Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Question About Roles


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Question About Roles Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 11:35:10 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		I am corresponding with a man I like a great deal and plan to meet up with in the next week or so.  He is yummy in correspondence.  What concerns me is that he will not step out of role.  We can/do/have talk about anything, but he is open  and adamant in saying that it is important to him to keep the "master/daddy" aura going.  He is more mainstream master at heart but I'm a daddy's girl, so he's indulging me.  He is having a blast with it, and he's good at it, but a few folks have warned me that it is not a good sign if he will not step out of role.  Well, he wont.

Any thoughts on this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 11:44:51 AM   
hmmmmnbird


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		I would talk to him more about this.
Many people don't consider being a Dominant/Daddy/ Master, or submissive/slave/little girl  (or whatever labels you want to use), a "role" that they can switch on and off. It is who they identify as, 24/7.  It sounds like he is one of those people.
As someone who wants a Daddy, not a Master, I would advise you to be cautious in getting involved with this man who "is more a maintstream master.. but he is indulging me". Of course, everybody's experiences are different, but for us, resentments built up on both sides because we could meet each others expectations.
Good luck to you.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 11:51:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm afraid I don't really know what you're talking about- and this probably related to the confusion of what you are meaning by the word "role."

Regardless of any of the "role" issues which will assuredly come in the following posts- what exactly do you want and expect from him?  What of this is he not providing?  Have you communicated this to him?  No matter what "role" means to you- the issue here is in communication and meeting eachothers needs.

You're also letting too many chefs in your kitchen here- this is YOUR relationship, YOU decide where it's going and whether it serves who you are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hmmmmnbird)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 12:07:47 PM   
gretchenS


Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'm Daddy's little girl because that's the way I am and feel towards Him, and specifically Him.

As hmmmmnbird said, I don't consider it a role, it's all part of the dynamic between us. We feel that way all the time, and our relationship is not on-line.

If you don't feel like his little girl and you need to make it clear that you might consider it a role to play more than a dynamic, maybe you are not meant to be with this man.

I don't see this as being dangerous is just the way he feels with you. Explain your point of view on this to him, and wait for feedback.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 12:07:53 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I can only assume by your post that you mean "role" as in he won't just talk about "normal' interests, maybe it's always "yes, Daddy (Sir..etc)" or things along that line.
 
I am not much for this, I mean you have to live life outside of the "roles" at some point and it's good to know if you connect with someone on that basis alone.
 
I do agree that you will find many opinions that differ, so the best thing is to talk about this to him and not rush into anything.  I am not sure how long you two have been talking, but know there are plenty of options out there that will be matched to what you are looking for.
 
Good luck in making your choice,
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 12:08:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you're wanting to role play, meaning to take on a persona for a limited amount of time, you need to be honest about this. It's a perfectly valid thing to do. I could role play being a submissive...did it for years in two different marriages, so I can do it well. But, it's really not me in my heart and soul. Perhaps being a Daddy is simply such a part of him that he can't tell where Daddy ends and he begins...nor should he have to.

Sit and write about when you do and don't want a Daddy. Under which circumstances is it ok and under which is it not? Are you willing to be in the role 24/7 in order to have a relationship with him? That's an important question because you have to decide what you are willing to give up in order to save the relationship. If you give up too much, you're selling yourself in a negative way.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 12:13:07 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Your role concerns will evaporate or solidify within about thirty minutes of meeting him real time.  It can be easy to 'play' a role behind a keyboard, and people often confess their dark feelings through IM/email/whatever.  If he seems interesting enough for you to want to meet him real life, let that impression (and the resulting feelings you have for him) be the guide - not your friends, or your fears for a cyber relationship.  It's a bit like trying to imagine what kind of wedding you'll have with a man, based on your first date with him.  You'll get a shadow, but nothing substantial or realistic.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 2:15:58 PM   
hmmmmnbird


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hmmmmnbird

I would talk to him more about this.
Many people don't consider being a Dominant/Daddy/ Master, or submissive/slave/little girl  (or whatever labels you want to use), a "role" that they can switch on and off. It is who they identify as, 24/7.  It sounds like he is one of those people.
As someone who wants a Daddy, not a Master, I would advise you to be cautious in getting involved with this man who "is more a maintstream master.. but he is indulging me". Of course, everybody's experiences are different, but for us, resentments built up on both sides because we could  NOT meet each others expectations.
Good luck to you.



