Dominant Women making the first move online

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MzMia -> Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:29:56 AM)
How many other Dominant women enjoy making the first move online? I enjoy going to the chat rooms here on collarme, and most of the Dominant women have told me they do not usually approach a potential submissive, FIRST. It is something I rarely do, but I just made the first move and sent an email to a male submissive I am fairly sure is "new" around here. Of course, when anyone makes the first move, they have to be able to accept rejection. I find it interesting that even when we want to take the Dominant role in a relationship, that many women tend to want the submissives to approach them first. Any thoughts on this?

LaTigresse -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:32:59 AM)
While I rarely go searching to make a move I wouldn't have any problem doing so. I do prefer to be approached, it is rather like a courtship of sorts for me.

MzMia -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:37:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse While I rarely go searching to make a move I wouldn't have any problem doing so. I do prefer to be approached, it is rather like a courtship of sorts for me. I understand this LaT, but I am not a switch. Why is it that Dominant males usually make the first move, but Dominant women do not? Is it back to the "traditional roles"?

MsKatHouston -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:50:25 AM)
I have no problem making a first move if I have an interest. I usually don't simply because of the sheer amount of mail and other contact I receive on a daily basis. I think for some fem doms, it is similar in that we have so many options that are immediately attainable to us that it is unnecessary to search. They are finding us. There is also somehting to be said about the courtship which I also enjoy. I feel some of the "traditional" female "roles" are just fine. I don't think that because I want to be courted that it detracts at all from my dominance, it is simply a preference and well, if I went against a preference that would be less domly, eh? ;) There are also so many people who approach me with an agenda that is contrary to my own desires. A man who will make an effort to pursue me will gain my attention faster. So, I think there are several factors at play as to why some dominant women do not usually initiate the conversations. I think most us will if the situation presented itself and would have no problem with doing it if the opportunity was there that warranted it.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:54:01 AM)
It's fairly unusual for Me to make the first move, but I have been known to do it. When a submissive or slave posts a profile and I find he lives in the same DFW suburb I live in or an adjoining one, I will sometimes write to find out more about him. Unfortunately, the ones on Collarme who live very close to Me work nights, are married, etc., as I learned from writing to them. In the past, I had a submissive who lived only about a mile from Me and wouldn't mind having that again. Another case in which I will write to someone is when I see from their profile that they are in reasonably close geographic proximity, around the same age, and W/we have a lot of common interests. Other times, I am drawn to their profile and/or photo for some reason, often inexplicable. So far, I have met some very interesting people that way, but not "the one." Finally, I will look up the profiles of people who add Me to their favorites on this site, or wink at Me or hotlist Me on one of the other sites. If they are sufficiently interesting, I might drop them a line. So I would say 95% of the time, the submissive approaches Me, and 5% of the time, I approach the submissive. I am like LaTigresse in that I prefer to be approached and like the courtship aspect of it [sm=smile.gif]. Lady Topaz

enigmaslave -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 10:56:34 AM)
Marking this post into my favorites, I will be fallowing the answers on this one. If I may, I’d like to put this into the mix as well. Is it a cultural/race based issue: I have found that woman of African decent in both Canada and the U.S.A. seem to be more comfortable approaching males, then woman of European decent

MzMia -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 11:00:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enigmaslave Marking this post into my favorites, I will be fallowing the answers on this one. If I may, I’d like to put this into the mix as well. Is it a cultural/race based issue: I have found that woman of African decent in both Canada and the U.S.A. seem to be more comfortable approaching males, then woman of European decent Bingo, thank you for your perspective.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 11:08:13 AM)
To add another aspect, I pretty regularly contact people for other reasons such as new to my area, interesting post, etc just to talk.

thetammyjo -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 11:37:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse While I rarely go searching to make a move I wouldn't have any problem doing so. I do prefer to be approached, it is rather like a courtship of sorts for me. I understand this LaT, but I am not a switch. Why is it that Dominant males usually make the first move, but Dominant women do not? Is it back to the "traditional roles"? I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Even if we don't like traditional roles it can be hard to break what we are trained with from the day we are born. I approach people when I think there is a realistic chance there is enough in common to pursue. The fact is that there just aren't many people who match up that well. A lot of people (male and female both) contact me who generate the intial thought in my mind "Why on earth would this person contact me?!" because they live in another country or eight hours away or one glance at their profile just screams to me that we are very unlikely to be compatible on a variety of levels. So people reach out to others for a variety of reasons. I can only say why I do.

