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Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 1:01:30 AM   
Unicorm2


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		In my community there are many uncollared slaves and quite a few selk-collared ones.  The "self collared ones say that it keeps them in the mind-set and leeps preditors away, while the uncollared slaves say that wearing a collar keeps everyone away
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 1:04:46 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		What is the point of the post? or rather the objective?



(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 1:31:31 AM   
Unicorm2


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Mainly wanting other people's points of view. I am a newbie, uncollared and desperately wanting a collar.  But am not sure a self-sollar will help me reach my goal of relationship

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 1:59:36 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		Seems counter-productive to Me. Shoot, it's even contrary. lol
  If you're having a fetish dressage meltdown, I propose that you search the NET for the ideal collar, the one that you keep returning to while shopping, especially if it makes your sex flow whenever you study it, keep a sharp eye open for an on-line cyber-domly, have his magnifience collar you by type and then loosen the collar slightly before you bang your head as you passout from asphysia (sic) , lack of breath, even. lol
  I suspect that your need has turned into an Imperative and imperatives can make one very vulnerable so be careful. Masturbating more will help you in controlling the rollercoastering of your emotions. I have some training manuals, but, I'm a hands-on sorta feller.
Gentry
quote:

ORIGINAL: Unicorm2

Mainly wanting other people's points of view. I am a newbie, uncollared and desperately wanting a collar.  But am not sure a self-sollar will help me reach my goal of relationship

(in reply to Unicorm2)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 3:40:17 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Just be careful, wanting something so bad can make your judgement off on who you pick to get it from. 
 
I guess everyone looks at it in a different way, but what a collar means to most is a lot.  It's not just a piece of jewelry, it something that is a symbol of the relationship, trust, and control you have given over to someone else.  That isn't something to be rushed or given into easily.
 
If it will make you take your time, feel free to buy one and wear it.  I am not sure you would want someone that will approach you wearing one though.  That means they know you are taken and they think they can get you anyway.  It's not much different than wearing a wedding ring and having someone try to hook-up with you.  If they will do that with you, what's to say they won't do that with someone else while you two are together?
 
Just be cautious.  You say you are new, take your time and get to know other subs/slaves, learn from them and their mistakes, and then start thinking about meeting someone.  I have a few really good sub/slave friends and sometimes they can make all the difference in the world in how things go.  It's always nice to have someone that has been through some of the same things and can understand the feelings you have..and yes, a good portion of us know that deep desire to be collared or owned. 
 
Good luck and be careful...
 
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
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(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 4:00:59 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Desperation is never a place from which to make good decisions.  i have never worn a collar and while i am hopeful that will change, it's not necessary to learning, experimenting, and growing.  A collar should be the symbol to whom you have devoted yourself so "self-collaring" could be a mindset that you are devoting yourself to finding yourself (which in itself is not a bad thing for a newbie to do) but yes, wearing a collar would tend to keep the potential Doms away.

If you want to wear something to help you feel more submissive, then maybe a nice slave anklet would be a better choice? Daily rituals of taking care of skin, nails, hair and taking care of your mind by meditation on what submission means to you is also a way to prepare yourself for your journey.   Just a suggestion. 


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 4:39:35 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Forgive me, but I never heard of self collaring and am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the notion.  Could someone give me some background?

(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 5:05:31 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have know girls who "self-collar"  but they use it at events where they don't want to be bothered by Tops on the prowl.. Kind of like when you wear a "wedding ring" to a bar, some of the men will back off.

and i know one girl who actually has done the self-collaring as a real collar to herself. even had a ceremony and all. she said she was not ready for an 'outside' master and so she was learning to master herself first and it was a contract for 1 year she would not seek anyone else until she met some goals.. She had written out protocols and rituals she followed.. weird but i understood and it really worked for her..

i did the same thing (take time to learn and grow before seeking a Master) but without the formal collaring. (actually part of the time i did wear a necklace (not a collar) with the protection rune on it to remind myself to take care of the property until i found the right Master) I think it is good to take some time to learn and grow without jumping in to a relationship.  everyone would need different amount of time but too often someone starts out online and then find the real-life scene and they want the collar right away..  go slow and learn first.

for me, the collar is a life-contract of ownership, so i took a long time to find someone and make sure that i was ready and that was what i wanted. it was about 6 years from my first lifestyle date to being collared.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 6:09:38 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		A collar means nothing if you do not understand why you have been asked to wear it.  Find a suitable partner first then think maybe about a collar. Haste makes waste.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 7:38:21 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Unicorm2

Mainly wanting other people's points of view. I am a newbie, uncollared and desperately wanting a collar. But am not sure a self-sollar will help me reach my goal of relationship


I agree, 'collaring yourself' would be counter-productive.

Try not to be desperate though. People can 'smell' desperation and it makes them wary.

(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 8:04:16 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It seems silly to collar yourself.  Especially if you need it as a symbol to make you feel better when you are among others.  A collar can't give you security against jerks and goofy people.  You need to depend on yourself for that.
But if you like wearing a collar because it makes you feel more submissive, or you like the way it looks, I don't have an argument for that.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Petruchio)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 8:07:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Katy.  Those subs should learn how to politely say no and be reliant on themselves- not some symbol.

