RE: Handling Feminist Friends

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AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 2:07:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme Hey Aqua. ~smiling~ Perhaps ask him what ~he~ is doing to further the "feminist cause". ~chuckle~ (Every good feminist needs an attitudinal moocher top, after all.) Hey hey! waves He would answer that he's done more then me as he has actually attended pro-choice rallies and he has that stupid "A woman without a man is like a fish without bicycle" poster up in his room. Sorry to those who like it but to me it's stupid. That's like saying a man can be of no use to a woman. Guess it sucks to a hetrosexual woman and never mind that I'm the one who actually goes to Planned Parenthood and gives them money for services...

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 2:11:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nosathro greetings AquaticSub Well, first off a "Friend" is someone who accepts you the way you are and does not judge you. I see by your pic you also enjoy the Renaissance. I have encountered Feminist and Politically Correct Historians who all seem to think that all of this is sexist amoung other things. I do have a list of replies that are more of being sarcastic. However, for you the best way to to deal with it is as so many here have said remind them that it is a choice. I wish you well Nosathro Thank for you response though I must say the only thing about renaissance fairs this friend enjoys is watching me wear a corset. For a such an ardent feminist he has a very little problem ogling women, yet if I were to tell him that I feel my dominant would not appreciate him looking at me like that he would tell me what a bad feminist I am.

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 2:15:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U quote: To me, this is very much like telling me that I am wrong for bisexual and I have a hard time dealing with it. To talk as though my dominant is oppressing me, to act like he is a bad man, perhaps even an abuser... Are you sure that this isn't a case of attraction gone wrong? He doesn't like that you're a sexual being in your own right that's attracted to things that are "wrong" to him. "If you just did x,y, & z" or he can "show you the error of your thinking" then he can seperate you from your dom and make you available for his own picking. Think of this as his "grown up" way of pulling your hair and saying he wants you for his girlfriend. This is also the very kind of man that makes some of us chant, boys are stupid hit them with crops. [sm=crop.gif] Take that for feminism you little sissy. Just a curiosity question, would he feel differently if you were the one wielding the flogger? Me thinks that it wouldn't be gross, perverted or anti-feminism then. This is actually very possible. We almost dated, three or four years ago, but I found a better match. He voiced that he was very upset to me and I reminded him that we had never done anything. And I do mean anything. We never held hands or kissed, and he has certainly never been allowed to lift a flogger to me. He has expressed a negative view of my sexuality and likes to remind me of past exploits when I was a sexually "freer" woman, if you will. Now that I have settled into a time where I seek very monogamous relationships, he grows critical of my boyfriends - though up until my current partner and I decided to become fully dominant/submissive I suppose he didn't have any ammo and feminism is a convient bullet. Unfortantely for him, I am thinking it will now cause him to be removed from my life. I don't need friends like this.

Nosathro -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 3:52:36 PM)
greetings LA Let me define how I use the word "Judgement" it this what..."IF You don't....You will burn in Hell.." You are right that we all make judgements about people and it does help us in define the relationship. I have friends that in my judgement did things I would not do but it is their choice and I accept that. I wish you well Nosathro

Nosathro -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 3:56:48 PM)
greeting Aquaticsub I often find these people interpert things to their advantage and when confronted make excuses for themselves or try as this person did blame their actions on someone else. I wish you well Nosathro

mellian -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 7:03:22 PM)
All of the feminists I know are okay with bdsm as usually consentual and it is choice a woman get to make, not forced upon by the partner or society and so on. If one ever says something like "putting women back" are usually debated to quietness or to our point of view, otherwise friendship ends and usually end up being ignored as for me and many of my friends, extremists and intolerance of any kind is not accepted. Now, if it was a guy saying that to me, he sooo will have a ear full and will have trouble slapping him across the head as they usually prove to be hypocrites by saying that, considering they are guy and putting a woman down using a feminist base comment. -mellian

