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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 12:58:28 PM

slavejali

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quote:

I'd much prefer to see a fulfilled and comfy Katy, than a Katy who identifies as a submissive.

Me to

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 12:59:53 PM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

I'd much prefer to see a fulfilled and comfy Katy, than a Katy who identifies as a submissive.

Me to

Me three.

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When you cut me out of my life
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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 1:05:30 PM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

I'd much prefer to see a fulfilled and comfy Katy, than a Katy who identifies as a submissive.

Me to

Me three.

And I fourth it!!!

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Post #: 23

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 1:08:51 PM

KatyLied

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Wow, thank you to all. I feel better. And I will be fine. I have to process. And trust me, I've raised processing to an art form. (I've been blogging to myself).

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 8:00:21 PM

TxAllieGrl

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Joined: 8/27/2006
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Based on my own experience, I think you can find it again, if that's what/who you are in the long run. All I can tell you is what I went through, and am still going through.

When I "found" my submission initially, I found it whole hog. Very active in the BDSM community, loved to play (with carefully chosen partners), loved to learn new things, try new things. I was a sponge, just soaking it up. I was young, and learning who I was, and where I "fit" in this spectrum. I knew it was me, I knew it was what had been missing from other relationships. I just knew.

I had a couple of relationships with Dominants who were important to me, but ultimately not what I was seeking for the long term. Still, looking back I could see myself trying to be the submissive they wanted me to be, changing to fit what they envisioned and not knowing what it was I wanted.

So I continued being with my friends, and expressing my submission where I could with them.

This lasted for about 5 years. At that point I made a big change for my professional life and personal sanity that included a move to a new city. I decided not to get involved with the community in the new city, and haven't had a Dominant, or served for the last 3 years. It was an unconcious choice to not actively seek Dominants, but I didn't.

The last couple of months, I realized that all of the relationships, every interaction I've had with dates, something has been missing. I haven't been true to part of myself, just stuffed it down and ignored it for a while. The craving is back, the desire to submit to someone, it's there. And yet, it's different than it was before.

I think my submission has changed as I have changed. I have grown and learned more about myself, and who I am. And therefore, what I have to offer someone in a potential relationship is different than what it was originally.

My point (and I think I have one) is that I think we all ebb and flow in who we are and what we want based on the things happening in our lives. What is meant to be, will be. And if it's different than before, embrace it and know that being who you are is way more important than being who others think you should be.

~Allie

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Post #: 25

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:22:18 PM

DominaSmartass

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From: This month? Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Or you could be a "freak" like me- have a relationship based on vanilla expectations of authority, yet call your partner both "master" and "slave."

:D

Ok, I know this is waaaay OT but could you elaborate on that? I'm fascinated and want to know. Pleeeeaaaze?

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 4:06:26 AM

SlyStone

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From: Chicago
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quote:

When someone has "lost it" for a few weeks and finds freedom in it, I find it has been a complete toss up to whether they will identify as a submissive again or not.

You are assuming here that for her it is an identity, not a conscious emotional process. Clearly in this case it is not an identity or she is saying that she has lost herself, in which case she would need professional help, not advice. I think she means, and correct me if I am wrong, that she has lost the feeling of submissiveness or an interest in D/s altogether.

I assume that she has hasn't lost the ability to feel, she is just not feeling "it" so in this case it's not who you are but what you are.

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:09:27 AM

daddysliloneds

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i don't feel or act submissive three quarters of the time; yet, give me the right man, and it all comes flowing as rapidly as water rushing down a waterfall...

for me, being submissive is a selective process and choice brought about through desire, not something that i 've gained or lost somewhere along the way.

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:46:03 AM

Tikkiee

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why does the song 'losing my religion' keep running through my head?

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:50:52 AM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

why does the song 'losing my religion' keep running through my head?

I know! Ron said something similar. I like being lyrical. And I like REM.

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:57:47 AM

Tikkiee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

why does the song 'losing my religion' keep running through my head?

I know! Ron said something similar. I like being lyrical. And I like REM.

LOL I keep remembering the video where they were standing in a circle singing this....and all I can see is a bunch of us standing in a circle chanting 'losing our submission'

/giggles

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:32:13 PM

marieToo

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"I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try"

ha! Now it's stuck in my head too.

