a slave's journey

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backseatbebe -> a slave's journey (12/18/2006 12:56:25 PM)
i am at a cross roads and thought i would ask some experinced slaves to help me with some advice..... i am an experinced sub who would like to become a slave Though i fight fears of loosing who i am by becoming Someone's pet/slave It's been very easy accpeting my role as a sub because i love who i am and what choices ive made (even though who i am can be very different from my submissive side). i should note that i do not hide from my kinky side and am very honest about my lifestyle. But how do you know when you are ready or really want to be stripped of your own identity and be seen only as a pet/slave? How do you prepare yourself to give in to those fears? Fears for loosing who you are, not knowing if it will work out in the end, trusting Someone who you only sees you as a slave/pet, can love even form a Owner who doesnt see you as a "person"? i also have a hard time understanding if im lowering myself (accepting my place below others)or highering myself (being/doing what is best for me, submitting). Although i enjoy the humilation and degradation i do think highly of myself (intelligent, social, etc), which kinda defeats the process of being moulded into a "prefect" slave. i would love to hear all Yyour thoughts. and thank Yyou Eevryone in advance for sharing experiences or knowledge about this issue.

slavejali -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 1:06:29 PM)
quote: But how do you know when you are ready or really want to be stripped of your own identity and be seen only as a pet/slave? Wherever you go, there you are - there is no identity to be lost that matters in the slightest. We identify ourselves with lots of things, those identifications just based on the circumstances of life, those identifications fictitious at best. There is nothing "true" to be lost in being a slave...you cannot lose your "self". "Wherever you go, whatever you do, there you are". I see the word slave as a descriptive form for the action of submission within a Master/slave relationship. Really what else is it? We are not born slaves. We do not participate against our will. There is no one gonna hunt us down and kill us if we run away. I think we can be slaves to our hearts desires of wanting/needing to "submit" to whatever is comfortable and pleasing to us. The ties that bind, however invisible, can appear very very real, perhaps they are..and we are in fact "real slaves" in the true sense of the word. Giving over control to someone can be scary, and thoughts like you are having naturally arise....but really..when you think about it, there is nothing to fear...as long as you have "chosen" your owner wisely. Being a slave to someone does not mean you suddenly become less intelligent, less creative, less anything. You cannot run away from your self, you will always be "you". Addition: I think it takes a high degree of intelligence to realise the things I'v said above..and considering you consider yourself intelligent, you should have no problem understanding that grin.good luck to you and have fun [:)]

BDSM05478 -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 1:42:04 PM)
oh backseatbabe I wish to express that becoming or developing into slave does not mean you are now a shadow or shell of your current self. For me it is not based on having NO identity but being, becoming, living as my Owner/Daddy/Master/Husband basically my Everything see's me or wants me to be..... If you met me on the street you would not say or even think I was someone's slave but see me around him and that's a whole other ball game. It is what you and him need and then set out to live that way. Yes some see erotic slavery as nothing more than living as an object but they are into objectifications (I would assume lol) All that said, in my own situation, opinion and ideals about wiitwd, to go deeper into your submission requiers only alot of trust in your D , open mindedness, honest communacation and a few new tricks or talents. With out those things growth of any kind could not only be impossible but could be dangerous mentally and physically.

starshineowned -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 1:45:30 PM)
Greetings..~smiles~ There is always a risk of loosing your self in any relationship dynamic, and loss of self I don't see as very healthy. Loss of identity to me is different, and alot of degree's. Women that get married have been having this happen for ever when they take on their husbands last name. When comes to the crossroad of deciding to be a slave..they hopefully are coming to it after having spent alot of time really knowing themselves to discover what is missing, and once finding that..understanding that it is not something they can ever achieve or gain on their own, and making that decision of wether it is something that they can go on happily living without or not. If not..then do not look to it as loosing yourself..but getting the opportunity to discover the parts of you that are missing. Those parts that alot often deny or hide, and or have determined are not needed really to be happy and fulfilled. To me it is nothing more than finding the honesty within myself to recognize that my identity without being a slave is not true. Maybe it is often why at times you will hear slaves say it is a great freedom because you can finally be yourself. Doesn't sound to me like they feel they have lost themselves in the slightest but were granted a chance to finally find themselves amongst all the muck and mire. Sometimes I think more that the fears people might feel about this is the fact that they fear being themselves. It isn't after all the social norm or even remotely acceptable. Upbringing and bombardments of all kinds often have a significant impact on persons to be this or that but never allow a person to just be who they are. No fear..good luck..and talk talk talk Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

