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RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/14/2006 3:21:48 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarah

thank you Voltare, you are the ONLY person who has responded with some sencible advice. obviously i did not explain myself in the correct words, i only stated the word character because i did not know how to state what is really on my mind.

NOTE: HE IS NOT FAKE NOR A POSER NOR ANYTHING OF THE SORT PERTAINING TO ONE! IF YOU CANT SAY NICE ABOUT MY MASTER AND HELPING US THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

Speaking for myself, I answered with all honesty.... You came to 'Ask a Master' expecting to be told only what you wanna hear? That 'master' is just off colour; or having a bad day/week/year; or temporarily lost?

I don't do support groups or validation classes.... Your OP is screaming *red flag*, and that's how I called it - stated the *obvious*! Could I be wrong? Absolutely!

Dom/mes don't just mysteriously lose all interest or get "lost" - most especially when they have a willing submissive at their disposal! Gays don't just mysteriously go straight; heteros don't just mysteriously go gay! Practically *ALL* find where they belong eventually and that's what I reckon has happened to your master! He's in over is head; that's why he's lost (out of character, even).

So you don't like my answer.... Fair enough - IGNORE it! But consider that I have *nothing* invested in the outcome of your dilemma; that all the emotional pain will be yours.... How long you endure it depends on how long it takes you to "wake up and smell the (dead) roses".... I don't know you or your master but when something looks, walks and quacks like a duck, yours truly will stand up and call it a *duck* everytime!

I wish you well regardless.

Focus.

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 21

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/14/2006 3:29:38 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Voltare, you've hit it right on the head. No, she can't (realistically) be in shakles 24/7 (although I am sure there are some that are) and I don't think most here are. Most have bills to pay, children to raise, life to live...they are being fair. The OP asked a question and, in my opinion, most are giving the best answers they can. She doesn't like them. Well then don't ask if you don't want the answer.

Personally, I think Ron gave the best one. Just be your submissive self...if he doesn't respond to that, you have your answer.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 22

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/14/2006 5:49:48 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

I used to do computer tech work. The worst was when I worked for an internet company. People would call with problems connecting. Explaining the problem best they knew how, I had to figure out what OS they were using "Windows 95, 98SE, NT?" didn't mean much to most users back then. I had problems ranging from fogotten passwords to not even knowing how to turn the computer on. Today I still visit http://www.theeldergeek.com/forum to help wayward computer problems.

The point is, half of the solution is figuring out what the problem is. That doesn't make any of the advice offered 'wrong' - especially when the topic isn't even factually based (I know when the answer lies in incorrect video display drivers - relationships aren't so cut and dried.)

People who ask for suggestions and advice need to live with their decisions. The advice offered might not work for the person who starts the thread, but could prove invaluable to one of the dozens of others who read it. Either way, there's no way of knowing which solution will be best, till the options are given. I liked Ron's answer best too, actually - it's just a topic I had to deal with a little recently in my own life.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 23

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/14/2006 8:25:19 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Well said, Voltare.

As for bringing back the ol' Master, the suggestion of using checklists/discussing specific actions seems like a good idea. Not knowing your living situation, I don't know if it'd work, but I always found (speaking of "good ol' days") coming home to my girl wearing nothing but a black thong and her collar incited me to do deliciously awful things to her. Which is hopefully what you're asking- not how to make him dominant, but how to get him to act on it.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 24

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/14/2006 8:35:36 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarah

thank you Voltare, you are the ONLY person who has responded with some sencible advice. obviously i did not explain myself in the correct words, i only stated the word character because i did not know how to state what is really on my mind.

NOTE: HE IS NOT FAKE NOR A POSER NOR ANYTHING OF THE SORT PERTAINING TO ONE! IF YOU CANT SAY NICE ABOUT MY MASTER AND HELPING US THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

Be well

little sarah

Nobody said anything nasty about your Master. We do not even know him personally. There is alot of experience in the people you got responses from. People are offering you their opinion, which is what you asked for. So think about that before you react.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 25

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/15/2006 7:34:16 AM

angaothsi

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Erm, lets be fair here folks.

I live with my girl. Most of our day is spent together, next to each other, working on our own projects. When we're not working, we're cooking, cleaning, sleeping, or doing the other normal things couples do. "Twenty-four/Seven" training really isn't an option, or desire of ours. While I am Dom 100% of the time, I can't very well have her in shackles 100% of the time (it would make it impossible for her to type.) Thus, the need to set aside time, and effectively establish a 'plan' for the kink elements of our relationship become important.

