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Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 7:33:33 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am remembering how I literally used to shiver and shake whenever my ex (and only) Dominant held me close. It was like a reaction to being cold and also having an orgasm, in many ways. He didn't even need to do anything in particular, really  - just hold me or hug me, or sometimes just stand next to me to have me react this way. 

We recently parted ways on not very amicable terms. And despite that, I can't seem to help myself. I miss that feeling. And sometimes, I miss him (although I won't go back there, ever, ever). Is this unusual?

I am reminded when I think of him, of the lyrics of that song "Back on the Train" by Chryssie Hynde (of the music group "The Pretenders"). She is one of my favorites -
"Like a  break in the battle, was your part.
In the wretched life of a lonely heart".

"Now it's back on the train. Back on the chain gang."

I just miss that closeness, is all, I suppose. It was like a warm blanket and unique to him, though. This year, I am not liking the holidays as much as usual.
I can deal, though. Forgive my whining and crying, please.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/16/2006 8:07:06 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 8:19:13 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		The holidays often times bring on the blues...Sometimes it is a time for introspection,a time to recall years past, to see the direction our lives have taken..To sometimes make decisions to alter its course or to continue upon the same path...It is natual...A new year is close to beginning and many sometimes think..(as do I)...is this all there is?..is this all I was meant to do or be?..its all good SusanO...and normal...be well..and happy holidays..Tempting

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 8:25:30 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the sweet thoughts. I appreciate it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 8:54:16 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		If I was there I would hug you..but I'm not so wanna cyber? heh {cyber warm fuzzy hugs to you}******

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"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 9:04:31 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		For some of us, we are both fortunate enough... and cursed... to have known something rare and wonderful in our lives.  And then to have lost it.  How it happens changes from one story to the next and yet in each there is that common echo of something that touched us so deeply it cannot be forgotten... and so, it never truly dies.  To remember such things fondly is natural, and perhaps it is impossible to do otherwise.  Some things were not meant to be forgotten and even mighty Time bows humbly to such moments.  That we have known such joys is our blessing, and that we have lost them is our curse.  To these of us is left simply this... the future... and the hope that it may yet hold something even better.

Once I had the rarest rose,
That ever deemed to bloom.
Cruel winter chilled the bud,
And stole my flower too soon.
 
So it was... and so it is that Spring will come again, and new flowers may yet bloom. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 9:11:27 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		I remember that Pretender's Chain Gang song and I can understand that its hard edge can rough cut some of the pain. Year and years ago I used to listen to an old Stone's song I didn't even particularly like, Under My Thumb, because it was bitter and hard edged. Meatloaf is another with that surgical steel to cut through the hurt. In the mid-70s the group Nazareth did a remake of a Roy Orbison song, Love Hurts. Don McLean did a sad remake of another Orbison song, Crying.

I understand some of your feeling. A few years ago I left someone I'd been with 8-1/2 years. I was still in love with her, but I steeled myself that as gorgeous and sexy as she was, I could never, ever let her back in my life. I'd never imagined I'd ever be in that position of loving someone and forever leaving her.

I've been talking about myself, but I hope you understand that you aren't walking alone and that in the path of your pain, others have gone before and more will follow.

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 10:48:27 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the support. There really are very nice people here.

slavejali: You are so sweet I could just reach throught the screen and hug you! Your Master is a very lucky man. 

Pariag: Good poem! Thanks for the support.
I am usually not so dreary (really). Life gets a little blue for awhile, and then it will move on. I know it will.

Petruchio: I really liked Chryssie Hynde as a songwriter. I remmeber the beginning to the part of that song I liked the best. it starts out so simply, like an accident happens...

"I found a picture of you. Oh oh ohoho ohhh! Those were the happiest days of my life! Like a break in the battle was your part..Oh oh oh ohhh! In the wretched life of a lonely heart". She writes such great lyrics, and when they combine w/the music they are awesome, I think .

I also used to like that song by Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son (what great lyrics). Also Magic Man by Heart (good lyrics there, too). Apparently, I am into lyrics.

Prince, on the other hand was always someone from the 1980's
I thought was a great musician and a terrible lyricist. "When Doves Cry" - remember that one? The lyrics were so stupid they just made me want to scream. Not an ounce of poetry to be found - anywhere. But he can really write music.

