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Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:30:49 PM   
labsintheriver


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		I’d really like to ask your advice to help me resolve something which has really worried me for years. In spite of having experimented, I’m still not 100% comfortable with my sexuality. Let me give you the “data” and you can tell me your opinion:

The hetero bit:


I am male, 36 and have had many happy sexual relationships with women in which the sex has been more or less satisfying
I adore curvy, thick-thighed, brown eyed, gobby, intelligent, dominant women
I love the smell, feel, taste of a woman
I love breasts, bums, thighs, kissing, necks, tummies, massage
I love making love to a woman
Both with girlfriends and dommes, I have enjoyed many BDSM things both as sub and dom. I prefer to be sub but like to be dom too.
I love to submit anally to fingers or a strap on
I am a terrible letch- I really do enjoy watching women and love to “check them out.”
I often see women I fancy in public.
I want to get married to a compatible kinky female soulmate/lover/best friend

    But….the bi (or maybe even gay?) bit…….


    I fancied a few boys at school. I remember being attracted aged 14 to a boy I saw in his swimming trunks. I wanted to play with his bottom and cock. (I did flirt but got nowhere.)
    However, I have always liked looking at some gay porn.

    I find (some) male cocks & butts attractive.
    I find pics of (some) gay BDSM erotic
    I find pics of (some) gay sex erotic
    There is a narrow range that I find sexy- tends to be muscular, good looking, non-camp, often black, dominant, smooth studs!
    Looking at pics of more average men I find most repulsive

      In real life, it is VERY RARE for me to see a man who I find attractive. There are just a couple who I’ve ever flirted with.
      To test myself out, I have experimented with several of one-off casual encounters with men and a couple of TS’s. In summary:

      I loved getting fucked in the butt
      I usually find giving oral repulsive (feels dirty, diseased) but occasionally this is overcome by being turned on.
      I sometimes enjoy receiving oral from a man, but the look and smell is not “right.”
      I am really turned off by the smell, whiskers, hair, maleness of a man. I have to repress this in order to find the more sexy bits attractive.
      I enjoyed kissing one ultra sexy man while he jerked me off, but otherwise find it utterly repellent.
      The idea of cuddling a man is disgusting
      I have a strong gut feeling which puts me off any romantic contact with a man at all. It would just be repulsive. I don’t think that this is psychological repression, I think it’s a genuine feeling.


          I don’t want to be gay or bi really, but accept that I am probably a bit Bi.

          Does that ring true to you, or could I be more repressed than I realise?

          Are there women out there who are compatible sexually (in fantasy/attitude) with me?

          Will I be singing show tunes in a travelling circus in 10 years?

          Please don’t just say “just be yourself,” “it’s ok so long as your comfortable with yourself,” or “experiment and see,” as I’ve tried all that. I need a little more explanation and personal stories.

          < Message edited by labsintheriver -- 12/20/2006 12:46:45 PM >
          Profile   Post #: 1
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:42:20 PM   
          slavejali


          Posts: 2918
          Status: offline           		Ok first let me say, I've got no clue what I'm talking about but these are the thoughts that occurred to me.

          1. You like to be in the submissive position with a partner (you said you like dominant women).
          2. Being in a submission position means you are turned on by having a sense of being out of control.
          3. Maybe being with a man is a turn on for you cuz the whole idea of it is bizarre to you so in effect makes you feel out of control of yourself. So its not actually the "man" your turned on by but the sense of being out of control of your own feelings.

          Really, I'm clueless on this subject...but hey I wanted to respond cause of your well thought out topic.

          _____________________________

          Freedom in Bondage

          Different Strokes for Different Folks

          "I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 2
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:44:54 PM   
          LotusSong


          Posts: 6334
          Joined: 7/2/2006
          From: Domme Emeritus
          Status: offline           		You're just greedy :)
           
          When you find a female that  will use a strap on or dildo up your hiney and give great head.. you will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO het :)

          _____________________________

          Life Lesson #1

          I'm not your type.
          I'm not inflatable.


          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 3
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:49:25 PM   
          LuckyAlbatross


          Posts: 19224
          Joined: 10/25/2005
          Status: offline           		I think you're bisexual- but minorly.  I base it on what sexual relationships you find yourself attracted to.

          Bisexuality isn't ONE spectrum, it's two.  You could be attracted to one male in 1000 and 999 women in 1000 and I'd still call you bisexual. 

          This is my spectrum:

          Males
          1<------5---X->10

          Females
          1<---X-5------>10

          I consider myself bisexual.

