Dominants welcome wagon?

Dominants welcome wagon? (Full Version)

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notjustsomesub -> Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 7:43:42 PM)
Often times, I am approached by Dominants, who have recently relocated to my area and it seems to me the first thing they do is scan the "ads" for a submissive. When questioned on their activity within the Lifestyle, they always say "I just moved here." (I do have a link to Social Events I send them) but, my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!" I think that is the perfect opportunity to begin building friendships, a stepping stone per say to the door of the local Lifestyle & members. I know I, for one do enjoy "subbie talk" what better way to get into the "IN" crowd? The Dominants can usually smell a fake by his aftershave. Which is something this girl certainly appreciates. I am curious though, as much as i recommend this, I certainly do not know where to send them, aside from Munches. How would the social Dominants like to see this work? (I do decline every invite to attend their first event with them.)

mnottertail -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 7:48:33 PM)
you are about a sparkly motherfucker, I love the blue collar. nice smile.good eyes. Ron

Petruchio -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 7:51:51 PM)
I am mystified why you should made such a suggestion. I care nothing about other men, let alone dominants, and I'm not interested in meeting any or exploring their sexual intentions. Men are mere shadows in my world. If someone asks you for water you give them a cigarette? Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation.

mnottertail -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 7:55:54 PM)
You know, thats how I get the next day after I visit a bar............Jesus.....I walked in here with 50 bucks and I got up and can't find my pantses and neverybody is mad at me....... I am just fuckin' mystified........... Ron

angaothsi -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 8:54:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Petruchio Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation. Why would suggesting a person get invloved in the local scene "lower" her in your eyes? I don't think she ever suggested anyone explore anyones sexual intentions. I think her suggestion would really only be offensive to someone who had something to hide. Just my 2 cents......

LadyHugs -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 9:22:25 PM)
Dear notjustsomesub, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eyes I see, that many times submissive women do get the approaches by Dominants and perhaps the sheer frustration of being swamped by approaches has given you burn out. It is the same for Female Dominants having submissive/slave men swamping women with their approaches. Unfortunately, for both sides of the whip for men; the few gentlemen or pearls/gems of the lifestyle get over shadowed by the kinky sex sorts. However, if I was new to the area-- I know where all the up to date information is. Its in the slave/submissive pipe line. Submissives and slaves have a healthy network whereas, Dominants rarely meet or even hold a conversation with each other, unless there is a meeting, presentation or some form of council. Furthermore, new Dominants to the area really do want to avoid the politics, the conflicts and the morons within the scene, no matter how lofty of a position they hold. Seriously, I've seen well known people act as if they can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag. Submissives and slaves are vital, as their judgment, opinions, observations and comments do hold value. So, I always ask the slaves what is going on in that 'scene.' I do appreciate the concern a slave female or submissive female may have; as to be seen with a new Dominant on the block. It may be a grand idea to think upon, if there is a new Dominant to the area; to meet you at the place and do a formal introduction to the Dominants that you know, as to allow them to take up from the introduction. In addition, there could be a Dominant who you know well, to accompany you as to stand with you and greet this new arrival. It must be said, that new dominants period will find themselves in an awkward position. It really is hard to fit in. People want so much to be accepted--Dominants and submissive/slaves a like. Even old seasoned Dominants such as I, new to an area; for example on an extended visit to another State or Country; can use a little help in new venues. Since I know the attitudes of the scenes, I do know how to behave and interact. Novices will not be so well versed. That said, I will hope--regardless if Dominant or submissive; that a welcoming hand be offered without a pre-determined assumption that all who approach are horny and ready to smother you in phony domination ploys. A hand up is very nice to see, as it is not the same as a hand out. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 9:50:16 PM)
I think encouraging people to get out to meet other people and socialize and get connected is great. I can't see the merits in limiting it to any particular gender or orientation.

