Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

openmindedslave -> Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 7:18:55 PM)

What  do you feel is the drawing interest in having subs serve a TS or CD Mistress?  How much  of a differnece is it in serving  one kind of Mistress over another? Thank you for sharing your experiences or feelings here .



BalletBob -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 7:42:43 PM)

I don't see much of a difference in different Mistresses. It all depends on what THEY WANT ! Maybe a TS or CD Mistress would want to dress you up in frilly things, which I might like.....ha ha ha

I can't see a CD Mistress, since a Mistress would wear things like thayt anyway, being a woman. Now maybe ther would be a CD Master.

BalletBob



MzMia -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 7:48:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

What  do you feel is the drawing interest in having subs serve a TS or CD Mistress?  How much  of a differnece is it in serving  one kind of Mistress over another? Thank you for sharing your experiences or feelings here .


Could be the real "dick" factor...



openmindedslave -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 8:34:36 PM)

I realize that might be the first  consdieration concerning having a "dick"?
However I see so many TS really have a desire to be thought of as a woman. Is it a taboo  fetish?..Something were told is really being "gay" or "bi"  more so than really embracing the fem quality for being a woman? I don't know?



MzMia -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 8:37:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I realize that might be the first  consdieration concerning having a "dick"?
However I see so many TS really have a desire to be thought of as a woman. Is it a taboo  fetish?..Something were told is really being "gay" or "bi"  more so than really embracing the fem quality for being a woman? I don't know?


You can be who or whatever you want around here,
just follow the yellow brick road.



DigitBox -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 11:18:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I realize that might be the first  consdieration concerning having a "dick"?
However I see so many TS really have a desire to be thought of as a woman. Is it a taboo  fetish?..Something were told is really being "gay" or "bi"  more so than really embracing the fem quality for being a woman? I don't know?


Being transsexual isn't a fetish for many, and has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

There is a group of TS who are more fetishistic about their "transformation" but they aren't in as great number as certain psuedo-scientific theories on the topic would have you believe.

The simplest explanation is that CD's go back to male existance when they have finished expressing their femminine side.  TS/TG women live full time as women once they can reach a certain point in their transition from male to female.

Transsexual women feel strongly that they are the wrong gender and 'must' change their sex and their gender presentation to bring their body in line with their mind.  There are several theories for this.  Some studies on the brains of TS have found that they have sections of their hypothalamus that determine gender identity that are closer to natal females rather than males.  So their brain is telling them that they are female not male.  Yet because of what they had between their legs at birth they are socialized to be males, and they have to live through the experience of having male levels of testosterone unless they are fortunate enough to get on testosterone suppressing chemicals prior to the onset of puberty,which is extremely rare in north america, hence one of the reasons why some of the most passible TS are not from first world countries where restrictions on HRT is traditionally limited to those 18yrs and older.

Some of us are lucky in that we have had more support earlier in our lives to deal with the disconnect between our bodies and our gender identity and so have started the whole transition process earlier.

Anyhow just don't use male pronouns to address a TS woman.  She will be very upset.  Domme or sub, it will make her feel very upset or cross.

CD's from my experience when in female role will also want to be refered to with female pronouns.

There is a vast amount of published material available online about CD's and Transsexuals.  Not just porn but actually web pages on the topic of the various issues that trans women face.  Far more than I can detail in this short message.






DigitBox -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/25/2006 11:35:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

What  do you feel is the drawing interest in having subs serve a TS or CD Mistress?  How much  of a differnece is it in serving  one kind of Mistress over another? Thank you for sharing your experiences or feelings here .

I wouldn't think that there would be any difference.  I think the variations you will notice is in how femminine or masculine they are.  Some are uber femmes, some are more like guys in dresses, some are just like regular women.  There just aren't any real set in stone rules for what kind of Mistress you will get with TS or CD.  It's more dependent on the persons own personality and their own motivations for being as they are.



LadyEllen -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 6:14:48 AM)

Hi OMS

From the way I read it, youre asking why a guy would choose a CD or TS mistress?

