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RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 3:45:51 PM   
Altina


Posts: 14
Status: offline
quote:

So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)?  or are you affected by the opinion of others? 

In my past relationship, I found it best to define ourselves; individually and in relation to each other. I had learned early on not to become affected by how others viewed our relationship as it often would lead to nothing more than the inevitable debate over who was right and who was wrong.
 
 

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trinity

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RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 4:42:53 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Please, post that as a seperate  question ot the group...
 
I want to see if you are exagerating or not.
 
This is for research, of course!
 
~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

lol

people's heads would pop if they were given the task to "define" my current relationship



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"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

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RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 5:02:47 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?"  But I know the answer to that one.



Kind of for the same reason we see a man's face in the moon. We try to make sense out of chaos by applying precedent, and so we unconsciously (or consciously, at times) assign a certain order to everything.

OR

It could be a case of "My way is the ONLY right way." We all come down with that insidious flu from time to time.

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 5:15:29 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?"  But I know the answer to that one.

So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)?  or are you affected by the opinion of others? 

Now, I know that the immediate reaction is going to be  "of course no one defines my relationships but me" but take some time to think about it, and tell me the why's and the how's.





 These types of questions make me think of an old book titled "Why are you Afraid to Tell Me Who You Are"?
 


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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 7:37:17 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		WHile it is nice to say "Nobody else effects how I view myself" if it is true how well are you examining yourself? People's view of us provides a reflection of parts and pieces of who we are if in fact you are totally ignoring their views into you then you are certainly short selling one of the tools we use to live an examined life.

This is not to say you should give any undue weight to other people's view of who and what you seem to be to them.

If one or two consider me to be a self absorbed bastard then I might be able to chalk it up to their problem, however if 50% of all people I meet have the same view, then perhapse it is time to examine the facts again.

Other people's views while not being the be all end all of who we are certainly tell us something we cannot gain from anyplace else, an external view of what we look like. To ignore that totally would be as stupid as to give it too much weight.



(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 7:49:50 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Me and my sub define our relationship and we frankly don't care what others think about it.  I am a Dominant female because nature made me that way, I rule the roost and my sub is a subsmissive male because nature made him that way he does what I say. Lots of folks would argue those two points, but guess what? We don't give a shit! We know who we are and don't require anyone's approval to be ourselves. We have found others opinions to be null and void as far as our relationship goes. The only people we have to please is each other.

Other people seem to have the need to tell/dictate to others how they should live their lives, some people just like to give warnings of a possible train wreck ahead. Some assholes are just rude about it, hence my growing block list. I've given warnings out of concern, particulary when people here asked for advice. Now I've come to realize that people don't want to hear it, so I've decided the hell with them. If they end up dead in a ditch it doesn't effect my relationship or life one bit.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 9:31:13 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?"  But I know the answer to that one.

So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)?  or are you affected by the opinion of others? 

Now, I know that the immediate reaction is going to be  "of course no one defines my relationships but me" but take some time to think about it, and tell me the why's and the how's.



i can be easily effected by others opionons.  If one can prove that they are "right" with logic - i can definetly be swayed to agree with them. 


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i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The definition - 12/14/2006 9:32:12 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Archer that was very very well put and i totally agree

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My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The definition - 12/15/2006 3:02:37 AM   
cjklyn


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/9/2004
Status: offline 		I would define all my past relationship as "unique". Thats the one thing they have in common.
Not sure why I would want to "define" a relationship, thats to formal for me. Relationships grow my consent, and each one grows in its own unique and exciting way.
or breaks down in a similar way!


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The definition - 12/15/2006 7:04:20 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have also seen a lot of judging the validity of other people's relationships and the associated labels that are a part of this. The thing is that no one knows what goes on between two people for a fact except those two people (or more if they are poly). It is rather silly for people to try to define and judge what they are not a part of. I am not arrogant enough to believe I can do that.

My relationship just is what it is, and adopting other people's definitions for it, or opinions about it is not going to change what it is... At times I do question the parameters of it in how we relate to each other, but that has very little to do with how other people label us, it has more to do with how we interact with each other. At the end of the day it has to be a dynamic we can flourish in and enjoy, if it isn't it really does not matter what people call what we share....I am not a big one for labels anyways.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The definition - 12/15/2006 9:48:00 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well heck, unless a person grew up raised by apes, then of course they have been socialized to be acceptable.
No, I take that back, there are assorted morally deficient people who did grow up in a family but lack the societal ethics most of us have.
But most of us are quite within the range of normal, in terms of how we relate to other people.  We learn it in childhood. 
Now as adults we still have that compass inside.  That doesn't mean we are letting other people determine how we view ourselves.  It does mean that the things we learned as children allow us the ability to see if we are on the right track. 
I don't need someone to tell me what is right, wrong or acceptable.  I learned that when I was younger.
Kyst

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The definition - 12/15/2006 11:59:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		KoM always says what I want to say but better.

I am a very private person and generally don't let too many people see most of who I am, including intimate relationships.

While I am not in a relationship now I have never allowed the perceptions of others to affect how I conducted my relationships. It has however caused frustration because of others misconceptions.

In addition, while I personally don't care about others opinions on my personal life the person I am in a relationship with might. I try to be a caring and considerate partner and be somewhat sensitive to their feelings on the matter also.

In the same vein, kind of like my point of view in the exibitionist thread, I try to be sensitive to others comfort levels also.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The definition - 12/16/2006 9:21:11 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

KoM always says what I want to say but better.



I personally think you state your own thoughts rather well.  It's always a pleasure converse with you.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The definition - 12/16/2006 11:30:54 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Great topic Tress.
I don't really care about what others call their relatioships.
BUT, I am upfront and emphasize what I am looking for.
I seek a real time, hopefully long term, SERIOUS Ds relationship,
based on Female Supremacy.
The definition is important, TO ME, because I do not care to waste
time with someone that is not interested in the same thing.
So in MY case, defintions mean a lot!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The definition - 12/16/2006 1:07:49 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)?  or are you affected by the opinion of others? 


My primary relationship with Rob  is defined  by us, most people in the community are still trying to figure Rob out as it is so they haven't been able to label or put him in a specific catagory.         We define each other. 
We came up with a motto  that works great *s*  "I keep Rob from killing others and he keeps me from killing myself"--btw it's not a suicidal thing I am accident prone, hell I'm not even allowed to operate power tools without approved adult supervision. One drill bit throught the finger and I get everyone nervious *g*

My relationship with Knight is diffrent in that others have defined me without even knowing me.It's bit like being infamous. They see our public interaction and many have drawn their own conclusions without bothering to get to know who we are. Knight's  name tends to strike a chord in some, both for the good and bad.

I think it's a bit funny, a little creepy at times when people I don't know  judge me but then, if I am judged by the comepany I keep, well then I am in some amazing company and they can judge away.

denika

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The definition - 12/16/2006 2:02:39 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)?  or are you affected by the opinion of others? 

 
I put off responding to this topic because my answer to it seemed too simple and I thought I might have been missing something so wanted to read others responses...

My relationship with Master is defined by him, I can't say in all honesty that I can see other people effecting it by their opinions..I can't even get my head around the concept of how "other peoples opinions" could effect it in the slightest....

Maybe I'm missing something...but I really can't see it.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 36
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