Voltare -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 10:04:10 PM)
You said it already. Munches. Point them that way, and wish them luck. Seriously, as a guy who's moved more times than most people move their couch to vacuum, moving sucks. Pointing one male Dom in the direction of another male Dom is like pushing a straight guy towards a gay coffee shop, and saying 'good luck.' Guys are instinctually wary of other guys, especially when it comes to being emailed on a personals web site. It seems only natural that we might email a female submissive, where even if there's no other attraction, we might make a friend who can not just point us to the local dungeons, but also to the best pizza in town, most reliable auto shop, and which neighborhoods we should never visit an ATM in.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 10:18:18 PM)
Voltare that also brings up a good point- it's ten times easier for a new male to be welcomed into a local scene IF he has a cute (but not TOO cute or young) girl on his arms already versus a new single male.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 10:24:08 PM)
Personally, I tend to contact both subs and Doms if I am moving. Since I dont get along with the majority of Dominants right off, I prefer to talk to submissves about getting involved in a new community if thats what I am opting to do. I will never ask them to accompany me, especially since I had a pet of my own. I do, however, apreciate being pointed in the right direction to meet others of either orientation. But thats just me. A lot of times, a single Dom will start looking as soon as they settle in. Often they arent as much interested in the community as they are using it as a pickup line to get into a conversation with you. Those honestly interested in the community would appreciate the munch information, those looking to get at you through the community will be a bit disappointed. My 2 cents DV

Voltare -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/15/2006 10:24:44 PM)
LA - naturally. If I show up with a girl on my arm, I'm not seen as a potential predator. If that girl is already a 'regular' at the munch, I get double points. It doesn't mean I don't want male friends, just that men rarely become real life friends through online intereaction.

LordODiscipline -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 5:07:27 AM)
*A couple of things:* quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHugs Unfortunately, for both sides of the whip for men; the few gentlemen or pearls/gems of the lifestyle get over shadowed by the kinky sex sorts. *Believe it or not - the "kinky sex sorts" can also be gentlemen.. I am honestly not sure why you would belive that one would preclude the other - or - if this was a simple mistatement.* quote: However, if I was new to the area-- I know where all the up to date information is. Its in the slave/submissive pipe line. Submissives and slaves have a healthy network whereas, Dominants rarely meet or even hold a conversation with each other, unless there is a meeting, presentation or some form of council. I talk with contemporaries on an almost daily basis... we do not do the gossip thing, but speak about other issues - so whereas I would not be able to tell them that "Susy stepped out on Bob; Bob demanded back the diamond collar he gave her last Christmas and she is now spleeping with the dominant offensive line of the NY Giants", I could definitively tell them where to go in their area for news and other events - and, go out of my way to meet new people. quote: Furthermore, new Dominants to the area really do want to avoid the politics, the conflicts and the morons within the scene, no matter how lofty of a position they hold. Seriously, I've seen well known people act as if they can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag. Well - when I came to NYC more than a few years ago, I met a lot of the folks who were involved in the politics of the local scene and chose to speak to them about the clubs, the people and the area rather than about "Why" there is a lawsuit against the group because of membership (etc)"... most people that do not desire to be involved in politics do not become involved in politics - and, there is no reason that it should ever come up. quote: Submissives and slaves are vital, as their judgment, opinions, observations and comments do hold value. So, I always ask the slaves what is going on in that 'scene.' *And, dominants are clueless and stagnant?* *Odd position for you to take on this.* quote: I do appreciate the concern a slave female or submissive female may have; as to be seen with a new Dominant on the block. It may be a grand idea to think upon, if there is a new Dominant to the area; to meet you at the place and do a formal introduction to the Dominants that you know, as to allow them to take up from the introduction. In addition, there could be a Dominant who you know well, to accompany you as to stand with you and greet this new arrival. It must be said, that new dominants period will find themselves in an awkward position. It really is hard to fit in. People want so much to be accepted--Dominants and submissive/slaves a like. Even old seasoned Dominants such as I, new to an area; for example on an extended visit to another State or Country; can use a little help in new venues. Since I know the attitudes of the scenes, I do know how to behave and interact. Novices will not be so well versed. *That seems endemic of anyone knew to 'anything' - if they are new, they will have to learn to fit into a culture which varys from that they are used to.* ~J

