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thetammyjo -> RE: How do I turn my Dominant Personality GF into my Mistress? (12/14/2006 7:01:22 AM)
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ORIGINAL: subronnc
i have a similar "problem" but not sure what to do. She knows i am submissive, but does not identify as dominant. She likes being pampered, but not by me in particular. She likes me to take care of moving large items, cleaning up, etc. At first she wasn't comfortable with me helping with grocery shopping and other chores/tasks like that, but has grown to like it.
You may be stepping on her sphere -- she may have been raised with the idea that women do certain things (or she does certain things). My kitchen is MY kitchen; it took Fox years to earn my trust enough to be alone alone in it to do more than fetch a glass of water. He was invading my space and he was my slave, not just my boyfriend who happens to also be submissive. Imagine how she might feel if you invade her space or take on her duties.
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When it comes to other decisions, mostly about where to go eat, is the problem. Sometimes she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it, but other times she wants me to decided, which i'm not comfortable doing. I offer a few choices and sometimes that helps, but sometimes she wants me to decide because she feels like i never getting what i want. If there is something i really don't want, i'll tell her, which she also understands, but sometimes it gets close to the point of an argument about silly/small things.
How do i convince her that i will like whatever she chooses? Or should i obey her when she wants me to make a decision?
First, if you are feeling like you are her submissive or that you want to serve her and she says "you decide" then you decide. It really is that simple. You are uncomfortable with it? Well, apparently at that moment, so is she. Now you make a choice -- being aggressive or being of service.
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Sexually, she is put off by my toys -- butt plug, vibrating egg, c-ring, etc. -- but is not afraid to ask for it, and loves for me to orally please her, which i enjoy as well. i don't want to give up/throw away the toys... i don't know if she is put off by them because she doesn't know what they are, or if she will never have any interest in them. Once i was bent over a chair and she said "i could really spank you like that" and i didn't move or beg for it, but she didn't do it. i feel like this is going somewhere, but don't want to "force" her into anything she doesn't want to do or is comfortable doing. is there anything i should do or say to encourage? i thought about offering literature, but that seems to be "pushing" to me, and would be a later step after she shows more interest in the matter.
Thanks in advance for any help/advice/whatever!
Have you two talked about your toys? How do you know she does not like them? Why does she feel that way? Does she consider it your way of saying that the sex you all ready enjoy isn't good enough or that she isn't enough? Does she associate them with negative images of sex or criminal behavior? Until you get some honest answers you can't do anything about it -- and when you get the answers you might not be able to do anything either but at least you might be better able to accept things as they are or make a decision to more on to someone else.
When she makes comments like "I could spank you" and you do nothing and say nothing, you signal that her comment and desire at that moment aren't important. That reinforces what may be her idea that all this "kinky stuff" is just selfishness and has nothing to do with her as a person. If she says that you should reply in an encouraging but also an empowering way. Wiggle you ass and perhaps say "I'd really like that" or "I'm open to that idea" but then don't push further. If she makes another move tell her that was great and ask her if she likes it and state that it is better when she likes it.
In other words, encourage her when she does things you like by suggesting that you value her enjoyment of it.
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