Digit already did the "spot the difference" guide between CD and TS, though there is a longer one I wrote a few months back in either the "do mistresses like crossdressers?" or "what about TS dommes?" threads, on the mistress boards. Basically, CD and TS are two different things as Digit explained. I'll do the CD side of the question here, from my experience.

I think its useful to consider a number of factors in this question. Firstly, the ratio of dominant ladies to submissive males is seemingly 1 to 20 (or more), meaning that submissive males are going to have to be very lucky and/or outstanding to find the lady of their dreams in the first place. This may go some way to explaining why "Ersatz-Frau" can be an attractive proposition, especially for those submissive males with primarily fetishistic drives - ie, the appearance is sufficient for them, with the actual person being less important. Bisexuality, apparent or latent, in the sub male is less important than it might seem for the whole thing to work out well (see below), but should be considered perhaps.

Secondly, there are a lot of crossdressing males out there (leaving the TS question out for a moment), and it seems in my experience at least, that "en femme" many of them are released psychologically from the bounds of their normal selves, in the same way that others derive such release through changed appearance. They are thus able to indulge a bisexual nature in such instances, which they normally would not, because the clothes make them someone different - in fact in their minds, the clothes make them female. Every crossdresser I ever met, seems to be of the same opinion, that women are higher, better than men, and some at least crossdress to an extent to be that better person which of course is always in them, but which society forbids them from being in the everyday. Crossdressers in general also love the validation of their femme persona which comes from male attention and desire.

So what we have is submissive males seeking a superior female to dominate them, and crossdressing males who temporarily become a superior being, having adopted female appearance and persona. It kind of makes sense that both sides get to satisfy the other, where such satisfaction is mutually offered and agreed.

Thirdly, there is an argument that both sides in this particular equation can work out well, because in the end both sides are male, possessed of the same sort of arousal factors, reactions and drives.

Fourthly, from accounts I have read of submissive males seeing professional CD dommes, the fact that the domme had a functioning penis and used it, was a major turn on for the sub male in the kind of way that strap on play is when a natural woman uses it, but to a much higher intensity.

So in answer to the question as to why a sub male might choose to submit to a crossdressed mistress, there are several reasons; a far better chance in terms of numbers of finding what they seek, an experience which is going to be male structured and possibly therefore more what they seek, and a session which features the added taboo and humiliation of a penis being involved. And on the other side, the crossdresser enjoys the male interest as validation of his female persona, the ability to be more "en femme" than ever because of this interest, and for it to be OK because he is a woman for that time after all.

When all is completed though, the CD reverts to his normal self. The sub male would no longer be interested (in the main) once the transition is reversed, and the CD (in the main) would no longer be interested either. In my opinion, this whole scenario relies on the two things which afterwards are absent - the female appearance and clothing which in turn inspire both the interest of the sub male and the femme persona of the crossdresser.

In the minds of those in this particular scenario, the difference between it having been a female/male and crossdresser/male scenario is in this; that it is as transitory in nature as the feminisation is. A real, natural woman is for life. And this is another attraction to both parties of course - the sub male can leave with no further involvement, and the crossdresser in general wants none either in everyday life. Not to say that all men have a problem with commitment(!), but a liason such as this fits well the wants and needs of both sides, especially when they have other lives, whether one supports such a choice morally or not.

E



MstrssPassion -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 6:17:18 AM)

fast reply

seems that my reply to the OP goes out to a few who have replied as well

educate yourself as to what the difference is between a CD & a TS

THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE



LadyEllen -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 7:35:54 AM)

The difference between serving a TS mistress and a natural female mistress, and what is the draw?

