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RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 9:45:04 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Calliope, I glanced at your profile and I note you're probably dealing with more than most of us.

My guess is you're probably much too hard on yourself.

I don't see forgiving too easily as a fault, only being cautious with that party the next time.



OMG HE LIVES!!!... welcome home petruchio


I don't want to get into a topic that we're not suppose to talk about. But my biggest weakness are my girls. That seems to be after much thought... my biggest problem. I have problems with peeps I meet on line.. and even off line.. to get a grip on reality and understand.... they come first and formost. They were here first.  And when i'm trying to be (noticed I said trying) told they do not come first..... I walk. Guess that's why i'm enjoying the single life. Because I know my weakness...and there's no compromise there. Now once they're outta the house... things of course are subject to change....but until then....


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 10:06:11 AM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline
quote:

but my question is what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them?

Some of my weaknesses I work at overcoming.
Some are a part of who I am; they are there for the duration of my lifetime.
Both are handled in the same way. One day at a time.
quote:

  Do you let them dictate your life?

Some do dictate my life, yes. Not because I let them; but because there is no easy way to eliminate them. I have learned to 'live' with them and to adapt.
quote:

  Do you hide them in a cupboard and pretend they aren't there?

Sometimes, yes, to a point. They do, eventually, have to come out at some point though.
quote:

  Do you do stuff to rid yourself of them?

Yes. I try daily to work on them; hopefully with the intention of either eliminating them completely, or coming to understand and accept them as a part of myself.
quote:

Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that? 


Yes
 
I see nothing wrong with a person having weaknesses as long as they are recognizable. It's when you deny that they are there that you begin to short-change yourself. With acceptance a person is than open to either change, or adaptability.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 10:55:47 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive). What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?


Yep.  However, I would say that they effect my ability to submit gracefully rather than submit kicking and screaming (the kicking and screaming is just done in my head but it is still there).  They effect my ability to be at peace in the moment and not my ability to actually do his will.  There is a time or two that it has taken every bit of internal strength that I have to do his will in that moment, but I always make the choice to do it because the consequence of not doing it is unacceptable to me.

The biggest thing that I am trying to do is just learn to accept what is and not what I think "should" be.  I have made the choice to do this, but it is a constant choice that I have to make at this time.  Each time a situation comes up and I feel an internal conflict I have to take a step back, look at the choices I am making and make different choices.  It can be very mentally draining and I am getting better at it... slowly.

We do not believe that any one person in the relationship should be responsible for solving issues.  We solve the issues together.  It may be a weakness that I brought into the relationship but it is not my issue or his issue alone to solve.  We do it together; they support me in working through mine and I support them in working through theirs.

Knight's kyra



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 12:51:13 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them? Do you let them dictate your life? Do you hide them in a cupboard and pretend they aren't there? Do you do stuff to rid yourself of them? Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that?


I mull them over and in the past 2 years i've brought them here to gain more light on how to think them over better.  I work to understand them better and how to deal with them better so i can rid myself of them.  I never just lay down and quit when it comes to something i find unappealing about myself.  I may take a short break from dealing with it, but i ultimately always try and conquer it.  So for me, i explore my weakness - hell i explore just about everything when it comes to myself - so i can better understand and work with it.

quote:

As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive). What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?


Most definetly.  I've many.  I try and fix them pretty much the same as above.  When i reach a stopping point in my thinking - i usually come here to get some more perspective on it.  There is only so much i can see myself.  I hand over the weakness that i see myself unable to conquer.  I will ask my Master for "help" with whatever area.  With his weaknesses, i try and help out too.  I talk to him and sometimes i bring them to light.  I simply explain what i see and what i think and let him do whatever he wishes with it.  If he wants to do something about it or not - thats his perogative. 

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 1:19:05 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I came to be a submissive to address a weakness, that i take over everything from my partners, then moan about how ineffectual they are. (though the last partner of 13yrs, was incredibly ineffectual from the start in hindsight, but love is blind).

So i set a situation up, where im not allowed to take over, where my partner is not allowed to become ineffectual, D/s.

This also addresses a weakness of mine, pride. I dont take help, even when i need to. From my Dominant, this seems ok. Expected even, and so i permit myself to 'take' for a change. Its lovely to feel cared for.

