How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (Full Version)

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fortifiedsqual -> How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 2:45:54 PM)

Well the title pretty much explains it.  My girlfriend is one of those control freaks that gets irritated by weird little things, and I happen to be sub so I decided to work on making her happier by allowing her to be a Mistress. 

I do not ask anything of her.  I do have a foot fetish which she enjoys, but the problem is not what I want really.  I know that my place is not to request things, but to please her.

The problem is that she gets nervous when telling me what to do and eventually stops.  Her consistency is terrible.  I don't play games, I do as I am told but then it always ends up with her asking me if she can do this thing or that.  I'm one of those subs that if you met me in vanilla you would think I am definetly dominant and there's no way in hell I would be switch, but I'm really very submissive.  I'm a masculine sub.

Does anyone have any advice on how I could get her to demand things and make orders without becoming hesitant or even disliking it?  She is definitely dominant, and I do not refuse anything, I know my role.  This is what I want.  I want her to be happy and I want serve her and comfort her at all times, but she is afraid of it.



littlesarbonn -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 3:04:28 PM)

This may sound really strange, but you're going to have to come to a decision to either talk to her about this or keep it in the closet. You'll hear all sorts of suggestions like leaving clues, or doing things that semi "out" you, but in my experience, I've only ever succeeded when I mention that submission is a pretty important thing to me. But when you do that, you run the risk of her bolting and thinking you're a nutcase. It's just one of those things.

Here's the other problem people won't tell you about. In my time, because I've been pretty much "out" as a submissive and on a lot of web sites as well, a woman dating me has never had a hard time finding out detailed information about my lifestyle. Quite often, I've been approached by a new woman in my life who is interested and wants to know more. I generally date women who are dominant anyway, so the transition really isn't all that difficult, and I help them as much as they desire, not as much as I desire. However, what has happened way more times than not is that once she gains her dominatrix motivation, it works for awhile, and then she generally starts looking for what she's seeking in many other people. I can honestly say that there are four VERY WELL KNOWN pro dominants today who got their start by first dating me and then doing the infamous "google" thing.



fortifiedsqual -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 3:18:33 PM)

Well, she knows EVERYTHING about me and my submissiveness.  And she's definetly dominant, she just gets nervous.  I told her I would go no limits with her so she can get comfortable giving me orders and as long as none are turned down I figured she would get used to it.  Nevertheless she still gets hesitant, I just don't know how to make her think of it as more normal and she doesn't believe that this is really for her.



sunnydays -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 3:44:00 PM)

as a slave girl helping her Master, i know how frustrating this can be...this is what i did.. after wonerful advice from here

set up weekends of M/s.... as the kids go to thier dads every second weekend this gave us the oppurtunity....also releases the pressure of doing it 24/7... who knows..she could be scared of letting you down.. after all.. it is hard work being in charge..makeing all the decisions..she is probably worried she wont live up to your expectations....just take small steps.. indtuducing ( ie asking in free talk time( something we set up so as to discuss things with no repurcussions)). also, while MAster is learning, he has found me a Sir that is to do the floggings etc that he is unable to do right now ( although i found out recently why he couldn't, he is scared he will do permant damage and so im goign ot ask him in free timeot go to a few munches and workshops to get the jist of it).

once she sees how much happier you are in these snippits of time.and how much she enjoys it ( presumming she does) then it is easier to move into 24/7

if this doesnt work.. maybe is isnt to be..

best of luck and message me if you want more ideas... i still have along way to go in my relatioship with Master but we have started the journey

sunny



MstrssPassion -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 4:05:35 PM)

You can't make her be anything she isn't.

If she is going to embrace her dominance then she needs to be on here asking questions & such.

But then again, you have this down as you are "allowing her to be your Mistress", so the dynamics are already completely off balance even before they get started.



DanceDreaming -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 4:22:31 PM)

Get her reading some literature.
Preferably stuff written by and for female dominants. Stuff that will entice her, and show her all that being a Domme has to offer. Things that might show her that her secret desires(if she has them) are not uncommon, not freakish and not wrong. That if she has dominant tendencies, she is far from alone.