First off, TS women are like hens' teeth. Whereas from what I read, crossdressing occurs in up to 25% of the male population, the incidence of male to female (m2f) transsexuality is less than 1%. Also, the most successful TS women live in what is known as stealth - their status unknown to the outside world. We do not go round telling everyone or even anyone, for that matter, and do our level best to merge into the crowd. We dont want to be transsexual, we want to be who/what we are. In most places and instances, it would be a disaster for others to know anything about our condition - dismissal from work, eviction from home, harassment, abuse and violence up to and including murder are common consequences of exposure. So, unless she advertises it loudly and proudly (and foolishly in my opinion) you are not likely to even know her chromosomal make up once all the procedures are completed, as long as she looks/acts within the bounds laid down for acceptable femininity.

Also unlike the CD, the TS woman is not acting, adopting a persona or pretending. She is who she is, 24/7. Sure, in the first days of her transition, she will often go a little over the top because of the release to be herself after a lifetime of being someone else - the TS woman was acting, adopting a persona and pretending prior to transition, to be acceptable as a male. But most often, after a short spell of uber femininity, she will find herself and then, usually, you wont be able to tell much difference between her and any other woman, once she has her look worked out (a process all natural women go through too incidentally, during their teens).

Of course though, there is no real way to measure how female someone is. Even with natural women, this is impossible. What is female and feminine is impossible enough to determine in itself, and even where some attempt at this has been made (Google Sandra Bems and the Bems SRI), the results have suggested that women and men alike share many characteristics which were previously distinguished as male or female for psychological gender testing purposes. Yet, they remain distinguishable as male or female to the naked eye, in their beings and doings, characters and interactions. What this means is, that the difference between male and female lies in appearance, interactions with others and most importantly personal identity. It is not so much that men and women are opposites, but more about nuances, flavours and emphases, which arise from their inner beings and ideas about who they are and their place in the world. Men and women both value compassion, (adjudged a female trait in the Bems SRI), but value it and demonstrate it differently, for example.

So, for the m2f TS woman, she will score in the centre ground on such a gender test alike with natural males and females, but tend to value and demonstrate the qualities on which the test is assessed, in a way more akin to that of the natural females, because her inner being and how she sees herself in the world is in common with natural females. A crossdresser meanwhile, will also score in the centre ground, but more than likely value and demonstrate those qualities expressed in the test in a male way, for in his inner being and in how he relates to the world, he is male.

From that, as far as the outside world is concerned, the m2f TS woman will conform by and large to the bounds of what a woman is in our world, and will be regarded and treated as female, as her inner being tells her she is. So, as long as her appearance falls within those same bounds, then there is little chance she will be regarded as anything but a woman; which after all is the whole idea!

Sexually, there is no way to know whether the TS woman is identical in terms of arousal, response and so on with a natural woman. Obviously there are physical differences, even after surgical alterations, which so far no process of transition can deal with. A TS woman will have been born and raised as male and will in most cases have experienced male puberty with all that entails, and her physical make up will never be the same as a natural woman. This however is not to say that psychologically she does not fall within the bounds of natural female sexuality, (het, bi or lesbian), and it should also be noted that in my experience at least, a lot of our sexuality as human beings derives from our hormonal make up; alter the hormonal levels and its possible to alter sexual drive, arousal cues and responses, even orientations. In my experience at least, from what I've picked up along the way, I'm not that different to a natural woman in all of those aspects.

Overall then, I would guess that serving a TS woman would not be so much different to serving a natural woman - in fact you might never know her status if she chose not to disclose it and her appearance was sufficiently female for it to give no clues.

Now, what is the draw? I confess that if someone wanted me because of what I was, it would turn me off immediately and irretrievably. If someone wanted me because I have/had a penis, if someone wanted me to use my penis or if they wanted to use it, that would be awful. I dont know how other TS women feel about it - I never said I was in the wrong body like the stereotype says, (I like my body, which is handy as its the only one I have!), but what I detest is what I see as a birth defect, an embarassment. For someone to desire you on the basis of a birth defect, is not comfortable; and there are plenty of men out there who do go after the likes of me for that reason, just like there are men out there who go for amputees and so on. Thats fine, no objection to it, but not for me thanks.

