Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How does one heal after a breakup?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How does one heal after a breakup? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 8:12:28 AM   
angelica4


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/25/2004
Status: offline 		i posted this in the wrong place, i think, but will take any help offered. no matter who initiates the breakup, i stink at it. i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?

_____________________________

"I've known her from an ample nation choose One,
then close the valves of her attention, like stone."
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 8:29:44 AM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is heart wrenching. And the only thing I can tell you is it takes time.

Get out and spend time with good friends. Keep yourself busy. And give yourself time to grieve. Because it is a loss. And if you need to talk we are all here.

I know this probably hasn't been of much comfort to you. But know there are no quick, fast easy remedies.

Take care,





Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 8:30:39 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		ahh, hugs to you. Talk it out to anyone who will listen. The more you get out the better. Try writing a letter to him with your questions then tear it up (never send it). Obviously something wasn't quite right. He may be telling you the truth that he loves you but love really isn't everything. Go out with girlfriends--you need all the support you can get. I found in the past that it helped me immensely to gather up everything that reminds me of him and get rid of it. You need to cleanse your soul. I hope the pain goes away real soon. Take care.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 8:48:09 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelica

i posted this in the wrong place, i think, but will take any help offered. no matter who initiates the breakup, i stink at it. i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?


I know how hard it is to have the one you love and trust suddenly walk away. I've been through what you're going through. There is no quick fix, no easy repair to the soul. Take what comfort you can in the company of friends and family, distract yourself where you can and understand that grief is a natural part of healing. I've found that eating healthy, taking a multi-vitamin and getting plenty of sun can help a little, although it still takes time. When my ex walked out unexpectedly, I threw myself into my researches. I found that reaching out to help others in worse straits than me was beneficial. I hope that helps, even if it's only some small comfort.
Timothy

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 11:56:15 AM   
angelica4


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/25/2004
Status: offline 		i do appreciate those who have written. i am glad to have a place to write, for it makes me feel not quite so alone....even though we are pretty anonymous here. i have abandoned any friends i had over the past two years of being with him. i have acquaintances at work, and that's about it. he has been my friend, my Master, my all....i am following the advice of vitamins and sunlight, and am reading a lot. it is hard to break a habit. He was my full time job, as i saw him so many hours a week, and dressed for Him, fulfilled His desires and listened to Him. it seemed no matter how much i did, it was not enough to keep Him. i appreciate the good that i had, but i already miss Him so much. it is like another death to me. i just don't want to go through this ever again.

_____________________________

"I've known her from an ample nation choose One,
then close the valves of her attention, like stone."

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 12:01:38 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:13:47 PM >

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 1:23:36 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		This is what I use and if you have it on disc even better.....play it til you can't cry no more. Then pick yourself up and go out and force yourself to have fun. Get a new haircut, do your nails, go dancing. Whatever you do, don't sit home alone thinking about it all the time.

"Wasted Time"
by The Eagles

Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my god,
you can”t believe
it’s happening again
Your baby’s gone, and you’re all alone
And it looks like the end.

You’re back out on the street.
and you’re tryin’ to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don’t know if can.
You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch,
But you can’t hold your man.

You never thought you’d be alone
this far down the line
And I know what’s been on your mind
You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking
About the first time that you fell
You didn’t love the boy too much, no, no
You just loved the boy to well
So you live from day to day,
and you dream about tomorrow
And the hours go by like minutes
And the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to
Make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind
from wonderin’ what I left behind
and from worrying ‘bout this wasted time

Another love has come and gone
And the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me
before you went out on your own:
sometimes to keep it together,
you’ve got to leave it alone.
So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find,
that it wasn’t really wasted time.



_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 1:38:10 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:13:37 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 2:23:31 PM   
Bigbossman4u


Posts: 116
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline 		Do good things for yourself. Engorge yourself in your hobbies. Excercise (get those endorphins pumping). Write about your feelings. Hang with friends/family. Treat yourself to something nice.

Time will heal you, but that's what works for me to help 'push it along'.

Best
Joshua

_____________________________

"Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool." - Dr Herbert Schofield

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 2:32:11 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

that could make those who havent broken up cry


You know what though, I've been using that song since I was a teenager(yeah I'm old) and it really works. I look back now at all the loves of my life(all three of them) and I realize that none were "wasted time" and I wouldn't even ask for a do-over on one of them. They all were lessons I needed to learn.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 2:34:42 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		The advice already given is great. Writing about things, either for yourself or in forums like this can really help (just don't over do it!)