theRose4U -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 8:45:26 PM)
quote: Unfortantely for him, I am thinking it will now cause him to be removed from my life. I don't need friends like this. I would take a long hard look at your "friendship". What I've read between the lines he's been an impertinant ass, and you defended him. He ogles women that aren't his and then raises the banner of feminism when he gets caught checking out the goodies and you take it. He seeks to limit who you are so that he's happy...and you feel bad about it. So let me get this right, he gets to be a macho jerk, talk down to you, embarass you and try to have inappropriate conversations with you in the name of feminism? and you get to apologize for him, feel badly about your life choices, his behavior and living your life to the fullest without him? Your dom has earned my respect for using restraint and not kicking this guys butt a long time ago. I barely even know you guys and want to jump a plane with a set of breeding hobbles and some crops. [sm=crop.gif] Take that you ill mannered, nosey little twit.

SweetDommes -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/1/2007 9:23:45 PM)
It sounds like you have made up your mind about what you are going to do and how you are goign to handle him - so please do so as soon as possible so that you can go back to being happy for the new year. [:)] He obviously isn't worth any more guilt or stress or bad feelings in your life.

afeathr -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 8:32:38 AM)
I find it fascinating that your bashing friend is a guy (at least that was what the pronouns told me). That took me by surprise. It is difficult to explain to people what "the lifestyle" is really all about. Everyone sees it differently. It is a rather complex situation, in most cases, and doesn't just entail S&M--as we are all aware. Now, explaining that to another person is the difficult part. How do you explain the joy you get in submitting your will to a man? Sir asked me that many times when we were first together--"how does it feel to know that a man is telling you what to do, and using you for his pleasure?" It's hard to describe--and not just because it's a joy to me, but because it's difficult to put those sorts of feelings into words. How do you describe love? How do you describe the color blue? I would do with your friend as I have done with mine--don't bring up the conversation. If they bring it up politely say, "I choose not to discuss this," and move on to another topic. If they want to discuss it openly and with understanding then go for it, but if they choose to bash then you can choose not to talk about it. I would probably also limit my contact with anyone that brought it up regularly with the intent to hurt my feelings. Everyone that made the statement that women's rights are about the freedom to choose are exactly right. You chose your lifestyle because that is what you like...the interesting thing is: sociologists are seeing the housewife/stay-at-home-mom trend really take off, and that interests me. You will probably see more and more of a turn toward "family values" over time though how that will relate to a D/s dynamic remains to be seen. You might tell your friends to do a bit more research and reading and a bit less time bashing you.

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 4:27:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U I would take a long hard look at your "friendship". What I've read between the lines he's been an impertinant ass, and you defended him. He ogles women that aren't his and then raises the banner of feminism when he gets caught checking out the goodies and you take it. He seeks to limit who you are so that he's happy...and you feel bad about it. So let me get this right, he gets to be a macho jerk, talk down to you, embarass you and try to have inappropriate conversations with you in the name of feminism? and you get to apologize for him, feel badly about your life choices, his behavior and living your life to the fullest without him? Your dom has earned my respect for using restraint and not kicking this guys butt a long time ago. I barely even know you guys and want to jump a plane with a set of breeding hobbles and some crops. [sm=crop.gif] Take that you ill mannered, nosey little twit. Well, my dominant strongly feels that my friends are my business. Unless they are being disrespectful of him, which he knows I won't tolerate or have done something along the lines of physically striking me, he doesn't get involved. He also does that because he wants me to be able to handle it myself. Something I'm not always fond of... Until now, this friend and I had a relationship that was while "love/hate", he had come through for me enough times that I will to take the bad along with the good. However, this friend was never allowed in my dominant's suite when he was still in college, my dominant only tolerated him while I was around and has a personal nickname for him that, while it's not nice, it is rather descriptive of him. The more I think about it, the more I think everyone here is right and that I should take my dominant's advice and cut this man out of my life entirely. Just something I'm not looking forward to actually doing...

