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regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 7:46:18 PM   
Daddysfavoritpet


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		W/we are relatively new as a couple but both have been in and out of the life style with other partners.  i am finding it difficult to keep is trust while out socially with out him or on line.  apparently my friendly personality and quick smile are causing Him to believe i may have other alternatives and that i am flirting.  aside from never leaving the home except for work and never being on line how can i gain his trust and assure Him that he is the only one i want to serve?
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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 7:51:59 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, darlin'  you are about an oil painting.   How do you know this is how he feels?  Real or imagined?

Could you help us out a little, sport?

Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 7:54:17 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		Like all great things it takes time, nothing much else will prove it like time and consistancy can.

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"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:00:10 PM   
Daddysfavoritpet


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		how i know he has trust issues?  last saturday nite i was out with my g/f and ended up meeting up with about 20 aquaintances at a pub in indy.  i told him everything that happened.. making sure not to leave out anything from how many beers i had to the fact that i danced with 2 men who i knew but hadnt seen in almost a year.  that is when i got the not being able to be trusted lecture, again.  maybe i am niave' but when did dancing a non bump and grind dance with a man you know and have never dated or been sexualy active with become a trust issue especially when you offer up the truth before he could even ask what you did?

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:15:39 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL
apparently there are issues, and I don't thingk your 200,000 closest buddies can solve them thru normal channels.

Serioulsy,
Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:16:43 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		You said regaining his trust.  Did you once have his trust, and then lost it or has he simply never trusted you? 

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:17:59 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		My question would be what reasons he gives for not being able to trust you? Are they valid reasons like you cheated before or are they the same territorial stuff listed above?
Just a thought isolation and irrational jealousy are not safe characteristics in WIITWD. Not someone I'd want tying me up...ever.

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:19:25 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		tell his juvinal ass to mature and grow up. You're never gonna be trust worthy in his eyes as long as he's a juvinal who see's cheating and flirtation around every corner as he does.

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 8:26:53 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		It sounds like he's got trust issues definitely. Has he had past relationships where the woman did cheat on him? I'd be careful. I was in a relationship where I was continuously accused of cheating, he didn't want me working and sabotaged every job I had, he didn't want me associating with friends and did all he could to get rid of any friend I had. Besides the constant accusations of cheating, he called me names, put me down, nearly completely destroyed my self esteem, and in time the physical abuse began. I'm not saying that this is what's happeneing with you, but you need to be aware of the signs. As was stated by another poster isolation from friends and irrational jealousy are definite signs that it could become abusive. I wish you the best.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 9:51:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You don't have to regain his trust.  He has to learn to be secure in you and/or communicate his expectations on your behavior better.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/15/2006 9:57:43 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		It sounds like the trust issues are on his side of the fence, not yours.  Some people just don't trust easily, quickly, or even at all.  As suggested, it could be a sign of something worse, but most likely it's something he's just going to have to come to grips with.  I suggest you do what you want to do, while still taking a moment now and then to remind him how much you care for him.  If the problem gets worse, not better, you'll probably have to decide if you want it his way or the highway. 


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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/16/2006 4:15:34 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You can't do the work to fix his trust issues.  That is his job.  You can be honest and open in your relationship, but he has to do some work too.  It may be easier for him to complain and make you feel bad for your personality.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 12/16/2006 4:16:50 AM >

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/16/2006 5:43:51 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		From my own experiences- there were a couple of people in my life who had trouble trusting me- even though there was never a time/incident or reason for them to feel this way. What I found out later was- their problem trusting was  because they were not trust worthy themselves and instead of admitting to that they used it against me. I think  it is easier to believe it is some one else than yourself.

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



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RE: regaining His trust - 12/16/2006 6:34:52 AM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think that is a very good point sparkling.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/16/2006 7:39:24 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

aside from never leaving the home except for work and never being on line how can i gain his trust and assure Him that he is the only one i want to serve?