MsBearlee -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 1:54:43 PM)
Hmmmmm…which comes first; giving your power to someone or finding someone to whom you want to give that power? I believe that, if you find yourself in a loving, trusting relationship how much you let go will grow exponentially; as the trust does. Giving yourself to someone who cares for you doesn’t mean you loose yourself or become something else. Your partner presumably fell for you as you are…other than the joy of your offering yourself; why would that person want you to change? Personally, I think that as two people grow in this ‘lifestyle’; as their trust in one another depends and each is able to take on the side of M/s or D/s to which they fit…the more they both grow and the greater each becomes….even as they stay WHO they have always been. Beverly

akisha -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 2:17:01 PM)
To be honest I lost more of my self identity when i was in a nilla relationship then I ever did in a D/s one. Like everyone else said... Submitting to someone else only means you consentingly gave up degrees of your will, not your identity or sense of self. If you feel you are a submissive or a slave then really, by giving yourself over to another then you are being more true to your self then if you didn't.

Voltare -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 2:47:21 PM)
bebe, Why are you convinced that becoming a submissive/slave/pet more fully will result in a loss of your own identity? More than a few submissives fantasize about eternal servitude, being locked, chained, molded, stripped of their very personalities and identities. Then the alarm clock rings, and there are children to feed, shirts to mend, jobs to wrestle with, bills to pay, sick owners to care for, the list goes on. Honestly, most Dominants are going to be interested in you because of your personality - not your willingness to erase it. Stephan

Caitriona -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 2:49:34 PM)
I struggled with the fear of "losing myself" for quite awhile, but over time I have realized something: For me, being His is never a loss because I choose it. As akisha said, I gave up my will to do his will. Just as that was a choice, so is obedience and service. I was not forced into this role. In many ways this journey is changing who I am intb a more honest version of myself.

NControlofU -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:07:22 PM)
You should never feel the need to "lose" your identity for the sake of being a slave, unless, of course, you don't like your identity, then I suppose you might want to. You should be yourself, always, and enjoy being a slave, if that's what you truly want to be. My slave, slavegirljoy, did not give up her identity to become my slave. I wanted to own her as my very own slave *because* of her identity. She is still the same person she has always been and will always be. There is nothing to change about her, other than a tatoo here or there and a piercing or two. It was her individual and unique personality that attracted me to her, along with her sincere desire to be owned and to serve me 24/7 and do everything I tell her to do, without hesitation or question. If she were to "lose" her identity, in any way, she would not be serving my needs. She is a whole person, with needs and wants and ideas of her own, and as her Owner/Master, I care about her needs, wants, and ideas. I own the whole package and wouldn't want anything less. My slave is not "lower" or "higher" than anyone else. She is a person, like everyone else. I just happen to be the very fortunate Master that owns her. Hope this helps you, in some way. David

backseatbebe -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:19:51 PM)
thank Yyou for Eeveryones sound advice so far if Yyou dont mind i would like to clear some things up and ask further questions slave jali....i guess its not about loosing my identity but more of letting go of what i worked so hard to become. but this "when you think about it, there is nothing to fear...as long as you have "chosen" your owner wisely" did help ease my mind stars shined owned...i understand "Maybe it is often why at times you will hear slaves say it is a great freedom because you can finally be yourself. Doesn't sound to me like they feel they have lost themselves in the slightest but were granted a chance to finally find themselves amongst all the muck and mire. Sometimes I think more that the fears people might feel about this is the fact that they fear being themselves." But i worked so hard to find myself and now im finding out that the personality traits that made me who i am arent excatly good qualities for a slave. such as....... (which crosses into what MsBearlee had to say)...independence, strong control over life choices, assertiviness/aggresiveness, rebelious ways, and scarasim. so there is good reason why they might want some of those personality traits tamed. Even if these are the traits my partner has gotten to know. and last but not least akisha...what if it is goes beyond degrees of will. i love the mind aspect of submitting including indentifiying as a slut, whore, pet, etc. Though easily we can play these games and say these things and not believe them but what is the point of becoming a slave then? So has anyone crossed that line of understanding/accpeting that they are nothing more than a "stupid whore"?

