RE: Admitting You Lied (Full Version)

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MzTlaz -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 6:53:31 AM)

I'm reminded of a vanilla blind date I had years ago....the guy said he was a ringer for Tom Selleck.  When we met I had two questions for him.....had he seen Tom Selleck and did he own a mirror.

I find men lie about their age all the time...one guy I know on CM has at least three profiles with different ages on every one...and not one of them his true age! HA! And his profiles talk about the importance of honesty...lol! Come to think of it...most men I talk with seem to lie about their age even if it's just a couple or three years...I don't get it!  I have on a different site listed my age as younger but the opening line of my profile tells my real age and why the deceit (honest even in deception..lol).....most men look for a woman 5 to 10 years younger than themselves so I don't even show up in their searches.  Online I typically get mail from men at least 5 to 10 years older than me but in real life 95% of the men who approach me are 5 to 10 years younger than me...sometimes more than that because I'm consistently guessed 8 to 15 years younger than I am.  Personally I'd prefer to meet someone my own age who passes for younger because they take care of themselves.....but I really don't think I'd meet a life partner online...and I can't say I'm really looking either...single is feeling pretty good lately.



OedipusRexIt -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 9:07:34 AM)

It's always interesting to see where a thread goes, once started.  Who gets it, and who clearly doesn't.  Always the same people.


I appreciate those who pointed out that people do lie.  Gosh, didn't know that...

Interesting how many lies are commonly told.  Interesting how many women posted, versus men. 

The point of the OP, lost on some, was that people feel they can say "I lied" as if that were acceptable behavior.



MzMia -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 9:22:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

We all lie. If you think you don't, you're lying to yourself, so you still lie. For me, it's the intent behind the lie that makes the difference to me. I list myself as living in the nearest big city when, in reality, I live in a small town 30 min away. Why? Because I'd rather not have creepy people show up on my doorstep. It's a lie. For me, it's a justifiable lie. But, the line will vary from person to person. If you are offended by someone who lies, even for justifiable reasons, then move on. There's someone out there that won't.
Master Fire


I tend to agree with a lot of what you say, you just tend to say it better than I do.
What I feel obligated to tell "internet strangers" and someone I am close to or have a
friendship with, are two different things.  Another reason, I will never have a face
picture on the internet. I am considering put up a picture of my foot or leg soon.
Happy New Year[:D]



MzMia -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 9:28:48 AM)

Thank you so much for sharing these "tips" MysticFireTopaz.
Here is the main one I use on collarme.  I have been on collarme
and rejected so many, that I needed a system of keeping track
because so many change names and pretend to be new here.
I keep a list of people that I have turned down, were nasty, rude,
liars, or anything remotely close on my favorites list.  The list
is very long.  That way if they change their screen name and pretend
to be new, I can check my long, and I do mean LONG loser list.  It
is hard to lie about physical characteristics, location, height, etc.
It has worked for me, LOL.  I have also had more than one that
created a new name and tried to trick me.  [:D]



RobertCloud -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 10:07:30 AM)

There are two areas I want to address.

The first is Lies of Omission. A lie of omission can only occur when someone has been asked about something and they omit key elements at that point. The profiles here are often set up to attract someone to another, many things are not listed. This is not a lie of omission, this is an advertisement. However, if in the FIRST conversation that the person has with the other they do not come out and admit their flaws, and faults, the baggage that should scare or drive the other away then they are guilty of lies of omission.

The advertisement is to get them to the talking stage, but that very first conversation is the time to come out and admit everything that can be considered the negative on both sides. Believe me, I have had many conversations where both have admitted things that would frighten many people away. Women in wheelchairs that are not in the profile, illnesses that are lifelong and will never be cured but are not contagious, children, handicapped children, marriage (of course), and many more, and I did not once consider that the person lied in their profile. The profile was an advertisement, that is what it is designed to be and advertisements do not show the negative only the positive, it is the one on one conversation, when you have a chance to talk to the person that the negatives should be revealed, and at that point if they are not happy with what you have to tell them they can say so and leave.

