Admitting You Lied (Full Version)

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OedipusRexIt -> Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 11:08:58 AM)

I have had the odd experience, repeated numerous times, wherein the person to whom I'm speaking says, quite blithely "Oh, I lied about that in my profile".

I find this odd because knowing someone lied to me is a major turnoff and almost always results in a complete lack of interest on my part.

Why lie, first of all, and then, worse yet, why admit you've lied?  Does "everyone do it" so it's "OK"?  Not in my book.

I'd be interested to hear thoughts from people (at least those who don't profess to KNOW better than anyone) as to whether they've had this experience and what reaction it provoked in them.

Knowing the forums, someone will "explain it all" knowingly.  Really hoping to avoid that, and focus on those who wish to relate the actual experience and their actual reaction...



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 11:14:00 AM)

I dunno..I didnt "lie" on my profile but it is not factual as to where I am at now..I just dont feel like dealing with the overwhelming email influx that changing and correcting it would create.

<edited to complete thought>

I do tell people though if they email me for some OTHER reason that my status has changed..if I feel the need/ desire. So  in that situation...it may come off sounding like I am "admitting to lying".



juliaoceania -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 11:20:13 AM)

There are two types of lies, ones of omission (someone does not update their profile) and one of commision (one intends to deceive when filling out their profile). I have omitted things and forgotten to change a profile.

Not all lies are equal either.

I have listed on my profile I live in "Nirvana", that is a lie, as far as I know there is no "Nirvana, California". My Daddy often says something, we do not owe strangers the truth about ourselves if they may hurt us with the truth. It may harm me to be honest about my location, so I omit it and make up  one.  It could just as easily be a location nearby my real one, so people have a general idea where I am from.

I guess it comes down to intentions... what is the intent of whatever fiction is on the profile.



whisperedsighs -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 11:30:03 AM)

I have run into people who have put up a description on their profile about who they want people to think they are.  Often it is a description of the way they relate to the people they are looking for and what they want to achieve.  What I find to be true though is that when it comes down to it, they are only trying to attract more people, and what they describe of themselves is not accurate.  I think that with the internet, and profiles, much of it is similar to advertising.  We put out what we think is going to be the most attractive to those we want to attract. 
For myself, I find that misleading profiles do me no good.  If I were to put up a picture of someone else, that is slim and beautiful, what good would it do me when I go and meet someone face to face?  None.  So for me honesty in my profile is more of a self defense mechanism.  It is who I am, and if you don't like it, you won't contact me.  That way I weed out the potential hurt of investing time and emotions in the initial contact with someone who isn't a good match for me.  I can't control what others put in their profiles, so I try to find out just how much of it really is them or not.



MzTlaz -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 11:34:42 AM)

When I asked a guy I was dating why he lied about something (upon discovering that something) he nonchalantly said "Well, you wouldn't have dated me if I told you the truth".  He was right, of course, and I quickly stopped dating him.

There's something distinctly sociopathic about people who seem to think it's no big deal to lie to get what they want and the sad thing is it's a trait becoming more and more common.



MagiksSlave -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 12:19:26 PM)

HMM i dont feel omiting things in a profile is nessaseraly lieing becuse well you arent going to give your life story in a profile to a bunch of straingers, saying you are 125lbs and you are 350lbs well thats a horse of a different color in my opinion. I think it is stupid to tell a bold face lie in a profile as it sort of defeats the perpose. If you really want to find someone here then they are eventaly gunna find out you lied and most will not want any more to do with you becuase of it. Im not saying that you should put that you have 3 kids in your profile but what I am saying is that if you have 3 kids then it better be mentioned as soon as even just the thought of meeting is beeing brought up!! lieing isnt a healthy foundation to a relationship simple as that!!

Magik's slave



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 12:23:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt
I'd be interested to hear thoughts from people (at least those who don't profess to KNOW better than anyone) as to whether they've had this experience and what reaction it provoked in them.