nikaa -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:22:45 PM)
But how do you know when you are ready or really want to be stripped of your own identity and be seen only as a pet/slave? Although there are some slaves who see themselves as nothing more than "x's slave" that is not the norm in my opinion. I know for myself, my Master would NEVER ask me to loose or give up who I am simply because I wear his steel. Truth of the matter is I am in his steel because of who I am. He loves my sarcasm in moderation(as long as it is NOT directed towards him), he loves my independence, my strong will. He has helped me learn to control my tongue, I am tongue it a double edge sword at times. He has taught me tact although I don't see that as me loosing myself simply, me growing. That being said, I personally beleive that when you find that right person you will simply find that giving up that control isn't so hard. We all have those days were we don't want to take care of someone else, yet alone obey. Goddess knows those days can and will come but the right person will make you want to serve and be pleasing even on those days because you crave knowing you are pleasing them, or that touch, or those simple words "you are pleasing mine." In the end follow your heart and be true to yourself. I hope you find peace on your journey regardless of the label(s) you may wear.

MsBearlee -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:24:33 PM)
Well said, akisha! And...(as I am so fond of saying...) everything is relative! One M/s relationship includes when (and how!!!) to pee, what to wear, eat, read and the Master controls the money…amongst most other stuff. In another, just as good M/s relationship will have a Master who prefers not to micromanage and makes the slave manage the books! To each their own… How much control you (any submissive/slave) end up giving will be directly related to how much your partner wants to accept! But remember, the brightest and the strongest Dominant/Masters generally prefer submissives and slaves who are also strong and bright and capable. At least, that’s what I believe Beverly

MsBearlee -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:29:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Voltare ... More than a few submissives fantasize about eternal servitude, being locked, chained, molded, stripped of their very personalities and identities. ... Yeah, and that kind of stuff is an absolute BLAST for a weekend with your significant other. I believe 24/7 with someone you trust includes the rest of the stuff you mentioned too, Voltare...all the every-day stuff plain ol' vanilla has to offer. The fantasy stuff, for me...is for playtime! Maybe that's just me though, MsB

Voltare -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:30:45 PM)
If you were to ask me, quote: (which crosses into what MsBearlee had to say)...independence, strong control over life choices, assertiviness/aggresiveness, rebelious ways, and scarasim. So which of these qualities were you saying is bad? My girl is independent (stubbornly so), receives constant encouragement to pursue her own life choices, she is assertive, aggressive, downright RUDE to some people, and half an hour ago, I told her to 'stand up' using 'the Tone' only to her a 'no' response (which she was adequately spanked for it, by the way) and one of the most sarcastic women I've ever met - directly to me, no less. I wouldn't trade her for the world. Seriously, you won't have to become someone new, and leave behind someone you are proud of. You just need to patiently let yourself admit what you like, enjoy it, and be mindful not to submit to just anyone. Find a person who will accept and love you, for who you are, and you'll find most of the traits you fear make you a bad submissive will actually be everything he ever wanted in a girl. Edit: No question that I enjoy those things for playtime - it's one thing to objectify a girl for an hour. Quite another to do it for ten years.

MsBearlee -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:35:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caitriona ... I gave up my will to do his will. Just as that was a choice, so is obedience and service. I was not forced into this role. In many ways this journey is changing who I am intb a more honest version of myself. Yummie! "Obedience and service is choice." Good to remember...just as the fact that we generally choose one partner with whom to share this lifestyle. Obedience and service, as well as protection and guidence, are generally shared only with our chosen partner... For me, there is nothing to loose and everything to gain in a D/s life. Beverly

crouchingtigress -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:52:11 PM)
are you happy with who you are? have you made good choices up to this point? are you able to recognize bad choice and course-correct? are you making the sort of choices now in your life that nourish you? that is what a slaves journey is.....making a series of nourishing choices. trust yourself to continue making good decisions...you will be fine...and besides we are all here any time you need us for advice, education or even a hug.