I have never walked away from someone because of the things they have told me. I have only walked away from them because of who they showed me they were. If during that FIRST conversation they failed to admit something important like... I can never have children... or I have had a masectomy... or I am an amputee... then that would definitely be a lie of omission and something that would end the relationship no matter when I found out about it, unless they were to confess it themselves before I found out on my own and their reasons were very good for not telling me. The fact that they were brave enough to confess that they withheld it from me would have me give them a second chance.

The second issue I want to discuss is that WE ALL LIE...
My profile here has not one lie in it, I am not saying there are no errors. My weight I do not list because it is going down and I would be changing it on a weekly basis, I have lost a considerable amount of weight over the last two years and I found it easier not to list it especially when I do not log on sometimes for days at a time and suddenly I am deducting 20 pounds or more from my weight and people think I am lying. So it is best just to let them ask me about it.

My height actually changed, I still am not sure how that happened, but I lost over an inch in height in two years and I am not at the age where I should begin losing height. My doctors are not worried about it, more focused on other issues of my health right now.

But in general I DO NOT LIE. I don't because it physically is painful for me to lie. Years ago I began following a spiritual path that I carry a holy item, in my belief that Item will become useless if I touch it after I am unclean from something such as a lie. So to purify myself I have to sacrifice, that requires a form of ritual scarification, so it is painful and I do not LIE anymore than I must.

Yes, I said must... there is one in my life that is mentally ill and sometimes they will not accept the truth. There are times they will not accept the fact that their father has died, and I have no choice but to tell her that he is just away right now. To me that is a lie, and I sacrifice for it. Thankfully, I can sacrifice once for many lies as long as I don't touch the holy item before I do.

But that person is the only person I lie to, and yes that person is my estranged wife, we are heading toward a divorce. In her lucid moments I am a Monster because I won't allow her to commit suicide. Even her therapist and mine say my only chance at a healthy and happy life is divorce, but it has to be when we can find her a safe place and after her therapy has gotten her to a certain level. It is getting her there. Perhaps Spring.. God I hope so...

I have been a caregiver for 10 years, and no intimacy with her... she cannot it triggers memories of her abuse. So yes, I am a Monster... lol.. The monster that takes care of the woman that lives upstairs in her own little world.



TexasMaam -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 10:24:23 AM)

For whatever it's worth, a lie is a lie is a lie, and a dealbreaker for Me.

I don't give anyone the opportunity to lie to Me twice.

TM



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 11:37:00 AM)

The loser list is a great idea, MzMia!  I do know what you mean about the guys who come back again under a new screen name, acting like they are writing to Me for the first time.  There are also annoying and rude subs who were blocked, but reinvent themselves under a new screen name so they can get back into My inbox.  Thanks for sharing the tip!
 
Lady Topaz



mnottertail -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 11:43:48 AM)

Well now, how do you do that unless you are ****** (to avoid TOS violation)  since only twenty that are recently signed on can show, ever?


LOL,
Ron



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 11:47:18 AM)

I do not know why people feel the need to lie but they sure do it. We have been looking for another girl and all but one we have talked to lied about one thing or the other. Maybe they just see the internet as entertainment and nothing else. I am turned off by the lying and find hard to believe much else they tell me.



thetammyjo -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 12:46:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I have had the odd experience, repeated numerous times, wherein the person to whom I'm speaking says, quite blithely "Oh, I lied about that in my profile".

I find this odd because knowing someone lied to me is a major turnoff and almost always results in a complete lack of interest on my part.



Not only do I agree but when someone tells me that they have lied it moves them back further down the line of trust than a total stranger. I do not do anything BDSM wise with total strangers.

I do not understand why people lie, I find the excuses interesting especially when the claims relating to not hurting someone. Hello, ever hear of tact? You can be honest carefully and minimumize hurt feelings but I've never personally known of a revealed lie that did not have horrible consequences.



Focus50 -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 2:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

It's always interesting to see where a thread goes, once started.  Who gets it, and who clearly doesn't.  Always the same people.


I appreciate those who pointed out that people do lie.  Gosh, didn't know that...

Interesting how many lies are commonly told.  Interesting how many women posted, versus men. 

The point of the OP, lost on some, was that people feel they can say "I lied" as if that were acceptable behavior.

