quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

D/s isn't a constant state of excitement.  Here is a very boring example of D/s.  Vanilla couples might do exactly the same thing for completely different reasons and with a different mindset. THAT's what makes 24/7 24/7.

Me:  Damn it's hot in here.

He: (gets up, turns down thermostat.)


Because it's often that boring, people we know just see a particularly doting guy with a somewhat assertive wife. There's no real issue with mainstreaming beyond the fact that we find the mainstream a snooze.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

I guess I do think of them as the same. I guess you could say that the overall relationship is a D/s one and the activity is BDSM but they are to me the same thing. How do you differentiate them?

quote:

It's called traditional marriage. You've probably seen a lot of it, whether or not it involves bondage and discipline. There is some argument that D/s is not really a part of BDSM since it fits no where in the acronym. Again, I'm happy to let people define their ownselves.

Here's my question than. If both parties are not in agreement that this is a power exchange relationship is it D/s or bdsm or whatever you want to call it, or is it just a traditional marriage.. In other words what if she is submissive by nature and he is dominant by nature and that's it?

What if that's all she knows but it is not so much a decision on her part to submit it is just the way it is and isn't informed consent the key to what makes it a D/s bdsm relatonship? Isn't that more likely what I will run into in the vanilla world or are there really lots of consensual long term D/s relationships out there?

(in reply to MaryT)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

A d/s relationship isn't that intense, in fact for me, its a peaceful, easy feeling.  So it's very easy to maintain.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Here's my question than. If both parties are not in agreement that this is a power exchange relationship is it D/s or bdsm or whatever you want to call it, or is it just a traditional marriage.. In other words what if she is submissive by nature and he is dominant by nature and that's it?

What if that's all she knows but it is not so much a decision on her part to submit it is just the way it is and isn't informed consent the key to what makes it a D/s bdsm relatonship? Isn't that more likely what I will run into in the vanilla world or are there really lots of consensual long term D/s relationships out there?

quote:

A lot of the threads are very similar but each person's OP maybe looks at the subject from a different angle or asks different questions regarding a similar topic, which provokes people to think and respond in different ways - its all good

At least you didn't ask "Whats the difference between a submissive and a slave"..now thats one that gets overdone lol


Shit, you mean that ones been done too?  Oh well than lets stick with this one for the moment::)

In your last post you said:

"So saying that, if D/s is ONLY in the bedroom, I still see it as two people just having some kinky fun in the bedroom and that they aren't in a D/s relationship. "

I agree that if it is only in the bedroom than it's not a D/s relationship but I think it can be outside of the bedroom but done discretely.

What if you have friends that you value but who don't think have to know this about you?  You value them as friends and don't feel the need to push your values on them  so you keep it to yourself. Can't  it still be D/s,  but  low profile D/s for lack of a better term, or  is that selling out?

(in reply to slavejali)

quote:

You also make the assumption that some formal consent is required... that it is informed and considered. Truth is... many will make choices to enter into relationship without any formal consideration of authority structure. Often times these same individuals just allow their natural tendencies to evolve with the dynamics of a relationship

Here we will have to agree to disagree because I do think that formal consent is neccessary for a D/s bdsm relationship and in fact a corner stone to the dynamic. Maybe at the beginning it's not needed but at some point it has to be there.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

quote:

It's called traditional marriage. You've probably seen a lot of it, whether or not it involves bondage and discipline. There is some argument that D/s is not really a part of BDSM since it fits no where in the acronym. Again, I'm happy to let people define their ownselves.

Here's my question than. If both parties are not in agreement that this is a power exchange relationship is it D/s or bdsm or whatever you want to call it, or is it just a traditional marriage.. In other words what if she is submissive by nature and he is dominant by nature and that's it?

So what if that's it?  I think what you do not get is that I do not care to define, catagorize and label other people.  Why the *F* would I bother, especially since I will sure be wrong (given that I don't live in other people's heads or grok the exact meaning they may assign to any given term)?  Why do you care about how some people label other people?

What if that's all she knows but it is not so much a decision on her part to submit it is just the way it is and isn't informed consent the key to what makes it a D/s bdsm relatonship?

 <blink, blink>  Perhaps you don't really grasp the idea of "informed consent."  Perhaps you are not informed yourself.  Again, I would not be so foolish as to characterize what a BDSM relationship might or might not be, but I think that asking the question shows a kind of stubborn ignorance on your part.  You might want to open your mind a bit - or maybe a lot.  Define yourself first and you won't feel the need to define others.

Isn't that more likely what I will run into in the vanilla world or are there really lots of consensual long term D/s relationships out there?

Well, why don't you run out into the vanilla world (or the BDSM one) and find out for yourself if your preconceptions match reality?

MaryT

(in reply to SlyStone)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Here we will have to agree to disagree because I do think that formal consent is neccessary for a D/s bdsm relationship and in fact a corner stone to the dynamic. Maybe at the beginning it's not needed but at some point it has to be there.

quote:

Well, why don't you run out into the vanilla world (or the BDSM one) and find out for yourself if your preconceptions match reality?
<blink, blink>  Perhaps you don't really grasp the idea of "informed consent."  Perhaps you are not informed yourself.

Actually I was asking questions in the pursuit of knowledge but thank you for your condecending comments and next time I want the opinion of a smart ass no it all I will know just where to look.

(in reply to MaryT)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone
Actually I was asking questions in the pursuit of knowledge

quote:

mnottertail:  Your post recalls to my mind the time I saw Bing Crosby and David Bowie singing Little Drummer Boy together.........while it may have been taped, it wasn't a repeat.

Merry Christmas

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I differentiate them as

BDSM is the play that I do within my relationships.
D/s is all about the Authority dynamics within my Relationships.

Of course... my relationships are more than just BDSM and more than just D/s.

In retrospect, do i consider that a D/s relationship?  For me, no.  i look at D/s as the overall dynamic....not something i do for a couple of hours in a bedroom (or wherever).  Submitting (or bottoming) sexually was fun/pleasurable....and quite a distinction from my submission outside of the bedroom.  That was often neither  

quote:

I agree that a choice of consent must occur... but that choice does not need to be formal. Since, my relatiaonship is by an example of a lack of a "formal" consent... it make your belief that it must be there as being invalid.


Well I'm not sure any belief is invalid here but if it makes you feel better than ok.

Formal was your word and I shouldn't have used it because it's not the word I would chose. You followed the word with your definition being "informed consent". That is what I would call it and that is what I think needs to exist in order for it to be a D/s bdsm relationship so I would repeat the same statement but replace "formal" with "informed" and still maintain the same opinion.

(in reply to KnightofMists)