:)

< Message edited by marieToo -- 1/4/2007 6:50:15 PM >

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/4/2007 6:58:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
Ok, I know this is waaaay OT but could you elaborate on that? I'm fascinated and want to know. Pleeeeaaaze?

That's what my partner and I are.

We have a vanilla relationship, in that there is no expectation of authority transfer to the other. We are together based on love and connection.

We also happen to both be switches and switch with eachother. I am his slave and I am his mistress. He is my slave and he is my master.

It really only SOUNDS complicated.

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 8:17:20 AM

LordVelvet

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LA, it actually sounds like a beautiful thing to have.

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 11:19:21 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Though it can feel like a "loss" and some sense of losing status amongst the 'subs and slaves.'

Yes, that's part of what it is. I no longer feel part of that special sister (and man) hood.

I suspect you don't feel apart of anything.

It is often a natural reaction when a relationship ends of significance to put up the walls and close doors to everything around us. A self-protective reactions of sorts.... after a time... one steps forward again and opens some doors and breaks downs some walls. Some doors stay closed... but some new doors are opened

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 11:28:23 AM

LotusSong

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Hi Katy,

I have seen that the true nature of a person will not remain dormant. If you are submissive.. it will prove out, if not.. other will out or perhaps nothing. You'll just have to be content to be you. Just drop back and punt. You will see the truth when the snow globe of life settles :)

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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 11:59:12 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I have lost my submission. It's been gone for a few weeks now. It happened abruptly and the circumstances causing this was beyond my control. I feel sad and relieved. I've always felt that being submissive was at my core. I'm no longer sure. I am enjoying freedom from control. I don't miss it and I don't long to have someone controlling me. This is foreign to me. My question (for those who have experienced something similar): will my submission return?

I didn't have it to begin with, I just thought I did, when I was casting about trying to making sense of thoughts and feelings, once upon a time. I still chose this way of life....just for other reasons.

If you don't miss it.....it's a good thing. The sadness could be a sense of loss.... or the wobbliness that change causes sometimes.

Do you wish for it to return?

agirl

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Post #: 37

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 12:12:40 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

Do you wish for it to return?

Yes. I think so.
I also think I could probably be happy with a vanilla guy who was kinky, as long as he's not passive. So, I don't know if I need the control that I always thought I needed.

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Post #: 38

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 2:20:46 PM

justheather

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Joined: 10/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

"I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try"

ha! Now it's stuck in my head too.

:)

Pssssst....I saw this before you edited it, marie.
I sure wish you hadn't.

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I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: Losing My Submission - 1/5/2007 2:42:36 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear KatyLied, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, that domination traits and submission traits aren't lost. They may be covered over, misplaced, on a long sabbatical, it may be in a space one can't reach. Just as it can be the opposite.

That said, the 'cause' of the submission loss can be through relationships not in balance, stress and the like. Perhaps over doing the controlling aspects by a dominant where one felt more like a prisoner or treated more as a child, instead of a intelligent human being. Perhaps a lack of appreciation or praise to feed the submission's cup, so your inner dominant cup tipped to fill it instead of someone else's dominant cup filling your submission cup. Perhaps it is just your chart--your map, as in your journey you have come to the crossroads. You have come to the intersection of personal choices.

In my mind's eyes, you never loose your submission. You just value the power of it and guard it more carefully, as to never give it away easily as before. Makes it harder for someone to draw it from you perhaps. Even if that doesn't happen, submission does live and it isn't lost. It remains inside as a container of knowledge to draw from, so should you travel into being a SWITCH or Dominant, you will have roots to submission to draw from and gives you great vision as to what it is to be submissive. That will make you a good Dominant or SWITCH and if you wish, return back into submission under revised conditions and or standards you have at this time.

Regardless of roles. You are respected and appreciated. You are a member of the community in a larger sense. The freedom within the community is to be free to find your happiness within, with no regrets and no doubts. Loss of submission doesn't mean you lost yourself totally, you may be shedding skin and grow into the beautiful creature we still know but, in a newer level of 'self.'

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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