Where there's life, there's growth - for better or worse....  But I hardly see the need to assign harsh "absolutes" as to "who gets it" (gets you?) and who doesn't as I'm sure most have simply contributed their personal and related experiences to lies on the Net/site/profiles in general.  Yeah, I know - "gosh, didn't know that" either....
 
But since you'd prefer your thread ran on such narrow parameters, I'd like to take you to task on one particular paragraph from the OP.... 
quote:

Why lie, first of all, and then, worse yet, why admit you've lied?  Does "everyone do it" so it's "OK"?  Not in my book.

Since you've sarcastically acknowledged that you do know people tell lies, we'll skip over the first part of your question. 
 
Your beef with stage 2 of lies - the "worse yet" part - owning up or even getting caught in a lie.  Where, in your mind, is someone to turn once it's established a lie has been told?  Once that lie is out there, it's better to stick with it, even pile more lies on top to maintain the facade?  Everyone tells lies, which would include *YOU*, so is that what you do; rigidly stay the course of the first lie with no hope of redemption? 
 
Since it's not acceptable behaviour ("Not in my book") for people to own up to a lie, I would presume you've never owned up to any of your lies, yes?  And you actually lose interest in someone *honest* enough to own up unconditionally - as opposed to what, maintain the deception or even fantasy? 
 
I think I'd rather the attitude of the "liars" you've spoken to - seems they're dodging a bullet when you lose interest....
 
Focus.



chocolatelover69 -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 2:15:02 PM)

i have a different problem. i have recently begun corresponding with a wonder,intelligent supreme female. my mistress asked about my previous experience and i told her.because of what i told my mistress, she doesnt trust me.i could have lied, but i dont want to start out that way and i would always feel guilty about that. it was my little dick that got me in trouble and i can understand how she feels. but the relationship i described to her happened 3 years ago.is there anyone out there who can suggest how i can get back in my mistresses good graces? i have pledged my loyalty but at this point i know that is just words. thank you in advance.



LadySashayy -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 2:23:31 PM)

Not quite sure what you are asking, but it sounds to me that you're saying you cheated on a previous mistress with someone else and so the new Woman you are interested in has decided to pass on you.

If you have spoken to her and tried to tell her of the circumstances and how you may have changed, and she is holding fast to her desire to move on, as a person and a submissive, you have to respect her needs.

But know that in the future you should still continue to be honest. Just because one Woman didn't want you as a result of your past, doesn't mean you won't find Others who will.

S.



LTRsubNW -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 2:26:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
If we catch a prospective boy in a lie, he gets one and only one chance to explain himself, because misunderstandings do happen.  If his explination is "well, I lied" then he's done for. 


Not exactly a great incentive to start being honest lol.



HatesParisHilton -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 3:22:09 PM)

"Interesting how many lies are commonly told.  Interesting how many women posted, versus men. 

The point of the OP, lost on some, was that people feel they can say "I lied" as if that were acceptable behavior."

Then as a male I'll happily have a crack at it. You can tell me if I got your OP correct in theme and context.
 
As there is no warranty RE anyone's profile until you meet them, and as corporations and officials lie to us all the time from childhood onwards, all western cultures have lies built into their bedrock, period.  Taking the stand of never lying thus becomes a risk of eschewing necessary self protection in many cases for both genders.  Also, when you take into account people that use sites like this/alt/b.com who are actually "pro's for $", you/I/others have a choice:  enact a culling system or waste a lot of time and possibly get burned/suffer.
 
The context of the lie defines it (for me) as a bad one or a self protective one, both for males (me) and females (her).  examples:
 
if I say I've got $30,000 at my disposal when I've really got $3,000 or less, that's a bad lie, like the guy that has a Yugo but rents a high end sports car to con/scam clients.
 
However, if I say I've got $3,000 or less when I've really got $30,000 or more, then I avoid gold diggers or people that mark assets as criteria for good sex/romance.  Every time I fill out an internet form I ALWAYS lie when they ask about annual income because I know if I make myself appear destitute I'll get less fucking SPAM.  That is acceptable because SPAM is an abuse.
 
