SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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It really is nobody else's business how you want to run your life. I am 46, and it took me decades to learn this, though. Really. When I was your age, I was overly concerned with what other people thought. Part of the reason was - because I thought they might know more than I did. But I've read your posts, and I've concluded you are one smart cookie, AquaticSub.
So was I, at your age, but I did not really think I knew much more than anyone else. I thought almost everyone else knew more, in fact. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time. It turned put to not be true, though - and I am not trying to sound arrogant in stating that. As time went by, I figured out about half the people I seemed to meet - didn't have the vaguest leg to stand on when it came to actually defending their loud, arrogantly protested veiwpoints.
I dislike dealing with loud boors anyway, generally, but - they sometimes were also a bit dim - they couldn't, much of the time, really seem to give me a very good explanation as far as why I would need to defend mine - to them. Which would be an excellent question to ask this person, btw,- since they seem intent on putting you on the defensive.
The only person I would think you'd ever need to explain yourself to would be your Dominant, or someone you really feel you need to convince for some other reason. Otherwise - why even waste the energy? Don't bother. Opt out. Say you'll debate it some other time (like the year 2093, perhaps).
If this person really is a friend - a decent, good friend, then they don't have to "understand" or completely agree - with your views. They will accept your views (whether they agree with them, or not) as part of you. Because they like you, and care about you. They may differ with your views - but they won't make it a huge issue in your friendship.
If this person cannot behave in a more diplomatic manner, I would suggest politely seeing less of them. You deserve the respect of a good friend. I think good friends do give eachother some "breathing room" as far as views. I actually do have a few friends who are Vegans, for instance, (remembering the "Vegan" thread from awhile back). They are very aware I am not a Vegan, and somehow the topic never comes between us - because - they don't let it - and neither do I. We work it out, and work at it.
Friends do that for eachother - in my opinion (within limits, of course). Some people (your "friend" for instance) seem to believe it is imperative friends agree with him on this issue. That seems to be what he is saying. Well - I'd maybe ask him this (if you want to even bother) - Are all of his "friends" the same religion he is, for example? Etc., etc. Maybe it really is a deal-breaker for friendship - to him (I wouldn't make it one, but some people are different, and we all have a right to our own views).
But anyway - I think...
This person who is "debating" with you - I think, either has poor manners, or is an egomaniac convinced they own "the truth". I just gotta love people who think they've got the market cornered on "the truth" - don't you? I would debate them myself, but frankly, I think they are too easy a target, and there is just not enough of a challenge for me, so I skip it altogether. Either way, if I had to deal with them on a daily basis, I'd probably be stocking up on aspirin for headaches.
Trust yourself. You do have perfect right to your own opinion.
Sincerely,
Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/3/2007 2:26:13 AM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Handling Feminist Friends - 
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