At the same time, I grew up male. Aside from being bullied throughout school for being gay (which I knew I wasnt), most of my associations were with boys, most of my upbringing was with male culture. This maybe gives me some advantages, in that I know more about men than most women ever will - how they really are, what they get up to, how they think, what they want and so on. Whether that provides a draw I dont know, and in any case its not something I advertise so how would any man know that about me, aside from on CM?

Hope that explains something anyway!
E



MzMia -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 10:54:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Hi OMS

From the way I read it, youre asking why a guy would choose a CD or TS mistress?

Digit already did the "spot the difference" guide between CD and TS, though there is a longer one I wrote a few months back in either the "do mistresses like crossdressers?" or "what about TS dommes?" threads, on the mistress boards. Basically, CD and TS are two different things as Digit explained. I'll do the CD side of the question here, from my experience.

I think its useful to consider a number of factors in this question. Firstly, the ratio of dominant ladies to submissive males is seemingly 1 to 20 (or more), meaning that submissive males are going to have to be very lucky and/or outstanding to find the lady of their dreams in the first place. This may go some way to explaining why "Ersatz-Frau" can be an attractive proposition, especially for those submissive males with primarily fetishistic drives - ie, the appearance is sufficient for them, with the actual person being less important. Bisexuality, apparent or latent, in the sub male is less important than it might seem for the whole thing to work out well (see below), but should be considered perhaps.

Secondly, there are a lot of crossdressing males out there (leaving the TS question out for a moment), and it seems in my experience at least, that "en femme" many of them are released psychologically from the bounds of their normal selves, in the same way that others derive such release through changed appearance. They are thus able to indulge a bisexual nature in such instances, which they normally would not, because the clothes make them someone different - in fact in their minds, the clothes make them female. Every crossdresser I ever met, seems to be of the same opinion, that women are higher, better than men, and some at least crossdress to an extent to be that better person which of course is always in them, but which society forbids them from being in the everyday. Crossdressers in general also love the validation of their femme persona which comes from male attention and desire.

So what we have is submissive males seeking a superior female to dominate them, and crossdressing males who temporarily become a superior being, having adopted female appearance and persona. It kind of makes sense that both sides get to satisfy the other, where such satisfaction is mutually offered and agreed.

Thirdly, there is an argument that both sides in this particular equation can work out well, because in the end both sides are male, possessed of the same sort of arousal factors, reactions and drives.

Fourthly, from accounts I have read of submissive males seeing professional CD dommes, the fact that the domme had a functioning penis and used it, was a major turn on for the sub male in the kind of way that strap on play is when a natural woman uses it, but to a much higher intensity.

So in answer to the question as to why a sub male might choose to submit to a crossdressed mistress, there are several reasons; a far better chance in terms of numbers of finding what they seek, an experience which is going to be male structured and possibly therefore more what they seek, and a session which features the added taboo and humiliation of a penis being involved. And on the other side, the crossdresser enjoys the male interest as validation of his female persona, the ability to be more "en femme" than ever because of this interest, and for it to be OK because he is a woman for that time after all.

When all is completed though, the CD reverts to his normal self. The sub male would no longer be interested (in the main) once the transition is reversed, and the CD (in the main) would no longer be interested either. In my opinion, this whole scenario relies on the two things which afterwards are absent - the female appearance and clothing which in turn inspire both the interest of the sub male and the femme persona of the crossdresser.

In the minds of those in this particular scenario, the difference between it having been a female/male and crossdresser/male scenario is in this; that it is as transitory in nature as the feminisation is. A real, natural woman is for life. And this is another attraction to both parties of course - the sub male can leave with no further involvement, and the crossdresser in general wants none either in everyday life. Not to say that all men have a problem with commitment(!), but a liason such as this fits well the wants and needs of both sides, especially when they have other lives, whether one supports such a choice morally or not.

