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I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:05:32 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I know it is my destiny to be a slave and I know it is what I want. But sometimes I have problems when I become moody or aggrivated and it is difficult for me to remain down, respectful and submissive. I wish to be everything my Mistress desires of me, but at times it becomes difficult when I get moody or upset or aggrivated. Please help!!

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:08:07 AM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline 		You like being submissive, but don't like LIKING being submissive.

A course in "Letting Go" might lend some insights...


(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:11:44 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understand...

(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:15:05 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		This isn't a "you're so young" answer, BUT you really are young.  You prolly have mood swings during your period, etc.  Everyone becomes moody and, yes, it's hard to be submissive when you just want to punch the world.  You can either simply tell her how you are feeling and ask for her help in getting over it or ask if you may be excused from service until you are back in sorts.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:15:08 AM   
goodtime69


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline 		Tell me about it

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:17:42 AM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I'm not sure I understand...


If you understood, you wouldn't suffer from these conflicts.

Try this exercise:

1. Assume a comfortable posture lying on your back or sitting. If your are sitting, keep the spine straight, and let your shoulders drop.
2. Close your eyes if it feels comfortable.
3. Bring your attention to your belly, feeling it rise or expand gently on the inbreath and fall or reced on the outbreath.
4. Keep the focus on your breathing, Being with each inbreath for its full duration and with each outbreath for its full duration, as if you were riding the waves of your own breathing
5. Every time you notice that you mind has wandered off the breath, notice what is was that took you away, and then gently bring your attention back to your belly and the feeling of the breath coming in and out.

5 - 15 minutes, perhaps it'll help.


(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:21:34 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP:  you are going to get a lot of advice, I suspect.  Let me start by suggesting that you must work out your issues with your Lady; whatever is suggested here is secondary to your and Her decisions. 

That said, in my experience with my submissive girls, they rarely choose to be difficult or moody, but at times life deals them a bad turn and the uncontrolled emotions take over.  You are human, miss, and you are not expected to lose your humanity in your submission (at least I'd hope not).  So yes, there are going to be bad days, days where you are angry or lonely or needy.

You might try a calming ritual when you become "aggravated"; I listen to music, my wife swears by meditation, others drink a cool glass of water.  Take time out to focus on what you must do, not how you feel.  Of course, this assumes you are not merely acting out and choosing to be emotional.

E.

Edited to add:  When I was composing this post, farglebargle submitted her calming ritual -- that is exactly the type of thing I was looking for, and far better stated than I could have done.

Edited to add, also:  Re:  bandit25's post:  OH, those female mood swings are ONLY for 20 something women?  Gee...I've been sorely confused the past 30 years then (GRIN).

E. 

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 12/26/2006 9:25:38 AM >

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:31:31 AM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956
Edited to add: When I was composing this post, farglebargle submitted her calming ritual -- that is exactly the type of thing I was looking for, and far better stated than I could have done.



I'm the DUDE 1/2 of the Dom/Domme couple known as Farglebargle ;)

That said, it's actually the introduction to a course in Stress Reduction and Relaxation.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:36:08 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Nah, but you doms have mood swings too. 

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:36:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How long have you actually known and identified yourself as a slave and how long has this commitment been in place?

Most subs have a settling down period- despite what they want, it hasn't become internally REAL for them yet that they can be secure and relaxed without having authority.

COuple this with the fact that most slaves make horrible choices for their first doms, they get all the added guilt and shame and problems that come with that and significantly lower their progress towards becoming stable and secure.

Stop beating yourself up and just be yourself.  Dedicate yourself to discipline, but accept that you WILL fail sometimes, you WILL fuck up royally and somehow life WILL go on.  As long as you keep making progress and find yourself in 6 months much happier, relaxed and secure than you are now- you're doing fine.

And if you're not than either your mistress sucks at training and you're bad match, or this really isn't where you will fit in.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 9:51:36 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I'm 44 and trust me when I tell ya that hormonal moodiness and emotional meltdowns are not just for the young ladies! 