The Pretenders were probably my favorite "meaningful" 1980's rock group. There were so many groups I loved from the 80's though - I coulodn't anme them all if I tried. It was "my party era". I don't think I ever spent a night at home that entire decade, almost.

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/16/2006 11:38:05 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:26:00 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I can relate to you very much this Holiday Season Susan.
The last 2 years were spent with my first Domina and she is from a huge Italian family. I loved the family atmosphere and closeness, not to mention all the great food. From Nov. until New Years we we're out and about. Then there were the special evenings as you spoke of where we put up the tree and decorations together, snuggled and drank egg-nogg, having fun enjoying our kinks, it all made me feel so safe and content.
Or going out the night before X-mas eve and driving around looking at all the beautiful lights.
 
This year having split (amicably) from my ex. it seems so quiet and lonely. We are still friends and I can call and talk to her anytime I want but it's not the same.
 I have my son and mother here and some friends but it just is not the same as being in Chicago with my(ex) Domina and experiencing all those special times that are so enhanced for me with the D/s dynamic.
 
Hope some things will happen to inspire you to embrace and enjoy the Holidays and many possible exciting days ahead.. There are chances you will feel those chills again with someone new. I know I'm trying to remain open and take in the magic that can still be there for me if I chioce to let it in.
 
Peace out....Missy.

.

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But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:30:52 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		If we're talking songs that say beautiful things, or evoke strong emotions, I have to nominate "Teenage Angel" and "Dust" by Addict. Phenomenol, and capable of bringing tears to my eyes even now, ten years after the memories they draw up.

And if you can tolerate country, there's always "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. So many others come to mind, but I'd rather not spend anymore time on this train of thought.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:36:08 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		My heart goes out to you. It's great when someone from a big, happy family makes someone for whom that maybe isn't the case (or even if it is) feel welcome in their home during the Holidays. It's gotta be harder,though, when that someone is an ex-lover.

I used to drive my mother crazy when she was alive, bringing strangers home for dinner for Holidays who had "no place else to go". Well, they weren't strangers to me, necessarily (but to the rest of my family they were). My dad never cared, but -

There was usually something just weird enough about them for my mother to drag me into the other room and say: "Where is this person from, Suzie? How did you meet them? How well do you know them? Are you friends with this person? Where do they live? etc. Too fat, funny clothes, weird accent - you name it (mom was good to us, but a bit of a snob, at times). I did it because I cared, not to bug her. On her deathbed, she said she thought it was one of my best qualities, though.

I miss my mother. I miss my husband. I miss my ex-Dominant. The holidays can suck. But, things will improve (I need some sleep).
Memories are hard and also sweet, sometimes.

I have a pretty nice and close and sane immediate family. I consider myself lucky (really). I know so many people, it seems, for whom this is definitely not the case.

I know this guy is in his huge house all alone now. I remember the first time I met him, I said: "Where do you live?" (I was just making silly casual conversation. I honestly didn't care where he lived). He said: "In a big house with four very empty bedrooms". Well, they are still empty.

But it's not my fault (it's not).  No use looking back too much, I guess. I ocassionally do wonder what happened to people I dated long ago (not that there were that many. Five, tops, maybe). This has been one of "those" kind of nights. Life goes on, I spose.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/16/2006 11:55:27 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to brightspot)
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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:38:09 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

And if you can tolerate country, there's always "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. So many others come to mind, but I'd rather not spend anymore time on this train of thought.

I am familiar with "The Dance". Very, very good song, in my opinion.

- Susan  

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:50:15 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Don't talk of love;
I've heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber
of feelings that have died.
If I never loved
I never would have cried.
I am a rock, I am an island.

That was my mantra for a while, from an ancient Simon and Garfunkel song.

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/16/2006 11:52:58 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		That's a great song, too. Gosh this has gotta be harder, I am thinking, if one is a Domly Dom kinda guy (can't let those emotions show, etc.)
It is true, "Better to have loved and lost".. I do believe that is very true.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/16/2006 11:54:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 2:01:05 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Susan, I think you need to listen to Reba doing Sweet Music Man for a bit.  It always pulled me through these periods....  http://artists.letssingit.com/reba-mcentire-lyrics-sweet-music-man-9fpgc3j


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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 2:18:20 AM   
MadameMonique


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Gosh, I can relate with the holiday blues.   I get very lonley during the festive season.  I am single and have no signifigant other or children, My family is all interstate, I havnt had a family xmas in over 8 years, and all my friends this time of the year are terribly busy and have family related obligations of their own.... I feel like crawling into a hole and not comming out for the entire month of December.