MmakeMme -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 4:52:54 PM)
Good luck, Aqua! (Let me know ahead of time and I'll come along to punctuate, with appropriate hand gestures, what you're trying to tell him.)

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 5:30:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme Good luck, Aqua! (Let me know ahead of time and I'll come along to punctuate, with appropriate hand gestures, what you're trying to tell him.) chuckles That would be nice. Maybe this would be the right time to tell him that he should start showering more. I mean, it's not like I'd be risking the friendship!

HatesParisHilton -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 5:39:57 PM)
This guy sounds like not only is he "sour graping" over never having been with you, but I'll bet if he's seen Your Love (who sounds like a remarkable gentleman that many should emulate, from your description of him), he might be jealous of him, too. Frankly (and "rankly") I smell "dickweed", not "friend". I support you in the time of "cutting the deadwood". Slainte

MmakeMme -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 5:59:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme Good luck, Aqua! (Let me know ahead of time and I'll come along to punctuate, with appropriate hand gestures, what you're trying to tell him.) chuckles That would be nice. Maybe this would be the right time to tell him that he should start showering more. I mean, it's not like I'd be risking the friendship! Yeah! And wear something you can slap over your shoulder, like a mink stole, just for dramatic flair, yanno. Here, like this ... "Frankly, my dear, you smell of ass and old cum." ~mink stole, slink-stalking out of the room~

Level -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 6:05:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme Good luck, Aqua! (Let me know ahead of time and I'll come along to punctuate, with appropriate hand gestures, what you're trying to tell him.) chuckles That would be nice. Maybe this would be the right time to tell him that he should start showering more. I mean, it's not like I'd be risking the friendship! Yeah! And wear something you can slap over your shoulder, like a mink stole, just for dramatic flair, yanno. Here, like this ... "Frankly, my dear, you smell of ass and old cum." ~mink stole, slink-stalking out of the room~ LOL, even Emily Post would approve. [8\|]

asubmissiveheart -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 6:17:44 PM)
Tell your friends to mind their own business and you will mind yours. Why do you feel the need to justify your relationship to them?

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 10:08:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme Yeah! And wear something you can slap over your shoulder, like a mink stole, just for dramatic flair, yanno. Here, like this ... "Frankly, my dear, you smell of ass and old cum." ~mink stole, slink-stalking out of the room~ Oh God... that is the funniest thing I've read all night. That would be hilarious! Oooo... one of my best friends has a red and black feather boa I could borrow... I could wear that black mini-dress and slink out to meet my dominant while my "friend" watches through a window. Or I could start singing "Should have said so long, so long ago" from Hello Dolly. Either way I'd get some amusement out of it! [:D]

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 10:10:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart Tell your friends to mind their own business and you will mind yours. Why do you feel the need to justify your relationship to them? I don't have a need to justify my relationship. I have a need for my relationship, not to mention myself, to be respected by those who call me friend.

gooddogbenji -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 10:14:08 PM)
To get back on topic, How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Yours, benji

AquaticSub -> RE: Handling Feminist Friends (1/2/2007 10:16:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton This guy sounds like not only is he "sour graping" over never having been with you, but I'll bet if he's seen Your Love (who sounds like a remarkable gentleman that many should emulate, from your description of him), he might be jealous of him, too. Frankly (and "rankly") I smell "dickweed", not "friend". I support you in the time of "cutting the deadwood". Slainte Thank you so much. I must say I agree with you (obviously [:)] ) about him being a remarkable gentleman. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he were jealous. My dominant is very much a gentleman and this particular knows that is a quality I prize in a man. He holds doors for me and makes a point of treating me like a lady when we are around people who I don't want (for whatever reason) to be known as a "sub" around and often when we aren't. These are things my "friend" doesn't do for his partners. He refuses to hold open doors for women, objects to being asked to lift things by women - basically he says the genders are equal and asking a man to carry something heavy is being unfeminist. Sometimes I wonder if his staunch feminism is really just an excuse for him to be lazy...

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