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Fantasies of Pain - 12/11/2006 8:01:41 PM

docileinferno

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

Because my curiosity gets the best of me, i find i must ask a question. The world of pain, darkness, and the forbidden is somewhat of a lure for me. i find myself drawn into this realm over and over in both books, knowledge, shared experiences and more. It is something my body and soul respond to highly, yet have never experienced. The side of this that brings the question is... Has anyone felt as i do, drawn to this side of the lifestyle and yet physically not been able to take it? How did you handle it both emotionally within yourself and with your partner? Was it easy to accept? Thank you in advance for all your responces.

Post #: 1

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/11/2006 8:30:56 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

First you learn to crawl...then to stand...then to walk...then to run. Follow this path in everything...if someone expects you to run before you stand, they either don't understand the process or don't understand you. This includes yourself.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 2

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/11/2006 9:03:51 PM

syreena

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

i must agree with Master Fire Ma'am and then reiterate by saying baby steps. Can you, whom has never felt the sting of a whip take a full fledged whipping? Probably not without serious consequences. Also you will find as you grow on your path that at times you will be able to handle things differently sometimes better than others. As far as "dealing with it emotionally" everyone does that differently and every scene is different - for me the pain itself is a release. Sometimes i assign the pain with each strike and sometimes i take it in to remind myself of my strength [after all when my supervisor is giving me a hard time he doesn't do it with a whip - somehow it makes things go very much into perspective]. During a scene i open my hands to let it go and show my submission as i stand without chains and become the cross for the scene - don't try that on your first scene by the way. The energy released and taken in a scene is very spiritual and your body will respond to that energy exchange.

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 3

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/11/2006 9:10:22 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: docileinferno
Has anyone felt as i do, drawn to this side of the lifestyle and yet physically not been able to take it?

LOTS of people have come to this lifestyle with a fantasy and left just as quickly once they realized that the reality is much different. LOTS of people have also been led here by a fantasy and found it was exactly where they belonged. You will not know if it "fits" for you or not until you try it on.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 4

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 3:16:36 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

For the most part I do agree in the need to crawl before you walk but for some that duration is shorter than others. I started out with no experience what so ever, I hadn't even been spanked as a child! I know the diffrence between fantasy and reality, not to mention physiology . I used to have some pretty wicked Marque De Sade fantasies, then I met his re-encarnation *g* The first play party I went to I was lucky in meeting a Master and his girl , we did get to know each other first but alot of the community was in an uprour when I came out to my first play party as a bottom a month later and was played harder than some of the long term lifestylers there. It was just who I am. it wasn't a competition it just worked for me.
Not everyone can jump in with both feet like I did, I lucked out with the right place,right time right people. Each person is going to be unique in what they can and cannot take. I'm a pain slut I got off from the very beginning at being flogged until I was bloody. You don't have to start with a feather then work up to the strap, you don't HAVE to, but some should and there is no judgment in that.
This is where knowing yourself and the one you are playing with is istramental.

denika

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 5

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 4:09:17 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

i so agree with you here! But for me, i had NO fantasies of pain;listed all forms as hard limits. But it took a Master with insight to see that what i was running from was what i needed to face to release my inner demons and break down my walls. So, like you syrena, it is a very spiritual aspect of our sessions and a major release. What is a surprise to me though is that while i do not feel sexually aroused during a pain session, my body tells a different story - now THAT is a mind-fuck to me ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: syreena

i must agree with Master Fire Ma'am and then reiterate by saying baby steps. Can you, whom has never felt the sting of a whip take a full fledged whipping? Probably not without serious consequences. Also you will find as you grow on your path that at times you will be able to handle things differently sometimes better than others. As far as "dealing with it emotionally" everyone does that differently and every scene is different - for me the pain itself is a release. Sometimes i assign the pain with each strike and sometimes i take it in to remind myself of my strength [after all when my supervisor is giving me a hard time he doesn't do it with a whip - somehow it makes things go very much into perspective]. During a scene i open my hands to let it go and show my submission as i stand without chains and become the cross for the scene - don't try that on your first scene by the way. The energy released and taken in a scene is very spiritual and your body will respond to that energy exchange.

(in reply to syreena)

Post #: 6

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 4:26:40 AM

submaleslaveuk

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline

i think until you experience it you will not know how you will react. Most things in fantasy are very different in reality. While not being too experienced, but having played a little bit, my fantasies have toned down very much to what i feel is a more acceptable and realistic goal. i used to think i could take a whipping and then a caning easily but in reality it hurts a lot more than in fantasy! Hope it all works out for you once you find someone you can really connect with.

submaleslaveuk
darren

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 7

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 5:07:12 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: docileinferno

Because my curiosity gets the best of me, i find i must ask a question. The world of pain, darkness, and the forbidden is somewhat of a lure for me. i find myself drawn into this realm over and over in both books, knowledge, shared experiences and more. It is something my body and soul respond to highly, yet have never experienced. The side of this that brings the question is... Has anyone felt as i do, drawn to this side of the lifestyle and yet physically not been able to take it? How did you handle it both emotionally within yourself and with your partner? Was it easy to accept? Thank you in advance for all your responces.