E

Wonderfully written as always LadyE.
I stand corrected on my earlier post, of course
there is a BIG difference between TS/and CD's.
It is a shame that many lump them all together.
Thank you for your insight and sharing.....I learned
a lot from your post.



openmindedslave -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 5:54:06 PM)

Let me just say....WOW to the intelligent and informative responses here in such a short amount of time.. Let me also say this  is when a forum  really works. This is trully the sharing of ideas and  passion..

Is there anything  more people would like to share on this subject? I had one TS Mistress contact me personally and suggested that when males come to her, they feel their not cheating on their girlfriends or wifes  because their not with another woman  Does anyone find that to be a common thread of thinking ?



DigitBox -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 8:50:34 PM)

I think guys who cheat are just looking for reasons to rationalize what they are doing.

If a guy thinks I'm not really a woman then I think of him as not really suitable material for being with me.




CalliopePurple -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/26/2006 11:11:49 PM)

Digit, from looking at your profile and reading your thoughts here, I can say that you are an attractive woman. And your picture is pretty too.

This post has nothing to do with the original subject, I just felt like I had to say that.



LadyEllen -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/27/2006 5:09:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitBox

I think guys who cheat are just looking for reasons to rationalize what they are doing.

If a guy thinks I'm not really a woman then I think of him as not really suitable material for being with me.




ditto

Personally I just dont get that whole deal of "youre not really a woman", which occurs in my case mainly when they get told my status (its only right to tell, I feel, rather than be discovered later).

Said guy then sits there asking himself whether he might be gay, or telling himself over and over that he's not.  

How the hell that works, I dont know. If he were gay after all, would he have even approached me, seeing as how I look like, act like, move like, speak like etc a woman? Of course not. He approached because he liked what he saw.

And in my experience at least, he still does like what he sees; its the infantile reactions of his mates that he fears most. As Digit said, not suitable to be with me, and more than that, unworthy of me.

E



FLsubmalecd -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/27/2006 8:37:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Hi OMS

From the way I read it, youre asking why a guy would choose a CD or TS mistress?

Digit already did the "spot the difference" guide between CD and TS, though there is a longer one I wrote a few months back in either the "do mistresses like crossdressers?" or "what about TS dommes?" threads, on the mistress boards. Basically, CD and TS are two different things as Digit explained. I'll do the CD side of the question here, from my experience.

I think its useful to consider a number of factors in this question. Firstly, the ratio of dominant ladies to submissive males is seemingly 1 to 20 (or more), meaning that submissive males are going to have to be very lucky and/or outstanding to find the lady of their dreams in the first place. This may go some way to explaining why "Ersatz-Frau" can be an attractive proposition, especially for those submissive males with primarily fetishistic drives - ie, the appearance is sufficient for them, with the actual person being less important. Bisexuality, apparent or latent, in the sub male is less important than it might seem for the whole thing to work out well (see below), but should be considered perhaps.

Secondly, there are a lot of crossdressing males out there (leaving the TS question out for a moment), and it seems in my experience at least, that "en femme" many of them are released psychologically from the bounds of their normal selves, in the same way that others derive such release through changed appearance. They are thus able to indulge a bisexual nature in such instances, which they normally would not, because the clothes make them someone different - in fact in their minds, the clothes make them female. Every crossdresser I ever met, seems to be of the same opinion, that women are higher, better than men, and some at least crossdress to an extent to be that better person which of course is always in them, but which society forbids them from being in the everyday. Crossdressers in general also love the validation of their femme persona which comes from male attention and desire.

So what we have is submissive males seeking a superior female to dominate them, and crossdressing males who temporarily become a superior being, having adopted female appearance and persona. It kind of makes sense that both sides get to satisfy the other, where such satisfaction is mutually offered and agreed.

Thirdly, there is an argument that both sides in this particular equation can work out well, because in the end both sides are male, possessed of the same sort of arousal factors, reactions and drives.

Fourthly, from accounts I have read of submissive males seeing professional CD dommes, the fact that the domme had a functioning penis and used it, was a major turn on for the sub male in the kind of way that strap on play is when a natural woman uses it, but to a much higher intensity.

