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The big question. - 12/28/2006 4:54:25 PM   
DeLust241


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		I have come to relize that people take being collared as marriage and I agree with that but what happens when real "marriage" comes into play?
Like I've said before I have been with my Master a year but we also are bf/gf if you want to say it that way. I have only been collared a month and before I was collared U had plans to ask my Master to marry me. I have the issue all figured out but seeing that we have opened a new part to ou relationship (my collar) should I hold off on when I ask? Cause I have been collared a month and plan to ask him in Feb.
When I look at the ring I dont just see my Master I see my soulmate and my friend so there isnt anything worng. I'm just wondering if I should wait to see where this path will take our relationship this up coming year.

What do you think?

DeLust Collared Sub.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 5:09:29 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		i take a collar as seriously as marriage, or more seriously, really. he and i are choosing to wait to get married until after i graduate from college and we move, but we are planning to get married at some point in the next few years (i have about 2 and a half years of my undergrad to go). i don't think that marriage would change much for us - other than the obvious...shared bank account, shared living space, etc. but then again, he already has access to my financial information when he chooses it (and helped me invest, at one point), and we are working towards getting used to being in each other's space.

that said, i think that it's a good idea, if you're planning on living as a 24/7 tpe couple indefinitely, to spend some time that way (at least 5 or 6 months) before seriously taking in the concept of marriage. this is because moving from a normal relationship to a tpe brings up all sorts of issues and forces you to look at them...especially things like communication, your sexual relationship, how your romantic relationship affects your relationships with family and friends, trust, etc. etc. etc. all of this is stuff that's also important to marriage, so i think it's good to give a tpe at least 5 or 6 months to see where things take you before you move in the direction of marriage. to me, it would seem a little premature to move in that direction without feeling secure first in the type of relationship you plan to have once you are married - and if that is a tpe, then everyone needs to be comfy with the issues that arise from that first.

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 5:11:44 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		I think.. and I know the two feelings can merge.

He can be your Owner. Your master who you respect, obey, and have a devoted feeling.
Different than romantic love, but is very strong.

YEA!  You CAN have your cake and eat it too! There are plenty of couples who mix D/s with a traditional marriage, or solid long term relationship. Love.

It is an intense mix.....

a dream..
fawne




(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 5:16:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Many Masters see marriage as a way to further their control over their subs/slaves. Some see it as an extension of the romantic love relationship. Others feel that romance has no place, but still use marriage as a control factor.

The real issue here is: what does your Master want. Are you willing to accept a no and still be able to be happy?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 5:57:40 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i say wait.  Give it time.  My Master wants to move forward with the "big question" with me, because we are having a new change coming soon, i think its best to wait and see how that change turns out.  I would hate to further commit myself to something that i do not know will work out or not.  While i've agreed to marriage i also follow it up with "in a few years".  Anything that conveys "yes i would like to marry you, but now is not the right time"  Life can only roll with so many changes at once.   

Both of us coming from divorced parents have the same idea on marriage.  It literally means "for better or worse" - so it is not something to lightly jump into.  Something to be absolutely sure about. 

On top of that, think of all the legal ramifications of getting divorced.  Good lord, i was around for both of my mother's divorces and i can tell you - its not fun.  Who gets the house, the TV, the bed, the furniture, monetary payments.. blah blah blah blah.. and THEN you actually have to pay for it.. plus the costs of lawyers.  So even if marriage is not sacred to you, i'd say think about the legal ramifications of things not working out.  I'd personally would rather to never be married, then married and divorced.  Nasty thing divorce can be.


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 6:18:16 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		To stick with the above, but without wanting to put too much of a negative spin on what seems a happy period in your life.......

The legal has its upside too, it makes provision for you at the end of the relationship, no matter if it ends the day one of you dies, or just old fashioned breakdown of the relationship. Depending where in the world any other reader is, there could also have financial advantages in getting married, such as tax breaks. Not all places make legal provision for long term or common-law relationships

There is not the same social advantage to marriage anymore, but should a religous zealot be elected in the future......

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 7:37:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_664645/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#664658\
Questions regarding marriage and Ds or Ms relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_576306/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#576397
Master, boyfriend, husband

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805
Ds love and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_132827/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#132827
bdsm and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723
Marriage and Ds

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668
Ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291606/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#291606
Marriage and bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_455701/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#455701
Marriage and bdsm lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_466530/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#466530
Marriage and femdom


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 8:55:06 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i dont know your fella, but most dominant types that i have known would have less issue with the idea of marrige, then being the one that controls the proposal and all that....