You might find the essays "First Scene Surprise" and "Ninety Degree Mistake" useful. You can find them on my website at http://www.lovingdominant.org/Writing.html

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 8

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 5:09:56 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

There is, perhaps, something else. With regard to going slow until you understand the process…nobody has (yet) mentioned endorphins. When the body is exposed to pain, it releases a pain-killer of sorts; endorphins…which in turn bring a euphoric feeling that can be positively addicting.

However, it takes a bit of time for the body to release these endorphins; yet another reason to start SLOWLY…every single time! Of course, everybody is different, so how much time I need to ‘ramp up’…will be different than how long you would like.

Oddly, while we bottoms get high on pain…the Top often gets just as high offering it. Its lovely when things come together like that…doncha think?

beverly

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 9

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 6:17:21 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

This has been a chronic problem of mine... my mind writes checks that my body can't cash. This is particularly true when i go a long time without scening... the reasonable fantasies gradually make way for more and more extreme desires, until they go well past safe and sane. In particular, i love to be bruised from whipping, but have a very hard time processing that type of pain- i do much better with constant sensations like clamps. But, it's not the end of the world... a lot of Tops are more interested in the bottom's reactions than the absolutes of the scene, and with experience you can often expand your limits and find the type of "play" that works best for you. Just be honest with your potential partners about your experience, and don't get upset if everything doesn't work out exactly the way you expect it to the first time around.

...dave

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 10

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 7:13:47 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I have had frequent fantasies of experiencing severe pain that I am not sure I'd be able to handle in real life. Branding, and severe whipping, for instance. I have enough physical courage (I think, although I can't be sure) to maybe give them a try some time, but - I know the person "Domming" me would need to really know my emotional and physical reactions enough to be able to tell when I truly could take no more. In other words, I'd really, really have to trust them.

As far as accepting having these fantasies, I don't have a problem with it now.

The first time I read a short story where severe pain was a feature, I remember being shocked I was even reading it and enjoying it at all. But - I was still drawn to it after that, and - it didn't take long for me to decide that was okay. Of course, I've not tried anything that severe yet, really.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/12/2006 7:20:06 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 11

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 7:44:07 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I have had fanstasies that had a lot to do with edge play. That might include blood, knives, cutting, extreme pain..etc.

I have had my share of pain, and find that these fantasies are still there. Some of them I am sure, will remain in my head and never tried...others I hope we will try as time goes on.

Don't give up and deal with things not being a reality until you know for sure they will never happen. You will also find that as time passes and you experience more in the "real time"realm, that these don't appeal to you as much because you have had a taste of them.

Enjoy the moments as they come, relish them, and don't think so much about the things that might elude you in the future.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 12

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 9:23:32 AM

docileinferno

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all so very much. Although not new to the lifestyle, i am very new to speaking about it with others and getting to know the community. This experience in itself has been so encouraging, everyone has been so open with advice, comments, experiences and even essays. i was concerned about opening up and asking others about things, but the welcome here has been wonderful. Again, thank you all so very, very much.

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 13

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 11:21:02 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Actually i found my fantasies of pain were actually on a lower scale then i actually liked once i started playing with more pain then just sensation. LOL no where near the scale that denika is talking about,

but with more experiences and trust in my partner, I'm finding my desire for heavier pain is increasing. The way things are going and the more i'm learning about my body and responses I suspect I'm more of a pain slut then i ever thought I'd be. The more i see and learn by watching others has really increased my desire to experience more as well.

I still say I'm a sensationalist

just more on the extreme side of sensation.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 14

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 12:29:39 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I used to think I was into pain, but after long periods of experience, I discovered that's really not the case. What I discovered is that I'm into servitude and slavery and that experiencing pain is pleasurable to me when I feel the woman inflicting it is achieving pleasure by inflicting it. It took me a long time to come to this realization.

Also, I've discovered that with different people I experience pain differently. With some, I can pretty much take whatever they can dish out, and it can be extremely intensive and way beyond the norm. Then with others, I've discovered that very little pain seems like a limit that I may not feel I might survive. It's kind of strange, but it has a lot to do with the relationship I have with the person. For some, suffering for her is wonderful. For others, it's a kind of contest that I really don't find myself all that interested in participating.

