quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

[I look for traits such as: honesty, sincerity, trustworthiness, compatibility, and just someone I want to spend a lot of time with.  I need someone willing to put in the TIME, to get to know me as a PERSON prior to any form of D/s.

Okay, here is the hard part.   I feel I have a problem being too judgmental about a potentials past relationships.  I have walked away from a lot of men that might have been good submissive because I had issues with their last relationships, or other issues in their REAL life.]

I would not say that in looking for the aforementioned traits that you are at all too picky.  But your pickiness plays in where you are holding a persons past against the way of the future.  In being judgmental we must carefully consider if we might have felt forced to make the same decisions in their shoes or perhaps an even worse choice.  So many people fail to take the whole picture into perspective as to how other people come to be in a situation or position.  As the saying goes, “But for the grace of God, there go I.”   As I read your post, his offense would not be held against him in most standard parameters of acceptance in determining the potential viability of a relationship.  If this is so, then I certainly hope you would find the grace to forgive.   I wish you much luck and love in your newfound relationship, but most of all I wish you continuation of the level of honesty that you have thus far experienced.  Solid is the relationship that is built on trust.

The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to MzMia)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In the clarification of the "picky" thread, to where it is more of holding a past transgression that a gentleman did--will never be forgotten in my mind's eyes I see; as the 'intent' of the thread.
 
Like an elephant, if I witnessed an action, conduct, statements and or other things which made me judgmental in a negative manner; it is due to the internal measure or codes and or laws we (in general terms) judge people who come into our (in general sense) personal circle and if lucky, the intimate circle.  No matter what excuses or double speak that we (in general) proffer as to give a person another chance or having second thoughts on; will backfire later as the first impressions are the most lasting.  When there is an argument or when things get ugly--history will be stirred up again and used as a weapon.
 
Character, compatibility and other traits are what are some of the ingredients to which we (in general) build upon in regard to communication, negotiation and or relationships.
 
What is troublesome for those who follow; are those who are judged based upon what another did as to 'scar' the person.  We all have had people who have given us scars as far as honor, trust and other qualities we're seeking in our relationships.  That said, they are "our" scars.  We can hide them, mask them through many techniques however the injury, the harm, the hurt and the constant reminders of what such scars have done--never go away but, are managed by the person who carries such scars.
 
When individuals carry scars that make them cynical, it is because a repeated manifestation has demonstrated to our mind's eyes; that something or quality of men or women, and or [insert traits, behavior, character, habits, etc.]; has created a 'ouch' reaction and a strong avoidance to having such repeated. 
 
Only when a person who comes into the view of our judgment and what is used as the 'scales' of judgment, standards, laws and our codes of what will be tolerated or not; who is proffered our (in general sense) scars can understand the roots of them and avoid offending or reopen the wounds that have blemished our levels of trust, joy and or whatever areas where scars cover.  Some may see it as baggage.  However you look at it--the person who enters another person's life, will have to make sure they do not pick and expose the scars but, avoid those areas as to continue healing and or deminish the impact they created in the first place.  This calls for an understanding partner indeed.
 
Again, nobody is a mind reader and communication as to why we (in general sense) are picky/cynical; the other person must decide to either deal with it or move on.  Anybody looking for a partner will not find perfection, even if a person is a perfectionist.  In my mind's eyes I see if somebody fits 80% of what I seek I'll be blessed, as I can work with the other 20%.
 
Just some thoughts. 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs 

I especially love the 80% part....

quote:

ORIGINAL: mellian

Not only Dommes, as I, a sub, can be too picky in regards to Dommes, and probably regarding relationships in general now, and that is not a good considering all of the potential Dommes or partners is limited already just because of who and how I am thanks to the universe and the one that created it. Yet, I am also more picky about online than I do in real life, mainly because real life is way easier to get a proper impressions, weed out the liars and fake, no chance of a Domme wanting online relationship, and so on.
-mellian

Hang in there!