quote:

part of the difficulty is that my Master is not one of those types who has a desire to control my pleasure, or who "gets off" from giving me pleasure. He wishes for me to be able to experience pleasure, but he never wants me to expect or even hope for pleasure at any particular moment. He does indeed want me to ultimately be selfless...don't think of self, don't worry about or focus on self. yet at the same time it's important to him that i experience pleasure from time to time, that i do enjoy some things some times. that may seem confusing to some. basically, pleasure is okay. but wanting or feeling entitled to pleasure, or allowing that pleasure to take focus away (even slightly) from service, not okay. and i just do not know if this is possible.

so it's much easier to simply be the slavebot in these situations...remaining in perfect obedience and service, yet experiencing no direct pleasure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Master owns all of me, even my pleasure.  This means he owns my orgasms, my delights, my happiness and joy, my sadness and pain.  When he wants to feel his slut having an orgasm, he puts one in her.  When he wants to witness his slut feeling pain, he puts pain on her.  I am here for his use, not for my enjoyment. I just happen to enjoy that he uses me.  When I laugh, he owns it.  When I cry, he owns it.  I orgasm only for him and only when he commands it of me.  When I do, it is for him, not for me.  He creates them so large and long last in me that they often cease to be pleasurable for me at all, but he does so because he experiences and enjoys his own power that way.  My pleasure derives from his enjoyment of exercising this power.  While I have felt guilty for feeling pleasure in my life, I can not feel guilty for giving my Master what he wants, I can only feel good about it.  Perhaps you can work toward that front - if he wants you to have an orgasm, he still owns it; you are only giving him what he wants. 

Edited to add:  It is critical that all orgasms belong to him.  I am never to ask to cum just for my own pleasure; if I ask to cum it is to offer an orgasm to him.  I am never to masturbate to orgasm unless he has instructed it.  I am never to cum at all unless he tells me to.  So, when he demands me to orgasm, it is because he wants it.  This way, I am taking nothing from him.  I am not focusing on me at all, but on him, even when I cum. This alleviated any guilt and any feelings of selfishness. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavemaia


Well i would think you should sign up for a lobotomy then if you are not to experience any pleasure. Serving is pleasure - being a slave is pleasure unless you are constantly doing things you abhore. i think the point is that you are not to be concerned with your own needs and desires and need to stay focused on Him and His. i understand that. But you will derive pleasure and satisfaction from serving Him well. i don't think it can be helped. Allowing yourself to feel/experience your own reactions is different than seeking what you want. And in that respect, unless your ultimate goal is non-feeling, then accept that you do and will always experience pleasure because it's your desire to serve and be used.
 
i'm curious. Why is not experiencing any pleasure so important to you? What do you think you're taking away from your Master by having your own experience? i don't seek my benefit or pleasure in being Master's slave, but when He says He is pleased with me, my heart and soul smile and yes, i feel deep pleasure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

maybe i've been a bit too vague...there is a difference between the fulfillment one gets as a submissive from pleasing and serving, and direct pleasure that one may get from being used or from being catered to/pampered in some way. i have no guilt regarding the former.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Prop I'm afraid your master must make a choice then.  You can either obey his orders to never think about yourself, or you can obey his orders to learn how to enjoy when he gives you pleasure.

You can't do both.

In order to learn to process things differently, in order to learn that you deserve the pleasure, you MUST think about yourself, you MUST care about how this feels to you.  You're right, it is easier to be a bot in this case, there'd be nothing you'd need to learn or change if you could just deal with it.

But he's given you an order that conflicts with another order.  He has to choose.  I am NOT saying you need to learn to 'expect pleasure' or even 'desire pleasure.'  I am saying that in order for you to follow his orders for you to grow and accept pleasure without guilt, it will require you to care for yourself, think about yourself, and accept that you deserve the pleasure. 

