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meeting Master... - 12/20/2006 2:09:38 PM

atendersoul

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Would there be any suggestions to meeting face to face a future Master that is 600 miles away from the sub?
Does the Master come to the sub, the sub to the Master or would that meet in the middle?

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/20/2006 2:11:42 PM

slavejali

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Whatever works for the both of you the best.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/20/2006 2:13:57 PM

mymasterssub69

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what slavejali said and meet in a public place ...just in case

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/20/2006 2:15:59 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Would there be any suggestions to meeting face to face a future Master that is 600 miles away from the sub?
Does the Master come to the sub, the sub to the Master or would that meet in the middle?

Who travels probably depends on who might have the disposable income to spare. Though keep in mind that if you don't hit it off, neither of you wants to be "stuck" with each other's company for too long, so keep the first visit short.

It's always helpful to meet in a public place. A restaurant, pub, or even at your local munch. I often suggest that if someone is nervous, bring along a friend.

It probably wouldn't be appropriate to lodge together, though that's up to you. I always find it helpful to establish a firm understanding of the ground rules for the first visit, so no one feels obligated to something they might later regret.

John

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/20/2006 2:23:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Whatever's most convenient and easiest for all involved.

And use this first meeting as a template for how the first few years of your relationship will be like- the highs and the lows.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 2:31:51 AM

Siona

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When I met a potential, we met half way. Of course, it wasn't 600 miles....it was about 257.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 2:44:53 AM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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When I met Angel, I traveled there. However, he was not the reason for the trip, just a nice perk of it. I was going for a wedding and he was supposed to be my date for it. The wedding got cancelled and he and I got to spend the time together instead.

In general, I would say whomever is more able to travel should do the travleing. Always make sure you have a hotel room of your own, or they have one of their own, and do not stay with the person you are meeting right off. If things work out, having a hotel to retreat to is always a better idea. Meet face to face the first time in a resturant or some otehr public place. Arrive seperately, and have plans to leave seperately, unless things work out and you choose to leave together. Most importantly, keep your head firmly on your shoulders and do not let your desire to submit outweight your better judgement.

DV

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 3:33:02 AM

eyesopened

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i tend to stay away from LDR for this reason. How you meet is going to depend on a lot of factors, resources in time and money is a biggie. Personally i prefer to meet in my town but if that's not practical, a neutral place, halfway. i prefer to drive so that i have an 'escape' if things don't go well and not be at the mercy of airline schedules. Again, this is going to depend on your comfort level. i am planning on meeting One i am very interested in right after the holidays. we will both be flying to a neutral town but one we are both familiar with and so will be on an equal footing with neither having the "home town advantage" as it were. i feel totally comfortable with this person and dispite the logistics and my skepticism about LDR i am going forward with an open mind and plan to make the best of the trip, even if it's just the chance to buy something that is not available where i live.

All that being said, i will still require addresses, phone numbers, contacts, safe calls lined up ahead of time. i will know the airline's policy if i want to leave right away.

Good luck to you.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 3:43:13 AM

crouchingtigress

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LA can you go in to more detail about using the meeting as a template?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Whatever's most convenient and easiest for all involved.

And use this first meeting as a template for how the first few years of your relationship will be like- the highs and the lows.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 4:26:01 AM

MrrPete

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SAfety First. If something doesn't feel right DON'T ignore it.

600 miles is not an insurmountable hurdle. If yuor willing there's a way.

I would spend more time getting to know each in this situation than
I would if the distance were 60 or 6 miles.

But I personally would still follow first meeting protocols.
Public Place
No more than an hour
No play or Maybe a little discreet play
Safe call in place or bring a friend

For your safety I would recommend he comes to you for the first meeting.
Ask if he would object to you bringing a friend. If he does DON'T meet. Period.

I like your bedspread

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 5:20:34 AM

Celeste43

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Whoever has the time and money does the traveling. If you're going there, then you get a hotel room and make some plans for things you would like to see in the area just in case you take one look at him and leave. And he should do the same if he's traveling.

Meet in a public place, myself I'm partial to bookstores with coffee shops in them. They're usually in a mall so if you want to get up and walk and talk there are other stores you could go in. If you're enjoying yourself, stay and talk longer. Go for a walk, then go to lunch or dinner together. Go, in separate cars, to one of the sites you want to see. This allows you to share a vanilla interest, not just BDSM.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 6:13:51 AM

julietsierra

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When I was looking I met someone who lived a long way away from me. He'd seemed really nice and it appeared we really clicked. But I still took some friends with me when I went to meet him. We met half way. Initially, they didn't make themselves known. They were sitting in another part of the restaurant nearer the women's bathroom. We planned it that way.

