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when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 11:55:40 AM

Dackon

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline

When your finding a dom/master. What are some important questions to ask.
So far I have what are they looking for?
Are they willing to work with somone inexperianced?(I am)
How much experiance do they have?
Have they ever been trained as a master or dom?
If so when and where have they been trained?

Post #: 1

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 12:04:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you were going to look for a long term vanilla relationship, what would you look for? What's important to you in a relationship? Write down what's important to you in a kink relationship...then take a long hard look about the realities. The good news is that there's room for fantasy...the bad news is that fantasy can't be 24/7.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 2

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 12:05:17 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I tend to talk to Doms as if they are people (

) and not like it's a job interview.
If I connect on a vanilla level then the conversations naturally start to include
our interests in kink and that's where and when I discover if we're compatible.
I've never had a list of questions to ask. To me, that is sterile.

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 3

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 12:32:17 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

are they married is a good choice

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 4

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 1:02:36 PM

liljeanti

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/30/2006
From: Michigan
Status: offline

Are they married, in a relationship, or have ever cheated is now one of my top questions. Im not doing so good in that area, seems I attract all these people that are cheaters and in relationships.
After that is out of the way, I try to talk to them like a normal person. I ask likes, dislikes, favorite food, stuff like that. For me the kinky questions come after I assess whether or not we will connect on a relationship level first.

_____________________________

I may not be perfect, but I am always me.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 5

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 3:40:43 PM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

First, ask yourself why you are seeking a dom/Master. Ask yourself what it is you are wanting from a Master. Ask yourself what type of relationship you are looking for. Are you looking for cyber or RT, 24/7 or occasional, etc. If you are looking for RT and more than occasional, you should ask where they are located and if they are not near you, are they willing and able to travel to meet you? If you are only looking for cyber then that won't matter. Neither will it matter if they smoke or drink, etc., if it's only cyber.

If you are looking for RT and LT, then it will matter if they smoke, drink or have other habits that would make you uncomfortable. It would also be good to talk about their interests outside of BDSM, if you are looking for a RT LTR because no one does BDSM 24/7 and a LTR needs more than just one area of interest to keep it viable for long. Of course, if you are just looking to meet someone occasionally for nothing more than BDSM play, then their other interests won't matter and so just asking questions related to the type of BDSM activities you are interested in will do. Remember to discuss limits; yours and his and how you will let him know when you have reached them how he will respect them when you do.

Otherwise, as was stated earlier, ask questions and talk about the same types of things that you would if you were looking for any other type of relationship. Use your common sense and your gut feeling and be yourself and give it enough time to get to know each other and feel comfortable with each other first. Good luck.

David

(in reply to liljeanti)

Post #: 6

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 4:49:53 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Are you married or in any kind of relationship is a good question to ask.
Do you have kids?
Where do you live and do you want to relocate?
What are your hobbies?
What are your long term goals?
Are you a total slob?
Do you like to cook?

The list could go on and on.

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 7

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 5:33:51 PM

RandomGAGirl

Posts: 57
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Hmm.. Initially other than making sure they aren't married/or playing around I want to know everything about them. As much or more than I would want to know in a vanilla relationship. Mainly because I have to be able to completely trust the person I serve.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 8

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/9/2006 7:13:58 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I agree with some of what is stated so far, but what I found was essential was to know my own needs as a submissive. This takes time, and as others have said it maybe best to wait a few months before committing to a relationship until you find out how much you are willing to explore, where your interests lay, what kind of dominant would be appropriate for you. It is self knowledge that leads you to knowing how to approach your search in other words.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 9

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 9:01:01 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

I think if you had to reduce it to THE most important question you better make sure it's one that requires a long drawn out answer, LOL

That said I think the most important single question is:
What are your ethical beliefs as the relate to being a Master?
IE what are the core values of your life, and how do you ensure they are lived by. That question covered I think you can be pretty sure that you know the person better than any other single question.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 11:53:03 AM

Dackon

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline

thank you everyone so much I apresheate all the advice very greatly. I agree that you need to talk to them like a person and that you have to know what you want beforehand. But certain questions just need to be asked and deffently dont limit the number of questions you ask any more advice I will still be glad to have as im shure anyone else reading this thread who is like me. As for knowing yourself I know myself very well, But I have never had any experiance in this lifestyle so it makes it difficult to truly know what it is like enuff to know how I would react to everthing. So in some sense isent some experiance necessary to know yourself and how you would react in a situwation?