MsBearlee -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 3:53:46 PM)
There are a few women who enjoy debasement to the point of rolling in filth, being called a stupid whore…even being treated like a stupid whore…and worse. Check out a wonderful woman called FemCar…the degree to which she can be objectified and degraded is astounding. Yet, her husband adores her…by all accounts this strong, intelligent woman has a wonderful relationship. She is torn down and carefully rebuilt…at least that is how I would describe it. She is not always a stupid whore, slut, pig…any more than she is just a stupid whore, slut, pig…She is always his beloved, bright, strong, partner, too! They call it ego-bashing, btw. I still have the Presenter’s Schedule/Information from Denver’s Thunder In The Mountains 2006 (2007: http://www.thunderinthemountains.com). If you would like the bio/info on their presentation last July, write me on the other side; I’d be glad to share it) Anyway, I just wanted to share that, no matter how low you go during play…it is never all that you become or only what you are. Just my take, Beverly

gretchenS -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 4:09:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Voltare Seriously, you won't have to become someone new, and leave behind someone you are proud of. I agree to this. You don't change yourself when you become a slave to someone who likes your "every day" personality. Now, I've always been submissive and became a slave to my Daddy a year ago; in my experience, you do trade certain things for better ones. For example, I lost the "don't give a rats a** about your feelings, so shut the f*ck up" quality, for the "Damn! I know what you're saying and do care about what you feel" one. I laugh and enjoy life a lot more now than ever before. Sure, the laughter comes also with harder tears, but is all part of living your life. Being a slave to a great loving Master will change a few things about you, and you will love it. It won't change who you are at all.

BDSM05478 -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 4:14:00 PM)
all those traits are only a problem if you and your Dom think they are..... Hell my duties and responsiblities are like the customer complaints department lol I handle the books, I schedule the appointments, when we go out to eat and something isn't satisfactory I handle the waitstaff and managment (cause I'm the nice one, He's perpetually grumpy that works for us!) That one question you ask about when you make that cross over to accepting your a stupid whore kinda concerns me. If that is coming from a low sense of self esteem or low self image and you wish to be degraded more and there is no sense of fullfillment that comes with the degradation than you might want to talk this over with someone....... like alot have said, we choose or are chosen because we/they have some form of worth, character..... When I first met Daddy, he was talking to another girl the deceiding factor between us was only that I had a stronger will and a couple of battle scars. I love my sub because he is such a cheeky brat with anyone demanding his submission and can just drive people crazy with his aloof attitude and unflinching pain threshold, yet to me there is complete devotion and can wound him worse with a word than any weapon..... now i'm babbling about myself sorry lol

backseatbebe -> RE: a slave's journey (12/18/2006 4:17:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsBearlee There are a few women who enjoy debasement to the point of rolling in filth, being called a stupid whore…even being treated like a stupid whore…and worse. Check out a wonderful woman called FemCar…the degree to which she can be objectified and degraded is astounding. Yet, her husband adores her…by all accounts this strong, intelligent woman has a wonderful relationship. She is torn down and carefully rebuilt…at least that is how I would describe it. She is not always a stupid whore, slut, pig…any more than she is just a stupid whore, slut, pig…She is always his beloved, bright, strong, partner, too! They call it ego-bashing, btw. I still have the Presenter’s Schedule/Information from Denver’s Thunder In The Mountains 2006 (2007: http://www.thunderinthemountains.com). If you would like the bio/info on their presentation last July, write me on the other side; I’d be glad to share it) Anyway, I just wanted to share that, no matter how low you go during play…it is never all that you become or only what you are. Just my take, Beverly anyone have more responces along the lines of this because this is what my partner expects of me and once again... So has anyone crossed that line of understanding/accpeting that they are nothing more than a "stupid whore"? and no my self worth is pretty well in tact thats why i how to hmmm...balance the two

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