Yes, I have had it happen a couple of times with respect to age.  I will have a sub send Me a reply to My profile.  I will then look up his profile, which says he is a certain age.  In both cases, when W/we got to the telephone stage, they admitted to Me that they were older than they stated in their profiles (one said he was 5 years older and the other was 7 years older).  When I questioned why they were not truthful, they said many Mistresses have a cut-off age (commonly 50, from what they told Me) and won't consider anyone over that age.  Honestly, while I didn't think this was exactly forthright, it did make sense to Me and I didn't hold it against them too much.  Both were actually within the age range I will consider and they did at least come forward and tell Me about it earily on, before an in-person meeting took place. 
 
Another interesting thing I have observed is that men will lie about their height.  Sometimes I wonder if they have deluded themselves to believe that they are in fact the height they say they are.  One told Me he was six-feet tall, but when I met him in person, he was about 2 inches shorter than Me, and I'm 5'8".  A couple of others have said they were 5'10" or 5'11", but were really more like 5'7" or 5'8".  I didn't really hold it against them too much, but did wonder what kind of measuring device they used to determine their height, LOL.  I am clear in My profile that I am a BBW, because I feel it is only fair to warn submissives males who are seeking someone HWP that I'm not, so they won't waste their time.  However, I have had some rather hefty males NOT tell Me in advance of the in-person meeting that they were overweight.  To me, it really didn't matter, as I don't hold that against someone.  I do have Domme friends who are very particular about a sub's weight (even though a few are BBW's themselves), and it would have bothered some of them a great deal, though.
 
Like a previous poster said, there are also lies of omission.  A common one is for a married man to not state that he is married in his profile.  Actually, on the Collarme profile, there isn't even a place that asks for it (wish there were!).  On the other sites, there is a place, and when someone has "Prefer Not To Say" in the Marital Status field or leaves it blank, I won't touch them with a ten-foot pole.  Married men are an absolute hard limit for Me.  I clearly specify that when a sub male sends Me a letter of introduction, he is to provide his marital status so that there can be no deceptions and misunderstandings.  Still, I get introductory letters where the sub omits this piece of information and it always raises a red flag for Me.  They seem to think that if they don't tell, I won't ask.  Well, I most certainly will ask.
 
Another one I came across frequently was submissive males who also had a dominant profile, and did not bother to mention it when they wrote to Me.  I find this practice is rather deceptive, as I state that I am not seeking a Dominant or a switch.  It was explained to Me that people do this because they can't switch with the same person, so they want to find different people.  Okay, but be upfront about it and stay away from Me.  In My profile, I now forewarn men with dual identities not to even bother writing to Me in the first place, because one of the things I have learned to do when evaluating a prospective sub is to look for a dominant profile, and unless he is very, very clever, I'll find it.  Since I added that wording, this hasn't been a problem.
 
So I suppose My reaction varies by the degree of importance I place on the lie, whether of ommission of commission.  I tend to be more tolerant of little white lies about things not that important to Me (such as age, height, or weight).  I can usually see this for Myself at an in-person meeting anyway, if one occurs.  I am far more irritated by sneaky attempts at deception about things that are very important to Me, such as marital status and whether he's a submissive, switch, or dominant.
 
Lady Topaz



hejira92 -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 12:47:22 PM)

This is a common issue everywhere. When i was dating vanilla, I often ran across the height/age thing in men. They lost their chance as soon as i found out- usually before the face to face, but once or twice at the first meet.
 
I had often been told to lie about my age because I look so much younger. I was told that for search purposes I should place myself in the under 40 catagory. But I never could misrepresent myself in a dating situation. I feel that you go on the way you begin. (BTW, I do have 3 kids, I am over 40 and by always honestly representing myself, I am now owned by a single, no kids-doesn't want any, just a bit younger, perfect Master).
 
Lies cover insecurities and deficiencies and demonstrate lack of integrity. If you find one- big red flag - move on.



LadyHugs -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 1:19:43 PM)

Dear OedipusRexIt, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes, I do not agree to being lied to.  Things like height, weight, habits, experiences and the like just thwarts my trust in them.  In my mind's eyes I will always wonder, what else will this person tell that is a lie.
 
That said, some people tell some big whale/fish stories.  I do listen with an open mind because, I know some lives are stranger then fiction.  Usually behavior and knowledge manifests, tells me how much and broadly mark an estimate time when they came to that knowledge.  Sometimes real gems are in there.  One such case was manifested in a slave of another.  Others thought the slave was full of bull pies, when indeed the slave was more formally trained then anybody in the entire group could fathom.  I recognized the style and formality immediately.
 