LordODiscipline -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 5:17:02 AM)
If a person desires to meet a real person, one group in NY sends along a counterpart to that person... (no, I am not talking 'formica') In other words (where possible) they send a male dominant to meet a male dominant, or a submissive male to meet a submissive male, etc... That precludes any issues that are brought to the table by either party ("I do not want to be hit on", etc). It also makes for a good means of knowing about the community prior to their attending a meeting - and, gives them a point of contact for the community and a means of introduction. ~J quote: ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub Often times, I am approached by Dominants, who have recently relocated to my area and it seems to me the first thing they do is scan the "ads" for a submissive. When questioned on their activity within the Lifestyle, they always say "I just moved here." (I do have a link to Social Events I send them) but, my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!" I think that is the perfect opportunity to begin building friendships, a stepping stone per say to the door of the local Lifestyle & members. I know I, for one do enjoy "subbie talk" what better way to get into the "IN" crowd? The Dominants can usually smell a fake by his aftershave. Which is something this girl certainly appreciates. I am curious though, as much as i recommend this, I certainly do not know where to send them, aside from Munches. How would the social Dominants like to see this work? (I do decline every invite to attend their first event with them.)

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 10:06:09 AM)
Alot of wonderful thoughts on my question and, I wish to thank everyone for their insights and thoughts. This LoD, is what I was wondering... I am surprised this not a more common practice, especially here in CA. quote: If a person desires to meet a real person, one group in NY sends along a counterpart to that person... (no, I am not talking 'formica') In other words (where possible) they send a male dominant to meet a male dominant, or a submissive male to meet a submissive male, etc... That precludes any issues that are brought to the table by either party ("I do not want to be hit on", etc). It also makes for a good means of knowing about the community prior to their attending a meeting - and, gives them a point of contact for the community and a means of introduction. ~J

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 10:08:54 AM)
perhaps i phrased that wrong since i am not bisexual by choice, my experience has been 99% of the time with Dominant men. i apologize for confusing you. quote: I am mystified why you should made such a suggestion. I care nothing about other men, let alone dominants, and I'm not interested in meeting any or exploring their sexual intentions. Men are mere shadows in my world. If someone asks you for water you give them a cigarette? Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation.

Arpig -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 10:54:32 AM)
quote: my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!" And why exactly would I want to talk to other dominants? So they can judge me and declare me worthy? Fuck 'em, if they want to talk to me, they can come find me, I will happily talk to anybody who buys me a beer or two.

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/16/2006 4:16:24 PM)
Thank you for your very polite response. I only meant that, it would seem to me that Dominants would welcome new-to-the-area Dominants. I know I am also new and being welcomed by other submissives is what encouraged me to socialize and be more active. And building these friendships has given me confidence that not ALL Lifestylers here are full of hot air but truly real. I can't help but add... your reply was SUCH a 180 from your profile... at this point, my response to you will end here. quote: And why exactly would I want to talk to other dominants? So they can judge me and declare me worthy? Fuck 'em, if they want to talk to me, they can come find me, I will happily talk to anybody who buys me a beer or two.

emdoub -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/18/2006 4:50:21 PM)
Around the Twin Cities, Minnesnowta area, we have a monthly doms/tops gathering called 'Dom(me)'s Domain' - where we socialize, offer advice, ask advice, compare notes on the the local scene, and like that. There's a monthly thing for the other end, too - called 'SubSpace'. It's worked well for us, and has often been used by new domlydoms in the area to get the lowdown on how things work. Midnight Writer Just wastin' the time of the other doms, y'know?

Stunning -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/18/2006 4:59:42 PM)
I am pretty friendly and open-minded, despite having a sardonic streak. But I'd prefer to talk to dommes than doms when I relocate. There's an inherent distrust among doms and while I'd gladly talk to one who contacted me, I don't think it will happen. Nor will I contact any other doms. Also, if you're a dom and CM is your only kink website you probably have the search screen set for females (as mine is) so only sub females and dommes will show on your first page. A dom in this case would have to purposely change the search criteria and that probably isn't going to happen a lot.

Petruchio -> RE: Dominants welcome wagon? (12/18/2006 7:55:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angaothsi Why would suggesting a person get invloved in the local scene "lower" her in your eyes? I don't think she ever suggested anyone explore anyones sexual intentions. I think her suggestion would really only be offensive to someone who had something to hide. I didn't say anything about the local scene nor did I say she was offensive (she wasn't), but responded directly to her suggestion to meet other doms which I found peculiar. Doms are typically territorial, we don't usually hunt in packs. That's why we're doms. NotJust did write a clarification though. (Thanks.)

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