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bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 3:41:23 PM   
littlesarah


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		hello All,
    my Master and i have been together for about a year and a half, and we still havent started my training. W/we believe that our delema is that my Master has not been in the lifestyle for a while and He is having trouble getting back into "character". Does anyone have any advice on how i can get my Master to be His Master self again?
 


"The moment i met Him i know i was His"~~little sarah
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 3:52:05 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think I understand the question. You're partner needs to re-learn how to be Dominant? It's a role he plays, a character he needs to get into and not who he simply is?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 3:55:36 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You do your bit, see what happens.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:02:00 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Dang daddio! such a spot on answer.....
 
OP: yeah what he said.


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

You do your bit, see what happens.

Ron



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:06:42 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, I am sorry so many understand me nowadays.

Give and take, n'est ce pas?  If you give he should take, I reckon, if not-----

Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:21:09 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarah

hello All,
    my Master and i have been together for about a year and a half, and we still havent started my training. W/we believe that our delema is that my Master has not been in the lifestyle for a while and He is having trouble getting back into "character". Does anyone have any advice on how i can get my Master to be His Master self again?
 


"The moment i met Him i know i was His"~~little sarah


The books of Gor are good, as are simply reading various blogs by submissives or... pushing the boundries of your play together to emphasis his Dominance, but essentially I think he might need to address the issue of his motivation. What does he want to train you for and achieve, if he isnt into it then he wont be into it.

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:25:43 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		In checking your profiles I realized that you are 19 and he is 40. If you have been together for a year and half that put you at 17 1/2 when you got together and him at 38 1/2. From your post I get the sense that he has not yet begun to be Dominant with you? How long ago was he "the 'ol Master"? Could this possibly be more along the lines of the age difference leading to not being able to relate to each other well?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:29:54 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		He's looking for someone to train you?  That's what I get from reading his profile.  Perhaps he should think about things he would like you to do and start training you himself.  If he's not dominant though, I don't think you can force him to be one.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:35:11 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		well if it makes you feel any better i still can not decipher ninety percent of your gobbliegook....
 
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Thank you, I am sorry so many understand me nowadays.

Give and take, n'est ce pas?  If you give he should take, I reckon, if not-----

Ron




_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:53:42 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Thank you, I am sorry so many understand me nowadays.



Awe, I hate to bust your bubble but you always were easy to understand! 

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 4:56:23 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear littlesarah, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As a dominant and have had some spaces in between slaves and ownership, I have yet to forget or loose my dominant 'soul' and or 'spirit.'
 
In my mind's eyes I see; anybody having to 'fake it' or 'act' and or, in your original thread; to "get into character" is more of a player of games rather than a serious lifestyle Master and or trainer in the arts of service. 
 
Perhaps he is making 'excuses' as not to start anything serious until you are a bit older but, perhaps not.  Unfortunately, I must go on the one side of the story, when it comes to what you post orginally but, I am keyed on the choice of words you've used.  However, my gut instints pulls me to the 'player/gamer/lamer' side of the mental mentality this Master has, according to what was originally posted.  So, in my mind's eyes I see--be very cautious indeed.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 5:10:29 PM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Well, aside from all the aforementioned warnings there is always asking permission for things. Reaffirm your own submissiveness to him and your need to please him, if he still clings to his "getting in character" bit then it might just be time to look elsewhere. As I tell people, this is my life and hers not a game.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 5:16:07 PM   
littlesarah


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		my Master was a good Master a long time before He met me. but His self esteem caused him to fall out of the lifestyle, thinking He would never be able to find His one. He found me, when i 17 and a half yes, and he was close to 38 and a half, it is not the age difference that is wrong with us, we connect well. He wants to train me Him self, but cant seem to find the Master within that He once had inside. THAT is what we are trying to find, the dorment Master that lies within Him but is grogy to wake up. i hope this clears things up and i can get more useful answers

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 5:38:31 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear littlesarah, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As a dominant and have had some spaces in between slaves and ownership, I have yet to forget or loose my dominant 'soul' and or 'spirit.'
 
In my mind's eyes I see; anybody having to 'fake it' or 'act' and or, in your original thread; to "get into character" is more of a player of games rather than a serious lifestyle Master and or trainer in the arts of service. 
 
Perhaps he is making 'excuses' as not to start anything serious until you are a bit older but, perhaps not.  Unfortunately, I must go on the one side of the story, when it comes to what you post orginally but, I am keyed on the choice of words you've used.  However, my gut instints pulls me to the 'player/gamer/lamer' side of the mental mentality this Master has, according to what was originally posted.  So, in my mind's eyes I see--be very cautious indeed.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

*Claps emphatically* I hate to add to this dark cloud of possible truths BUT sarah please keep in mind that you do not truly know if he has EVER been a real life Dom, unless of course you know his circle and someone can back up this claimed experience...... I have met a few men that had claimed to be Masters but had a bad experience with a sub and it "repressed/surpressed" their natural dominance............Reality was they had few real flesh and blood experiences but lied to get a sub/slave thinking a *s* wouldn't want to be with them if they knew how little experience they truly had. A few words of advice to keep in mind from where I sit....... Most Doms that have experience and real time in this style do not suffer from insecurities about training and using a *s* and seldom want another trainng what is rightfully Theirs to do with as They wish, not as some 3rd party invisions, that is part and parcel to being owned and owning....... like alot have already said..... For some this is play; for others this is life.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 6:08:47 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarah

my Master was a good Master a long time before He met me. but His self esteem caused him to fall out of the lifestyle, thinking He would never be able to find His one. He found me, when i 17 and a half yes, and he was close to 38 and a half, it is not the age difference that is wrong with us, we connect well. He wants to train me Him self, but cant seem to find the Master within that He once had inside. THAT is what we are trying to find, the dorment Master that lies within Him but is grogy to wake up. i hope this clears things up and i can get more useful answers



I have had Masters/ Mistresses that have been oout of the lifestyle for a time for various reasons and didn't have trouble restarting.  There is something more to this other than he can't find the Master within.  You two need to have a serious talk and find the root of the problem. Maybe he is unsure of himself or somthing similar.  Just answering on what I have to go on. Good luck.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/12/2006 9:19:32 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarah

hello All,
    my Master and i have been together for about a year and a half, and we still havent started my training. W/we believe that our delema is that my Master has not been in the lifestyle for a while and He is having trouble getting back into "character". Does anyone have any advice on how i can get my Master to be His Master self again?

