julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: submissivedevil Thank you! Looking back, I let him beat me up. I let him take my self worth. I don't know why.... ...The only thing I learned is that I'm to old for him, to unappealing. What else is there. For some reason, I collect in my head, little snippets of things I hear from strange places, and when I need them - even if the situations are different - they come pouring out. (I should play trivial pursuit.) As I read your post, they came pouring out all over again, so here are my little pieces of advice. Take them as you may. I'm not going to talk about the loneliness portion of a break up. You and I both know that just takes time. I'm talking about the part you describe about someone "taking" your sense of self-worth, and smartly, how you realize he didn't just take it - you gave it. (We can be so fooled sometimes can't we? I say this with all empathy.) I've been there, done that, and here are some of the things that have helped me: Music: There are a LOT of self-affirming songs out there. Find the, get them and listen to them daily. Learn the words and sing them loudly. (This advice comes straight from my mother who told me that if I was believing all the negative things he said about me, then it was only because I'd heard them for so long. She was also pissed off at me because in her words, "I've been telling you since you were a baby how great you are and you let some fool tell you how horrible you are and you believed HIM over me?!") Know what? She had a point. For some reason, we're all just aching to believe the negative and have to have the positive proven to us. Makes no sense does it? Singing along with the songs will help to let you hear - FROM YOU - how good you really are: My suggestions: Tanya Tucker: "Down to my Last Teardrop." (My favorite line in the song - and there are many. "I've been rearranging chairs on a ship that's going down." The refrain is wonderful: "And I know that you'll be thinkin' I'll be goin' out of my mind Crying you a river that winds and winds and winds Oh but baby I'm down to my last teardrop this time I don't care a hoot or what you're doin' Ain't gonna be no more boohooin' Baby this time I swear it's the truth I ain't gonna cry no more for you" Chumbawumba: (Yea, it's a beer drinking song, but the refrain is great!) I get knocked down But I get up again You're never going to keep me down And my all time favorite: Bette Midler! Her song "I'm Beautiful" should be played every single day. It should begin and end your day. Sing loudly in front of a mirror till you believe. The mirror part is so that you start connecting the the words to the song with the person you see in your mirror. Believe me. At first, you'll do this and think it's ridiculous, but keep it up. It works. You are beautiful dammit! - Now you just have to believe it. Here's the link to the lyrics. Every one of the lines in the song are just too damn good http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bettemidler/imbeautiful.html These are my favorites. If they don't work for you, find your own and sing them till you believe them. Cry through them, get angry through them, use them to start looking at yourself as a beautiful woman again, because that's what you are. Move with them till you dance to them. Scream them out in the car as you drive (works best for Chumbawumba's song). Eventually, you will believe. You just have to replace his negative words with things that are positive. Words themselves: I have a friend who is a pretty well known domme around the country - I say this because I'm betting more than me have heard her say this before. I once made the mistake of doing something in error and then saying "I'm sorry" to her. To say she was not happy is a bit of an understatement, but it wasn't about what I did. She told me - and I'm passing it on to you - never EVER say "I'm sorry." If you do something wrong, you can apologize but never ever say "I'm sorry." Even without realizing it, the words "I'm sorry" are full of negative energy. You are not a sorry person. You may be apologizing for something, but you are not a sorry person. Don't allow - and don't participate in things that focus negative energy in your direction. The goal here is to get rid of all that. Finally, Sandi Shackleford, playing the Edna, mother of Julia Roberts' character in the movie Sleeping with the Enemy said it best. She was talking about Julia Roberts' abusive husband when she said (I'm paraphrasing, but I used to have this memorized and I'd repeat it to myself daily as well.) "He tried to destroy you, but what really made him mad is that he could never touch YOU - the part inside of you that has always been and will always be YOU." You just have to believe. One last thing. If you believe yourself to be a mouse, you will be. I'd suggest changing your name so that it's also more self-affirming. Typing that, seeing it in print, and knowing it's you helps. I have no idea if these things will work for you. I know they worked for me. I have a few successes in my life: my 3 children, the fact that I finished school even when my husband said I was too stupid to do it, and the fact that when I began this little journey to myself, I thoroughly believed I was lower than the carpet on the ground. But I discovered, as you have for yourself, that he couldn't take what I didn't give him, and he couldn't keep what I was going to take back. So, I took me back - in little steps - each day affirming to myself that I was worth more, deserved more, and that the only person who was going to "give" me more - was me. As hard as it is, I urge you to come to that same realization that you are worth more, and deserve more. The songs helped for me. I hope they help you. juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/29/2006 4:26:19 AM >
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