And if HE doesn't allow that to happen, then it's actually only going to increase your guilt and conflict. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

owned, first, thanks for stopping by. :) now, i think that perhaps if my Master were like yours in the sense of wanting to control his slave's pleasure, of wanting to own it, then it might be somewhat easier for me to reconcile all of this in my mind and alleviate some of the guilt. but, that is not his way. while he wants me to experience pleasure in a general sense...it's not something he desires or demands at any particular moment. He doesn't care to control sexual pleasure or orgasm...those things just don't hold any interest to him. as far as sexual things go, he would like for me to have/retain the ability to experience some sort of direct pleasure, without guilt, but it's not a requirement/demand or anything he wishes to consciously make happen, nor is it something he'd like to be a regular occurence. so because he is not demanding of it...because there is no particular moment or time when he desires it...and because he has so thoroughly trained me to be utterly selfless in service, when i do experience those pleasureable feelings, it just feels wrong, like i'm being a bad girl and going against the path he has set out for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

maybe i've been a bit too vague...there is a difference between the fulfillment one gets as a submissive from pleasing and serving, and direct pleasure that one may get from being used or from being catered to/pampered in some way. i have no guilt regarding the former.

i too deal with guilty  while being catered and pampered too.  Even when sick i feel guilty and at a loss if i am being token care of. Some times i am able to deal with the feeling by telling myself that it is what He wishes me to do. Some times i just feel more miserable because of the guilt of feeling like i am not deserving of being spoiled or cared for.

in some ways when i am given things i feel the need to look back on my behaviours and see what i have done to deserve the gift or time that i am getting.

Knight’s alandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: MmakeMme
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars - you have a right to be here. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

owned, first, thanks for stopping by. :) now, i think that perhaps if my Master were like yours in the sense of wanting to control his slave's pleasure, of wanting to own it, then it might be somewhat easier for me to reconcile all of this in my mind and alleviate some of the guilt. but, that is not his way. while he wants me to experience pleasure in a general sense...it's not something he desires or demands at any particular moment. He doesn't care to control sexual pleasure or orgasm...those things just don't hold any interest to him. as far as sexual things go, he would like for me to have/retain the ability to experience some sort of direct pleasure, without guilt, but it's not a requirement/demand or anything he wishes to consciously make happen, nor is it something he'd like to be a regular occurence. so because he is not demanding of it...because there is no particular moment or time when he desires it...and because he has so thoroughly trained me to be utterly selfless in service, when i do experience those pleasureable feelings, it just feels wrong, like i'm being a bad girl and going against the path he has set out for me.

Hi prop, thanks for the response.  I bolded some things in your post, that will hopefully speak for themselves...

He wants you to experience something, yet you feel wrong for doing what it is he wants you to be able to do. 

Yes, I understand this is why you are asking others how they overcame this, but you also know that nothing he wants you to do should resonate negatively with you. 

Is there anything in your life that makes you smile? That you derive enjoyment from?  And do you feel guilty about those things, also?  Do you feel guilty for eating ice cream on a hot summer day?  For laughing at a corny joke?  For napping when you need rest?  These are all healthy activities which contribute to the wholeness of a person, and the wholeness of a person can provide a different level of service.  It seems to me he would like you to lump in orgasms with these other things, and experience your wholeness. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissltviolet

         ...she has no real 'advice' to offer here...except the same many O/others have suggested...communication is the most important element to 'any' relationship...
sometimes...something that seems insurmountable when trying to deal with it on our own becomes very simple when shared with the 'One' our heart values the most...

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Hi Daddysprop,

I have a question for you before I actually try to answer your OP.

When did your Daddy give you permission to own guilt? Guilt isn't something which is given to you, it's something you take. Pleasure is a gift which can be accepted with grace and gratitude. Guilt, on the other hand, is one of the most selfish emotions you can own. It does nothing for anyone but you. So, tell me.. how do you dare to be so selfish and take ownership of guilt and profess to be a slave at the same time? Where did the expectation come from that it was OK for you to own anything, much less guilt?

Just something to think about,

Celeste

quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

in some ways when i am given things i feel the need to look back on my behaviours and see what i have done to deserve the gift or time that i am getting.