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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/24/2006 8:26:46 AM

popeye1250

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Susan, lol @ "Hitler-esque." I had a friend who's mother was from Germany.
He used to say; "Hitler didn't commit suicide in a bunker in Berlin."
"He snuck into America and disguised himself as a woman."

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/24/2006 9:48:57 AM

SusanofO

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wandersalone: I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I am also saying prayer that your health will be good in 2007. I can't imagine losing one of my sisters. It would just be to much for me, I think. It would probably kill my dad.

Scooter: Yeah, I can't feel too sad about my 96-year-old great aunt. That side of the family lives a long time, and the funny thying is, they always act so shocked when someone actually dies - but they are usually 90 or almost 100 years old or something!

popeye: My mom had a short fuse, but she made up for it by being a great teacher and very entertaining to be around. She also made a lot of sacrifices so we could have things she thought we needed, when we were little. But she could be kinda scary in the "discipline" department.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/24/2006 12:33:43 PM

popeye1250

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Susan, I hope you didn't inherit that hair-trigger temper.
A few in my family had it and it's not very nice. A lot of yelling and screaming, who wants to hear that all the time? lol

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/24/2006 1:10:10 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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I'm sorry this is such a dark time for you.
I too was not in the spirit, and was just going to forego it and ignore all the hype around me, but than my younger sis came to me and said "you have to get a tree" for the lil one... Slowly I became fairly excited about the meaning of Christmas, got a nice tree on sale, and everyone is excited and happy, even though I'm going to work (a blessing this year mind you).
I hope for better/more pleasant things for you and yours at Christmas and the New Year Susan. M

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 12:48:54 AM

Termyn8or

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To all; I know what it is like, or close.

I am about to put out something very personal, and hard. But I must do it. With all the greif expressed here I think it might help. So many things I just write in Word or something that go nowhere. I think the fact that it is public validates it in some way, even if only in my own mind.
____

Bones, why did you have to go and do that ? You were not only my favorite cousin, but my favorite relative period. I think there is a chance we might've been friends even without the blood connection. You accepted me how I was, which might not have been so easy. You put up with my shit when I was young, but you got me home safe anyway. Yes you were the one that got me drunk, but I got home.

You got home too. You got home until one day in NJ, what the hell were you doing on a gravel burm going that fast ? You told me you were the dummy of the family, that you had flunked the test too many times and Uncle ______ had to use his pull to get you another chance. You revealed to me your shortcomings and shared many good times with me.

You introduced me to Jeremiah's Weed, by far the best whiskey I've ever had to date, decades after your death. The pain is not gone, but even so, Bones, I got a couple of bones to pick with you.

Your antics caused a big big spat between my Dad and I. I was going to come to the funeral, and I wanted to throw a fifth of JW, and about a nickel of good shit in the casket. I know it was closed casket, but I was prepared to stay late or whatever it took. Brother love was all against it. I wound up not going at all, just sulking for a time.

The other problem is you never let me drive the 642. (Olds 442 but with Edelbrock and three two barrels). You fucker, I know you and your type, because you are my type. You enjoyed driving that car so much you wouldn't let anyone else do it. I shoulda raced you in my W34 Toro, show you what a bigblock is.

But you had to have the damn motorcycle. Wanted the thrills didya ? How are the thrills now ?

Your death has affected me in a positive way believe it or not. It took years, but it happened. I still refuse to believe that your passing was ordained somehow, at 33. But it still has served the good.

Bones, what you did to me dying taught me something. And I learned. I treat my own life with care now, because I know what my death would do to my loved ones. Yes, by driving that motorbike like an asshole, you taught me something.

Bones, both your Parents are still alive decades later, and so are mine. That means my Dad, the guy who bailed you out of jail when your Dad simply refused is still living with the memory of you. So am I.

Your death left a hole in me that will never be filled. That is something I would never want to do to others, family or chosen family.
_____________________________________

I'll close with this : Be careful with your life, not for you. For those you love.

T

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 12:53:20 AM

Termyn8or

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Perhaps I should mention, this is true.

T

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 1:07:43 AM

sexypet

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Wintersong
by Sarah McLachlan

"The lake is frozen over
the trees are white with snow
and all around
reminders of you
are everywhere i go

it's late and morning's in no hurry
but sleep won't set me free
i lie awake and try to recall
how your body felt beside me
when silence gets too hard to handle
and the night too long

and this is how i see you
in the snow on christmas morning
love and happiness surround you
as you throw your arms up to the sky
i keep this moment by and by

oh i miss you now, my love
merry christmas, merry christmas,
merry christmas, my love

sense of joy fills the air
and i daydream and i stare
up at the tree and i see
your star up there

and this is how i see you
in the snow on christmas morning
love and happiness surround you
as you throw your arms up to the sky
i keep this moment by and by."

i miss you, Grandma. Happy Birthday.