Just reread my earlier post and realized a significant word "NOT" was omitted., so I reposted. Not to derail the thread, but why isn't there an edit option on my first post?





< Message edited by hmmmmnbird -- 12/11/2006 2:18:45 PM >

(in reply to hmmmmnbird)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 2:25:05 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone.  I think it is who really is and wants to be.  It's very easy sink into little girl mode with him - it's difficult to resist.  I think you are right, Lucky Albatross, "You're also letting too many chefs in your kitchen here ..."  My concern is based upon other people's ideas and were not my gut-level response to him.

I'm not concerned about dealing with it 24/7.  We are hundreds of miles apart - for the time being anyway.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

(in reply to hmmmmnbird)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 6:31:30 PM   
Denny17


Posts: 86
Joined: 11/5/2006
Status: offline 		he's taking it into 24/7 then..... even if you aint doing anything physical......he still is taking it 24.7.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 7:19:15 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

I am corresponding with a man I like a great deal and plan to meet up with in the next week or so.  He is yummy in correspondence.  What concerns me is that he will not step out of role.  We can/do/have talk about anything, but he is open  and adamant in saying that it is important to him to keep the "master/daddy" aura going.  He is more mainstream master at heart but I'm a daddy's girl, so he's indulging me.  He is having a blast with it, and he's good at it, but a few folks have warned me that it is not a good sign if he will not step out of role.  Well, he wont.

Any thoughts on this?


Am I the only one who is confused about this?

From what you say; he's only indulging you in the 'daddy' role, yet you are upset because you think he's taking it too far?

/scratches head in confusion

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 7:52:17 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		I will be visiting him in the next week or so.  I travel a lot and there is a good chance we could see each other frequently.  But I've no desire to leave my life here, and he has no desire to take over my life or anything of the kind.  He just refuses to be anything but Daddy when relating to me.  Does that answer your question, Denny?

Kalira, I'm not upset.  I've never done this before.  I can't get him, charm him, etc., to be anything but Daddy.  That makes me swoony, and it makes me nervous. 

(in reply to Denny17)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 7:56:26 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		My thought is that if I were this man, and saw this thread you started, I wouldn't want to meet you anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

Any thoughts on this?

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 8:14:09 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		When I first met Him, I experienced the same worries.  He steps out-of-role, and back-into-roll all of the time ... to my delight and to the benefit of our friendship and relationship.

Wait and see what develops.   





_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question About Roles - 12/11/2006 8:37:04 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well L & M, I doubt the man I am speaking of would care to read and advise in forum designed for submissives - a safe place where they can speak to each other.

Thanks for sharing your opinion anyway.  It confirms certain ideas of mine and makes my Daddy look all the more appealing to me. 



(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question About Roles - 12/14/2006 8:02:47 PM   
talyn_


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/7/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see it as a matter of "roles" persay.  I feel that a submissive and a Dominant can have a real heart to heart conversation, without changing the way that they communicate with each other.  I am a lifestyle submissive, i am submissive in almost all aspects of my life, and the Mistress who i have been exploring with lately is also lifestyle.  When i am with Her, there is never any point in time where i am not submissive, or when She is not dominant.  I will always refer to Her with the respect and title that She deserves, and She always makes me feel safe talking about what needs to be discussed.  There is no turning on or off of the dynamics of the relationship; and things seem to flow nicely.

_____________________________

service is sublime

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question About Roles - 12/14/2006 8:41:47 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

Well L & M, I doubt the man I am speaking of would care to read and advise in forum designed for submissives - a safe place where they can speak to each other.


Actually...none of these forums are exclusive.  They are topic oriented, so the submissive forum tends to ask about submissive related stuff, but it does not bar anyone else from entering and commenting.  All the forums are public forums, where everyone is free to post.

That being said, my Master is always my Master and does not step out of "role" because this is who he is.  Perhaps this man you are speaking to is being who he is.  The question is, if so, can you accept that?  Do you want him to change to suit you?  I agree with what's been said - talk to him about it.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Question About Roles Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094