No two relationships are the same, and the frustration and misery of the break up may seem like it will last forever, it won't. There are other men, other friends, and life will continue - honest!

Something that seems to happen with Ds relationships is that the focus becomes so heavy on the partner, it can end up with losing sight of ourselves, especially (I think) from a sub/slave perspective. The next few months can be utter misery, or you can put all that frustration, anger, and misery into something constructive. I can personally vouch for the exercise suggestion, and not just once a week - a morning jog does wonders to get you going. Focus on yourself for a while, and do the things that YOU like! Visit family and contact old friends, make new friends, enjoy a hobbie, or possibly take a class. Don't become a shut in, being around people will help you feel 100% better.

Stephan



_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Bigbossman4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 3:10:12 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

that could make those who havent broken up cry


You know what though, I've been using that song since I was a teenager(yeah I'm old) and it really works. I look back now at all the loves of my life(all three of them) and I realize that none were "wasted time" and I wouldn't even ask for a do-over on one of them. They all were lessons I needed to learn.


Internalizing the fact that my ex was a lesson I needed to learn was probably the hardest and most important part of getting over her. It's difficult to keep in mind that every experience offers the opportunity for growth but it's true, nonetheless.
Timothy

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/23/2005 3:31:59 PM   
GordonFreeman


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		SOme break-ups hurt like a motherfucker. A decade later, I still miss my first girlfriend sometimes. THe hardest part for me was refocusing from I really miss her, to I'm really glad that happened. THis was the first hard lesson of my adult life, and it changed me (for the better). Just as there is creativity in tumult, there is wisdom in sorrow.

< Message edited by GordonFreeman -- 2/23/2005 3:34:01 PM >

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/24/2005 12:18:04 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelica
How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had..... I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time.

Dear Angelica,
I'm sorry you're hurting so much...
Sometimes people use the words I love you too losely; what is a fact (as others have said) Love does Not conquer all, and people have to leave and strive to find their happiness elsewhere.
To me, it's better for him to be honest with you about finding what he wants/needs (weather it's time/space/love someone else) elsewhere than to be dishonest, doing things behind your back (something I have so often read on these boards).
How to get over it: I usually go with crying/talking to people I know love me, and have been known to have a drink or 2... Good luck. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/24/2005 3:26:25 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		My dear, while I know that the moderators *wisely* have forbidden advertising websites here, and I will honour that rule, I will also tell you that, when I get My website up and running (it is under construction) I will have a private group for slaves and submissives who have lost a Master or Mistress. It will be a mutual support group and for **slaves and subs only** to prevent vulnerable people from being approached when they are still healing.

Once the group is up and running, I will have a slave or submissive as its Admin and I will only look in from time to time to see that all is running well.

There are also support groups on Y#hoo such as the one sub_mission which is a support group for slaves and submissives who are having difficulties in their relationships or otherwise need mutual support.

I insist that all My slaves have access to the Internet and to support from friends and other slaves. NO slave should ever be isolated, alone or so dependent on a Top that they are in difficulties when/if the relationship breaks up. OTOH, *no* Top should *ever* abandone or leave a slave suddenly! It's not ethical to create a dependency and then abandon the dependent person.

Lady Sonelle

My two cents and probably worth about that! :)


(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/24/2005 3:38:55 PM   
MidnightWriter


Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelica

i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?

I'm told that it averages out to one month of anguish for each year of the relationship - so keep in mind that this pain has an ending point.

I urge you to remember that the "something so good" isn't gone - you'll have those memories for as long as you wish, and they'll get more golden as time goes on.

For getting thru the weeks/months of utter hell, I always like picking a subject and learning it - something to keep the mind occupied without wallowing in the horror of the immediate situation.

Another cure for heartbreak is to find a volunteer organization and do some volunteering - few things mend the heart as quickly as taking care of someone/thing that needs taking care of.

Best wishes and speedy healing.

_____________________________

Power corrupts. Absolute power ... is really pretty nifty.

TIES - pansexual BDSM social group in MN, USA - http://www.ties-bdsm.org

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How does one heal after a breakup? - 2/24/2005 6:20:10 PM   
painworthy


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/15/2004
Status: offline 		You just have to breathe in, breathe out, repeat. After several years of this, it gets easier. You could also find a willing sub and beat the crud out of him. PM me and i may be able to help you with that.

(in reply to angelica4)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How does one heal after a breakup? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078