The need to control runs deep in me. So far, ive been two years as a submissive, its hard to give up control. Sometimes, it feels unbearable. Sometimes impossible. And scary? oh yeah! sure makes the learning curve feel rather vertical at times!
But i have learnt, i have developed, and things that were difficult to begin with are now easy. So change is occurring.
Until the chips are down, and luck is not good, and im suddenly surging with the need to take control. This occurs now only when things are going wrong, like a run of bad luck, money worries etc. I guess its a trust issue too.
I have to trust that my dominant will get us out of strife, and not take over. Really hard when your dominant has weaknesses too at times that cause the strife in the first place grrrr lol.

Whilst shopping yesterday, i was with my Dom, in a camping shop, and there before me, was one of my biggest weaknesses, in a little corner, sat a skin head, all pale blue jeans, red braces, trying on long laced up Dr Martin boots, the back of his head all shorn short, his ass tight in his jeans as he bent to lace one of the boots. Now, THAT is a weakness of mine, my desire to have him, there and then! lol
See, i can resisist, i can resist, weaknesses of the flesh at least.
littleone
But

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/17/2006 1:19:34 PM   
RUpainsmith


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		To me, any relationship is about growing together.  Acknowledging my weaknesses and working to reduce or correct them makes me a stronger person, just as it strengthens a submissive who does the same.  I know that a weakness of mine is my focus.  That sounds odd, but when something gets on my mind, it doesn't merely demand more of my thoughts, but all of them.  I can multitask, but performance in all areas suffers as a result.  When I get a song stuck in my head, I have to arrange it, and it will press before other arguably more important things like papers.  The same creativity can mean that when I find something at work that has really caught my attention, my house will start to look less well-kept.

No one's perfect; anyone who believes him or herself to be is exhibiting exactly the flaw that is not being acknowledged.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 5:59:22 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		O.K...so here is a dominant that will confess to one of his weaknesses.

And by the by...what L.A. noted is true...I have been chided by a couple of submissive friends before for being too polite and acting "too much the gentleman".  It is an area where a fine line needs to be walked...go too far and you become controlling and domineering rather than being "in control" and dominant...don't go far enough and you allow yourself to be manipulated and dominated (or topped) from the bottom.

Anyway...a weakness of mine...sometimes allowing arguments or discussions or debates (whatever you wish to call them) to go on too long with a submissive partner before saying "That's it...everything that needed to be brought out has been and I am going to take it all under consideration and make a decision.  The discussion is over."  I think that part of it comes from not wanting to be seen as "unfair" and trying to reconcile that with the idea and feeling inside myself that I chose to be the leader and that in my capacity as leader, I get to make the decisions.  Now...if I make enough wrong ones...she'll go away.  But realistically, I know that I can be making all the right ones and that with some people...declared submissive or not...the fact that their choice is not always what is followed is going to make them leave.  I have to get used to recognizing that ( I am better at it than I was 8 - 10 years ago) but it is hard to overcome a lifetime of doing things differently.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 6:10:03 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		As far as weaknesses go, I wish (once and for all) someone would explain to me the demarcation line as applied to the term: "Too sensitive" (as in: "Well. You're just too sensitive").
 
- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 6:36:17 PM   
Phoenix2raven


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline 		He said: The only realy effective way for me do deal with weakness is to try to find whats underneath it.Most times its fear of lossing something that I have or fear of not getting what I want. When I identify what that fear may be I resolutly turn inward and ask my self  when did I first feel this fear, is it because I am relying on my ego and how would it be different if I trust in God.Then ask for him to direct my attetion to what He would have me be "not do" because Im a humanbeing not a humandoing. All of this takes humility but I have found it is better to be humble than to eat humble pie! If I allow myself to act out of self (fear) then I simply try to repair any damage done to the people I have harmed. Again this takes humility but its better that running around like a bull in a china shop trying to "fix it" That in a nutshell is what works for me its not easy but its very rewarding in many ways.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 6:41:16 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I make sure everyone knows my weaknesses.. if they are used against you.. you then know who your friends are.
 
Actually.. other than chocolate, puppies and kittens.. I really don't have any.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 7:51:34 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that it is a difficult for many to admit or express that they have a weakness.  Admiting that one has a weakness is not something that generates alot of self-affirmations.  I believe we generally don't like to feel bad or see ourselves as less, therefore we often avoid looking or dealing with our weaknesses.  Unfortunately, if we can't look and deal with our weakness, how will we ever beable to overcome their affect upon us?  I find that if I shift my negative view or perception of my weaknesses, I am much more effective in overcoming them.  I look at weakness as Opportunities of Growth.  In viewing myself from the perspective of how I can improve and grow to be a better person, I find myself more successful in overcoming weaknessess.  Changing my preception of weakness from a negative view point to a positive allows me to avoids the emotional negativity that often comes with looking at ones weaknesses. 