And I agree with the others about the desparation- right now is probably the WORST time for you to get in a commitment with anyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 10:10:36 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		Self-collared is my basic expectation of everyone, even the 'nillas - they own, and are responsible for, themselves.

This is one of those things where I really pay no attention to the rest of the community, or how they do it - if someone is wearing a collar, they're not someone I want to approach for purposes of a relationship other than friendship.  It either means that they're already in service to someone else, or that they don't hold the same respect for a collar as I do, and are not gonna be a good match.

I guess I'm one of those predators that are repelled by the wearing of a collar as a fashion statement.

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 1:53:47 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

The "self collared ones say that it keeps them in the mind-set

WTF does that mean?


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Unicorm2)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 9:23:23 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Personally i always have loved the smell of leather.  When in a scene i love wearing a collar it took me to a level of submission that was wow such a wonderful place to go.  I only wore a collar when playing with a Dom that wished it to be so during that time frame that i agreed to give my submission.  Now i wear a stainless steele collar placed on my neck by my Master.  He allows me to remove it when it would be difficult to wear it in the nilla professional world in which i work.  The collar is heavy enough that even when i am not wearing it i can feel its weight on my neck and remember that i belong to him.  I can not imagine wearing a collar full time without being owned, it just seems to be like wearing the wedding ring before you have been asked to get married.  Just my humble opinion.

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"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 10:58:37 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		No. Self collaring yourself will probably not help in achieving a relationship.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 11:04:04 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Wearing a collar you havent actually recieved is alot like wearing a wedding ring when your single.  Its not going to help you find someone who is looking, since everyone who sees it s going to assume your taken.  The interest you would get is from those that get their thrill "stealing" someone elses sub, which defeats the prpose since once they learn there is nothing to steak, the thrill is gone.  Starting off with a little white lie in a collar doesnt start much for a relationship.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/16/2006 11:45:32 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		So are you saying just because a submissive owns their own collar that they wear for enjoyment or play, because they like to, then they are self collaring?? To be honest I don't see the point of self collaring or what exactly it entails. Maybe I'm having a brain spot moment or something.

I am not collared. I do own 2 collars I bought because I liked them. One that is pretty, just because I feel pretty in it, and one that is heavy for play. I don't see how by me wearing either of them would be considered self collaring. I am not trying to protray to anyone that I am collared.  I am in a relationship but it has not moved to that level. And yes Sir will have me wear one of my collars when we go out sometimes, but it's more because he likes how i look in it then anything else.

Then again I don't have a problem with saying "sorry not interested", and if that doesn't work, being more straight forward and abrupt about not being interested. I've never hid behind a "symbol" or lied to get rid of someone.

Plus due to fashion styles and that fact that owned or not subs will wear collars, no one should automatically assume it means a submissive is owned. From what I understand, if the collar is locked then that is the symbol that one is owned, not just a collar around their neck. Though I have been known to be in error at times *S*

I guess, if a girl was specifically looking to meet someone and start a relationship, then wearing a collar might not be a good idea. But really, I say do what ever the heck pleases you until such time that you are owned and then you only have to worry about what pleases your Dominant.

In regards to the symbolism of wearing a wedding ring when you are not married.... well I wore a emerald and diamond ring on my "wedding ring" finger for close to 10 years and that never stopped anyone that i know of from either hitting on me or asking me out.  Why did I wear a ring on that finger that was not an engagement ring??  My mother gave it to me and that finger on the other hand already had one, I really didn't care what people thought, so that's where i wore the ring. *shruggs*

But again I agree, if you are single trying to meet someone, then being seen with a symbol that could be protrayed that you are already committed would not be a more enterprising idea.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/17/2006 12:16:39 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Unicorm2,

Even though I'm not owned, I like to wear one myself on a daily basis (the acne on my neck permitting ). I've recently come out of a bad relationship with a Dom who did not respect me, and my mom recently tried running my life again while being upset with me for wanting to know what would satisfy her expectations. I'm still working through my problems, but wearing that collar is kind of a reminder to me that I have to take care of myself, and I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own.

In light of the collar being a symbol of being owned by someone and therefore a deterrent: I'm looking for a Dom or Master who would keep me because I am worth keeping; not because I'm wearing a piece of jewelery that happens to be his. If he respected the fact that I was wearing a collar more than he respected me, then he might have been a poor match for me, anyway.

So what it all comes down to is this: if you want a collar that badly, I think you should just go ahead and get one. It might not and probably won't mean the same thing to you as it does to me, but then again, you should make your own opinion anyway. Just keep in mind that others are entitled to their own opinions too, and they will influence how they see you regardless of whether you're wearing a collar or not.

~Nicholas

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Uncollared vs. Self-collared. - 12/17/2006 1:55:34 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		If I were at a munch, and talking with a girl with a collar on (and no man attached to her arm, so to speak) I wouldn't immediately assume she was owned - but like with anyone I've just met, I also won't assume anything.  "I've been collared for six months" or "oh, I like how it feels on my neck" would come out sooner or later, if this person was interesting enough for me to want to talk to her.  Same goes for a wedding ring - there might be a story behind it, and she's actually single.

_____________________________

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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