          But it doesn't matter much- pick who you want to be with and what you do with that person. 



          _____________________________

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          "Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

          (in reply to LotusSong)
          Profile   Post #: 4
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:51:37 PM   
          labsintheriver


          Posts: 25
          Joined: 12/13/2006
          Status: offline           		Thanks, yes the submission aspect is the main turn on, I think. I suppose I'm just anxious that it is the thin end of a repressed wedge! I don't think so, but would like to hear other's experiences.

          (in reply to slavejali)
          Profile   Post #: 5
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:52:43 PM   
          thetammyjo


          Posts: 6322
          Joined: 9/8/2005
          Status: offline           		I'd say if you want to know you could use the Kinsey scale (I'm sure you can find it online if you Goggle it and take the test online too) and see where you are. Most people are not on the far ends of that scale but somewhere along the continnuum.

          You can also be situationally bisexual like I am. I can find and have found a woman kneeling at my feet and in service to me to be attractive to me but I have not as yet gotten close enough to claim that I have been sexual with another woman. It just hasn't happened. So I call myself "scene bisexual" and open to relationships with people rather than with a sex.

          < Message edited by thetammyjo -- 12/20/2006 12:55:38 PM >

          _____________________________

          Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

          TammyJo

          Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

          And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 6
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:53:37 PM   
          BDSM05478


          Posts: 417
          Joined: 10/27/2006
          Status: offline           		I am bi sexual but I really like to suck cock more than to eat pussy, unless the pussy is cream filled but enought about me. Maybe it is more of a fetish than an actual self identity as you seem very specific about the type of men that turn you on. Have you ever been with that dark and sexy type? just because you like anal play don't make you gay. I believe that being gay or bi are based on who you love and can be close with..... If you can fall in love with only men, your gay. Sexual identity is not so firmly connected to sexual activity.... do you get my drift? make sense to anyone?

          *Disclaimer- I am on new muscle relaxers and feel like I am not expressing myself well*



          _____________________________

          "It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

          "Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

          (in reply to slavejali)
          Profile   Post #: 7
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:55:04 PM   
          labsintheriver


          Posts: 25
          Joined: 12/13/2006
          Status: offline           		Thanks. I suppose the anxiety/discomfort comes in the fact that I'm not comfortable with being 5-10% bi. I'd like to know if it's just the way it is for some people and I just have to enjoy it and be comfortable or whether I have not found a fully resoved position and need to keep experimenting to be sure.

          (in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
          Profile   Post #: 8
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 12:56:44 PM   
          TreSwank


          Posts: 1165
          Joined: 3/5/2005
          Status: offline           		I can kinda-sorta feel where you're coming from.  Around the age of 14 or 15, I would have the occasional "fantasy" about androgynous, good-looking classmates.  Actually, for a couple months, I was afraid that I was "turning" gay, because I'd have these weird fastasies on a semi-regular basis, but it never amounted to anything because.......well.......I'm overwhelmingly heterosexual. (except for the whole meringue thing-but whipped toppings don't necessarily have a gender)

          I don't think that the term "bi-sexual" would necessarily fit, because that would imply that your preferences are 50/50, and from the content of your post, I think that you're just a guy that likes to take a walk on the wild side every now and then. During my Navy days, I knew alot of "straight" married guys on submarines that would let gay sailors perform fellatio on them during deployment.  I guess it just takes the right kind of environment sometimes to bring those things out.  These encounters are way more common than most women think.  Because of my experience working at a local gay bar, I know that there are also a shitload of straight, married men that like to sleep with younger, pretty guys (twinks), or get fucked themselves by the "muscle-bound" types.  Don't worry........you're not a weirdo.

          Just remember not to tell the women in your life about your penchants for the occasional homo-erotic "fling".  No matter how opened-minded and kinky they fancy themselves to be, 98% of them are NOT okay with it. I know that that advice goes contrary to the "honesty" protocol in most relationships, but if you'd like to keep things together, you should follow it. Make sure you keep things safe.

          < Message edited by TreSwank -- 12/20/2006 1:38:52 PM >

          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 9
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:10:01 PM   
          labsintheriver


          Posts: 25
          Joined: 12/13/2006
          Status: offline           		Thanks! That's very thoughtful.
          Treswank- that is really helpful and you made me laugh. You're quite a comedian.

