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RE: Gender bias - 12/29/2006 2:23:10 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Take it easy folks. It's one thing to believe that all women are submissive, all men are from Mars, and that Bush is really Elvis. I don't speak in absolutes myself, but I find women are more often submissive than dominant. That might be my perspective, while a submissive man most likely would find women to be more often dominant than submissive. The reality is that we all react in a different way to different people, and we tend to associate ourselves with people who match our own interests and ideals.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 21

RE: Gender bias - 12/29/2006 4:02:03 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I try to always say s/he, sub or him/her because I know that not all subs are female. I have a sub, he's very male

I think people alot of times speak from their own point of view, such as a fem sub will say "she" more often then he/she as will Mistress/Masters who have femsubs.
No biggie we all know there are male subs.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 22

RE: Gender bias - 12/29/2006 4:04:38 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

That reminds me of people who claim that homosexual men just haven't found the right women yet. Saying something like that wouldn't be a bias, but would rather be ignorance.

Beautifully said and very very true.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 23

RE: Gender bias - 12/29/2006 5:51:48 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

That reminds me of people who claim that homosexual men just haven't found the right women yet. Saying something like that wouldn't be a bias, but would rather be ignorance.

Ah. I see that you are acquainted with my mother.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 24

RE: Gender bias - 12/30/2006 4:17:03 PM

erebus

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline

Not an analogous situation but frequently cats are referred to just she and dogs, he. Since I have cats and dogs of both genders, it drives me a bit batty.

I don't know if there are more female subs than male, but I would suspect it to be so. Certainly, society is generally male dominated in many regards.

(in reply to MmakeMme)

Post #: 25

RE: Gender bias - 1/1/2007 9:49:52 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I have often wanted CM to split this board into:
Ask a female submissive
and
Ask a male sub

Just as the 'Ask a Dominant' boards have been divided into "Ask a Mistress" and "Ask a Master".

It would certianly save me from wasting time on threads of little import to Me.

Just a suggestion.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 26

RE: Gender bias - 1/1/2007 10:00:40 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

i understand wanting to be able to find threads you relate to without having to get through ones you don't... but is dividing us by gender really the best solution? As it is, when you post under a specific category, regardless of the title (Ask a...Master, sub, switch) everyone responds. Perhaps the categories could be created as "Asked by a... Master, sub, switch"?

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 27

RE: Gender bias - 1/1/2007 10:10:37 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

You have oversimplified my response. I would like a board dedicated to male subs here at CM.

I'm sure I will also read the board for fem subs, but I believe we'd see more male subs post their questions and issues of other male subs here if the Ask a submissive board were divided.

There are other blogs and forums at other sites dedicated to male submissives. They use these boards to ask each other questions that run the gamut of all of their BDSM experiences and fantasies.

As a Domina, I find that interesting reading. I often learn a few things about issues of concern to male subs that never occurred to Me before. They don't post on the Ask a Mistress board because directives or suggestions from a Domina are not what they are seeking; they are looking for input from other male submissives who share their interests.

What better place for such a board than here at CM?

Be as flippant about it as you wish: male subs are shortchanged here at CM.

Most unfortunate, and easily remedied.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 1/1/2007 10:15:57 AM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 28

RE: Gender bias - 1/1/2007 6:57:13 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

To me, both the dominant and submissive are she. "He" or "Him" usually not calculated into the equation unless I am actually talking about a male sub or dominant.

-mellian

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http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 29

RE: Gender bias - 1/1/2007 7:12:07 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

You have oversimplified my response. I would like a board dedicated to male subs here at CM.

I'm sure I will also read the board for fem subs, but I believe we'd see more male subs post their questions and issues of other male subs here if the Ask a submissive board were divided.

There are other blogs and forums at other sites dedicated to male submissives. They use these boards to ask each other questions that run the gamut of all of their BDSM experiences and fantasies.

As a Domina, I find that interesting reading. I often learn a few things about issues of concern to male subs that never occurred to Me before. They don't post on the Ask a Mistress board because directives or suggestions from a Domina are not what they are seeking; they are looking for input from other male submissives who share their interests.

What better place for such a board than here at CM?

Be as flippant about it as you wish: male subs are shortchanged here at CM.

Most unfortunate, and easily remedied.

TexasMaam

Many of my favorite male sub aquaintances (Pollux, Lola, Subtofemdommes, VeronicaofML) have dropped off this board for various reasons, but none of them would cite the lack of a male-sub forum as the reason.

Some friends of mine have pointed out to me that in general men are less inclined than women to post about what is going on in their lives or the issues and dramas they have in the practice of BDSM.

