RE: Aftercare....the Top side?

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/13/2006 6:17:11 PM

Kindred2Evil

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Actually...she had gone to the shower by herself, as noted in my original post. He 'popped' in.
The 'forcing' was more of a D/s type of 'forcing'...she did it because she was still in a submissive state, despite the scene being called over. It was later that she became angry over the fact that she submitted to this after the scene but he wouldn't hold her.

Ok, my question here to this part is this: Did she at any time ever negotiate sex with this person? Was it ever discussed in any way that it may or may not happen? If it wasn't, I'd have to say it was rape. This guy took advantage of her in a weakened state and what he did was wrong.

Back on topic, I feel that aftercare is a necessary part of what I do. I'll soothe them, smooth back their hair, clean any cuts, gently touch any and every part of them until I see the "I'm back home" light in their eyes. Then I move away. The only time I don't do this is if they belong to another dominant and they want to do it. I hold onto myself enough so that when I'm totally finished with them I can take myself somewhere private and just let go myself. I tend to get hyper after a good scene, I pace and chew gum like there's no tomorrow and I prefer to do it alone :)

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/13/2006 6:31:41 PM

yourMissTress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We've seen many posts regarding a sub/slaves need for aftercare and what it does for them. I'd like to know what it does, if anything, for the Dominant/Masters.

Do you provide aftercare because you feel responsible for doing so or is there a need within you that it fulfills?

Aftercare fulfills (in part) the nurturing aspect of my dominance. I enjoy holding and caressing my girl as she floats through and eventually comes out of "subspace". We cuddle and talk and I reassure her of my love for her. It's a very close bonding experience for us both, but I get as much or more from it as she.

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/13/2006 7:27:19 PM

DominaSmartass

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From: This month? Maryland
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[/quote]

Aftercare fulfills (in part) the nurturing aspect of my dominance. I enjoy holding and caressing my girl as she floats through and eventually comes out of "subspace". We cuddle and talk and I reassure her of my love for her. It's a very close bonding experience for us both, but I get as much or more from it as she.

[/quote]

I feel very much the same way. I have agreed with a lot of the posts I've read so far but here is my personal take on it. When I'm playing with someone who is just a friend or a play partner, aftercare usually depends on what he needs. If he is coming out of deep subspace I am happy to flop onto the couch with him and cuddle but if he's ready to move on to eating breakfast or playing with someone else, then that's cool too. A quick hug can suffice. This is because my emotional connection is different. If I've played with someone who is a romantic or D/s (or both) partner, I definitely need to give and receive more aftercare. I definitely have distinctive mindsets when I play between "topspace" and "domspace". Topspace is simpler to come down from and has more to do with the physical exertion. Domspace is more emotionally charged and I feel like I've been on a drug trip when it's over. Not that I've ever done drugs or have any idea, it's just the only way I can describe it. When I have been in domspace, I need aftercare as much as the sub does. Though my need is just as much to give it, it's not that he has to do anything special "to" me. Just spending the time to decompress and come back to earth together is such an essential need for me that I will experience my own "domdrop" emotional thing if I don't get what I need. Yes there have been a few times I've played with people where I needed to provide aftercare more than they needed or wanted to receive it. In that case, I have put my own needs second because it seems to have been internalzed somewhere along the line of my education that if a sub doesn't want it, then I shouldn't want to give it. Well, I've seen that work out badly for my own state of mind so I make sure now that I get what I need.

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/13/2006 8:21:09 PM

Smythe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

This is kind of what I was wondering about...if it brings it back around full circle so to speak. I also wonder if there is an aspect of "yes, I did all of these things to you and now I need to know that you're still ok with me" kind of thing. Kind of like...yes, but will you still respect me in the morning...lol.

yup, there is that too. Great observation.

Smythe

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/15/2006 7:19:20 AM

SlaveSuru

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Joined: 11/27/2006
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Master knows after intense playscenes I get cold so he always has a blanket for me and a warm embrace, It's very comforting when he does that and cements my trust in his desire to care for me. Often times I am tired so he will put me on the hanging bed platforms up at the club cover me well and let the bed swing gently and it helps to slowly bring me from subspace back to the world. If we are at home we go to the shower and washes me down thoroughly and even shampoos and conditions my hair and tends to any thing that might need tending to. I think that the aftercare is one of the best parts of being played with, and that it really strengthens the bonds between Dom and submissive.

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RE: Aftercare....the Top side? - 12/15/2006 7:56:22 AM

canupleaseme

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After every session ive had with my boy i find it very important for myself and for him that we are just close together and hug each other and we then talk about what happened and howit made us feel , and also things that i thought about that i would like to try next time. I think if i didnt have that after i would feel quite lost i like the reasurrance that he still loves me after what ive done to him and i like to give him the reasurrance that whilst i might of made his arse sore as hell i do love him.In fact the thought of having a session and then just walking away and havin no pyhsical contact with him or discussing it seems awful lol

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