People aren't issued handbooks on how to train or be trained when they hit the age of 18. The emotional investment related to establishing a new, long term BDSM relationship can be quite high. Perhaps he's been putting off 'getting started' (things like obedience training, limit exploring, even collaring) because he's not 100% sure he wants to make that investment again. This seems only natural to me, that part of the healing process is moving on - something sarah here can help with immensely. By giving him small reminders of who she is, and what she needs, it can help remind him of some of the most enjoyable experiences he's ever had. He'll likely never be his 'old self' because we never are - learning that there's a 'new self' and that life is still enjoyable and worth living don't make him a 'player/gamer/fake.'

Voltare, I just realized this was in response for me, I never intended to imply anything as silly as a girl in shackles 100% of the time, I said that the Dominates I know are ALWAYS dominate, they dont need to prepare to be so, they arent in some kind of charecter, they simply are so. I live with my Dom too, I know how impossiable that would be. I wasnt even referring to the kink side of a Man, but to the dominate side of him.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 26

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/15/2006 8:24:26 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

The ex put me into sort of this situation sarah. To make a long story short. He was a dominant man..that did want to be in charge but his view of me was never that of a slave or submissive. I was given the talk that more would come and it would be as I had expressed explicitly what was needed, and if that could not be provided then it would fail because my dominant spirit would run over him like a mac truck. I tried. I did what people are saying here..did the being myself..tried the talk..offerred up suggestions from very quick and easy to more involved. I dug into him trying to find the Master that he swore to me was there. In the end after 5yrs of trying..there was no Master..just a dominant man in general that really did not want a slave but just someone to be with, and him have the illusion of control. The constant topping from the bottom and well just nilla ways set me on a death march.

Suggestions of just being the submissive you are might help or not. I am not a submissive in personality so I have no clue how to genuinely go about that. I can emulate certain things but I have to do it from a mindset of property and unequal status in relation but I can only submit and be what I am when there is a force greater than my own inwhich to submit to, and the force has to always be a constant over me or have the quick ability to snap me back to where I must be.

I don't know what all you've tried thus far..maybe just a lazy time laying in bed try starting up a conversation with "Master? what were the sort of things that you really enjoyed as a Master before you met me" scenerio. If he endulges you..then maybe ask if at some time you all might try that so that you can experience that with him.

Good Luck to you

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 27

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/15/2006 3:45:01 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have met a few men that had claimed to be Masters but had a bad experience with a sub and it "repressed/surpressed" their natural dominance............Reality was they had few real flesh and blood experiences but lied to get a sub/slave thinking a *s* wouldn't want to be with them if they knew how little experience they truly had.

You're forgetting my personal favorite. It's all the sub's fault he doesn't "feel domly anymore".

I agree with those that say dominance is kind of like your sexuality, either you are dominant or you aren't. As for the defensive if you can't say something nice, first rule of being in adult relationship...don't ask adults about the issues of being a child in one if you don't want to hear the hard realities of your situation. Picking up someone 17 (a child) telling them they are a sub and using that as leverage for kinky sex is just that... Kinky sex.

Before you waste your youth worrying about what you've done wrong, how to fix him, or how you should change the answer is DON'T. Don't change, don't blame yourself and don't try to fix what was broken long before you came onto the scene.
If for whatever reason you feel this age difference works for you, great keep doing it. Just realize that you're dealing with someone likely into their mid life crisis that may not be able to make all the dreams in the advertisements come true.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 12/15/2006 3:47:42 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 28

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/17/2006 12:54:55 AM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

littlesarah,

Maybe you could talk to him about making some rules up that are easy for you to do without him having to be 'overtly dominant' things such as when he comes home take his shoes off, automaticaly sit on the floor at his feet, when you go to bed, you kneel at the side of the bed until he is safely snuggled and tells you you can get in. He will know that you do all of this to please him as a submissive should please her Master, therefore he is dominant without it being forced.

I have these sort of little rules in place with my Master. He's not an 'in your face' kind of dominant and for the most part we are a couple, but these kind of things are always there. He prefers me barefoot so I don't wear shoes either in his company or if I'm talking to him on the phone or chatting on the computer.