There have been a number of things in this lifestyle that have puzzled me. Activities where I go..."yeah, but what does the Domme get out of that?". So I hunted down stuff written by Domme's who enjoy 'that' to find out why. Some things that I had no interest in before have become some of my favorite activities.

Of course, it is possible she does not have a desire to Domme. She might have no interest, or take no enjoyment in, that style of interaction. What, pray tell, will you do to serve her then?



fortifiedsqual -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 4:31:04 PM)

Thank you much sunnydays.  The funny thing is that she doesn't want me to enjoy this at all.  She wants me to want to do things without getting any arousal out of it.  Just talked things over with her again and we're both looking foward to trying it over Christmas break (i'm in college so 24/7 is hard during class).  Well i just found out why she doesn't like giving orders though, she prefers asking me to do things for her or with her with an automatic "Yes" and if I say "no", well I'm in trouble.

You bring up some good points Mstrsspassion.  The idea to start this in a more vanilla way came from her though.  She noticed her friend has a BF that is in my opinion a real wuss.  He does everything he possibly can for his GF and is ridiculously obsessed with her, to the point that she gets annoyed.  Anyways, my girl wants the same kind of attention now so I told her that we should try is the M/s method just to start me off in knowing how she likes things and how she wants me to better provide services for her.  I'm more encouraging her to be my mistress.  I just want her to be more assertive until I am familiar with always putting my needs and wants behind hers.



fortifiedsqual -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 4:36:33 PM)

Well Dance.... I think she just wants me to wait on her hand and foot without her telling me to do a single thing.   That seems to be it.  She doesn't want to train me, because that turns me on.  She doesn't want to order me because that turns me on.   She just wants to politely ask me to do something and me to say yes everytime, but without being turned on.  Pretty much it seems like 100% pleasure for her and zero for me is what she wants... guess i'll just have to settle for that.



blmtrsne -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 4:57:23 PM)

My slave/husband told me how good he felt /arroused he got rvery time I told himt o help with the dishes, to do the vacuiming etc... When he offered to be my slave, he told me I was dominant in those cases anyway, and since he was right I accepted to be his Mistress. On my terms: I'm pampered like I want it.



fortifiedsqual -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 5:11:15 PM)

Yeah she doesn't like the fact that i get turned on by being told to do this or that.



thetammyjo -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 5:20:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fortifiedsqual

Yeah she doesn't like the fact that i get turned on by being told to do this or that.


I was going to suggest just thanking her and being reassuring when she asks if she can tell you to to do this and that..... then I read the above.

You both need to have a serious talk. Why is she doing this? Because it really is what she wants or for you? Why is the sexuality it a problem?

If she is doesn't like that "fact" about you, do you honestly think that will just go away over time or do you think it will build up into really looking down on you or creating resentments?

You can't know until you have a serious and honest dialogue, it may take many discussions and always keep your ears and eyes toned to spot "untruths" that we often tell ourselves and each other when we have these sorts of discussions. We might not even know we aren't being honest but our tone and body language should reveal it.



DanceDreaming -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 5:22:01 PM)

Hmm...
Maybe she just doesn't see the benefit. Maybe she doesn't feel there is anything in it for her, and doesn't understand what good keeping a submissive man happy and horny can do for her. That meeting some of -your- needs, while being in full control of whether they are fulfilled, might make you far more eager to please.

Hence, the literature. I like Midori, personally. Diana Vesta(who's on here a lot) is pretty good to.

Or better yet, try and get her to come on here and discuss her reservations, needs and such.



fortifiedsqual -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 5:26:27 PM)

That's a good idea, i'll try to get her to do it but idk if she would.  I would help a lot if i got her on and she was able to realize how good of a position she's in. 