I don't think you can -- I bet his next step will be to accuse you of having affairs at work, and his paranoid and insecure behavior could very well push you toward it. It could also be some dysfunctional tactic for keeping you under control. Unfortunately, I suspect that someone that insecure/dysfunctional would have the sense to admit it and seek counseling or therapy for it.

Good luck!


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RE: regaining His trust - 12/17/2006 5:14:42 PM   
Diamonion


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		I would definatly be a little careful in the whole situation.  It sounds to me like you never had his trust in the first place.  Obviously trust is something that has to be earned over a course of time, but this is a bit ridiculous.  Personally, I'm in a long distance relationship.  My sub needs certain things on occasion that can only be given in a dominant/kink environment.  She craves pain, and just simple domination.  The distance in our relationship means that I can't do these things herself, but I completely, 100% trust her to not break the rules that I set for her during any scene she might have to go to one of her dominant friends for.

So, to sum all of that rambling up... I would say the problem is his, not yours.  If he can't trust you, maybe he doesn't deserve you.

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/17/2006 6:15:05 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		From the little you shared in the OP... it seems he is projecting his insecurity and jealousy on to your behaviors.  Have you actually done anything wrong?  Besides being friendly and smile?   I suspect you haven't done anything wrong.  The issue is his and he is asking you to change and stop being who you are because of his own issues.  Sad situation.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/18/2006 8:38:32 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Have Y/you two discussed which behaviors are too intimate for Him?  For some people, dancing is sexual or attraction based, for some, it's just a dance.  For others, two out for dinner is too intimate and isn't acceptable,  while for others, it's just a meal.  It sounds like Y/you just need to know what His expectations are, and decide if you can accept those limitations.  (and for whatever reason, i suspect He doesn't dance with anyone He's not attracted to, or He wouldn't see dancing with others as a threat to Y/your relationship.) 

Since i'm in an open marriage, i could have full out sex with a nilla, and it not break the house rules with Hubby-Dom, or my slave rules with Master.  But to SUBMIt sexually to a Dominant would be high-treason in Our relationship, and i would be released immediately.  Even non-sexual scening would be out unless permission was sought prior.  Likewise, Mister could have sex with a lady friend of O/ours, but to go on a lunch date without me would be crossing the "offsides relationship" rules, and i'd have a serious derangement over it. 

Fidelity is defined by boundries within each relationship, find out where those boundries lie, and you've got the road map. 
:D

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/18/2006 11:35:38 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		In my first marriage I learnt to never look at any male, let alone smile at them or dance with anyone other than my husband, the rerpercussions weren't worth it. I went out with the girls from work one night (with his permission) to be met upon opening the front door with a fist full force in my face which knocked me out and broke my jaw. Apparently someone he had sent to keep an eye on me had reported something to him about my actions he didn't like.It might of been a good thing though, maybe that last punch, finally knocked some sense into me, it wasn't long after that I made my escape.

Possessiveness when in the mind of a person who is not in control of themselves, is a really dangerous thing. I don't really know what advice to give you. I'm not sure there is a cure for people like that, I tried for about 10 years to prove myself "trustworthy" and had no luck.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: regaining His trust - 12/18/2006 11:43:18 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I was with a Dom once that really dislike any contact with males at all, I remember once when I was working in mental health care I had a quick *wind down* drink after work with a male co-worker, we stayed out 20 mins, I had no set time i had to be home that eve and I told him straight away, we wen't to a kareoke bar and I got up and did a song, He saw it as flirting, singing to another man and basically called me a whore.
Eventually ended up cut off from friends and my father told me I needed to be out of the relationship and helped me see it wasn't healthy.
Sounds like he has a lot of issues you need to talk about, at the moment my situatuion is much improved, my current Dom trusts me 100% and actually enjoys and encourages me to look good and be confident in myself, and whilst I don't flirt overtly or encourage anyone, he likes the fact people admire me, I think it's the thing of...ooh look other people want what I have.

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