When the man I was supposed to meet started man-handling me in the restaurant, I found a way to get to the bathroom. He wouldn't let me take my coat. It was the middle of winter. As I passed the couple's table (he was watching me the entire time), I said "I've got trouble." and kept on going into the women's bathroom.

When I came out, the couple had paid their bill and were leaving. I walked to the table, tried to pick up my coat and the man grabbed my arm saying "you're not going anywhere!" My friend grabbed his arm, his g/f showed him her cell phone with 911 dialed in it, and they suggested that he immediately let me go.

We got my coat and left.

After that, I had a simple rule for myself. No matter how nice people seem; no matter how well we seem to get along; I do NOT leave my backyard. If someone would like to meet me, then they can come here. If not, then perhaps it's for the best. I wanted roads that I knew, people that I knew and friends that I could call if things got out of hand.

Oh yes...and I stopped falling for people online.

And amazingly, when I stopped looking for people far away from me, I found someone who'd been here all along. We met face to face, talked to each other over the phone to make our first date, and had dinner together. We've never spent even 5 minutes on the computer with each other.

When I think of what could have been that day - it scares me all over again.

juliet

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 9:20:14 AM

SusanofO

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In my case, I am not working right now, and have the money to travel, so I would probaby volunteer and be perfectly willing to buy my plane fare and pay for a hotel, too - were I to meet someone hundreds of miles away from me. I would not want them to have to leave their town when I can easily leave mine - especially if they have a job to go to, etc. But hopefully if I travelled far, I'd get to spend a few days with them (or evenings) getting to go places with them and have time to get to know them better.

I love the idea of dinner and a movie or music or whatever they'd plan on (I am open-minded about that). And if I paid for the hotel and plane, hopefully, they'd pay for that stuff (the activites. Although I rarely tell any man what to do, or even suggest things). I love the idea of bringing them a little present, too. The whole idea sounds fun!

This was a good thread to read. I'd forgotten about meeting in a public place, etc.- because actually, my first (and only) Dominant and I knew eachother already for years before we had a bdsm relationship, so there was no need to meet in a public place, etc. I am a very trusting person, and credit myself with excellent intuition (which is usually dead on). But still, you never know, so it pays to be safe.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/21/2006 9:25:43 AM >

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 9:40:14 AM

tade

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I always keep my subs atleast 700 miles away. It cut's down on those pesky face to face meetings and uncidental run ins with significant others. Plus since they don't really know me, they believe whatever I tell them Bonuses all around...

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 11:09:49 AM

monak06

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generally, the master comes to you. but the extent of the meeting depends on you. will it be a vanilla meeting? or will it entail something more. regardless it should be in a public place initially.
mona

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 11:49:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Crouching:

How long does it take to set up the meeting? How much time do you actually have together? What communication takes place before and after the meeting? How are you feeling before and after the meeting? How much work is it to get to the meeting place? What happens when you are together (ie- kinky vacation, or overall life errands and dinners and non-kinky time)?

A person should seriously evaluate those when they have their first meeting- because it's unlikely to change anytime soon. The good and bad parts you have to deal with then will become a part of your daily life if you stay in that relationship.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 12:01:12 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

A person should seriously evaluate those when they have their first meeting- because it's unlikely to change anytime soon. The good and bad parts you have to deal with then will become a part of your daily life if you stay in that relationship.

thank you, that is so dead on.

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/21/2006 12:02:50 PM

raiken

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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

When I think of what could have been that day - it scares me all over again.

juliet

Damn girl well done....unfortunately not everyone has friends like that who are so understanding and also willing to go out of their way...i know you are most grateful...i sure would be...friends like that are priceless....~smile

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/24/2006 5:18:20 PM

AGORANTE

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Let me get this straight. You are 52 and have been in the BDSM world for 35 years and you need advice on how to set up a meeting?

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RE: meeting Master... - 12/24/2006 6:20:37 PM

sleazy

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I usually travel.

There are a few reasons behind this, first off I love travelling, but most importantly it means the person I am meeting is on or closer to "home ground" so they can (hopefully) feel more relaxed and safer being closer to their own friends and support network. I will always spend the 1st date in public places, coffee shops, restaraunts and the such, and have a very firm no play rule.

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