My house is very much centered towards being a better and growing as person.  It is not enough to develop a specific skill.  I am focused on developing valued and positive character strengths.  Because one can flog better or serve better doesn't reflect as a person being better.  I seek to address motivations of character that are valued and admired by oneself and those that are important to oneself.  My relationships with my girls does not follow the mantra of Power Exchange... it instead is focused on a Power Enhancement Dynamic that reflects improving ones character.  It is my thoughts that valued and admired character traits improve and enhances a persons ability to act or not act as the case maybe and thus improves the Power of oneself.  This improvement of Power leads to overcoming and conquering of weaknesses.  It is never an destination but a journey and mindset of growth.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 8:24:55 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
None of us are without fault, I think pretty much everyone would agree with that..but my question is what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them? Do you let them dictate your life? Do you hide them in a cupboard and pretend they aren't there? Do you do stuff to rid yourself of them? Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that?

I do not let my weaknesses dictate my life, although they have in the past.  Nor can I tuck them away somewhere, as my Master will find them anyway, if I try.    I do try to face them and deal with them.  I currently have no plans to let weaknesses remain dormant in me.  I am aiming for self-perfection, after all :)

quote:


As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive).

Whether or not it affects my ability to submit depends on the weakness.  For the most part, my weaknesses no longer interfere with my submission.  That was not always so; they used to interfere a lot.  I would get in my own way.  My fear of abandonment and lack of self value would cause me to jump to the conclusion that he really doesn't care about me anyway and then those demons would spread throughout my mind like a cancer and bring us to an upheaval. I am confident that has been dealt with now.

I don't hand my weaknesses over to my Master, but I bring them to him as I do anything else, or he points them out to me if I don't see them.  Either way, they are exposed, and together they are dealt with.  I do the work, with his guidance and help.  He owns me, and that means all of me, so I am not alone with my weaknesses.  He won't fix them for me, but he is always there to help when I get lost.

quote:


What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?

LOL Don't you know he is perfect?!    I accept him for who he is, flaws and all.  He works on his weaknesses himself, and I provide him a place of respite when he wants, or a place to let out his frustrations, or whatever he wants.  It can be frustrating when I see him reacting as a result of a hang up or past baggage, and sometimes (depending what it is) I will ask him if he thinks he is oversensitized to that particular situation because of some history.  He is not God and he has fears and stresses and dark spots just like everyone else.  But I adore him and I stay the course regardless.

quote:


I think it takes a strong person to recognise their weaknesses and a wise person to recognise them and do something with them.

What is it that you do?


One area I have been working on is to create healthier boundaries with people.  Because of my past, I never learned to create healthy boundaries, and this caused me to be hurt by others repeatedly.  My Master recognized this before I did, and immediately set boundaries for me.  Some accused him of micromanaging but I needed that kind of help or I would have eventually put our relationship in jeopardy. Because I lacked in self confidence and self esteem, he assigned me tasks that he knew would challenge me, but that I could succeed in.  Incrementally he increased these challenges and in time my confidence grew and I began to think better about myself.  We spoke of these boundaries (or lack of) and it's been an ongoing, gradual process for me to see, learn and change.  With his help, my work, and the help of dear and honest friends, I am learning.  This is especially important to me now, given some things going on in my current life. 

I am never left on my own to face my weaknesses or anything else for that matter.  There may be issues I have to do all the work on, but I am never alone.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 9:17:45 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

None of us are without fault, I think pretty much everyone would agree with that..but my question is what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them? Do you let them dictate your life? Do you hide them in a cupboard and pretend they aren't there? Do you do stuff to rid yourself of them? Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that?


As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive). What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?




