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HollywoodExecDom -> RE: Anal Training (4/23/2009 3:07:00 AM)
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Let me clarify several things...
1) Layman's Physical Understanding of the Sphincter
The sphincter of the ass is a muscle, and just as a person must stretch overtime before they can do the splits, many subs must be stretched gradually overtime in order for anal sex to eventually become enjoyable.
The majority of women have had negative experiences with anal sex precisely because of aborted attempts by heterosexual males who thought you could "just stick it in." No.
In some cases stretching to accommodate anal sex can require weeks of slow, frequent sessions of stretching. Others women are able to have anal sex after just an hour. But over time, just like a gymnast gets more flexible from doing the splits, the ass gets more flexible and takes less time to "warm up" and becomes progressively more accommodating. And yes, it does revert back... just like any other muscle you stretch, it doesn't stick that way unless it gets torn or otherwise damaged and overtime will revert back to being just as tight.
2) Lubes
While opinions vary... here's my advice... first, water based lube works fine as long as its extremely "gloopy," viscous water based lube. I recommend Hydra Smooth and FriXion among the water based lubricants. The advantage to water based lubes is that they are condom friendly and easier to clean up.
With anal play, the ingredients you look for in a lube are much different than vaginal play, because you don't have to worry about yeast infections. Many major brand lubes are pH- (acidic) because normal vaginal pH is slightly acidic. But in anal play, the mucus membranes of the ass often are slightly sloughed off and that same acidic mixture will greatly irritate (hence the comments of "it burns") So, that said, don't use any lubes containing acidic ingredients, particularly the common ingredients: citric acid or benzoic acid (in some KY products). You may also want to avoid sodium hydroxide (a caustic basic ingredient found in other brands of KY). Basically, you want pH neutral lubes for anal play.
I also recommend lubes containing aloe for anal play.
Additionally, since you don't have to worry about "vaginal microflora," you are free to use oil based lubes, including cooking oils, and as I've heard many a time but have no direct knowledge, Crisco shortening is supposedly the best of all - sworn on by many a gay friend - and noted for being particularly long lasting.
But I should also mention, there are many great "gay" lubes specifically tailored to the purpose of anal play. (Elbow Grease, etc.)
Finally, if you are being very careful, going slow, and know each others limits, the desensitizing lubes are just fine to use. (but I reiterate those if statements) Actually, your sub may enjoy things more with them. But don't use desensitizing lube when you're pushing someone to stretch more, because it will mute certain sensations, possibly till its too late... but this idea has been significantly overblown by this board.
3) Method
Lots and lots of lube. Apply directly to the finger, insert moderately, remove, reapply, instert slightly further, reapply. Basically work a lot of lube in there. As a BDSM thing, you can use a small eye dropper to deliver it (so long as the bulb comes off - as this is an inherent vacuum effect)
I recommend fingers over all other things in stretching. I can't agree more with the 3 finger rule. If you can insert three fingers (not spread out, but smushed together), you can insert your penis (very, very slowly... I'll get to that later).
Use latex gloves or make sure you're finger nails and cuticles are immaculate. But start with one finger. Move it around, some moderate in out motion. But work very slowly and if it gets too much, wait till the next day. But go a little at at time till you can fit two fingers. When you fit two, I suggest spreading the fingers gently in the ass to induce stretching.
Throughout this, you need to make sure your sub is relaxing her sphincter. The natural impulse is for a sub to tense up, and you don't want to tense a muscle as its stretched. This is where most pain comes in. If you feel your sub tensing, remind her to breath deeply, to relax, and you should stop moving the finger till she is relaxed again.
The tendency is as a Dom is to freak your sub out a little, but this is counter productive to what you're doing here.
Fingers are the best because you get the most amount of feedback from your partner and can feel the tensing. Plus, I find it to be more controlling than letting the plug do the work.
Go slowly, and if two fingers won't work in one day, there's always tomorrow. etc.
4) Inserting the Penis
After applying three fingers, you should be pretty good. But let me point out, your fingers go in maybe 4 inches, while the rectum extends 5 inches, and the average penis is 6 inches (I'm not saying what mine is).
This means a few things... most of the stretching being done takes place at the sphincter, which is only about an inch, then you have rectum, the last part of which you didn't stretch (though it has more give inherently than the sphincter), and beyond that (5 to 6 inches in) you have a curve that marks beginning of the intestines.
This means, go slow...
For one, the last part of the rectum never stretched, but will easily stretch out if you give it a few seconds and gradually enter.
Second, just beyond that, is the curve of the intestine. If you have any length, you'll hit it. No, its not problem and definitely not as painful as it sounds - actually its often not painful as all as much as a bit overwhelming. Anatomy has it that it will straighten out rather quickly, but once again, you must go slow so that you don't poke against this curve. Once you go slowly in all the way, this curve will straighten out temporarily, and then you can start moderate thrusting.
5) Plugs
Plugs are fun, but be aware, that plugs shouldn't be very long. Nor do they need to be very wide, as much as they need to be wide relative to the neck so that they don't slip out. Avoid long plugs if you're going to have your sub "walk around" with it, as it will have a tendency to poke - particularly if its 4 or 5 inches and then it may start poking against the curve where the intestine meets the rectum.
You are fine with water based lube and a plug for probably 1 1/2 hrs and can easily go 2 hours, but it will start getting a little dry after that... which isn't a problem if you reapply. Other oil based lubes can allow wear of a plug for much, much longer. I don't know the limitations - and frankly, I've heard of people wearing plugs for extreme extended periods with no ill effects given proper lubrication - though you do have to be cautious that you're not strongly challenging the subs elasticity with the plug over that extended period.
6) Punishment?
I don't recommend using anal play as punishment, because frankly, over a short span, your sub will learn to enjoy it. Its not the best psychology to associate punishment with something they will grow to like... though you can throw sadistic tinges to it such as using ice, or applying icy hot to the outside of the rectum (by the way, you can remove it with cold cream). Personally, I'm more of a fan of adding humiliation to the anal play as the punishment component - i.e. they have to wear the butt plug to someplace wholly inappropriate, possibly without underwear, therefore risking it falling out onto the ground in front of people.
Let me stress... don't use hard anal sex in a punishment or pain way, because you are apt to injure.
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