I finally started today after a week of severe PMS, during the holiday hoopla no less, and during one of those bumpy rides to my slavedom. 

I've gone from wanting to lay my head on His shoulder and snuggle, to wanting to whack Him upside the head with my cast iron frying pan! *Did I say that outloud?*

Some days I just wish there was magic slave fairy dust that could be sprinkled on us and we could go from
X ------to---------> slavedom and just be done with it already!

Uh hum...... 'scuse me while I go take some Midol.


(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 10:00:03 AM   
slavemaro


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say that lucyAlbatros has always the best ideas...and a good philosophy of life....

I wish My Master (Who i respect very much) cld collar u....ezmeralda...and we will be sisters... 

< Message edited by slavemaro -- 12/26/2006 10:04:01 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 10:09:28 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		When that happens to me I take a deep breath, I remind myself of my position and I soldier on respectfully till I've completed what was required of me (often grumbeling in my mind where no one but me hears).
Once you calm down go through what triggered the rebellious emotions, discuss them with your Mistress and keep going.
Having the feelings well up in you is not wrong, how you act on them, or deal with them is where the key in your submission lies. 

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 10:16:28 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I'm honest with him and tell him what I'm feeling. If I know what brought it on I tell him that, sometimes I can't identify it but he can give insights. We're a team, I'm not supposed to do all of this by myself, I'm supposed to bring my problems to him. Have you asked her if she wants you to handle everything yourself or if she wants to know what's going on with you? Because by making assumptions about what she wants, you are removing her right to decide.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 10:22:02 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		Relax, Arastella.  It's not a pass/fail course.  Perhaps you are expecting perfection from yourself, but is that what your mistress expects?  Talk to her.  

MaryT

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 11:51:40 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		As a submissive, each of us has our quirks. Talk to your mistress and see if she is happy with you. If she is happy with you, then everything is fine. If she isn't happy with your behavior, then work on your behaviors together.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 12:09:50 PM   
angharad


Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Do you know, I stopped fighting my emotions, stopped trying to think things out and I just told him that I'm really sorry I'm distracted from serving him and his pleasure but xyz has been bothering me, but now that he knows, I feel better. I dont require anything, I know that if it needs action from him he will provide it.  And I move on.

Alternatively sometimes you dont know what you have til you lose it, and the mood swings dont seem quite as powerful as before then.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 12:23:20 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I know it is my destiny to be a slave and I know it is what I want. But sometimes I have problems when I become moody or aggrivated and it is difficult for me to remain down, respectful and submissive. I wish to be everything my Mistress desires of me, but at times it becomes difficult when I get moody or upset or aggrivated. Please help!!




Did you turn in your "human" card when you learned about slavery? Everything that makes you yourself, your moods, frustrations, job, and life outside? Probably not.

A lot of us learn about slavery in fiction and in small scene doses in which nobody's dealing with bills, class, work, or children screaming in the background. This doesn't prep you for taking it into your likely very contemporary, busy, complex life.

It's going to be difficult to remain respectful, appropriate and pleasing. Yes. That's also what makes it really sweet for me, as an Owner, when my slave is centered, present, and getting it right - I am cognizant that there are a million reasons that this isn't his first inclination or response (nor often mine, believe me, vegging out in front of South Park is often a lot more attractive than working on the intricaies of an M/s relationship for the M.)

How do you do it? Managing your responses when you feel the stress climbing. Talking with instead of blowing up. Enlisting some therapy if you never learned appropriate and respectful communication styles or good listening skills in emotionally charged situations (whether M or s)




(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/26/2006 12:26:21 PM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
quote:

Relax, Arastella


c.f.: My earlier post.


(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! - 12/29/2006 7:49:55 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		i have had to ask for a session because i need that moodiness, attitude and frustration knocked right out of me.

it's ok to ask and it's ok to offer when the Dom/ Domme needs release too.

afterwards, i feel great and have forgotten what ailed me because i now have a new ailment. lol

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 20
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