I will be honest in saying I have a brutal time dealing with some of my own weaknessess. I can be the strong shoulder for others, great in a crisis, as long as it;s someone elses crisis.    I have a bad habit of tucking it away, nice and tidy and out of the way in my subconscious, out o sight out of mind. Giving myself permission to feel weak from time to time is very difficult, to allow myself the release of tears or even anger is a challenge that I am working on. My biggest weakness is allowing myself to greive, I still struggle with that biggie.
It can be frustrating at times but that goes back to the whole bottling up the emotions thing.  I find that when I can act on my submissive nature is when I can release this grasping hold I seem to get when I am trying to cope with an emotion,  heavy play helps as well as it gives me that release valve to vent and scream and get out the toxic feelings I've tried to bottle up.
Rob is a darling and I think he has come to accept some of my weirdness, he knows when to leave me alone and knows when to push me to give me permission to let that weak side show.

Does it affect my submission? hmm not really sure, I've only ever really bottomed, not been in an actual submissive/structured relationship.  I think it does  effect me as a bottom  to some capacity,  my Top knows me well enough to see when I am trying to hide my weaknessess and doesn't let me get away with it as much as I try too.      I've learned that embrassing a weakness does not make a person weak but stronger for accepting it. 


denika

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 9:44:53 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I can be disgustingly insecure and can have intense fears of being abandoned.  The more I care for someone, the worse those weaknesses can become.  However, the only way I've known how to deal with this is by taking full responsibility for my weaknesses, and not expecting reassurance and comfort. 

This did cause problems in my submission in the beginning, only because when I became insecure, I'd pull away from my Master in an effort to manage these feelings privately.   We have worked very hard together over this, and I am now at a point where I can simply offer up my insecurities when they arise, and let them go into his hands.  Often times simply releasing them is enough.  The fears occur less often and with less intensity over time. 


(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 10:15:30 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I've got too many weaknesses to try and list; fortunately I believe everyone is phucked up in some way, so I don't take them or myself too seriously to ever consider myself ever strong or infallible.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/18/2006 11:12:53 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I'm really loving this thread, it feels really productive, I've really related to quite a few things people have said. A  particular comment or two made me think about different aspects of my own character that I hadn't thought about in awhile.

Thanks so much for sharing everyone

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/19/2006 2:36:10 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		I think the weakness aspect has been well addressed.

Someone mentioned Doms having trouble dominating because they feel they are too polite (this isn't addressed at Doms who believe that being nice -is- the way to dominate, that implies a whole other mindset than what I'm about to address.)

I try to be polite with my girl.  I say excuse me when I belch, I apologize when I step on her foot, and I say thank you when she brings me things.  I even say 'darling, could you please fetch me some coffee?'  From experience, she's learned that my polite "darling, could you please fetch me some coffee?" translates to "CUNT, if I don't have hot coffee in my hands in 180 seconds, there's gonna be hell to pay, and your ass is gonna cash that check!  MOVE!!"  Sometimes she decides to test that translation (after all, we're a bi-lingual houshold) the same way our black cat Constantine likes to test gravity with objects on the table.  Invariably, she gets the same treatment as the cat - a swift swatt on the butt.

I think the best phrase I've heard about being a Dominant is having an iron fist with a velvet glove.  The soft touch isn't necessarily the weak touch.


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/19/2006 7:01:24 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

I think the best phrase I've heard about being a Dominant is having an iron fist with a velvet glove.  The soft touch isn't necessarily the weak touch.


 
Exactly.

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/19/2006 7:36:30 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

I think the best phrase I've heard about being a Dominant is having an iron fist with a velvet glove.  The soft touch isn't necessarily the weak touch.


 
Exactly.


I love that also.

It is humorous to me when anyone ever says I am too nice. Anyone that has ever been close to me in my life on a day to day basis would look at the person saying it incredulously, then laugh uncontrollably. AFTER double checking to see if I was in earshot and gauging to see if I was going to laugh also.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Weaknesses.... - 12/19/2006 3:02:17 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I have lots of weaknesses. I don't worry too much about them...when they need addressing, they get addressed. I don't have a great deal of angst about my failings. I expect my Master has had a strong bearing on that......he hasn't ever made heavy weather of stuff that I'm rather crap at. A lot of my weaknesses are things that I wouldn't be without.

In terms of submitting, then yes.........the fact that I don't like being told what to do and can be bloody-minded when I am, certainly affects the WAY I submit.

I am not brilliant at sticking to certain things, so if I want to achieve something specific, I tell him so and he makes SURE I achieve it........whether I like the process or not.

I have no idea if my Master has any weaknesses, it's not something I've noticed over the years nor discussed , really. My guess is that the way he is just happens to *suit* the way I am......maybe another person would find weaknesses that I'm blind to.....unless they impact on me, who cares?

agirl




(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 40
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