   
ADomlesssub


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline 		 

connection - openness - closeness - butterfly tummy!!

snarf
xxx

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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 10:47:08 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		The first thing that came to my mind is that in my most intimate relationships my barriers are down, and safely so.  There are only two people in my life I can say this about. There are no barriers at all to my Master, and there are very, very few barriers at all to someone else who is very dear to me.  I have to feel completely safe with someone before intimacy, love, trust and full openness can exist in its fullest form.

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 10:52:49 AM   
LadyMarmalade1


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		I guess it would have to be absolute trust.  I thought I was very close to other people but until my sub, I didn't realize that I still wasn't trusting enough to be completely myself.  With my sub, (and him with me) we trust each other enough, that we can be ourselves and feel safe.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:00:22 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		I can't narrow it down to one or two things that make my relationships stand out from one another.

I have a relationship with Master that is based solely on TPE; sex and kink is nothing more than icing on the cake.

I have a relationship with my teenager that is based on mutual respect and love.

Neither is better than the other; just different; yet both have an emotional intimacy to them.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:13:15 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		The difference for me is the trust.  I have been married to vanilla and that trust level has never been as intense as it is with Master.  While developing a relationship with Master i made a wonderful Dom friend.  He and i played even after Master and i knew we would collar.  Permission from Master although not necessary at the time was granted for the play.  The difference between the two relationships was the chemistry between Master and i.  Although i love the Dom very much as my friend the excitement the butterfly tummy was not there.  I enjoy talking with him but again the intensity of the relationship was not there although i do trust him very much so i guess first the trust level then the connection.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:17:20 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		James touches my heart and makes me feel differnt, I want to please him in ways I have never wanted to please any one else.  Simply being with him has made me want to do things I had previously screamed hard limit at. And he never asked.  Evertyhing I want to give him he's not asked for.
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I've been thinking about this a bit...(dangerous at 5am)

What makes your intimate relationships different than other relationships you have? When you break it all down, what are the defining factors that make one relationship more important to you than another? More of a priority than another?

I could say "Love"..but generally I'm a pretty loving person and my ideas around love arent emotionally based...

Yet, if something happened to Master...it would effect me more than if someone else I was close to in my life had the same thing happen to them,,,

So, it must be that I have given Master a part of myself, or access to part of myself that I don't let anyone else into?

What part?

Is it our connection sexually? That's the one thing I can think of that I don't share with anyone else. I do experience sex as an energetic exchange....

Yet, in my previous relationship, there was no sex and yet our connection was as close as a relationship could get....

Is it my submission? That is another factor which is exclusively played out within intimate relationships for me.

I guess when I think about it, entering relationship itself is an act of submission, for both dominant and submissive..maybe thats what it is...our submission to each other...

And if it is submission to each other that is the defining factor that makes it different from other relationships in our life...what are we both submitting exactly?

What are your thoughts?

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:38:23 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I've been thinking about this a bit...(dangerous at 5am)

What makes your intimate relationships different than other relationships you have? When you break it all down, what are the defining factors that make one relationship more important to you than another? More of a priority than another?

I could say "Love"..but generally I'm a pretty loving person and my ideas around love arent emotionally based...

Yet, if something happened to Master...it would effect me more than if someone else I was close to in my life had the same thing happen to them,,,

So, it must be that I have given Master a part of myself, or access to part of myself that I don't let anyone else into?

What part?

Is it our connection sexually? That's the one thing I can think of that I don't share with anyone else. I do experience sex as an energetic exchange....

Yet, in my previous relationship, there was no sex and yet our connection was as close as a relationship could get....

Is it my submission? That is another factor which is exclusively played out within intimate relationships for me.

I guess when I think about it, entering relationship itself is an act of submission, for both dominant and submissive..maybe thats what it is...our submission to each other...

And if it is submission to each other that is the defining factor that makes it different from other relationships in our life...what are we both submitting exactly?

What are your thoughts?


More difficult questions... I'll try to exercise a bit more brevity than my last response. 

I don't believe it is love, per se... though love is a determining factor in the importance I place on a relationship.  Certainly relationships with people I love mean much more to me than other more casual relationships.

I think the sheer fact that a relationship is intimate plays a big role in importance to me, but there are different levels of intimacy.  And that leads into the question of just what is intimacy and what causes a relationship to be intimate.

I think intimacy has to do with familiarity, knowledge and understanding.  Those things come from access.  To have access, there must be some level of openness.  Being open leads to vulnerability.  A greater degree of vulnerability exposes you to a greater risk of being hurt.  Thus protection of that relationship takes on more importance.

For me, there is added emphasis with a D/s relationship.  In the process of submitting myself to FirmHandKY, I've opened myself to him more than anyone else in my life.  In doing so, I'm making myself more and more vulnerable to him... and giving him the power to hurt me in ways that I don't even want to imagine.  It's a huge emotional risk that requires firm trust in his desire to care for me and our relationship... and makes the relationship we have become the most important in my life.