"Role" is one of those unfortunate terms that abound in this lifestyle; one I personally loathe!  Actors adopt roles and we all know it means to *pretend*, or thereabouts....  Your choice of term - "getting back into "character"" - lends itself to the same misconception, yet, from what I read of both your profiles, "role" is indeed a fitting description for his "dominance"!
 
Within BDSM, "training" is not about gaining some formal qualification.  In simple terms, it's nothing more than him teaching you how best to do whatever it is that pleases him.  If he wants you doing something as simple as waiting naked and kneeling at the front door for him when he walks in the door, then merely telling you so qualifies as training etc.  Everyone has their specific intimacies and idiosyncrasies and my definition of training is simply teaching the girl what they are and how to perform them.  Since every individual is unique, no-one but me can train my girl in what I want and expect from her....
 
There's no manual to follow!  If he hasn't trained you virtually from day one of your relationship, he never will....  Yanno, you can be marroned on an island for a decade and still not have any dilemma about "getting back into character" with sexual relationships.  Sure, the technique might need some polish but the substance that was always there (*IF* it was there) will soon function as normal.
 
Sweetie, you're a teen he found to live many a middle-aged nilla male's fantasy.  You don't learn to be a Dom or Master (or sub or slave) anymore than you learn to be male, hetero or gay!  You either always were or never will be and a forty yo as clueless and ignorant of the lifestyle as him truly has come here to play a role. 
 
The best advice you'll ever get is that if you truly want a Master, you'll need to find yourself a Dom first - a real one; one who has an individual need to actually dominate you.  Domination itself personifies training and real Dom/mes take to it like a duck does to water - it comes *naturally*....
 
You're young and guilty of nothing more than being duped by some nilla posing as a Dom!  Start over....
 
Focus.

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/13/2006 3:50:11 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		It's hard for me to come home, find my girl half naked on her knees, and not feel 'Masterly' with her. 

Perhaps he hasn't decided exactly how he wants to train you.  Sit down with him, maybe using a BDSM checklist, and decide with him what exactly you two want to be doing.  Instead of "when are you going to train me" questions, say something like "So, lets find out if I can survive two hours in bondage" or "What does thirty lashes with a flogger feel like?"  Focusing on specific activities will open the doors to specific training.


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/13/2006 2:46:22 PM   
littlesarah


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		thank you Voltare, you are the ONLY person who has responded with some sencible advice. obviously i did not explain myself in the correct words, i only stated the word character because i did not know how to state what is really on my mind.

NOTE: HE IS NOT FAKE NOR A POSER NOR ANYTHING OF THE SORT PERTAINING TO ONE! IF YOU CANT SAY NICE ABOUT MY MASTER AND HELPING US THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

Be well

little sarah

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/13/2006 4:20:10 PM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		lilsarah, you have to understand that on one hand, you have given us the smallest peek into your relationship and then asked for advice. The use of the word "charecter" is a bit of a red flag as ALL the Dominiates I know in real life are that way 100% of the time. It isnt something they don or shed like a peice of clothing. Being Dominate has little to do with what they do in the privacy of their own homes, it has to do with how they face and deal with the world.

We dont have the full background information to tell you what you seem to be asking. We have no idea if he ever was a RT Master, we have only your word for that, and I am assuming you have only his word about him being so. This isn't knocking your Master, it is stating what you have allowed US to see.
May I offer some suggestions, hopefully one or more will help.

Join a local BDSM group, attend meetings and seminars, munchies, allow him to become familier with other Masters.

Check into the condition "Dom Drop"

Discuss with him respectfully the situation of training. Or the lack thereinof.

Be pleaseing to him, be submissive even if it isn't demanded, be so because that is what you are.

Hope some of that helps.


_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to littlesarah)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/13/2006 5:21:58 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Erm, lets be fair here folks. 

I live with my girl.  Most of our day is spent together, next to each other, working on our own projects.  When we're not working, we're cooking, cleaning, sleeping, or doing the other normal things couples do.  "Twenty-four/Seven" training really isn't an option, or desire of ours.  While I am Dom 100% of the time, I can't very well have her in shackles 100% of the time (it would make it impossible for her to type.)  Thus, the need to set aside time, and effectively establish a 'plan' for the kink elements of our relationship become important.

People aren't issued handbooks on how to train or be trained when they hit the age of 18.  The emotional investment related to establishing a new, long term BDSM relationship can be quite high.  Perhaps he's been putting off 'getting started' (things like obedience training, limit exploring, even collaring) because he's not 100% sure he wants to make that investment again.  This seems only natural to me, that part of the healing process is moving on - something sarah here can help with immensely.  By giving him small reminders of who she is, and what she needs, it can help remind him of some of the most enjoyable experiences he's ever had.  He'll likely never be his 'old self' because we never are - learning that there's a 'new self' and that life is still enjoyable and worth living don't make him a 'player/gamer/fake.' 


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 20
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