I will try to introduce her to some literature as well, thank you very much.



imsuchabitch -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 5:46:27 PM)

im fortified sqauls gf and if anyone has advice 4 me sent me a mess



draba -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 7:16:42 PM)

You are a young man, yet your profile list makes you sound like you have years of experiance.

Remember that most women prefer to have thier man take charge or be aggresive in the bedroom. Yet woman like to be pampered and helped during the day by thier spouse. Your girlfriend is more than likely doing this to please you and may not be enjoying it. She may just be intimidated. This is good because she will be careful about hurting you. Perhaps you should switch some night and she if she likes to be submissive. At such a young age I would do some reading on the subject and share it with your girlfriend. As already suggested, communication is key.

I am much older and have only a couple of years ago started to get my wife to domme me. It is something that has to occur slowly and grow. So be patient. My wife told me that she does not enjoy seeing me in a subservient way and your girl may feel the same way. In fact recently my wife told me that she does not like domming at all and does not want to do it. I hope this is a passing phase because my wife is naturally dominant also and she gets me into a much better subspace than my Mistress.



DanceDreaming -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 9:29:54 PM)

While it's true that many women find aggression in the bedroom enticing, that doesn't mean so much that they are submissive.

Personally, I find nothing undommely about saying "Hey. You. Slave. Ravish me, Now!. And don't stop till I've had multiple orgasms".

Being a Domme is about getting what you want, regardless of what that might be. Knowing how to say it, not being afraid to say it, and knowing how to use a man's desires to get it.



kitriana -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 9:42:04 PM)

you can't force a person to be dominant. she was either born with it and knowing it and knows how to utilize it, or its just not first nature and its being forced. i know plenty of assertive females who can tell people what to do at times just to be assertive but could never dominate another person. she's probably too independent, if she is a control freak as you say, she is used to doing it all herself, trusts herself to do it right and not other people. if she is afraid, it may be of giving up control. yes, she is commanding you, but she has to trust you to do it to her standards. you can't change that, and besides changing people is just crappy. love them for who they are.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/13/2006 9:51:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fortifiedsqual


Does anyone have any advice on how I could get her to demand things and make orders without becoming hesitant or even disliking it? 

You are asuming she is afraid of it.  Maybe she just doesnt enjoy it.  There is a posibility that she just doesnt get anything positive from giving orders. Not everyone with a dominant personality and a controlling nature ENJOYS ordering other people to do things.  Someone who wants the things in her life just so, and gets annoyed with trivial bits wont necessarily be comfortable commanding you to fix those things.  If she usually reverts to asking you if she can do something, then it is obvious that it is not her nature to be the one in charge. Sometimes, it just isnt in someone to be a Mistress.  You have to decide if thats a deal breaker for you, since it might never come to pass that she can fill that role.  Talk to her about it and see if she wants to try.  Realize that you are going to have to top from the bottom for a it to get her to learn what she needs to know if she does decide to take the role.

DV



CalliopePurple -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/14/2006 2:47:05 AM)

imsuchabitch,

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html is The Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination, as written by the wonderful Akasha. She also frequents this site and is, from what I've seen, a great person to carry out a conversation with. Look through the site just to get an idea of one person's view of things. Remember that you don't have to be what any boyfriend wants you to be. If you're simply not compatible in this area, the relationship is probably at an ending point. If you honestly believe that, with the both of you working at it, you can feel comfortable with the change of dynamics, that's good too.

Best of luck to both of you in sorting this out.



thetammyjo -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/14/2006 5:57:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fortifiedsqual

That's a good idea, i'll try to get her to do it but idk if she would. I would help a lot if i got her on and she was able to realize how good of a position she's in.

I will try to introduce her to some literature as well, thank you very much.


I think if you "got on her" about any of this you are very likely to get the opposite of what you'd like and very likely to get a resentful girlfriend.

Are you a submissive who wants to make her happy or a just a bottom who wants attention? I know which one wears thin for me fast and I identify being dominant as my primary sexuality. Imagine how fast it will piss her off if she isn't that into to begin with.



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