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 2:32:17 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Quivver I loved that song!! Thanks! I appreciate it a lot (I am going to buy it, I think).

Madame Monique: I hope this Christmas (or whatever "holiday" you celebrate" isn't to painful. It's gotta be a drag with no family in town. My sisters and I argued all the time when we were younger, but never anymore. I hope Santa brings you something invaluable: Happiness at Christmas!

You know, I am not normally a materialistic person. But today I am just going to spoil myself rotten. I am going to take a nice, long bubble bath, and then I am giving myself a French manicure. Then I am taking myself to lunch or brunch at The French Cafe' (the fanciest retaurant in downtown). Then I am going to get a new hair-cut (am trying to grow it longer, but it needs a trim). To heck with it - I deserve it, darn it! Then I am going to come home and watch It's a Wonderful Life for the 4007th time, and have popcorn with my dogs (they like to play "catch" w/popcorn).

Maybe you could try something similar, if it would make you feel better, Madame Monique?

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/17/2006 2:47:50 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MadameMonique)
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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 3:03:33 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Susan, I admire your threads and the way you get your personal feelings down so well, but I take a different tack here.  Although, I, too, have experienced the emotional rush of a cracked and faded photo, the ability to forget things is something we all must have. It is necessary for our current happiness.

Memories of happy times are not going to make you happy. Whatever has happened is the rooting that causes the flower to bloom and that is what I want to admire and see the petals move ever so slightly with my breath.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 3:15:45 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		You are right. I know you are right. Moving on is better. Gosh I have such good examples in my family to look at in this regard (particulazrly my grandmother on my father's side). And also some here at CM (females who have dealt w/similar situations, but yes, men too). Everything happens for a reason.

At least, that is Sylvia Brown's philosophy (the so-called "psychic". I know many probably think she is cracked but - her theory is that people planned almost every aspect of their lives before they incarnated (were born). Where they would be born, who their parents would be, and friends, neighbors and lovers - all with the purpose of influencing their own (and others') spiritual growth. Of course, after one incarnates, they forget their plan, or else it wouldn't be enough of a challenge to promote the soul's growth.

So, if someone gets cancer, it's because they planned it that way presumably for their own "good", so their soul could grow, etc. In her opinion, that is the only reason we are down here at all. Of course this puts a whole new perspective on the people who really go trhough "hell on Earth" (severely mentally ill homelss people, starving Africans, etc). They are the bravest ones, acc. to Sylvia. But - anyone here is actually pretty brave. Acc. to her, almost nobody wants to come to planet Earth because it's just too hard from a spiritual standpoint (compared to the "Other side").Which is where one gets to go when one is done living life here.

This theory doesn't negate the concept of free will at all as people can still choose not to follow their "game plan" (or screw it up). But - they've got one. I don't know whether she is right or not, but it males as much sense to me as other things I've read.

In any case, I do believe things happen for a reason.

Thanks for the reply, Ex-Steel.

- Susan    

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/17/2006 3:38:26 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 3:40:13 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Maybe there is no freewill and everything is predestined,  but I'm going to keep telling myself I have freewill. I'm going to fight the noble fight in the face of it all and that, by itself, makes me special. I'm like the person about to be executed. They may tell me it is hopeless to struggle, but I'll damn sure feel better about it if I fight.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Distant melancholy-sweet memories - 12/17/2006 3:44:37 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, this theory includes free-will. The "plan" people have for themselves is sort of an "outline" re: What character aspects of themsleves they want to "work on" and how and when they want to "get there". When a particular circumstance arrives, they can still react to it however they want. For instance, I could have stayed with my ex-Dominant (but I had a suspicion it would screw up my life, which is (my best guess) probably correct).

I have a sneaking suspicion I am supposed to work on patience and addictive behavior (had an alcohol "issue" decades ago, which I have since worked on to my satisfaction) and a few other things. Trust could be one, too. Self-acceptance, possibly. I am not altogether sure. 

I am not saying I believe what she says is absolutely true, i just find it an intriguing idea. Who knows?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/17/2006 3:48:36 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
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