I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, but I guess my point is that pain is subjective for me. But it took me a long time to come to that realization.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 15

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 12:45:19 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

I have never been able to put words into why I dig pain. It seems that when it's applied correctly it can release so many emotions that I may have been hiding or not willing to deal with. There was this horrid paddle a ex Dom loved to use. I hated it. After about a year I learned how to tollerate it. I tollerated it because he loved to use it on me. I sometimes would even select it when given a choice. It hurt like nothing else he had ever applied to my skin! When the relationship disolved he gave me all the toys we had used together. I can't toss that paddle out! I wish I could. I really hate it and knowing it will never be used on me again gives me a sigh of relief. BUT at the same time, it represents something. IT took me to depts that I was scared to go to. Just the threat of it could have me in tears, but it was a effictive tool in getting me right where I needed to be.

It's the same with pain. Pain gets me there. Ropes, doing laundry all of the wonderful perks of being a submissive sometimes do not get me to those levels. Add a bit of pain from the right person in the right way, and I'm a kitten at someone's feet.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 16

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 12:49:43 PM

angharad

Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

The world of pain, darkness, and the forbidden is somewhat of a lure for me. i find myself drawn into this realm

quote:

Has anyone felt as i do, drawn to this side of the lifestyle

yes

quote:

and yet physically not been able to take it?

yes again

quote:

How did you handle it both emotionally within yourself and with your partner? Was it easy to accept?

Once the dark desires pass a certain point, no it's not easy to accept.

With regard to handling pain, I communicated my difficulty and fears, it wasnt discussed but the play adapted to my thresholds.

Emotionally is much harder. Not all dark things are physical. I have been shattered inside sometimes with emotional pain. In the end his pleasure was a balm and then I found my own enjoyment in things I never thought I'd enjoy. Thats a hard one. Take care. Not everything is safe or sane or without consequences. Not everything can be undone.

There is a quote I like, along the lines of you cannot insult a truly humble man, no matter what you call him. Look at your fantasies and accept them as part of who you are, and be careful before you make them realities.

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 17

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 12:51:55 PM

Siona

Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader
What is a surprise to me though is that while i do not feel sexually aroused during a pain session, my body tells a different story - now THAT is a mind-fuck to me ~

Hit the nail on the head...that happens with me also.

< Message edited by Siona -- 12/12/2006 12:53:09 PM >

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 18

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 1:07:45 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Hi There,
For me there are types of extreme play I can handle and others I can't.
I like you have been drawn to the more extreme things.
Seeing heavy hard scenes really gets my motor running and my attention too.
I do play medium heavy occasionally but there's lots I have not tried due to not having someone skilled in those areas I trust enough to submit my body to.
Then there's other things I want to do desperately one day that will mar me permanently (like branding) that I have to wait till I've been owned for 5 years before I'd allow it to happen to my body as it's definitely a one shot deal and I want the one who will own me long term to brand me.

Over all if you're drawn to it maybe you should try it.
When you play with people who know you, know you're new, and that you're wanting to experience things with often times they won't take you farther than you'd like to go.
That's what I did.
I jumped in with both feet, told every Dom I played with I was brand new and not sure how I was going to respond, and I had a wonderful time every time I tried things.
I also almost exclusively played with new friends in the public dungeon and not in private settings as to play in private you really have to fully trust your life in the other person's hands.
My advice is give it a whirl, but be sensible.
If you start to try something and don't like it or think you can't handle it tell the person you're playing with how you feel.
Most will only play within your limits when you're brand new as they want your maiden voyage to be a happy & fulfilling thing.
Good luck,
suzanne

(in reply to docileinferno)

Post #: 19

RE: Fantasies of Pain - 12/12/2006 1:38:07 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Thankyou littlesarbonne. It's not so much about the play. It's about the relationship.
I knew that the first time I played. Of course I entered the 'lifestyle' as sub. A lot of people do. It's difficult to come in as a Dom/me when you know nothing lol.
However it soon dawned on me that of course I was a Domme cause I'm a naturally dominant person.
It took me a lot longer though just to be myself lol.
But that self has changed tremendously.
I was WILD I took six strokes of a single tail hated it and 20 mins later came back for more. I got them a lot harder. I still have the photographs of the wealts made through two layers of clothes. Would I do it again? I doubt it. Do I want to do it to a slave? Oh yes lol. But I don't have the skills. However to get to the point I had known the top for over twenty years. Makes a difference. Would I have done it with anyone else in the world? Not a chance. It taught me that real trust helps submissives to open up to you. To allow you to extend them in every way possible. In a D/s relationship it doesn't stop with play. In fact there is no such thing as play. Just life.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 20

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