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:40:02 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		For me, the level of emotional and spiritual connection. This happens through different means with different people.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:45:48 AM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I am a loving and emotional person with a lot of my friends, etc.  However, the sexual or intimate things aside, the thing that makes my relationship with Master stand out is the amount of respect that I have for Him.  I have respect for my friends - but it's in a whole different way.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 11:46:42 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		When I am with my Lord and alandra I am free to be completely who I am.  Most other people in my life only get to see certain aspects of my character, they get it all.

Being away from them is highly stressful for this reason.  Rarely having the opportunity to be free to show all of me slowly builds up stress so that even the simplest of things are difficult to deal with.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 1:58:24 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Love means you would help hide the bodies...

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/9/2006 2:40:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The difference for me is in fact the commitment and priority we have together.  We formed a relationship together that is what it is.

I wouldn't say it's "more important" in all ultimate terms however.  There is my mother, my nephews, my other partners...perhaps it's my poly perspective, but I don't "rate" relationships like that.  They are all part of my life, they are all part of me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 3:56:51 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		There are many people in my life that I love, yet none that I have the connection this thread is speaking of. I never have had it. I have come close once or twice.

Some days I feel more like an actor playing a role than myself. Like Kyra, there are only certain facets of myself that most people get to see. They either do not want to see, or cannot handle seeing, the rest.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 3:58:55 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Communication should be the core as it feeds all the other facets of the relationship.

Ross

Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/ygblqt
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
Soul of Motorcycle Art
http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a

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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 4:15:44 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		The ability to be myself in all things, and show all aspects of myself certainly contributes to what makes my relationship with Master the ultimate relationship for me. What also contributes to that feeling is how dependant on Him i have become, and how constant He is with me. That He also depends on me for certain things also adds a level of security for me.
Overall, i would have to contribute anything that adds to intimacy W/we share. i have never experienced anything like it.

Master's dorei

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 5:29:26 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

What makes your intimate relationships different than other relationships you have? When you break it all down, what are the defining factors that make one relationship more important to you than another? More of a priority than another?

What are your thoughts?

This is relatively easy for me to answer.  First and foremost is choice.  I choose to make those relationships different, special, and separate from my other relationships (friendships, family, etc.).  Simply put, I make a deliberate choice and effort to make that relationship a higher priority, and that shows in my behavior.

How I do that is also pretty easy to answer for me.  Such a special companion gains access to me in ways others don't have.  She learns things about me that other's don't know (and oh yes, I do have my secrets).  She shares in my life and my world in a way that others do not.  She sees me, and my life, in a way the rest of the world will never even glimpse.  She is privy to my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes and fears, my plans and ambitions, my past, my heritage, all these things that I keep at least partially hidden from the world and some of it even from friends.  She gets to see me as I really am, unfiltered.  Its a special privilege, and one not extended lightly.  In that, she knows just how special she is to me... tangible evidence of her place in my life.

Oh yeah, and she gets to borrow books from my personal library without having to put up collateral.   (Not even my friends and family get to borrow those books)

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 5:37:05 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

What makes your intimate relationships different than other relationships you have? When you break it all down, what are the defining factors that make one relationship more important to you than another? More of a priority than another?

What are your thoughts?

This is relatively easy for me to answer.  First and foremost is choice.  I choose to make those relationships different, special, and separate from my other relationships (friendships, family, etc.).  Simply put, I make a deliberate choice and effort to make that relationship a higher priority, and that shows in my behavior.

How I do that is also pretty easy to answer for me.  Such a special companion gains access to me in ways others don't have.  She learns things about me that other's don't know (and oh yes, I do have my secrets).  She shares in my life and my world in a way that others do not.  She sees me, and my life, in a way the rest of the world will never even glimpse.  She is privy to my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes and fears, my plans and ambitions, my past, my heritage, all these things that I keep at least partially hidden from the world and some of it even from friends.  She gets to see me as I really am, unfiltered.  Its a special privilege, and one not extended lightly.  In that, she knows just how special she is to me... tangible evidence of her place in my life.

Oh yeah, and she gets to borrow books from my personal library without having to put up collateral.   (Not even my friends and family get to borrow those books)


So elegantly put!

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 7:08:28 AM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline 		Trust, commitment, love, and connection.

i feel more secure with Him than i have ever felt with any other Dominant.  Even though we are over a thousand miles away from each other, our connection and our bond is very strong.  He understands my fears and occassionaly insecurities, and has at times recognized them before i myself did.  These little things make Him different, and therefore makes our relationship different from any other i've had before.

_____________________________

~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to NINASHARP)
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RE: What makes yours different... - 12/10/2006 7:58:29 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I've had great relationships in the past. However, they didn't work because it boiled down to either I was not ready or they where not ready to take higher steps. Pet and I are doing great because we meet each other wanting the same things at the same time and were ready to take those future steps together. 

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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Profile   Post #: 20
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