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 3:28:18 AM

SusanofO

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Termyn8or: I feel your pain. I really do. My cousin killed himself three years ago. I miss him still, and always will. If there is a Hell, I think he was pretty much in it while he was here, so I doubt he went there after he died. I say prayers for him - that his pain has truly ended.

sexypet: I really appreciate Sarah MacLachlan and her lyrics. What a poet she is.
Thanks for the reprint here.Sorry about your grandma, too.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/25/2006 3:33:19 AM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 1:37:26 PM

Termyn8or

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Susan, thanks for the condolences. I think making it public actually was a good thing.

However my cousin Tom (Bones) is but the tip of the iceberg. I lost alot of people during my 30s, and became hardened to death.

Colm O'Leary, drummer and roofer. I don't just say this postumately, this guy could make garbage cans sound like Niel Pert. He had to, we didn't have alot of money back then. Had a highhat, but the crash was literally a garbage can lid. They were metal back then. Fell off a roof.

Brendon O'Leary, Colm's brother, played the flute. Used to say "I'm not too bad unless I start hyperventilating", I thought he was at his best while hyperventilating. His style was somewhat Jetho Tull-esque. Got run over by a bus.

Jeff Morris. Was at the pinnacle of his carreer and moving upward fast. Moved to FL, got a job, wanted a house but waited, started a business instead. Got a much bigger house later. Taught me a few things about business.

Rich Melenke. Had a mentally degerative disease. He gave very good reasons for committing suicide. He really did. Well, the last time I was unsuccesful in talking him out of it. The argument degenerated to the point the best I could do is convince him that it was not time yet. He replied that once he started losing it he wouldn't want to anymore. How the hell do you fight that ?

This was all in my thirties, and I actually left out a few. Kurt for example, who drowned because there wasn't enough blood in his drugstream. My Uncle, that is a generation up, and although untimely, he did live long enough to see his kids grow and flourish.

The others and my cousin were young Men with alot of future ahead of them. Some with a very bright future. These deaths were much more untimely than my Uncle. He was a financial genius and had everything he wanted. Material things yes, but much more. With his family he was a rich Man even if he hadn't two nickels to rub together. One time he had a house for sale, out of my price range, he said "You should buy it", I said I don't have that kind of money. He said I don't need money. I asked how and he replied "Not on the phone". There's a meeting I wish I hadn't missed.

Lacking proof of any afterlife, I believe that one's corporeal life leaves a mark. They are immortalized by rememberance.

What will people write/say about me when I am gone ?

I left out the Grandparents, seeing them die when they are old is actually better than the alternative. Losing children or grandchildren has got to be the worst. Someone is going to hurt, either them or us, better it be us. We have to carry on. Their duty to the world is done.

Sexypet, and others who have lost older loved ones like Grandparents (all mine are gone), I miss mine too, but think of the alternative. The only alternative would be them missing you, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to put them through that.

Let that be a little point of light in your area of darkness. I don't expect anyone in the world to be as strong and stoic as the Men in my family, we are probably the epitome of stoic. That doesn't mean we don't feel. That means we can keep the tears out our eyes and drive in the procession, bear the pall, provide a shoulder. By no means are we without emotion. We feel it, but detach.

Problem is the retachment, it comes. Sometimes every day, sometimes when sleeping or just waking up. When alone at night. It never goes away either. It's just when we walk out the front door into the world, we are strong.

Don't go there, it is not required. Feel your feelings, just don't dwell on the bad things. Instead of focusing on the end of a life, try to think what it was that made their life worth living.

T

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 1:55:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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My middle kitty Hobbes died last night, he'd been battling for a few months. Wish I could have said goodbye in person but was not to be.

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 4:28:12 PM

SusanofO

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LA: I am so very sorry about the loss of your kitty. I am pretty crazy about my pets. If they died, it would be a huge loss for me, I know. I am sorry she died at Christmas. Hope you have a partly happy day. I know it must be hard.

God bless,

Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 4:34:11 PM

SusanofO

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Termyn8or: My, you certainly have lost a loot of people! Many more than most peoploe I know - evn some very old ones. It must be very challenging when-if you get in that "remembering them" kind of mood. I know it sounds difficult. I too believe we are immortalized by our actions - or rather the cululative effect of them, while we are here. I think my mohter, before she died, said something very intelligent and wise that i'll never forget.

She told me: "It's not the big heroic or major screw-ups, mostly, I don't think that will make or break someone's life, in terms of the legacy they'll be leaving. Sometimes, those are important , but mostly I think it's the little things, the habitual things mostly, that they do every day." That really made an impact on me.

And in this new year, there are some changes I plan to make in acccrodance with the wisdom of her words, for myself. Hopefully, doing that will maybe have a pleasant effect, or a good impact, on some other people, too.

- Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Yearning for people who have passed away at Christmas. - 12/25/2006 4:37:25 PM

JerseyKrissi72

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I try my best to remember the good times we shared together but today me and my children took some time aside at the lake where we use to fish with my late Master and speak with him...This is his first year in Heaven-- I did buy him a Christmas gift this year which helped me remember that he is always with me..

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