RE: a submissives need for physical contact

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LadyHugs -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/21/2006 6:18:25 PM)
Dear dawntreader, Ladies and Gentlemen; I am a firm believer that both Dominants and submissive/slaves a like need physical contact. If there is a time where there is forced gaps between physical touch and scent and or voice; I can assemble a package where I will put something I have worn into it, as to open when needed just to feel me through an article of clothing or something else...like jewelry, shoes, etc. It is that article that is a part of me that is there which will trigger the mind, as the power of scent and feel can do a lot. Phone calls. Letters and notes, now days E-mail. Having the slave maintain the rituals and routines will also help. In my absence, it is also a great opportunity to get the house in 'inspection' order; white glove inspection. Things like rolling the carpet up, having it sent out for a good cleaning, rewaxing the floors and such. Major repairs, painting rooms and such can keep a slave busy while not there. I will admit, the first thing I wish to do when I meet my slave, is to embrace them with all the emotions I have to offer and be grateful I had a faithful slave to return to. Such a blessing. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

Petruchio -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/21/2006 7:40:01 PM)
I won't requote everything LadyHugs said, but I agree. There are exceptions, of course, people raised with little or no affection and physical contact. Think 'wire monkey'. I actually heard a mother brag she never hugged her son because it would 'spoil' him. She really epitomizes the case for tubal ligation. Even if you don't feel like cuddling, the cost is small and you may benefit without realizing it.

acctonthelook -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/21/2006 9:33:01 PM)
This pushed my emotional pain button of late: I'm having a hard enough time letting go of my Dom, that was doing all of this in training, BUT i was too needy and weak to except that his work, his being married (which was not disclosed b4 i was hooked in emotionally) and his time was not given enough, for me to handle this lesson below. i am really having a hard emotional time with my decision to let him go, even though i made the right one. i feel as if the rug has been torn out from underneath me. my needs were never being met. i realise he was training me, but i am too needy of his attention to deal with being last on his priority list. he said he'd make time. his actions said different. he said he was a man of his word and he was not like all the rest, he failed me. 0h well i'm going on a pitty and moan session no one wants to hear. My advice, let their actions speak b4 you give your heart and emotions! Training should not be a source of in balance, for me his actions in this way were not healthy for me and my situation. i have certain issues and i feel he used it as a 'tool' to hurt b/c he rarely gave me any reward. His warning of him being down right cruel at times is well heeded...if i ever hear that line again from another Dom - I think I will run like the wind!!!! quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress not only are they normal, they are expected, and a good dominant will utilize yours feelings of neediness, and sexual ache, and desire for intimacy as a tool to craft your submission. the idea is, that every action has an equal reaction, many of the more effective techniques of training actually have roots on NLP neural linguistic programming, POW breaking techniques, Parenting, Sociology, Animal husbandry and Psychiatry. but basically you are being trained...training is in essence the same weather the being is a dog, a horse or a human....establish trust, set boundaries rules and limitations, be the only access they being has to a favored reward, and then you have the full attention of your subject and can more easily mold them to your will.. be consistent, use repetition and keep some secrets as to the game plan....keeping you off balance is a very effective tool. after a while you are trained. you know what he expects and you no longer mess up...this brings you great joy, your natural submissiveness has been effectively harnessed and utilized in a way that nourishes you both... this will come after a time, and in that time there will be tears and fears, trials and tribulations, ...and then one day....seeemingly out of the blue....peace... sure the relationship will grow and evolve...but you no longer can be thrown off center...you have no fear of this man no matter what he does....this is a great mile stone... but also a sort of sad one..because the butterflies in your belly at all times is a great feeling too....and as i always recommend to n00bs to savor it as long as you can[:)]

dawntreader -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 4:22:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U Perhaps it is not a desire to not have your company but an attempt to spare both of you from questions he's not willing to deal with. Part of being an adult is realizing that we don't always get what we want, even from those that love us. This throw the baby out with the bathwater approach seems less than appropriate. Either he sees me because I want it or he doesn't love me. Are you sure that this function is one where your presence would be appropriate or do you just want his time for yourself? Thankyou for your thought inspiring reply. The night in question involved 2 functions: 1 in which He would have had to deal with questions from co-workers, and the other was a more intimate party among fellow marshal artists. My presence was not required or appropriate for either... It was my "need" that perpetuated my post and there was a lesson about myself to be learned in the situation. However, it was the advice i received in this thread that was very helpful when i went to Him to discuss the feelings that were causing me angst. As i stated to Crouching tigress' post, i am barely out of the starting gate and cannot trust myself with impartial perspective - which is why i appreciate the advice and thoughts expressed by those with experience.

dawntreader -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 5:02:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHugs Dear dawntreader, Ladies and Gentlemen; I am a firm believer that both Dominants and submissive/slaves a like need physical contact. If there is a time where there is forced gaps between physical touch and scent and or voice; I can assemble a package where I will put something I have worn into it, as to open when needed just to feel me through an article of clothing or something else...like jewelry, shoes, etc. It is that article that is a part of me that is there which will trigger the mind, as the power of scent and feel can do a lot. Phone calls. Letters and notes, now days E-mail. Having the slave maintain the rituals and routines will also help. In my absence, it is also a great opportunity to get the house in 'inspection' order; white glove inspection. Things like rolling the carpet up, having it sent out for a good cleaning, rewaxing the floors and such. Major repairs, painting rooms and such can keep a slave busy while not there. I will admit, the first thing I wish to do when I meet my slave, is to embrace them with all the emotions I have to offer and be grateful I had a faithful slave to return to. Such a blessing. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs Lady Hugs, Thankyou for your reply and the advice it contained. i always read what you post to others here and admire the thought and respect you give each poster you reply to. i am flattered you would reply to me. In the 8 months since i "jumped" into my exploration of my submissive nature and my relationships with dominates, it has primarily been a crash course in the good and the bad, exposure to many forms of bdsm - some of it quite prematurely, and the volumes of conflicting information. To balance this with other aspects of my composition has been a challenge. my current Dom is different from any other Dom i know, while still adhering to fundamental characteristics and principles of domination that i am familiar with. He is encouraging me to be more open, to move past my insecurities. It is my own experiences and inexperience that are my "Achilles heel". This thread has been very helpful in giving me courage to discuss my needs with Him, in spite of my fear of rejection. Thankyou so much for your reply LadyHugs.

dawntreader -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 5:05:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Petruchio I won't requote everything LadyHugs said, but I agree. Thankyou :-)

dawntreader -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 5:18:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: acctonthelook my needs were never being met. i realize he was training me, but i am too needy of his attention to deal with being last on his priority list. he said he'd make time. his actions said different. he said he was a man of his word and he was not like all the rest, he failed me. i have had this experience as well and it almost broke me. Everyone has an opinion on the "right" way to enter a relationship but i have found as a submissive, it is so different than in the vanilla world. Right or wrong, i have striven to give 100% to nurture each new/potential relationship...how else will i know if it will work if i hold back?. Unfortunately, while each failed situation is still a learning experience, the emotional pain creates a wall that needs to be broken by the next Dom. Which i guess that is the appeal of the novice sub, less walls to be broken, less training to undo... but as in my case, not always true.

crouchingtigress -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 6:28:44 AM)
how are things going? has anything changed?

dawntreader -> RE: a submissives need for physical contact (12/22/2006 6:53:36 AM)
Thankyou for asking :-) Yes, He and i spoke a bit about this, thanks to your advice i handled myself better than i would have. He knows my greatest fear is another abandonment . He is coming this afternoon and at some point we will discuss this issue in more detail. Thankyou again for your words of experience.

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