One male sub here actually told me to "bugger off" when I PMed him about how his relocation to a FEMDOM was going. (It wasn't going well.)

All in all, I think the lack of malesub participation here is more complex than the absense of a dedicated male-sub message board.

Some things are pretty clear though, from the malesub perspective I've read:

We don't like no-strings housework, human-ATM angles, and non intimate, de-kinked, service only slave positions, Veronica excepted.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 30

RE: Gender bias - 1/2/2007 3:29:58 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

I agree with TexasMaam, as I have often felt the same way. Just as there is an ask a Mistress and ask a Master board, I would be very interested in reading a board dealing with issues related to male subs/slaves. I think this is a very much pushed-aside group that is often assumed to have nothing much to say. I have found, from attending real-life bdsm groups, that male subs indeed have plenty to say and often are very grateful for support.

And yes, I do think it is a bias. I think that's a good word to describe what has been happening on the boards and in the bdsm community in general, (and certainly among the vanillas). Though I think more and more these days, male subs are beginning to gain more respect than they have previously enjoyed. When I say I think that there has been bias going on, I don't mean to insult anyone, or to start any trouble but rather to encourage us all to take a good hard look at our own opinions, behaviors and personal biases. It does not make us bad people, necessarily to admit we may have been biased in one way or other, it only makes us human. What we then do with that knowledge, is the key. Will we all now make more of an effort to be more inclusive? Or will we just continue on to speak from our particular POVs, ignoring the other side of the coin? Yes, it's difficult and English can be an awkward language sometimes. But I think it's worth the effort, even if the OP did start this topic out of curiosity, rather than due to feeling offended.

More of my not-so-humble-opinion.

MNN

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 31

RE: Gender bias - 1/2/2007 4:57:47 PM

sjacket

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/4/2004
Status: offline

from TexasMaam:
I would like a board dedicated to male subs here at CM.

I'm sure I will also read the board for fem subs, but I believe we'd see more male subs post their questions and issues of other male subs here if the Ask a submissive board were divided.

There are other blogs and forums at other sites dedicated to male submissives. They use these boards to ask each other questions that run the gamut of all of their BDSM experiences and fantasies.

As a Domina, I find that interesting reading. I often learn a few things about issues of concern to male subs that never occurred to Me before. They don't post on the Ask a Mistress board because directives or suggestions from a Domina are not what they are seeking; they are looking for input from other male submissives who share their interests.

What better place for such a board than here at CM?

As a submissive male, I agree- I would love to see two "sub" forums, male and female. While there are plenty of issues we share, there are also many that are unique- social, physical, mental..... those types of things.

The problem I see with it is that (for whatever reasons) many, if not most submissive males are slow or loathe to discuss their nature with others. In mid December I posted a thread in Upcoming Events to try and get a submissive male group going in SW Ohio. As of this writing it has 101 hits, but only 2 replies. And the second one is me replying to the first. And I asked for all interested to reply. Only 1 has, and I have counted over 40 subbie males listed here as being in the area. So, it might be a slow go to start with.

As for the original post- it doesn't really bother me. Anyone who meets me will not confuse me for a fem. I make a VERY ugly woman.

_____________________________

Have you hugged your Sadist today?

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 32

RE: Gender bias - 1/2/2007 5:25:02 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I often respond with experiences. In my life currently, the females are submissive or switch and Master is dominant, so dominants would be referred to as He or She respectively, but the submissives are definitely she. However, if just giving advice, I think I tend towards the gender of the original poster's dynamics. I dislike they/them for singular pronouns, but that is probably just because I am a teacher.

(in reply to sjacket)

Post #: 33

RE: Gender bias - 1/4/2007 7:24:46 AM

pinkkeith

Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I know when I go to munches that I tend to gravite to the FemDoms and the submissive men more the the male dominates and submissive females. (Assuming that they are all straight, I have see a few same-sex D/s couples.) I just relate more to them I guess more than anything. I could see this forum being broken down by gender lines just to get more of the male subs talking to each other. I find that they mostly talk to the FemDoms at the Ask a Mistress thread.

I haven't been here too long, but it was just something that I have seen time and again in real life situations. I am sure that this behavior would also happen in the virtual world as well.

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

Post #: 34

RE: Gender bias - 1/5/2007 3:37:15 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

So, does anyone know what needs to be done in order to start a malesub board?

MNN

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 35

RE: Gender bias - 1/11/2007 11:25:45 PM

gailcd

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

I just started on these forums and this is the impression i got too.

(in reply to pinkkeith)

Post #: 36

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