I have been approached by canidates.  I have been told 'stories' and ask them simple questions and they're clueless as to what I ask about.
They justify this, because they feel that they can be better slaves but, just lack the training and or opportunity.  A lot are young men in their 20's.  With the world's enviorment where politicians, bosses, actors/actresses and the like--lie; I can see why they don't see the wrong in it.  It is get away with as much as you can--because you can; until you get caught; in my mind's eyes.  But, I come from a time where lies came with consequences.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 
 



theRose4U -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 1:32:31 PM)

Lies are kind of like bunnies, they tend to multiply in the dark. 

  They say they're 35, single and 6'2 they show up are 40 something, married but willing to leave just trust me (gag) and 5'8- 300# 
If they're willing to lie about things as easily checked as age, height and marital status they're more than willing to lie about completing assigned tasks or worse.



sub4hire -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 1:42:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I have had the odd experience, repeated numerous times, wherein the person to whom I'm speaking says, quite blithely "Oh, I lied about that in my profile".

I find this odd because knowing someone lied to me is a major turnoff and almost always results in a complete lack of interest on my part.



I totally agree with you.  However not everyone in the world knows what the term integrity means.  Let alone practices it.
There are people out there who would not care if a person lied and that is the primary reason why people lie.  Because they can.  They get away with it.  People don't care.
Sure some people do care like you and I.  However we are the minority.

I knew a guy years ago...talked to some woman on the net for a year.  She totally lied about everything about herself beyond the fact she was female.
When he met her she was about 200 pounds and 20 years heavier than she had been portraying to him all this time.
He had sex with her.  I asked why...he said well she was there.  To me I would have been repulsed, not for the person she was but because of the person she portrayed herself to be.
Yet, she has no doubt lied over and over again because she got what she wanted out of him.
People lie because people allow them to lie to them.  Simple as that.



MsLadySue -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 1:48:13 PM)

Sounds like the American sub who just visited me. In his emails and phone chats he came across as very submissive, would do anything he could to pamper me and make me his "Queen".  There wasn't a submissive bone in his body and in our vanilla outings he came across as very dominant. Lovely guy, fun to be with but not the least submissive. 



LadySashayy -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 1:57:43 PM)

I very much enjoyed reading your eloquent and informative post, MysticFireTopaz. I'm curious what you do to be sure you've found the man's "Dominant" profile here. I hadn't even thought about this and now that I'm getting some responses finally, I believe I should make your technique part of my vetting process.

If you don't want to publicly post it, I'd welcome an in-system PM from you.





MasterFireMaam -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 2:45:00 PM)

We all lie. If you think you don't, you're lying to yourself, so you still lie. For me, it's the intent behind the lie that makes the difference to me. I list myself as living in the nearest big city when, in reality, I live in a small town 30 min away. Why? Because I'd rather not have creepy people show up on my doorstep. It's a lie. For me, it's a justifiable lie. But, the line will vary from person to person. If you are offended by someone who lies, even for justifiable reasons, then move on. There's someone out there that won't.

Master Fire



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 3:09:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySashayy

I very much enjoyed reading your eloquent and informative post, MysticFireTopaz. I'm curious what you do to be sure you've found the man's "Dominant" profile here. I hadn't even thought about this and now that I'm getting some responses finally, I believe I should make your technique part of my vetting process.

If you don't want to publicly post it, I'd welcome an in-system PM from you.