So in answer to the question as to why a sub male might choose to submit to a crossdressed mistress, there are several reasons; a far better chance in terms of numbers of finding what they seek, an experience which is going to be male structured and possibly therefore more what they seek, and a session which features the added taboo and humiliation of a penis being involved. And on the other side, the crossdresser enjoys the male interest as validation of his female persona, the ability to be more "en femme" than ever because of this interest, and for it to be OK because he is a woman for that time after all.

When all is completed though, the CD reverts to his normal self. The sub male would no longer be interested (in the main) once the transition is reversed, and the CD (in the main) would no longer be interested either. In my opinion, this whole scenario relies on the two things which afterwards are absent - the female appearance and clothing which in turn inspire both the interest of the sub male and the femme persona of the crossdresser.

In the minds of those in this particular scenario, the difference between it having been a female/male and crossdresser/male scenario is in this; that it is as transitory in nature as the feminisation is. A real, natural woman is for life. And this is another attraction to both parties of course - the sub male can leave with no further involvement, and the crossdresser in general wants none either in everyday life. Not to say that all men have a problem with commitment(!), but a liason such as this fits well the wants and needs of both sides, especially when they have other lives, whether one supports such a choice morally or not.

E

Wonderfully written as always LadyE.
I stand corrected on my earlier post, of course
there is a BIG difference between TS/and CD's.
It is a shame that many lump them all together.
Thank you for your insight and sharing.....I learned
a lot from your post.

I too would like to thank and congratulate Lady Ellen for her very well written and accurate post about cross dressers and transsexuals. 
I do wish to add that for many of us cross dressers, it is much more then just a fetish. It goes much deeper then just a sexual kink or scene or play option. Our brain is wired to be a cross dresser; Perhaps even some hormonal or other biological differences with us, but to a lesser degree, with transsexuals. There are lots of theories as to why, but all are inconclusive that I have read. It is as much a part of our nature as is eating, drinking, breathing and our sex drives regardless of that being bi, straight or gay. And it is believed that most of us are in fact straight. It is not a conscious choice we make to be a cross dresser no more then it is for a transsexual to chose to be a transsexual. In fact, like many transsexuals, many of us wish we were not blessed with this oddity.
Some of us accept it and it becomes easier to be who and what we are. But some struggle with it out of shame and lack of understanding it themselves; Many have even committed suicide for not being able to accept themselves or having been discovered by their wives and or family, friends, co-workers
I am not a cross dresser because I am a submissive male... no more then I am a submissive male because I am a cross dresser. I do not need to dress fem to be submissive. True, I do like it to be included in my relationship with my Domme, but it is not required for my happiness in serving Her at all. It is because it is me, the complete me.
 I submit to Her and serve Her in either mode of dress and am just as happy and fore filled to serve and please Her either way.
But to the OP's question, for me, I would never wish to submit to a TS or CD Mistress. My submission is ONLY to genetic Females. To this male sub CD, there would be a huge difference as in it ain't happening! But then again, for me to want to submit to anyone, the bond between us has to be very strong. I am not into serving or submitting for the sake of play or scening alone. Since discovering my submissive desires some 10-12 years ago, I have always had at least a very close, if not love relationship with those I've served, submitted or played with. For me, my submission seems to be attached to my need to love and be loved on some level. And now that I have found or discovered my submissive side, I must also have D/s as part of a love relationship. So I would never submit to a CD or TS Mistress anymore then i would submit to a Pro Domme. I have nothing against them, but it would do nothing for me. I admire and respect them for being who they are... just not my thing. We are all wired differently and we can't pigeon hole ourselves or be interested in the same things. And that is part of what makes our mutual interests in our lifestyles great.       



tasha_tart -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/29/2006 8:02:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

What  do you feel is the drawing interest in having subs serve a TS or CD Mistress?  How much  of a differnece is it in serving  one kind of Mistress over another? Thank you for sharing your experiences or feelings here .


Um, at the risk of over-simplifying...because that's what floats their boat?
 