If a man/woman says they're single when they are married, bad.  Many women say they married or not single on their profiles when they ARE looking (seen that a lot on yahoo personals back when they were free).  NOT BAD.  Why?  The trolls and creepy fuckers.  These women can later contact men they like (I've been one) and they explain that upfront and I understand.  Is it optimal?  No.  Do they have another option?  No again, imo.

Women (and some men) say - when out and about on the net and/or r/l - "not looking, not ready".  Sometimes that means "uh, not ready for someone like YOU, BUDDY" and that's fine.  If someone rings their chimes they have the right to change that at the drop of a hat because love and/or lust at first sight DOES happen.  But even if it's less than that, and technically they were lying, big fucking deal. 

RE Pics, many people need some e-mails/ph calls before really getting to that stage, and maybe you/she/I lok diff to a userpic but hey, if you're at a business convention or someplace else that should not knowyou're kinky do YOU want to be recognized?  Anyone can always say "my hair is diff now, we're getting along, I'd like to send a recent pic".  Big deal, it's SMART, not mendacious.

Cock size:  there's the "average when at it" then for many guys there's the "extra size" you get under the best circumstances.  If I say I'm generally 6.75" long and 5.6" around/thickness, and a woman I meet thinks that's perfect for her anal needs/limits, then her ass is so juicy and she took such a great spanking that I ended up being 7.2 long and 5.75 thick (by accident) and her asshole "suffered" a bit, did I fucking lie?  No.  Should I feel bad?  No again.  What the fuck am I supposed to do, take out a tape measure and make sure the schlong hasn't become too happy?

There ya go.

Did I "get it"?
 
 



VeryMercurial -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 3:27:36 PM)

Most people stretch the truth, I wonder about those that claim they never lie.



HatesParisHilton -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 3:58:46 PM)

also, with identity theft at an all time high, if I/anyone else has "modified" info on a profile, I ain't gonna feel bad about that.  having some wanker steal from me just because someone wants to know for sure whether I'm a Leo or Scorpio frankly ain't worth it.

and there are things that no-one has a right to know unless you've both met them and trust them, even if they are things that tons of people feel the need to know to be comfy.  I have NO right to know if a woman has been/is bi sexual or her longest relationship was with a woman before she meets me and decides if I'm cool with that, she might have a million reasons to identify as "looking for a het male" including but not limiyed to her not wanting a female in her lovelife right now or even not wanting to be chased around the net by an ex girlfriend (and that happens).  Or running the risk that I might be a homophobe (she couldn't know unless she meets me on more than one occasion).  If her profile basically says "het" but she might never meet the right guy, then technically she might be lying but I'd exhort a woman in that scenario to lie like that.

on the flipside there are tons of things no-one has the right to know about me until trust is gained.

Any, a great topic to revisit (it's seen many  incarnations on many sites), so thanks for opening it up.



akisha -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 4:17:11 PM)

I don't lie on profiles. I don't see the point. I'm not going to lay out my address and phone number but that is just common sense as far as I'm concerned.

As for lieing in person. I can't say I've never done it, but I'm very bad at it. May as well have a neon sign on my forhead that flashes bright red ligths when I try and lie.



VeryMercurial -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 4:50:02 PM)

I totally agree, I owe total strangers nothing.
Period.



mellian -> RE: Admitting You Lied (1/1/2007 5:53:34 PM)

People lie, on Collarme? It can't be so!

Anyway, as MasterFireMaam is right that everyone lies to some degree, and usually the white kind for the most honest folks mainly to avoid offending people, to keep someone from poking their nose into your personal life, because the person is untrustworthy, trying to pull a surprise party, you lie for work reasons or avoid people from knowing what you do for a living, lie to people because you are scared or do want them to know that you are into bdsm, that you are gay, lesbian, trans and so on....and the list goes on.

One thing I do not lie about, apart to creepy and untrustworthy people I plan to get away or keep them away from me, is regarding myself and who I am. I had some people online pissing me off for questioning my identity, gender, and so on, accused that I deceived or that I will and so on. Such people I usually end up putting ignore, sometimes after I tell them off.

Of course, that has been awhile since I lost done that, as I lost interest really making any friends and meeting people online apart from those I already know in real life.

-mellian



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