Hello Lady Sashayy,
 
Here is what I do:
  1. First, I call up the sub's profile and make a careful note of age, height, weight, and city.  I also mentally note any fetishes he mentions, what he says his interests are, what color background he used, what font he used, and what photo(s) he had posted.   I also notice anything unique about his writing style, e.g. words he commonly uses, spelling or grammar errors he makes, etc.
  2. I then do a seach that would bring up his submissives profile, but under orientation, I put "any" to call up all male submissive, dominant, or switch profiles.  I usually do the subs age plus or minus five years, because they sometimes fudge their age a litte.  So if the sub I was checking out was male, 40, and lived in Texas, I would call up all male profiles in Texas 35 - 45.
  3. A good tip that will often nail them quickly is when you see two profiles that have the same age and city that were online at close to the same time.  A common behavior is that they log off of one screen name, then log on to the other. 
  4. If I don't get an easy hit like this, I methodically go through the dom and switch profiles one by one looking for one that corresponds to the sub's.
  5. Sometimes they have the same photo on both the dom and sub profile, which is a dead giveaway!  I have caught a few that way.
  6. If not, I look for matches on age, height, weight, and city.  If you see both a dom and a sub profile where the age, height, weight, and city are the same, you usually have a hit.  I have caught many this way.  Sometimes they don't match exactly, but are close.  Some will fudge a little on the age or weight, or put something a little different for the city.  One I know of has his exact city in the sub profile, but just lists Texas in the dom profile.
  7. Read the verbiage and lists of interests on the profile.  Often, he will have the same fetishes, but talk about them from the dom perspective in one, and the sub perspective in another.  One fellow on here talks about being at the end of a Domme's leash in his sub profile, but having a sub on the end of his leash in his dom profile.  Another one I caught said something like "I am not a masochist, but understand the necessity of discipline" in his sub profile and said, "I am not a sadist, but you will understand the necessity of discipline" in his dom profile.
  8. Look at the background color and font.  I have found that many of them use the same on both profiles.
  9. Look for idiosyncrasies in his wording, punctuation, and grammar.  Some have a fondness for particular words and will use them in both profiles.  One I caught has a habit of not using apostrophes in contractions, e.g. he would use "dont" insead of "don't" and did this on both of the profiles.
  10. I also have a membership on Alt and do similar searches there.  If you can find a sub profile over there, you can get his date of birth from that.  Then you can do a search on doms by astrological sign and call up the dom profile (I believe you have to be a silver member, though).  For some reason, they seem to be truthful about their day and month of birth, but may fudge some on the year.  Another clue on Alt is that it lists how many miles he is away from you.  If the distance from you on a dom and a sub profile is exactly the same, it means they are in the same location, and may even be the same person. I will also check out Bondage.com, which doesn't take too long, since there aren't that many profiles on there.

Yes, these steps are a little time-consuming, but after I have done it a few times, I get to know the profiles in My area and don't have to look all of them up.  It sounds like more trouble than it actually is and after You have done it a while, You develop a "nose" for it.  Though it is not 100% fool proof, it is more than worth it to Me to go through this exercise when I am seriously considering a sub.  I was really fooled by one guy.  He seemed like the perfect match in every way, but I did this just for the heck of it to make sure I had been thorough and covered all bases.  Wouldn't you know I got a hit on him. 
 
I also have some Domme friends who give Me a heads-up when they come across the dual profile situation.  I will then make a note in the "notes" section of his profile for future reference.
 
Lady Topaz



Focus50 -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 3:33:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There are two types of lies, ones of omission (someone does not update their profile) and one of commision (one intends to deceive when filling out their profile). I have omitted things and forgotten to change a profile.

I see it a little differently; to me there's black lies designed to deceive and white lies designed to protect.  Lying by omission still falls within both my catagories....
 
But I'm not one to readily assign lies into my above catagories where the still relatively new Net is concerned.  As with juliaoceania, there's only so much I'm prepared to bare to an anonymous public plus my profile does need some updating.  And as a male Dom, I don't get the mountains of geek & freak email probably all females get, Domme and sub alike....
 
I'm far more understanding of white lies, particularly where the Net is concerned; particularly where females are concerned and most particularly where fem/subs are concerned.  She was hardly deceiving you *personally* when she openly admitted the lie to you, rather than a general public with uninhibited access to her details....
 
I'd be interested in your own opinion (OP) on some chosen avatars (? - pics under nics?) in these general msg boards.  Some of the women start out with absolutely lovely pics of an obviously real woman, only to be replaced at a later date with a very different (and more likely genuine) r/l pic of themself.  And I confess some "before" pics have prompted me to open a profile.... lol  Is that not a "lie", too?
 
Focus. 



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 4:16:25 PM)

I've also experienced the lie about height from guys, mostly on vanilla dating sites.  I am 5'10" in my bare feetsies and I can't tell you how many guys I met (not from CM) whose profiles stated they were my height or taller, only to find they were 3 or 4 inches shorter than me!  If you're gonna lie about something like that, don't ask a woman out who is so much taller than you. 