People seek who they seek because it feels right to them.  IMO very few people can give a rational explanation why they like redheads or blondes, skinny or BBW, or anything else...it's just how they're wired.
 
Tasha



pixelslave -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/30/2006 5:39:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Some of us accept it and it becomes easier to be who and what we are. But some struggle with it out of shame and lack of understanding it themselves; Many have even committed suicide for not being able to accept themselves or having been discovered by their wives and or family, friends, co-workers
I am not a cross dresser because I am a submissive male... no more then I am a submissive male because I am a cross dresser. I do not need to dress fem to be submissive. True, I do like it to be included in my relationship with my Domme, but it is not required for my happiness in serving Her at all. It is because it is me, the complete me. 

 

 
Clearly then, you want to be loved and accepted for all that you are; the "complete" you.  You've acknowledged in what you've written that perhaps some of what constitutes being "you" may be as follows:

quote:

for many of us cross dressers, it is much more then just a fetish. It goes much deeper then just a sexual kink or scene or play option. Our brain is wired to be a cross dresser; Perhaps even some hormonal or other biological differences with us, but to a lesser degree, with transsexuals. There are lots of theories as to why, but all are inconclusive that I have read. It is as much a part of our nature as is eating, drinking, breathing and our sex drives regardless of that being bi, straight or gay.
 
That seems to be a very enlightened position, which I'd think would be very empathetic to the situation of one who is a TS, who also wants to be loved and accepted for the complete person they are.

quote:


But to the OP's question, for me, I would never wish to submit to a TS or CD Mistress. My submission is ONLY to genetic Females. To this male sub CD, there would be a huge difference as in it ain't happening! But then again, for me to want to submit to anyone, the bond between us has to be very strong. I am not into serving or submitting for the sake of play or scening alone. Since discovering my submissive desires some 10-12 years ago, I have always had at least a very close, if not love relationship with those I've served, submitted or played with. For me, my submission seems to be attached to my need to love and be loved on some level. And now that I have found or discovered my submissive side, I must also have D/s as part of a love relationship. So I would never submit to a CD or TS Mistress anymore then i would submit to a Pro Domme. I have nothing against them, but it would do nothing for me. I admire and respect them for being who they are... just not my thing. We are all wired differently and we can't pigeon hole ourselves or be interested in the same things. And that is part of what makes our mutual interests in our lifestyles great.       



Coming from the enlightened perspective you showed earlier, one that seems to imply that you recognize you could just as easily have been a TS or had some other condition socially out of the norm, I find it highly unusual that you'd not be open to loving and accepting a TS as a person who has transformed themselves into the person and woman they felt they were meant to be.  This somehow seems to be something of a double-standard when you personally wish to be accepted for what you feel you were born to be.   
 
I can't help but ask, do you personally know anyone who is a TS that has sucessfully gone through the complete transformation from having started their life as a male to eventually becoming a woman?  To make that kind of transition, these women have to delve very deeply into their hearts, souls and psychological make-ups; eventually coming to know themselves on a much deeper level than most of us will ever begin to know ourselves.  Obtaining that kind of insight takes a great deal of courage.  Imagine if you will, what they'd have to share and what they could see in you, if only you were open to allowing them into your life? 
 
If you genuinely want to be loved and accepted for who you truly are, perhaps you might start by learning to unconditionally love and accept others for who and what they are as well.  Once you do, you might finally discover what it is you seek.  I don't think we can expect of others what we aren't willing to give them in exchange.  What I speak of isn't easy when you haven't experienced it yourself or had it modeled for you as a child.  If as a CD, you've not been accepted and loved when dressed, I can fully understand whey you might have difficulty giving unconditional love to others when they are being themselves.
 