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 11

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 1:51:54 PM

reofbl

Posts: 33
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline

Not sure from the sub point of view.

As a Master, I've never found a slave through a site like this or a BDSM-type club. I've seemed to run into slaves in vanilla settings, connected with them, and found out about their submissiveness once already in the bedroom. There's little out there more honest than intercourse, save for, possibly, combat.

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 12

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 1:54:40 PM

reofbl

Posts: 33
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
Do you like to cook?

No, but you will! :D

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 13

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 3:34:59 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

are they married is a good choice

Sounds like i'm not the only one who's getting "tripped" up with this one..lol. What i "love" are the letters that say "i know you say no married men, but i'm different"!! Oy!!!

Lots of good questions here, but..also listen to what he asks you and if he really is listening to you. There are checklists that cover all kinds of kink things, but for myself it's that indescrible thing called chemistry, that spark, that "look in the eye" that does it for me. and not a lot of that going on in my life either..<sigh>

Good luck..and please keep us posted...always like to have new things to ask..lol

cheers,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 14

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/10/2006 7:23:46 PM

Naughtygal33

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/24/2006
Status: offline

An important question to me would be; If you "collar" me, will you still continually seek others slaves/submissives?

(in reply to krikket)

Post #: 15

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/11/2006 5:32:56 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Absoloutely nothing helps you to know yourself more than experience...many hard limits and walls have come down for me since getting my feet (and other places) wet :-)

The Master i have now is NOT who i was looking for 7 months ago...experience helped me make a wise choice for this time in my life on what i needed from a relationship. Know your needs and find a Master you can trust to push your limits to the point of growth. Unless you are just looking for a play partner - but trust is still key...

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 16

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/11/2006 8:00:53 PM

Belittled

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline

Limits of course; kinks - for me, I would've looked for someone with a spanking fetish; are they at all intellectual; can I have a conversation with them, respect them, kiss them, and still kneel to them?; and, most importantly, can I trust them (which falls under cheating, marriage, etc).

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 17

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/11/2006 8:53:17 PM

serenitykittin

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

its important to me that they are experienced as a dom/trainer. Wild and erotic imagination of course!

but also: when i meet someone that is a potential dom/trainer, I look for great personallity, confidence is a big one, and also being very mature..
and i have to be comfortable with him, and show that he tries new things!

there are lots more questions though...

(in reply to Belittled)

Post #: 18

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/11/2006 9:02:44 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dackon

When your finding a dom/master. What are some important questions to ask.

Does your Visa / MasterCard have a pre set spending limit?

<kidding ....just kidding>

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Dackon)

Post #: 19

RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/12/2006 9:08:25 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I agree with some of what is stated so far, but what I found was essential was to know my own needs as a submissive. This takes time, and as others have said it maybe best to wait a few months before committing to a relationship until you find out how much you are willing to explore, where your interests lay, what kind of dominant would be appropriate for you. It is self knowledge that leads you to knowing how to approach your search in other words.

Agree 100% without this knowledge and even if you are not sure is knowledge then finding the right one for you will be random at best. Knowing yourself and treating the process like you would in any other type of relationship should go a long way.

What is important to you, what is a red flag to you and other things that you look for in a man besides the D/s, safety precautions and all other things you have done before in other relationships hold true to these as well. What did you ask vanilla men? What made them interesting to you?

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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