I did chat for a while with a dominant on alt.com who was honest about being 5'7", but I made sure to reiterate to him that I really was 5'10" in my bare feet, just to make sure he was okay with being so much shorter than me.  After weeks of chatting and him making excuses for us not meeting, I finally asked him what the problem really was and he said, well, it's because you're so much taller than me.  Well duh!!  You knew that from the beginning! 

Pppplllllllllbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttttttttttttt  [:'(]



BBBTBW -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 4:44:11 PM)

The height/age thing is a biggie to lie about.  I too am VERTICALLY ENHANCED for a woman 6'1 in my bare feet (I got in the height line 3 times)and the numbers of men that lie about their height is abundantly HIGH.  I don't have a problem with men shorter than me, I am secure enough in my femininity and my DOMINANCE to be with men that are vertically challenged, just tell the truth. 

I have also had issues with men that tell me they are sometimes 10 years younger than they are, then they send a pic and I am dumbfounded.  I start second guessing my eyesight or my ability to judge approximate age..  I have my age range set from 18 to 60 and I am willing to go beyond the maximum if I feel someone really has what I seek.  Just be honest people....its really not that scary to let your true self out.



WorldofSilence -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 5:05:35 PM)

This is a great post.

I'm of the opinion of white and black lies, yes I tell white lies we all do but I avoid black lies (excuse the pun) like the plauge. Everything on My profile is all honest, I don't really trust profiles which say "expert" in everything.. that always gets Me because if your an expert wheres the fun in experimenting?

In terms of white lies, I let them know I'm very good at communicating (which I am) but it does take time, I omit that information because I parrot Myself in r/l everyday and it's very stressful and annoying, and to continiously repeat it via the net would simply drive Me insane.

However I can see why some males Dom/sub will put white lies into their profiles it's to kick off that "chance" I had more sucess with women on a whole through lying, rather then the truthful profile I have now (this was years ago when I lied to such an extent and in r/l), I find lying boring and it takes so much less energy to tell the truth then always going over all the web of lies you might of told so your not caught on the hop.

I could lie and I know I'd proberly have more success, but from My teen years it was an aspect I hated about Myself so I changed, and I take pride in Myself for My "to the point" honesty I'm not strictly "blunt" but just to the point, I'm very lucky to have one person read My profile and start communicating with Me in terms of a possable relationship or show an attraction to Me. Thats a rare one person. So  while I can understand why some people do it I'm still against black lies, rather be lonely and old but honest then mentally burnt out from trying to remember black lies.

WoS

P.S I feel the cute picture helped Me some :D



PsyVamp -> RE: Admitting You Lied (12/31/2006 5:09:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

The height/age thing is a biggie to lie about.  I too am VERTICALLY ENHANCED for a woman 6'1 in my bare feet (I got in the height line 3 times)and the numbers of men that lie about their height is abundantly HIGH.  I don't have a problem with men shorter than me, I am secure enough in my femininity and my DOMINANCE to be with men that are vertically challenged, just tell the truth. 

I have also had issues with men that tell me they are sometimes 10 years younger than they are, then they send a pic and I am dumbfounded.  I start second guessing my eyesight or my ability to judge approximate age..  I have my age range set from 18 to 60 and I am willing to go beyond the maximum if I feel someone really has what I seek.  Just be honest people....its really not that scary to let your true self out.


First of all to the OP, I do not like lies either and since the profiles here are the only pieces of the person we have in the beginning, it would be nice if they were accurate.  I do understand not listing everything or not updating, that would be normal.  I have gone back and updated my profile occasionaly and its a pain when you don't have the time.


BBBTBW and BRNaughtyAngel:  Where do you gals find your pants?  I'm only 5'  7 1/2 and I have trouble finding jeans or slacks that don't make me look like Steve Erkle.  Of course, that might stem from the fact that I'm all leg, well the first 3 feet anyway, lol.

And as far as men and height are concerned, I've noticed that any man I've had phone or internet contact with first has told me that they were at least 2" taller than they really are.

Damn Vampre



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