When someone you care deeply about rejects you for a part of yourself, it can be difficult to continue to give yourself that same kind of unconditional love.  Rejection is hard, and can affect one very deeply, weakening their self-esteem, or at least portions of it.  You may think you're able to give yourself unconditional love for everything about yourself, but the reality is, that being a CD is a part of yourself that you probably hide from most of society.  I'm positive that very few people know you are a CD and that you'd feel great shame and likely be ridiculed by people if they knew.  I suspect you might also experience the same feelings of shame if it became public knowledge that you were submissive to women, then again perhaps not, as others knowing I was a sub wouldn't bother me at all. 
 
What I'm leading to is probably pretty obvious.  Are you able to unconditionaly love those parts of yourself, the parts that you hide from most of society?  These are perhaps more rhetorical questions than anything; things I'd suggest you think about.  If you want a woman to love you for all that you are.  She'll want you to love those things about yourself as well.  Unless you can feel good about them, I'm not certain you can expect her to feel good about them as well.  If there's a part of you that wishes you weren't born wanting to cross dress, then perhaps you haven't learned to love and appreciate that part of yourself; something I believe is required in order to love yourself unconditionally and be able to fully accept and love others in the same fashion.
 
There's one thing I've learned, which I teach my unmentionables, and admittedly I'm not always 100% sucessful all the time at it myself, is to separate the person from their behavior.  When my unmentionables misbehave, I still love them unconditionally, as I try to remember its their behavior that I don't like and we talk about the latter.  That helps me separate the two so that they never feel unloved or in fear of losing my love because of their behavior.  I don't know if that will be of use to you or anyone else who reads this, but I wanted to pass it on.  Perhaps it might help you with others or more specifcally with yourself and the parts of you that you have trouble accepting and loving, such as the parts that want to crossdress, be submissive to women, or hopefully find the good in others.
 
 - pixel 
 



LadyEllen -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/30/2006 10:58:00 AM)

Pixel - what a wonderful post. It may not have been directed at me, but it still struck a chord for me. Thanks.

E



FLsubmalecd -> RE: Difference in serving a TS/CD Mistress?, if any (12/30/2006 3:01:27 PM)

Hi Pixel,

I do not know how to frame and quote responses like you did. (gotta learn that). But maybe I was misunderstood. So I will try to address each question you raised. Do I know anyone that has transitioned? The answer is yes. I also have one dear friend that is non-op and prefers to stay that way, but lives 24/7 as a woman.
Do I accept her for being a woman?
Yes I do have perhaps more empathy and acceptance of TS's then some due to my being a CD. I think I do. Now there is a total difference in liking, accepting, befriending someone, and socializing with someone then submitting to and serving them.
You can call it a preference or whatever. My preference is to be in a relationship with a genetic woman and to submit only to her. It has nothing at all to do with my accepting anyone and that includes myself.   BTW, I have never been rejected because I am a CD. Every woman I ever had any kind of a deep relationship with knew and accepted me for me.

I too am proud to be a sub! I do not feel any shame for it at all.

You ask if I love those parts of me that I hide from society. The answer is yes. I thought I made that pretty obvious. I am one of the lucky ones that came to terms with who and what I am a long time ago. The Lady I serve loves all of me, I'm very happy and blessed to say. She likes that I am  CD as a matter of fact. I have no issues with myself about who and what I am.

I think you went to far to suggest that I don't care about or accept TS's simply because I would never submit to one. I accept all for what and who they are. That does not mean I have to like a relationship beyond a friendship with them. 

I think we all are picky about what we want and like in our lifestyle. Maybe I did not articulate myself very well. Maybe I am failing to do so now. But again, it is just a preference as to who I will or will not submit to.

As an example: I accept gays for who and what they are. I have had gay friends. They may be cherished as friends. But that does not mean I will have sex with them. I  have TS friends, but that does not mean I want a relationship with them beyond friendship.
You made some good points. But you clearly made some wrong assumtions about my acceptance of myself.....All because it is my choice, my preference to serve ONLY a genetic female. That's kind of like saying I don't accept myself as a male because I won't submit to a male! I do think you were way off base there. But understandable in a post of a few words subject to misinterpretation and without knowing anything else about me.      



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625