          < Message edited by labsintheriver -- 12/20/2006 1:12:48 PM >

          (in reply to BDSM05478)
          Profile   Post #: 10
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:21:02 PM   
          Grlwithboy


          Posts: 655
          Joined: 2/8/2005
          Status: offline           		You're not totally straight.  However it sounds like you're into cock, not men, and you have a very small window of sexual encounters with men that you'd consider erotic. To me, being bi to the point of bothering to label it is when you can see yourself dating, walking arm in arm, and trading glances over a glass of wine with a member of the same and the other gender or genders indeterminate.


          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 11
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:26:03 PM   
          labsintheriver


          Posts: 25
          Joined: 12/13/2006
          Status: offline           		Thanks Grl with boy! That made me chuckle!

          (in reply to Grlwithboy)
          Profile   Post #: 12
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:36:29 PM   
          Voltare


          Posts: 841
          Joined: 1/1/2004
          From: Santiago, Chile
          Status: offline           		I'll take what Grlwithboy said for a further run:  It sounds like you're the male version of many 'bisexual' women I've known - typically swingers who are only in love with their husbands, but love non-romantic sex with women. 

          Basically, it sounds like the idea of a romantic, emotionally charged relationship with a man is either not your bag, or you have a great deal of emotional blockades that prevent such a relationship from developing (if you've seen American Beauty, picture the 'Marine' next door.)  The only positive statements you've made about your male/male relations were strictly sexual in nature - attaching a 'repulsive' or 'turned-on' answer, while you describe your relationships with women as happy, a desire for marriage, and satisfying.  You also focus heavily on the sexual responses women (and men) elicit - without much identification with the people behind the organs, possibly from a sexual compulsion.

          My advice is to take a trip to a counselor who either specializes or has extensive experience in non-traditional relationships (visiting or calling a local LBGT society or men's health clinic is a great place to ask.)  Perhaps even visiting a counselor who is openly gay might make you feel more comfortable discussing these issues.  It's not because I think you're sick, crazy, or that you'll do anything you shouldn't.  Rather, it seems you have some clutter in the attic that you're not sure what to do with - and professionals are just that, professionals at putting what seems like a mess in order.  At the worst, you're out a few quid and a half dozen hours, but the possible improvements could be life changing.


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          http://www.vv3b.com/

          "There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

          (in reply to Grlwithboy)
          Profile   Post #: 13
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:44:27 PM   
          FelinePersuasion


          Posts: 4792
          Joined: 11/20/2004
          Status: offline           		Every one in the world could tell you their opnion, and nobody can tell you if you're bi or not but yourself.

          (in reply to Voltare)
          Profile   Post #: 14
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:47:42 PM   
          sophia37


          Posts: 1433
          Joined: 2/7/2006
          Status: offline           		I think the real question is, are you Good Enough to sing show tunes in a traveling circus? If that's your dream, then I guess you've got ten years to work on it. The next question then becomes, Big Apple or Circ De Solis?  

          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 15
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:50:14 PM   
          farglebargle


          Posts: 10715
          Joined: 6/15/2005
          From: Albany, NY
          Status: offline           		Remember that South Park episode called Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub?

          Kyle and Stan's fathers experiment with their latent homosexual tendencies, by masturbating in front of each other in the hot tub.

          Randy and Gerald's experiment radically changes the dynamic of their relationship, when Randy wonders if what they've done makes them gay.

          Gerald keeps trying to get Randy to talk with him about their experiment.

          Gerald confronts Randy, and here's the little exchange ( episode 308 )

          [Inside, living room. Randy stands alone in the middle of the crowd, despondent]
          Gerald: [walks up] Honey?
          Randy: [hushed] God, everybody's looking at me. Everybody knows.
          Gerald: Everybody doesn't know. And why are you so ashamed of me?
          Randy: What's happened to you?! You've become all needy and talkative and-!
          Gerald: I just want to know it meant something to you.
          Randy: It didn't mean anything to me, Gerry! [the music stops] All we did was watch each other masturbate in the hot tub! [people turn and stare. One man gasps and Sharon lifts her head from the floor]
          Man in briefs: Aw, I was just in the hot tub. [a man next to him pulls away]
          Randy: Yeah! Yeah, it's true! I thought it would be exciting, and maybe it was, but I can't deal with your accusing stares! [shots of various people looking at him] We watched each other jack off in the hot tub! There! We did it! I'm not proud of it, but there it is!
          Mackey: Uh. Well, it's not like you're the only guy who's ever watched another guy masturbate; I've done it.
          Ned: Mmm-me too. [other men begin to answer]
          Man 1: Yeah, uh I've done it a few times.
          Man 2: Yep.
          Man 3: Yup.
          Man 4: Uh huh.
          Man 5: Me too.
          Man 6: Myeup, me too.
          Man 7: Yup.
          Jimbo: Aw, hell, uh I've done it too. With Cameron here. [points to the burly man who spoke earlier]
          Mackey: [music resumes] Uh, Juanita, could you fix some more dip, please, Juanita? [she goes to do it, and conversation resumes among the guests]
          Randy: You mean it? I'm not gay?
          Jimbo: [walks up] Hwell… maybe a little. But we're all a little gay.
          Randy: Oh, I feel so much better! Wow!
          Gerald: So we're friends again?
          Randy: Uh, you bet we are, Gerry! I feel great! I feel like I could take on the world! Everything's gonna be okay!