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 9:33:24 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline






As his collared submissive I'd recommend you waiting for him to ask you to marry him. That way you know it's the desire of his heart on his own that prompts him to decide he wants to get married.


(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The big question. - 12/28/2006 10:47:41 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		While I understand being both d/s and boyfriend/girlfriend, I have to agree with others that is feels odd for you to be the one proposing to him. I would suggest discussing the idea of marriage with him. My dominant (also known as my boyfriend) and I view a collar as an engagement ring of sorts, so he will not place one around my neck until he is sure that he wants to keep me in his life for years to come. Talk with him about what level of commitment the both of you feel your collar means. Ask him about marriage and proposing in the hypothetical. You may find out that he would react badly to his sub/girlfriend proposing to him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 6:40:06 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Great advice already given.  I feel bad posting mine - because I doubt it will have a strong impact, and because it will seem like I'm raining on your parade.  Trust me I'm not - I had the same parade.

Wait.  Wait until you're both at least 22 or 23 before you start talking marriage. 

I don't think you're immature.  I know people got married at the age of 15 back in the day.  I know you're in love, and he's your soulmate, and it's forever.  I also know that one year with someone that special is just barely scratching the surface.  I also know that when you both hit 22 or 23, you'll have been together for more than five years, have gone through the most difficult stage of adult hood, you'll have established yourselves as capable of financial independence, and you'll have prevented yourselves from becoming another divorce statistic.  Most importantly, you'll have established that you two are together because you really love each other, whether you have a band on your finger or not.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 8:16:23 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline 		You know, there is no rule that says that in order to get married rings have to be exchanged. You can still be legally married without exchanging rings at all. I've been to one wedding where the couple planted a tree together instead of exchanging rings to symbolize their commitment to each other. A couple could easily have a legal ceremony and use a collar to symbolize their love for each other as easily as they could use rings.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 1:02:57 PM   
DeLust241


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		OK, good points from everyone, but......I have spoken to him on marriage and we have planned for it to happen. I want to use rings just nothing big and flashie. When we are married it well be under a different chruch, different all together from any wedding I have seen......Just he is Native and Native women are to be the Dominant ones when it comes to the home and I am very much soo, but as his Women I want him to know that I want to be here for the rest of my life and take care of him, and also as his sub. I just wanted to know if I should wait to ask becasue we are opening a new door right now. I know to many me asking him doesnt seem right but belive me I know my man, He wants me to ask so he doesnt have to worry about everything being perfect for his Kitten, that would stress him out more then anything, He worries things wont be good enough for me, but really a note with  a ring drawn on it would make me happy.....
JUST....should I wait on when I ask.....I'm not worried who should be asking here.

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 1:17:14 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Yes.  Wait.  Wait wait wait wait wait wait.  It's not a problem with your relationship.  If what you have is strong and happy, it will still be strong and happy in three years.  Marriage won't make it stronger, or happier. 

I buy ice cream sometimes (it isn't very cheap here.)  We don't eat it in the parking lot, we eat it for dessart after a great meal.  It makes that great meal taste so much better.  If we ate it in the parking lot at the store, not only would the meal not taste that great, but the ice cream wouldn't feel so rewarding.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 1:47:57 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I was engaged at 19 and married at 20.  If I had t to do all over again, I'd wait a few more years.
 
Fortunately, I did marry a good man :)  But I always wonder what I could have accomplished on my own.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 2:13:27 PM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

I have come to relize that people take being collared as marriage and I agree with that but what happens when real "marriage" comes into play?
Like I've said before I have been with my Master a year but we also are bf/gf if you want to say it that way. I have only been collared a month and before I was collared U had plans to ask my Master to marry me. I have the issue all figured out but seeing that we have opened a new part to ou relationship (my collar) should I hold off on when I ask? Cause I have been collared a month and plan to ask him in Feb.
When I look at the ring I dont just see my Master I see my soulmate and my friend so there isnt anything worng. I'm just wondering if I should wait to see where this path will take our relationship this up coming year.

What do you think?

DeLust Collared Sub.


Not to cross threads or anything but didn't you start a thread where you stated that you have not actually "played" with your Master in a BDSM way. You were asking if we all thought it was cool to ask him to explore that.

I would say that I would wait until you have established that part of yourselfs first before asking him to marry you. (BTW I love the fact that you are asking him, I think it's so romantic).


(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The big question. - 12/29/2006 2:25:52 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		drawn - she established that she hadn't scened since her collaring.  They've been dating over a year now and live together.  It's not as if they just met on the street last week.


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 17
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