MistressMaamNH -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 12:12:05 PM)
As several have said, I think the majority of the time it is a case of "supply and demand" There are far more male subs seeking positions with Dominas and Far more male dominants seeking to have a female sub, than vice versa. There really is very little need to go out "shopping" when the 'merchandise' parades through your front door on a regular basis. [;)] Obviously, that's putting it in rather simple terms, but the general idea is true. I also feel a little differently about the approaching vs being approached thing... For Me, I prefer to be approached, as I feel I am the One in more control, sitting back, while the one approaching is pleading their case and proving to Me why they are worthy of My time. Let them play "Pick me, pick me!" I'll see which one's plea amuses Me the most, then I'll take the pick of the litter. [;)] MMNH

MzMia -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 12:18:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH As several have said, I think the majority of the time it is a case of "supply and demand" There are far more male subs seeking positions with Dominas and Far more male dominants seeking to have a female sub, than vice versa. There really is very little need to go out "shopping" when the 'merchandise' parades through your front door on a regular basis. [;)] Obviously, that's putting it in rather simple terms, but the general idea is true. I also feel a little differently about the approaching vs being approached thing... For Me, I prefer to be approached, as I feel I am the One in more control, sitting back, while the one approaching is pleading their case and proving to Me why they are worthy of My time. Let them play "Pick me, pick me!" I'll see which one's plea amuses Me the most, then I'll take the pick of the litter. [;)] MMNH I agree to a point, I like to be the hunter sometimes and not the hunted. [:D]

LaTigresse -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 12:53:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse While I rarely go searching to make a move I wouldn't have any problem doing so. I do prefer to be approached, it is rather like a courtship of sorts for me. I understand this LaT, but I am not a switch. Why is it that Dominant males usually make the first move, but Dominant women do not? Is it back to the "traditional roles"? Well, I don't believe there is any question as to wether or not I am a switch but moreso a lack of interest on my part. I am just not all that interested in beginning anything with anyone right now. I am going to have to be enticed. Most especially in this medium. Considering I am not interested in men at all (at least not in the way one would want me to be interested) I am pretty certain gender plays no part in the equasion. I just have very little trust in the internet as a dating tool of any kind. I think the success stories are very few and far between. As far as friendly communication, sending an email to someone who's posts I enjoy/respect/admire, is something I do quite often. There are several people on here I communicate with on some semblance of regularity. I just didn't toss that out there because it did not seem to apply to the nature of communication you were writing about.

dommemst -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 1:13:25 PM)
When a submissive moves me to write, I write to him first. But there definitely is an abundance of male subs compared to the scarcity of female dominants. I tend to spend more time replying to email than searching for submissives, which is sad because when you're weeding out potentials you can miss out on the gems that might be too shy to write. I'm a shy person in real life, so I certainly appreciate a shy sub. They are such a challenge to draw out, especially when doing psychological domination. I admit I love trying to figure out a slave's mind... On this subject, I believe MistressMaamNH summed it up beautifully. The figurative parade of subs vying for the affection of the lady is an amazing thing to watch. It certainly makes me feel like I'm up on a pedestal.

MzMia -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 1:16:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dommemst When a submissive moves me to write, I write to him first. But there definitely is an abundance of male subs compared to the scarcity of female dominants. I tend to spend more time replying to email than searching for submissives, which is sad because when you're weeding out potentials you can miss out on the gems that might be too shy to write. I'm a shy person in real life, so I certainly appreciate a shy sub. They are such a challenge to draw out, especially when doing psychological domination. I admit I love trying to figure out a slave's mind... On this subject, I believe MistressMaamNH summed it up beautifully. The figurative parade of subs vying for the affection of the lady is an amazing thing to watch. It certainly makes me feel like I'm up on a pedestal. LOL Most of the aggressive "so called" submissives banging down my door and begging and pleading on here are not what I seek. Good luck[:D]

theRose4U -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 1:30:04 PM)
quote: LOL Most of the aggressive "so called" submissives banging down my door and begging and pleading on here are not what I seek. Good luck[:D] I'm with you there. I've had subs from all over the world trying to plead their case when the first line of my profile is "must be local". I will send the first email if there is something in the profile that catches my attention. Much to my disappointment I have yet to meet the one whose picture and insides tend to match up. As my grandmother used to say, there are some kinds of ugly that a pretty face can't cure.

WyckedIndulgence -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 2:01:25 PM)
All though I rarely make intial contact, I'm not above doing so. It takes an articulate and well written profile, grammar and spelling included, to pique my interest... a photo is secondary. Unlike many subs who initiate contact, I do read profiles in their entirety and if I find even the faintest hint of incompatibility I don't waste my time. The difference is in knowing who I am and what I desire versus settling for the mere sake of having someone at my feet. The new year looks quite promising ~

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 3:01:57 PM)
I have a tendency to send a message only if I'm bored, home alone and happen to be searching on a friday night. LOL Funny, but never once has it worked out for a Ms or even a BDSM relationship. I've dated several more vanilla men from online by contacting them first. Master Fire

Samwhiplash -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 3:26:57 PM)
If an Irish newbie sparks my attention... I mail them. Im a woman who, if she wants something, she goes and gets it for herself instead of waiting to see :)

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 4:05:41 PM)
When I was seeking a sub, I quite often would contact a sub first, even if it was just to compliment him on his profile. I don't really see making the first contact as a Dominant or submissive thing, but more as taking an active role in seeking someone. If the sub replied with interest, I would then expect him to match my level of interest as far as keeping contact going. There needs to be mutual desire as far as I am concerned. Be well, Julie

darchChylde -> RE: Dominant Women making the first move online (12/26/2006 4:34:35 PM)
as a submissive, i expect the Dominant to make the first move; even in the vanilla world, i have little confidence in approaching a woman and prefer them to take that chance... it makes it less likely that i end up with a shrinking violet, which would not work for me though i'm not looking, if i were i'd need the Dominant to approach me, when i'm in a submissive i cannot approach Her

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