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 29

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/17/2006 1:41:22 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Angaothsi - I'm a habitual 'fast reply' user, that's why it seemed I was responding directly to you. If I'm writing in reply to someone specific, I usually do so by name .

I actually didn't get the impression that her owner wasn't dominant. Rather, I got the feeling that he was (which is why she was happy with him) but she wanted him to do more kink related activities i.e. scening, for example, and that she felt she wasn't receiving the 'training' that so many other Doms like to brag about here.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 30

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/17/2006 4:41:50 PM

Bosn

Posts: 54
Joined: 9/19/2006
Status: offline

I have heard of others in this predicament. While I can't say I completely understand it, having been raised to be who I am, I have counseled others to sit down and really, really talk about what they are wanting from the other.
Put it in writing. I have a list that I give to potential slaves that makes clear just exactly what it is that I expect of them. Some of the items on the list are "too intense" for them and others we agree to work on.
Based on their response to my requirements, I determine if it is worth my time continuing. I have also been given lists from slaves regarding the same thing. It seems to be a good way to learn of others and explore one's own boundaries.
Bosn

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 31

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/17/2006 4:50:41 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

As you may know when you wrote your post last week i sent your Master a little note offering help and advice...he has been very gracious and does really want to get back in the saddle so to speak, but his very tired from working a lot....

I will continue to offer my support to you both, and see if we can create a win win win situation for everyone...just know he is really working hard...and he does realize there is a problem to be addressed here...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Bosn)

Post #: 32

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/17/2006 4:52:36 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

im not a master, but i am a submissive in a LTR with my Dom.

Within the years we have spent together, there have been times when his Domliness, for want of a better word, has eluded him and us. He just couldnt get into that zone. This has been times of personal problems, or ill health. And no amount of being naked and offerring my submission would of helped, though i did continue to try to offer my submission.
As a submissive, to offer yourself as a submissive, and be thanked, but sorry no thanks, hurt like hell. But he simply couldnt rise to the occasion, sometimes literally.

What we did, was to have a huge discussion on what the cause was. And instead of being in analysis paralysis, we actually problem solved the issues. We are currently 6 months past our most unsuccessful 'undomliness' episode. Many of our problems are taking a lot of energy to put right, like a career change for him, that meant that he actually got to come home and eat a meal with his family, that his family hadnt long gone to bed before he returned exhausted at 4am himself.
But in that 6 month period, things gradually changed, he got his mojo back, and the D/s part is back on track. My point being, that 'domliness' can come and go. It doesnt make his ability to be my Dom fake, it makes him human.
Sometimes, life sucks, and gets you down, Dom's too.

Practically speaking, checklists, exposing yourself to bdsm stimuli like reading or watching can trigger things. And are great suggestions i think.

Are you a fair weather sub, just there for when your Sir's flag is flying in the wind? or will you stick by him?
Is his undomliness a temp thing, that you are both prepared to work on? Only you two can answer this question.
And nobody can answer a question, that has not yet been asked.
communicate with him how you feel, discuss what the underlying issues maybe. address any health concerns. Get all the cards on the table.

It maybe that he has misled you, and is unsure of how to Dominate within a bdsm relationship, compared to say a play partner, or on line only. If that's the case, then you can both address this if you wish to, either way, communicate more with him.

i wish you the very best,
littleone

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 33

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/29/2006 9:09:20 AM

littlesarah

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

Thank you A/all who have responded to this thread. Masters "good ol' self" seems to have emerged on its own accord, due to events that came about between us. soon i will delete this thread because it is no longer needed. Thank you again, Be well

with loving care,
little sarah

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 34

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/29/2006 2:18:39 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I'm really, really glad to hear that. It's nice to know that our advice pans out with some merit on occasion.

Best wishes to you and your owner.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 35

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 12/29/2006 8:42:09 PM

KinkMasterDave

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

G'evening...

You might consider having him find a mentor.

MD

(in reply to littlesarah)

Post #: 36

RE: bringing back the good ol' Master... - 1/2/2007 4:02:22 AM

MasterVern

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

Perhaps you can spark him back into action with the local group. Check the link below, it has some Michigan groups listed.

http://www.hpep.org/resources.htm

Perhaps being in a social setting with other Doms & Subs may get him into a training mood.

Good luck,
MasterV

By the way,
I have never had trouble "regaining" my Dom personality. To be honest with you, I have never heard of anyone loosing the will to be Dom if they truely were, but then again there is always a first time. Let me know how this turns out.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 37

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