          (in reply to Voltare)
          Profile   Post #: 16
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 1:55:15 PM   
          Missokyst


          Posts: 6041
          Joined: 9/9/2006
          Status: offline           		I would also say you are Bi, but minorly so.  You enjoy women and relish being used by them.  You are attracted to women and you enjoy using them. But you seem to have a basic attraction to males in a minor subset.  But you have found them attractive enough to feel aroused by them which makes you different from my situation. 
          I can admire a well built naked woman, artistically they appeal to me.  But I have never felt an urge to kiss one or do any other (to me) repellant act upon them.  They look nice, but I am not going there.
          Being bi is ok.  It is just one more aspect of some people's personality.
          Kyst


          _____________________________

          pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

          “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
          ― Bob Marley


          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 17
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 2:04:17 PM   
          labsintheriver


          Posts: 25
          Joined: 12/13/2006
          Status: offline


          Thanks Voltaire. You are truly worthy of your use name. A very thoughful chpa. Thanks. Will do.

          thanks everybody, these are very helpful and entertaining replies.


          < Message edited by labsintheriver -- 12/20/2006 2:14:16 PM >

          (in reply to Voltare)
          Profile   Post #: 18
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 2:42:01 PM   
          lateralist1


          Posts: 886
          Joined: 11/22/2006
          Status: offline           		Are you happy?
          That's all that matters.
          If you find yourself a Domme then it will depend on her if you experiment more.
          Do tell her of your experience. It matters. To dominate you successfully in a good D/s relationship a Domme has to know everything about you.
          If you keep something from her you are not allowing the true potential  intimacy to develop.



          (in reply to labsintheriver)
          Profile   Post #: 19
          RE: Am I bisexual? – Your opinion please… - 12/20/2006 4:56:54 PM   
          Inhibitor


          Posts: 73
          Joined: 8/2/2006
          Status: offline           		Halloh thar. Normally, I'd offer some "go with the flow" statement, but in your case I'm concerned about:

          quote:

          ORIGINAL: labsintherive
            Looking at pics of more average men I find most repulsive
              I usually find giving oral repulsive
              but the look and smell is not “right.”
              but otherwise find it utterly repellent.
              The idea of cuddling a man is disgusting
              It would just be repulsive.
              I don’t want to be gay or bi really



              Those are some pretty strong words. If I was describing something that didn't appeal to me, I doubt I'd use such a lexicon; it is reserved for things I hate, well, passionately, and the essence of passionate (or "gut", as you seem to call them) feelings is that they tend to not be very well thought out. Not always a bad thing, but there it is. I wonder if you are responding to social/familial/religious or otherwise external factors? I also notice that twice in your post you go to hyperbolic lengths to express that you are not attracted to the effeminate, stereotypical gay male. Could this be a defense? If so, what are you protecting, and from whom?

              Consider that not only will you not find your own truth of feeling if you let it steep in external factors, but that the factors could themselves be propelling what homosexual attractions you do in fact experience (I'm sure we're all familiar with the "it's hot because it's wrong" instinct). It seems very much that you are treading into a lifetime taboo and are terrified of the consequences despite your undeniable arousal. If you really want to love freely, I suggest that one of those two has to go.

              Yes, there are women who are compatible with whatever sexuality you're uncovering. I'd certainly say you're not in danger of losing your heterosexual inclinations. You're not in danger of anything, really, except understanding what you want and actually getting it. And that can, of course, be very frightening, and your gut will probably send you all kinds of hyperbolized signals. But your inquisitiveness here suggests it's worth it to you and to your sense of sexuality to jump in and love from a greater understanding of yourself.

              And just in case I'm completely off base with all of this, or I'm as coherent as a lobotomized cockatiel, here's a little blue face with some crap comming out of its skull:.

              Good luck.

              (in reply to labsintheriver)
              Profile   Post #: 20
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