Evlgryn
Posts: 64
Joined: 9/24/2004
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Well Lotussong, it seems you have posed a serious question and you deserve a serious answer. I consider myself WAAYYYY over on the monogomous side of the Male Dom continuum. But the truth is when things are slow at work and wistful thoughts go toward fantasies of peak sexual moments; I mean truly epic scenes, the kind that can make a dom a legend in the kinky community, four breasts can be better than two. What a man needs to survive is the bread and butter relationship I am sure you are providing, but what he will remembers when he is white haired and drifting into senility, are those balls-to-the-walls, rare-as-hens-teeth events, that just require more than one soft female bottom. I always point to the section of the Khama Sutra with the positions that need the help of servants to achieve.
Whether this translates to an occasional scene event blowout, or needing another woman in each closet and one under the desk at work, depends on the Dominant in question. Why it is so- predicting when it will be- so I leave to greater minds than ours. Just remember Bill Clinton, President of the United States, and leader of the free world one fine day convinced himself that; what would really top off that slice of pizza was a Hummer from a fat chick. If the man we trust to finger the nuclear football, can't escape the monkey logic of, "red lips, round hips, down it zips and in it slips", what chance do the rest of us have? And of course you have to decide what kind of man you have and how much you care to indulge him. Ask your Mom and your Aunts. Queens and courtesans, Jackie Kennedy, or Princess Di, the choices have always been the same.
Of course, there are always the backdoor sneakers. They are everywhere, there is no need to examine them here.
So first you try to buck the odds. You count out the minutes remaining of the life you share with your dom, and hoping you can manage to nail his coffin shut before he feels the need to act out. Unless you are planning to shoot him this weekend, good luck with that.
The only other road is that slippery, uncomfortable, annoying world of adult compromises. And I have no advice as to when and where the boundaries should be drawn but I will admit (at the risk of letting my side down, sorry guys), that there needs to be boundaries.
So that puts us out in the big bad out of doors where you will inevitably run into the subs who pimp for their doms. You know the kind, no sign of wear on their collar, but there they are at every scene event talking the party line of how "Excellent" and "Life Altering" a night with their "TRUE DOMINANT _ (fill in his name here)" would be to any fresh meat willing to listen. This has never made any sense to me, and I am sure it fools fewer women than men. Women are better at seeing these things in their true perspective than men, but I can only say that "HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL". I almost never hear my slave of over 8 years say much about what my talents might be within my hearing. I suspect she tells everyone that I snore, fart in bed and smell really really bad, behind my back. Because that is what a woman, sitting on a good thing could be expected to do in the real world (OK, mebbe I am concieted about being a good thing but I DO A LOT of repeat business).
Now I have spent a number of years snickering up my sleeve about these pimping subbies and their missionary zeal in finding their doms new pussy. It has always been my feeling that a man should be able to hunt up a willing set of lips if one should ever be needed in a scene. My skills as a hunter have never been great, but I can still bait a trap. Of course in a power exchange relationship a dom is supposed to guard his power and maintain his skills.
But in real life it means that day by day you are maintaining outside relationships that are an invitation for the GREEN MONSTER jealousy to stick it's nose in the tent. You can never predict how the most giving of slaves is just not going to react to a strange woman crossing the threshold. But if a guaranteed smile is what you are aiming for bring home a bucket of KFC extra crispy instead.
If I were a "True Dom" or just fell off a turnip truck I could scan the subby"owners manuals" :The story of O, the Gor books, the web forums, Canterbury tales, Khama sutra, anything on the Castle Realm Website and the works of the Marquis de Sade. They would tell me to do whatever my domly judgement told me to do. Good luck with that one too.
I have never built up a self affirming machine with many contributors, untold parties hosted ,years of momentum, some tv appearances and perhaps a book of my own like you see with popular scene personalities. It's not that I wouldn't trade for a day with John Warren if he offered, it is just not how I roll. I pick on John Warren specificly because he been exceedingly gracious to me the few times our paths have crossed, and I am certain he has a sense of humour. Humour is a rare and precious comodity in the scene. Besides, he is here and capable of defending himself so keep your cards and letters to yourself.
So more and more I am peeking over at how these things are done in other lifestyles. With "BIG LOVE" on HBO and Geraldo and his ilk on broadcast TV many of us have learned that in polygamist households it is often the women of the house who determine who becomes a new wife and what the rotation schedule will be.
One of the happiest couples I know are extremely active swingers. She has a schedule that would kill a lesser mortal. And he has this perpetual grin on his face, dog tired, but happy. For them balancing their social calendars requires constant communication and a rotating schedule that would put a soccer mom with five kids to shame.
So my small advice to you as you wrestle with this demon, is to weigh what you are getting from the relationship before agreeing to anything. Nobody is served by agreeing to something that makes you permanently and fundamentally unhappy. But as I get older and greyer, I start to think more and more that these things require teamwork.
Evlgryn, DomDeFleursss, Knight of the Realm, and Announced Candidate for Master of the World
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